He came in great humility, not having a name of prominence. His family was of a simple kind, or to the the world it seemed. Yet his father had a kingdom waiting for him to return. He gave up all he had to walk on dusty roads, from Bethlehem to Egypt, then again in Nazareth. All he did with in sacrifice, and for the fathers will. What it cost for him to sacrifice, no one can ever tell. The stories about his great deeds have been written and retold, but to many the truth remains unknown. For what he did wasn't for fame or fortune you see. He was beloved from the beginning, he was the first you see. He came to offer redemption, he came to set the captive free. He came and died a sinners death, because he so loved me.

Locked in the wintertime of life
Transgression's grip as cold as ice
A dark'ning garden filled with strife
There planted every form of vice
A thorny bush, of bitter hues
I was a bramble so depraved
I wanted naught but to eschew

My life and press on to my grave
My life and press on to my grave

I had no willingness to live
My body bloodied, crushed and sore
No circumspection did I give
The full weight of sin I bore
And like a tyrant my disease
My drug addicted frame of mind
Like a briar wrapped and seized

My heartbreak in a fatal bind
My heartbreak in a fatal bind

Then like the warming light of spring
You came my precious ray of hope
O'r my bramble bush You'd sing
A bud came up to reach & *****
Warmer, warmer was the sun
Birds sang with You in the air
It was then I had begun

To leave behind my sin's despair
To leave behind my sin's despair

The tender bud it thrived and grew
Through deepest drought and bitter rain
And a bright bloom of awesome hue
Burst forth in glory that remains
That beauty is of Jesus Christ
It is to HIM all glory goes
He was the One who took my vice

Now looking down God sees a Rose
Now looking down God sees a Rose


SoulSurvivor
(C) 4/15/2016

I believe I was found
by a mystery, unbound
that metal clang against
the blackness in my chest

chains so far removed
by hands holed and bruised
blood and water pour
drowning my yesterdays

the mystery of this
a transcendental bliss
it cannot be contained
and I dare not restrain

this dance in blood
and broken chains

if I will learn best to heed Your presence through the pain,
then keep me in this hell

God, I swear, I don’t care

I need You like crazy and I know that too well,
but some parts of my heart are dead—
no, I think most of them

I’ve brutally damaged the rest
through this pain that I’ve found
in the emptiness of my chest
and I don’t know what to do now;
I am drowning and I need You so bad,
but something in me still keeps fighting You away,
pushing Your hand.

And Your whisper keeps being diminished
by this shouting voice in my head
saying I don’t need You.
But God, I do.

And it hurts
because I’m listening to the screaming voice in my head
saying over and over again that I’m just fine here on my own,
giving the devil my soul
while I dance on the thin line
between cold and warm.

Father, I’m sorry.
Mostly for all the times that I weren’t,
and because I know exactly what I do.

I can see the image of the hammer in my hands again
with Your blood gushing through Your cracked skin
as You hang upon that cross,
the place where You died for my sin.
My shame is thick and maybe so is my pride
because I’m turning away,
turning away from the light of Your bright eyes
and I’m sick of this.

When will the cycle ever end?

God, I love You but the pain in my chest—

And then, just as fog lifts ever so slightly
over a city to reveal the sun again,
You remove the fear I installed inside of my heart.
The voices that speak lies over me are dead.

I awake to the sound of Your voice
and You’re singing over me after all I’ve done.

(After all I’ve done, God, how You still love me after all I’ve done)

You said You saw me there as You hung upon the cross—
limp and ****** and carrying a darkness thicker
than the worst pain we all have ever tasted in this world.

You said You saw me at my worst—
You said You saw me cursing Your Name while I slept on dirt.

You saw me at my worst.

And what’s most amazing is
You saw the blasphemous lies I’ve believed,
I’ve breathed,
I’ve eaten up,
and lived,
and You still died for me on that cross.

Grace.

You saw me at my worst.

And I know I ***** up and fall down
and sometimes I want to stay on this ground
but You tell me You’re here
and that it was still Your joy to die for me
so I could live in Your glory
and it is Your joy to forgive me.

You saw my filthy soul and You still desired to die for me.

How sick,
how twisted,
how disgusting this world has made me feel;

I’ve cheated myself with these fleeting pleasures of sin,
but now You’re here.
You are here and I am made for You,
to live in Your love,
to dance to the sound of Your song,
to dwell in Your presence forever.

You accept me,
You don’t cast me out.
You forgive—leading me to the road of repentance.
I thought it would be dark and heavy
but with my soul paid in full
it isn’t hard to say no to this world.

The enemy has tried to steal my soul,
but the Light of Christ is leading me
to the truth that I’ve come to know.
And I’m knowing it again,
over and over and over again—

Let me, then, leave my heart in Your hands,
and let it stay there.
And if keeping me in this hell will draw me closer to You,
then I will take it and gladly so,
for I’ve tasted the emptiness of this world and Your discipline may hurt—

But God, everything else is worse.

Break me, I beg You, break me until I am whole.

thank You for loving me
thank You for never turning away when i did
thank You for never giving up when i walked away from You
and convinced myself that it’s alright, that i’m alright,
even when i woke up with a heavy feeling in my chest
and everyday was a struggle just trying to breathe without You

thank You for Your faithfulness
thank You for Your grace
thank You for Your presence surrounding me
even when i did nothing but spit on Your face
and curse Your Name behind closed doors where i thought nobody could see,
but come Sunday and i put on my best dress
and pretended to worship.

thank You for Your patience;
You patiently searched for me in ***** alleyways where You didn’t belong
where the enemy stripped me of my clothes and dressed me in shame
chained my feet
and told me lies after lies after lies
and how i believed him.

i sold my soul to sin and i thought i was shackled for life
but You came to me
and bought me with the blood of Christ
the price for my life was the death of Your Son,
and You said, “so be it, I will send Him.”

i can never thank You enough.

i will never fathom the depth of Your love,
how You sent Your Beloved to die
for someone so undeserving,
for a people like us.

thank You for Your love,
thank You,
thank You,
thank You.

my life is a gift for You alone, Savior King.

oh i can see it now, i can see the love in Your eyes
i can see it. i can see it.

thank You.

thank You.

thank You.

