We stood together quietly
Staring at the painting of a woman with olive eyes
I hear myself say I wish mine were as beautiful as hers
And find myself engulfed in light-blue skies
He says they’re darker…repeats the word
Darker
At times he pauses as if trying to find another word to describe my eyes
….but he doesn’t say it
I’m wondering does he want to say Beautiful
Or is it just that I want him to say beautiful
But he continues to smile as he says
Darker
And continues to get closer as he says
Darker
I wonder if this would be the part of a movie where the characters kissed
But this isn’t a movie
And I turn to walk past him
Across wooden floors
Towards anything else that catches my eyes
I can feel his stare
And the space between us feels
Darker
...Beautiful

Every night,
the words sit on my tongue.
Every night,
your kiss seals my lips.
Every night,
I keep my heart silent again.

It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

He works like a slave, six days a week,
To keep the  wolf at bay.
Austerity has hit him hard, his penance  every day.

The "Establishment" says it has no choice,
Tough measures must ensue.
He's considering the food bank for his child is thin and blue.

His dignity is all but lost, like feathers in the wind.
His hope Is torn to ragged shreds,
His eyes are hollowed, tinged with red.

He sheds a tear for all the dreams now shattered shards like glass.
His path a rocky desolate grind,
Secure as smoke rings in his mind.

He knows what dark hell lies ahead, the torture that awaits,
His fragile human life seems cheap,
Once used,  discarded on the heap.

Each other's safe place.
Chained together
One soul that dwells in two bodies.
That's what we use to say.
Destined to find each other over and over never knowing why God or whatever higher being is up there
Why they put us in each other's paths.

Lessons learned
Messing up was something I was used to
Sometimes to find yourself
You have to lose you

You would tell me to roll with the punches
You'd say we can't change fate
We accept it.
We adapt to it.
We conquer it
Cannot change what the world throws at us.

I use to believe our love had purpose,
Over coming everything.
The worst people for each other in the best possible way
Always putting the other above anything else.
Pedestal.
That's what you put me on.

The only love I new that pure.
Then maybe, maybe I just made you up
A figment of my imagination
I created in my head what I needed so badly
Because there was no way
No way someone that actually felt our love could walk away from it
But you did
You ran
You were real
And you ran

I can still feel the heat your finger tips could create against my skin
When my insides burned and threatened to explode out of me, the thin frail skin that covered my body failing to contain my agony, my self hate.

I couldn't see what you once saw in me
Not with you gone.
You weren't there, not anymore.
Not here sewing up my wounds,
lightly tracing my scars with your fingers reassuring me they would not give way again.

I was worthy of something
Love, your love.
Not anymore
You promised me.
You swore eternity to me.
Placing my mind, heart and soul into you.
Like a story I heard but didn’t actually live.

Now all I can remember is the way you left.
The exact day you left.
I remember the air leaving me.
But my lungs did not give way.

I remember the day I realized you would not be coming back.
I could feel my legs shaking and my knees splintering from the weight you left behind.
I did not break.

The day I screamed out for you to hold my stitches together, knowing for sure my pieces could not stay whole for one more second.
I did not shatter.
I held strong.

My body twisting.
Small strips of my flesh slowly drifting down.
I began to change like the chameleon you taught me to be.

Roll with the punches
That's what you said right?
Roll
Roll
Roll

The day finally came that my heart recognized sadness
more than any other emotion.
Listening to my heart.
My eyes obeyed and closed to the brightness of the colors around me.
Darkening

Realizing it could never love again.
Shutting out all the light it once held in. Finally closing the door on any hope that I scratched, fingers bleeding to hold on to. Dissipated.

The numbness of what emptiness truly is, took over.
No longer sober
Each strand of my body breaking down.
I learned the lesson you so gracefully tried to teach me all those years ago.