From over the bridge
the sky curved into the river
and the winds from the distant hills
carved a smile on his face.

So here he was, at last, all by himself
played upon by a feeling
of being not shadowed anymore
but by the one his very own.

light as the bird, came to his mind,
and making sure no one was around,
he spoke aloud
I'm light as the bird.

Yet a shadow was preying upon him,
an unease, a discomfort, a disequilibrium,
as he heard within, his son saying,

Baba, you need to take a break,
to be with yourself, to be away from us,
to soothe the frayed nerves..

So I have been set free, he thought,
but are the birds really as free
as they appear to be?

So here he was, but his mind was drifting,
and he was calculating like a child.

how many feet below is the river,
would the fall hurt, or would one have to wait,
for the impact with the rushing surface
before the final touch by the boulders?

I shouldn't be perilously close, he stepped back,
muttering three incoherent words..
components of love.

Back to the Rest House,
he was packing his bag.

He was not sure, if his reappearance,
at so short a notice,
would at all be, a pleasant surprise.

Reach into the nothingness
Like a warm breath slipping into the cold night
Hands outward, eyes open, upwards towards the sky

Embrace the silent subtle voice
Which hides behind the daily routines
But is no less mindfully alive

Cast images onto the fog itself
Until you've seen the many dreams which you've procured for yourself
In this cloudy life

Breathe with the forgetfulness of evey waking step  
As you amble through these miles set
With jawline firm and eyeline slight

Smile at the passing sight of another universe in tow
Which ambles by and out of view
As your inward story comes alive

And live not in line with every Crow on any high wire
But fly as if there were no tomorrow in your quiet sigh
Upwards and towards the sky

There is a ghost in your voice
Haunting me through the silence



Through every droplet of memory
Dotting my otherwise starless night

I tried to gather them
With my words, my fear, my soul
And yet they remain forever bond
To a place I cannot reach
A being I cannot see
And a love I can never hear

Your flowering existence sheds invisible petals
I seem to be able to find
Yet, I'm ever uncertain
All these pieces of your soul
Did you left them for me to find
A breadcrumb trail leading only
To a chance in the future
To an uncertain promise
Or did I just stole the traces
Of your existence you left for the universe
Claiming them as something I could own

Should I keep them or scatter them

Or are they even yours
Could it be that they are the pieces of my soul
Still clinging on to you
That you're finally shedding away
To be complete on your own

What could I do
Standing in pieces
Holding someone's soul
That may or may not be my own
If they weren't
I'd still be missing all the chunks I've given to you
If they were
I'd still be empty
Because
I'm forever hollow without you

I've been looking for you in each stranger,
Each blue eye with sand hair makes me turn,
Each musical note I play is a reminder of your name,
I often forget to distinguish my voice from yours though this mics
I said I'll be strong but mama I miss you.

I guess blood is thicker than time than death since,
Each eye on this arena feels like yours
Every time I give life to this fiction characters
I hear your laugh,feel you cringe,
Each attempt to hide from this paps,
Feels like a carbon copy of yours,only with a failed attempt
I said i'll be strong but mama I miss you.

It's been a decade,I want to lie i'm stronger/mature i'm not
I still ball over and cry sometimes,especially days like this,
I still let them in even though you warned me about naivety,
I still shy away from the life you and dad gave us,
I know I said i'll be strong but mama I miss you.

I have loads of questions,so I ask the siblings you gave me,
Hoping they asked the same questions to you,
Hoping they pour your knowledge to me,
I watch  you,how you were,so beautiful so young,
I know I said i'll be strong but mama I miss you.

I've tried been good,
Though this creepy's make the search engine say am not,
I want to talk about your old man and your boys,
Right now though I'll be a little selfish because,
I know I said i'll be strong but mama I miss you.

Theres a lingering cloud when we conversate
An awkward vibe we never mention
Long gone are our banters and cute debates
Keeping feelings minimal, avoiding questions

The adorable messsages we used to send
Are they ever coming back or was that it?
Loving like we used to, is that real or just pretend
Keep my broken heart if we ever do split

You're slowly fading away from me
I don't even think you realise
All i can do is let you be
And let me deal with all the cries.

Perhaps it was the distance
Or maybe it was just the time
All of this gives me grievance
I just want you to remain mine.

Capturing
Shadows-
Quickly
Fading,
Not concrete.

They melt
Into
A moving
Spring,
Floating
Petals
Above
Your feet,
Enlightened
By
A realization
Misunderstood.

The only
Way
To cope,
Is not
To falter
From
The
Never-ending
Numbness
Of ego,
Altered
In this
Present
Moment.

It's all
In
What you
Believe.

Undergoing
An original
Way
Of
Seeing,
A purpose
Among
The vines
Growing,
To find
That
There is
No
Clarity
Until
Finding
Inner peace.

If you
Don't want
All of me,
I can't
Give you
Part of me.

It's
The only
Way.

I feel
It beating,
Breaking,
Before beginning.

No one should
Settle,
For less
Than
A loving
Heart
And
Open arms,
That don't
Leave you
Out
In the dark,
Searching
for a spark.

Slipping
Into my
Own soul,
To find
A place
Distant,
But it's
Filled
With light,
Ever persistent.

