I have been telling myself for a while
That I never loved him and I never will

But if I don't love him
Then why do I have to bite my tongue
to keep those words from crawling out my lips

It’s been awhile dear diary, How are you I would ask? Are you still fixated by the old love story you used to write daily in the past?

It’s been awhile teddy, How are you I would ask? Do you miss the times I would hug you every night every so afraid of the dark even though I had a night light?

It’s been awhile photos, How are you I would ask? I wonder why I smiled in every shot thinking the reason I was happy as that…

It’s been a while heart, How are you I would ask? Are you still fixated about your love story? Missing his hugs in everyday life? Or thinking the reasons you felt happy by his side?

It’s been awhile…
Love,

How are you I would ask?

Do you still remember our old love story?
Or the hugs I give you?
Perhaps maybe the smiles we had when we were together, smiling at each other.

It’s been a while

I hope you’re okay.

With the written love story of yours in that invitation

As you hug her in your arms both of you dressed in formal attire

And smiling sweetly captured in that altar

It’s been awhile since I cried, I wonder why?

Would I ever be in your thoughts as I flood memories of you and me in my head?
Would I ever be that name you would state as you smile with friends and acquaintances?
Would I be the person who would be there for you and turn your frown upside down?
Would I? Because you are the axis of my world, you circle around my life as if you own it by some sort.
You are everything I never expected to be granted upon an unsaid wish
Would I? Just be something more to you as you are something far more special than any diamond this world could ever have. Would I?

I can’t shake off these emotions, this feeling of unwanted affection towards you, a person who makes me smile when there’s no reason to smile, makes me laugh at things I never knew was humorous.
I can’t still seem to shake that off, that replay of heartbreaks going over and over again how I knew you will never feel the same way, yet I still hope, still do. An ongoing war of choosing let it go or not to.
Shake what off? Something pasted and carved in so deep that it can’t be fixed, that whatever I’m feeling for now is shaking me off, off to the world of imaginations where you and I would be in. Though I knew that feeling has already shaken you already and you have stood in a ground where nothing could ever be quivered by anyone.

I fell asleep on the Sun, it was warmer than any sensation felt by a hug
I woke up on the moon because the stars were telling me love stories about you
I walked on the ocean the breeze of the wind telling me the direction
I climbed the shore where they said it was your destination
I flew on the land they told you where there and she was there as well
I went back to space to learn how I can distance myself
I starred at the earth from mars and it’s funny I know exactly where your heart is beating
Not with me but with her and her to be
So I fell asleep at my bed wondering the efforts I wasted.