She left me a gift bag
of coconut oil, expensive shampoo,
instant noodles, and bug spray.

Focus slips as she
presses her face to the bus window,
staring out at a town
she will never see again.

She believed the town was a prison
until I taught her
how to ride a motorbike.

Dodging ***-holes and stray dogs,
I clung for my life,
primed for purgatory-
whilst she screamed love ballads

at the top of her lungs,
believing that if she drove fast enough
she could make up for the time she had lost.

As ghosts appear
along the country roads of Kalasin,
the drumlins will be
a mere sequence of pixels

and Chinese whisper memories.
I smoke, lean on bad habits
across the fence of solitude I built

so meticulously by hand.
Another night spent drunk
under the stars – alone.
Desire spikes a fever in hindsight,

thoughts stray to her upper thighs,
blue eyes, and untouched lips.
I wonder whether reaching out

for somebody in the dark
would have been enough
to abate our bespoke
and desperate loneliness.

She left me as another moment
I let slip through my fingers.
A life-time spent

wringing my hands.

To hear the song they called "Hello",
it whispered me your sweetest heart,
I always knew I wanted you,
though not of where,
and when to start,
an it's not I'm a stupid girl,
cuz really I am pretty smart,

I acted shy - I really was,
I didn't know of very many things,
but I could hear the music well,
an that lovely sound it always sings,
in a strange familiar comfort to,
to my heart it always brings,

I laid upon your chest back then,
I melted heavy in your charms,
I yearned for your embrace just so,
and the safety of those comfy arms,
I thought that you protected me,
to keep me from impending harms,

Your gorgeous hair in wavy browns,
as handsome golden streaks just shine,
I look at you my wonderment,
I thought "he loves me" boy of mine,
your heart just speaks our memories,
I thought you were just so divine,
so when you said hey baby
you are lookin' mighty fine,

Those eyes of deer you caught me hard,
I never really stood a chance,
so from the age of thirteen's kiss,
to the last -
our fading dance,
the memories they linger on,
of time I once,
I held romance,

We both then shared a language deep,
different though we were inside,
we carried fears in pocketfuls,
we hid safe away with stupid pride,
back then there wasn't any need,
or anyplace we'd need to hide,

I so remember the wedding well,
and we did it on a lover's whim,
I saw the tears well up in eyes,
an your heart it sung the sweetest hymn,

Your arms they were my church to pray,
a sanctity we only knew,
an from a glance we stole the chance,
and what a lovely flower grew,
I went with you just everywhere,
cuz everywhere that thing it blew,

I heard that thing it called me home,
and now my feet just wander,
instead of loving you I guess,
I love instead the yonder,
so as I look at you and reminisce,
my heart it just grows only fonder,

I thought we were together then,
the sun it smiled as you did,
I guess I've always loved you,
always boy,
back ever since,
I was a skinny kid,

But I was but young maiden then,
soft kisses how they startled so
I guess you want it faster still,
for now I have to let you go,

You came again back at nineteen,
you wouldn't ever leave my door,
I was now more ready to,
for true love to touch -explore,
you were everything I'd ever want
everything and so much more,

Though time is the real grand illusion,
shiny things turn sometimes dull,
sometimes things are really high,
no comfort in the times of lull,

I was then a youngish mother,
an I was always still your wife,
though there would never be a third,
it seems my ever-darling,
that I will love you all my life.


Ma Cherie © 2017

for E.B.

I knew you were sad
the only way I could think to help 
was to bring you to the countryside
as far away as we could get 
from your home in the midlands
far from mine in the south west

we slammed the car doors when we got out
it was the loudest sound for miles
you looked up at the sky 
furrowed your brow at the stars
like someone had stolen them from you
we don't have stars like this in the city*

you didn't cry like I thought you would
I am sorry that someone has taken your stars
so here I am giving you mine
I wanted to tell you that if you're sad 
to look at the moon
but I don't think you see the moon
in the same way I do

cloud in the sky,
drifting, rose of
the skies, wanderer.

elation, wild heart,
sea of wild stars,
sea, incredible love.

winter sea, wilderness
and wild flowers,
stars burning the skies.

i am jealous,
because all of my
love wants you,

i am jealous,
because my beautiful
love wanted you

rippling like a stream,
sighing like a ghost,
like the waves of the sea i so love.

tonight i want the sea more
than your love, some days
my heart just longs to be wild.

tonight i will make you jealous
of the sea.

It was....yet it shall never be.
How is that possible?
It is when you have an imagination like mine.
Days full of adventure.
Nights full of passion.
In the arms of the perfect lover.
You.

The way you look at me,
A look of pure love.
The way you touch me,
So soft it makes me shiver.
I've never felt this way before.
My soul mate.
You.

I can be in your arms,
any time I wish it.
Just close my eyes and there we are,
Entwined....lips touching lips.
Warm breath on my neck.
My own perfect world.
You.

Reality, a thief that steals my dreams.
Reminding me that I'm alone.
Whispering that your heart is hers.
Your eyes, full of love, see only her face.
Her smile is only for you.
You.

Doesn't matter.  
I'll just find a quiet moment.
I'll close my eyes.
There we'll be....laughing, loving.
It is, though it shall never be.
You're mine...for as long as I want it.
You.

Broken vessel,
Stalwart beauty
A work of art
Standing alone and bereft

How many voyages
Has she failed to complete?
Starting off so strong,
Only to taste defeat?

Young bright thing
With inexplicable rust
Something broken,
Something bad
A faulty error, a fatal bust

Salt water tears,
So bittersweet
Knowing her cargo
She cannot keep

Turning back for shore
On her final try
Fighting her hardest
Not to cry

Waking up
in arms
that don't fit.

An unfamiliar room
that reeks
of alcohol and sweat.

Clothes scattered
along with
my inhibition.

Their fingerprints
now forever burned
into my skin.

A need
that consumes
absent of emotion.

This part of myself
I carelessly abandon
in bed sheets.

If you let me down, let me down slow.
Allow me time to touch pencil to paper.
Let me turn the jaded memory of you
into something greater.

sls