I walk into the mirror box again and it’s as if my life
really is just an extension of my own metaphors.
I’m caught in the mirror maze, searching for something
in the mirrors at angles, but all I can see is myself,
my sad, stupid self, stretching on and on forever
with the same boring face, the same boring feelings,
again and again until I stop being able to make out the details.
Am I looking back at myself or am I looking forwards to the future?
Will it always be the same or has it merely been
the same since forever? I stare into the mirror tunnel
at all these selves repeating themselves,
forcing the years, the weeks, the days into the same strict patterns,
merely following the self that came before them, merely mirroring
the feelings, only doing it worse and worse with each new rendition.
It’s just me, I think, in the mirror box, caught up in myself
because I am selfish and horrible. I’m selfish and horrible
and I want to turn my back on myself but
how can I possibly do that in the mirror box?
I meet myself over and over, and it’s just me,
in all this vast, repetitive vagueness, just me in
this long stretch of lonely unsettledness that surely doesn’t end.
I want to smash my own face in, so I close my eyes
and try to think, maybe, maybe, maybe, because I don’t
want to be this grey-cloud self forever. I can’t be, and so maybe,
just maybe, somewhere beyond all these selves
there’ll be a day when I’m down on the shore
and the sea will be calm and the sky will be
faded purple. Love will not sink down into nothingness
because in the cool evening air,  my heart will be full
instead of gaping and my mind will be at ease
instead dwelling on it’s own boringness
or entangling itself in own self-created sadness.
And maybe, I’ll have abandoned my book
and its pages will be dry because I won’t have been crying into it.
They’ll be no mirrors, just the ocean,
glinting like an amethyst cluster in the half light
and I’ll rest my head on the shoulder of the girlfriend
I'll meet someday and I’ll smile in this beautiful liminal moment
and nothing will be tainted by the dread of returning home.
We’ll kiss – on the shore – and rewrite it forever and
maybe the stars will fall out of the sky when I shake it and
all my trains will run on time and all the wounds
in the world will heal simultaneously.
It’s a moment surely stolen from someone else’s poetry,
but I’ve got to cling to something to avoid becoming
lost entirely in all this dark, intangible vagueness.
There’s got to be at least one imaginary moment
that isn’t just me, reflected over and over.
There’s got to be one moment that doesn’t stare
back at me from inside the mirror box.

I had no more songs to sing
Not because you never answered
But because I thought you didn't want to listen
I loved the echoes of my own voice
As long as I knew you were the cliff on the other side sending it back

But when the wall has been obscured by a total lack of presence

I can no longer see if you have already tore it down
And welcomed in everything that’s not me
And my voice had been all along
Just companion to the wind

I knew you didn't need me
But I know you needed something
I couldn't see if you are gathering
Gold underneath everything
And harbouring a world inside your dreams

I had to scatter the already broken pieces of me
So that you are never barren and empty
So you can be my distant field of love unending
Filled with all of me that's better than
These terrors I am carrying

I needed you more than you needed anything
But I knew you belonged to the earth
And I dare not let my wave of persistent
Darkness weather you away

I had to carry all of my own burdens in all of its dreamless weight
Let it crush me in silence

All I ask you is the echoes of my own voice
To know that you are still there
Listening

Healing
Feeling safe.

The summit has not been obscured
By other towering dreams
Peaks of higher aspirations I cannot help
But want to cross and conquer
Or a swarm of warm mist
That seems to disperse whenever I am near
Never letting me close enough
To feel the comfort of its numbness and unawareness
The safety of the oblivion and the oblivious

Instead, I see everything so starkly
And unquestionably clear without a seam
For even a sprout of my readily self-deception
To thrive-
The minute green that would only let me see
Its specks of hope and grains of chance
While hiding away the monolith of impenetrable
Impossibility-

No, I no longer see my age old distant reveries
The yonder fading waves of rolling hills
That seemed destined to be mine
The distant mirage I only chased
Because it was a custom to be chasing
They have all been wiped from my mind
By a sudden total eclipse of presence

I have woken up, and forgot what my dreams were
I have arrived on the other side and saw nothing
But the same fields of scattered shrubs and
Abandoned trails

Perhaps it is only I, who’s lost
While everyone else have arrived at their destination

I have not stopped walking-
Towards you, towards life-
Though I have slowed my steps
And paused constantly, to look back
At every step I have taken
Every direction I could have taken
Every route others took
Every footprint that is not mine
I looked at every path I’d strayed
And wondered if I should have stayed
Wondered if I should have went a different way

My every thought flowed over me
Filled in the faults and valleys of my every step
Ebbed away from the path I never doubted
Was the way
Drowned every blade of grass, and
Washed away my conviction
And sent me down the stream back into my
More innocent days

Except, this time, I did not find myself
At the foot of a smaller hill
But, within a pit of pure darkness where
I could see the light, shining on everyone
And everything, but none could reach me
It showed me where I have failed
And where others have succeeded
Every immovable rock I have missed
And every rotten branch I have grabbed instead

I asked the light to spare some for me
Hoping to see everything
Instead it asked me where I most wanted to be
And I pointed up to the summit I thought
Where you were most likely to be
It did not show me a path straight to thee
But every stone that’s strong and sturdy
And told me not to look back or
Too widely around me
Not to question whether the path is the path to be
And stray from my sight to thee
For even if I never reach the place I wanted to be
I will never be lost,
Or be devoured mercilessly by the darkness
That’s everything behind me.