I saw him there and instantly knew
there were so many things I couldn't do
he wasn't mine and I wasn't his
but it wouldn't hurt if it was one little kiss
using his hands and me using mine
it was just a way to simply pass the time
he held me from behind and I fell
his lips on my neck, I was in a spell
I wanted him; his body, his soul
getting him in bed is my ultimate goal
I wasn't planning on falling, not at all
and it wasn't the way I pictured I'd fall
but here I am writing and there you are reading
just to let you know it's your touch I'm needing

It seems hard

But not concequential

To understand but still neglect the inner meaning

I've been meaning to look at you and understand a man

Mixed signals and arguments

Sacrasm and bombardments

Is all it gets

And I'm sure we have our differences

But I'm tired of it

Their is a void in myself

Where the desolate roam

And more seem to go

Underhanded it may seem but it seems to me

That this won't be fixed

I feel like it's the only way we communicate

My opinions spark the outrages

Now this feeling I'm gauging

Seems Amiss

There is rouble afoot

And the footstep I can't follow

Won't follow

Seems out of place

I guess even a parent is a person

And it's not the worst version

Of revaluations

Can't we relate the more in realize it's a debate

I'm trying

But im done trying

Let it repeat

You boys do anything that is perfect But if we do the same
We are characterless
We are mannerless
Yes yes i am watching it clearly
You people watch **** wear anything do flirt share all the ridiculous stuff go to *** parlors that is perfectly fine
But if a girl get ***** or anything else .....her mistake
She was wearing shorts
She was outside home late at night
She gets intimate with his bf he cheats  that girl is characterless
Majority is like this and as a result females are suffering
Here in north it's like that
In south it's like that
West east everywhere it's like that
: Why
: We are society
: We make society
Those who say ya ya it's wrong do wrong privately too
People will flirt will get intimate with anybody but will want a ****** wife
**I am no more happy
I am offended
I am helpless

You know what plagues me at night

Thoughts

Thoughts and the ever living darkness the brings them from the parts of my brain associated with stress

I however am not an insomniac

Like Good dreams I think deep before my slumber

And in that thinking what is to come of me occurs

Even with thoughts as rich as fresh soil nurturing a budding flower
I swirl into disbelief of what is to come of me

Will I win

Should I do

Will I not

Yes I must

Overlapping in a heart racing pace

It bothers me

I want to sleep

I have things to do

See while my mind stretches itself into far far reaches

My body must suffer

My body must suffer even when my mind isn't being stretched

I know it could be worse

And I'm grateful it's only here

Another thought

This endless loop

I'm in pain

Still I need more from my body

Achy knees whistling lungs

I truly don't have it worse as I hastily type these words of fear confusion and frustration

It can bring me to the brink of tears

Like my friends

How blissfully ignorant some of them may be wether they may be privileged lucky or just plain stupid I have succumb to the poor man's set backs

Tossing and turning

YouTube to facebook

What if I never make it

I don't know the outcome

I'm just afraid to move

And moving because if I stay still the fear of not moving will consume me in a manner most unpleasant

Oh the bump I must overcome to become a stronger withered man

A husk if I may

I no longer taste the air air or bare the fruit of knowledge

I've lost the battle

I do not crave knowledge

And knowing is half the battle

The battle I play in my mind

Which tonight at this time will be forever and reoccurring

Sleepless thought

I can't help but think, maybe, if I was better.. you would stay. If i was prettier then maybe you would want me. Or maybe, just maybe, if I was smarter, or funnier, or talked less, laughed more like I actually cared. Maybe, if I wasn't me... you would finally love me.

I found this in my journal today from a few weeks back.
And reading nearly gave me a heart attack.
How could I so easily forget we're done?
When you, my love, were my only one.

Boys & girls please, don't let someone rule your life.. in your life you'll be forced to change.. by people, circumstance.. environment.. but please, if you're going to let a person change you... remember.. if they fell in love with you and then change you... they won't love you anymore.

I've learned my lesson.

ex

     im sure weve all got one

     *ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend

     ex husband, ex wife

ex

     so much pain in just one word

     so much loss and so many tears

     im sure youve wished to end your life



ex

     there are stories and laughs

     that you remember from them

     but theres no going back

ex

     you can use ex for all you once had and lost

     ex happiness, ex joy, ex future

     without them, theres always something youll lack

he told me those were my best feature
that no matter what, he always was lost in them
"theyre like a beautiful murky pond"
           he said that to me once and i punched his arm.

i didn't think a friendship would really ever end
but i never thought he would love me
"let me show what its like to be treated right"
         he said that and i was speechless and in shock.

we were best friends for a little over a year
at one point hed seen my heart broken 4 times
"why don't you ever date a decent guy"
       he said that while i cried into his shoulder for hours.

this guy, my best friend, he meant the world to me
one moment we were planning our future
"our kids will be best friends"
     he said that, and i really believed him.

then i started dating another bad guy
and he was so mad at me, again...
"i cant believe youre doing this, him or me?"
    he said that, and it was then that i walked away.

my eyes, theyre not that special, i see that now
but they are the gateway to the soul and mine is black, like my eyes
"so this is really it? were over?"
     he said this, and i nodded, never turning around.

I can love you just how you like

Will you be forced over the edge

Off the brink into the imagination

Can danger be what's there

Or what's not thought of

Side by side at this table

It's dusk as we stare and sip our coffee

You have what you want

I give what you need

This seems like too much

We indeed two separate beings

I desire backpacks and simple lore

You the less practical classy desire a financial security

That's not secure to me

It seems I will be the tombstone blockade

On your way to lifes luxurious destination

I your brain

I your heart

The clock strikes nine and I have to run

And I await the day you tell me its done

His hurricane heart.

His desert lungs.

His adam’s apple

and then all the sudden you’re

falling from paradise.
He is Chicago in a picture frame
instead of outside your window.

He is the part of the song you skip
because it hurts too much.

The best dream you have is of

him leaving

because then you get

to miss him like it just happened.
Your regret.
Your favorite mistake.

If you put it in poem,
then no one can use it against you.
Your red dress

and no one to dance with.

Your moth-wing hands,

always looking for the light.
If you put it in a poem,
then everyone can use it against you.
It’s not always easy being the 
one who stays.