He lived the life, He died the death
     That we might live with Him;
His blood was shed, but He's not dead
     Third day He 'rose again.

Someone help!
     I sold my soul for a song that I cannot hear, a meal that I cannot eat, an end that I cannot see. My heart is aching! I regret my choice, I sought to make my past undone. Alas, I've left the realm of life; I lie in the dust of death. I cannot reach beyond my corpse, my soul is gone...devoured. I lie here dead, unable yet to call for help. Who is willing to take my place? To give their soul to purchase mine? Is there none with love enough to save a fool like me? Look! Beside me now stands the dead! But a moment ago a corpse, that one stands alive with soul anew! And now he kneels with hand outstretched, his lips alight with words that bounce and fly away. I cannot hear him, my ears are blocked by this dust, this death. One word, unlike the others, is sharp and pointed. It does not seek my ears for entrance, this is far and above the most blessed of treasures. It pierces through my chest, straight into my heart it plunges! The pain!
     This Word does not excuse me, nor does it accuse me; it cleaves me clean in two, beyond my heart and deeper than my vacant soul. Love. This is not a love that I can understand! What kind of love has the power to create life where death and hate have reigned unchecked? Who is this love? What name can I call it by? How can I respond? Through my despair and past my deafness I hear His name, higher than any other. Jesus! With muted lips and vacant soul, my broken heart cries out! Please save me from my past; it screams against me, condemns me, lays out my guilt spread bare. Can this name silence something this loud and honest? It already has. All of my accusers are gone, the silence of this moment is beyond all I have ever known.
"Come forth."
What is this! The very dust of death, the gates of Hell, have split wide! No longer do I lie still and empty, deaf and blind; I see and hear, I dance and fly! My soul pours forth with a love I can neither understand nor contain, I am whole. The Maker of Earth, the Author of Truth, the One who spoke existence into being has paid the price, bought back my soul. My ears are filled with truth, my mouth with songs unending. My eyes now see what lay before them, always it was here. No longer do I hunger, no longer can I thirst, a soul that is not my own flows from a well of life that cannot end. In every way, I live. I do not fear my end; it no longer holds me, it cannot touch me. The flood of Life through Christ has washed it past the borders of being. I live without end, without fear. The well of life pours out from the Spirit living inside me. I cannot die. Come, won't you stand with me? Won't you be pierced by the Love of God? Let Jesus open the gates of Hell for you and carry you out of death. Come and know the peace of eternal life found in the joy of Christ.

Your hands, they're trembling again.
Mine are too.
I reach out to save you,
but suddenly I'm grasping a ledge.

I didn't ask for this, but somehow,
I gave myself a role.
You didn't ask for this, but somehow,
I claimed you as mine.

There's so many of you!
What am I supposed to do?
Can I even do anything?

No, I can't.
I can't save even a single life.
That power doesn't lie with me,
not in the least.

Yet there is a hope!
A hope beyond me.
A hope that transcends time;
a force greater than I can imagine!

On a tree, this hope was hung.
A man judged for all time,
A God who sacrificed all he had,
for the sake of monsters like us.

Yes, this hero, this God-man, this Jesus
died and was raised to life.
This Savior who came for us,
who claimed His children's lives as His own.

He will save you, not me!
I have no hope to give on my own,
but that Jesus died, bearing your sin
and killing it forever.

He will claim those who are His,
and He will save them.

I'm no savior, and I don't have to try to be.

'Tis all my burdens lifted now
  because of My God's grace.
He's seen me through the trials of life,
  He'll see me through life's race!

'Twas grace that brought my loved ones down,
  each one all to their knees.
They prayed for me to stop my run,
  to shake the devil free!

'Twas grace that opened up my eyes,
  once blind in sin I trod;
But now I see there's more to life,
  when living it for God!

'Twas grace that washed away my sin,
  the time I first believed.
My God had paid the final cost,
  His blood my sins relieved!

'Twas grace that took away my fear,
  through hard times come and gone.
My Jesus held me close to Him,
  all through life's night till dawn!

'Twas grace that showed me how to live
  for My God every day.
I strive to spread His love around
  in everything I say!

'Twas grace that paved my way to Him,
  for one day soon I'll stand;
Home with My Jesus face to face,
  in Heaven's Beulah Land!

'Twas grace that brought this sinner home,
  now in my rightful place.
Thank God I've got another chance
  with His amazing grace!

All through the years I ran from God,
  I lived my life my way;
As family friends and loved ones prayed,
   I'd turn to God one day!

He watched 'ore me as hard I ran,
   He kept me safe and sound;
Just as I ran the other way,
   He turned my life around!

This one lost sheep had went astray,
   My Shepherd brought me in;
Back safe into His Fold again,
   He rescued me from sin!

My God reached down in darkest depths,
He plucked from Satan's bind,
New life he gave me on the that day
   to follow His design!

Such grace and peace He fills me with,
   my heart doth overflow;
Since I began to walk with Him,
   such joy I came to know!

It's all because He loved and cared,
   He kept me safe from harm;
He gives me now such comfort and
   sweet solace in His arms!

Yes through it all He stood by me,
   He never let me fall-
So far from Him I couldn't hear
   My Shepherd's beckon call!