I will rise up early
and dress myself up nice
and I will leave the house
and check the deadlock twice.
and I will find a crowd
and blend in for a minute
and I will try to find
a little comfort in it.
and I will get lonely
and gasp for air.
and send your name up from my lips
like a signal flare.

and I will go downtown,
stand in the shadows of the buildings
and button up my coat,
trying to stay strong,
spirit willing.
and I will come back home,
maybe call some friends,
maybe paint some pictures,
it all depends.
and I will get lonely
and gasp for air.
and look up at the high windows,
and see your face up there

* * * *
tonight I leave love
everything I held dear

tonight I leave hope
there is nothing more
for me here

finally free
memories of tenderness
reminders of how
our love could be

I see my path open beyond 
boundaries of you and me
finally understanding
that I am worthy

of loving myself
more than I have loved you.
believing in all that I am
knowing complete
have done all I can do

fresh breeze
brings me to this place
To be filled with
strength and grace

no longer will I cower
to your displeasure
now holding my self
as my greatest treasure

pain still fresh..
sap dripping from my heart
will harden now
In defence of my pride
hurt and sorrow.

new paths unfold
before my breath
mists part so I may rest
my tender being
for this night
I await fresh pain
upon daylight

I seek strength complete
to guide me thru
this inevitable act
of leaving you


Copyright © 2014 Christi Michaels.
All Rights Reserved.

Emptiness Is

Palms covered in little crescents
Your fingernails digging in to distract you
From the fact that your ribs are a cage
Without a bird.

I knew you would forget, just as soon as the sun would rise,
But your words, cliché and hollow, came as no surprise.
I asked but one small favor, at both break and close of day,
Just to hear you say hello, but now, hope's bled away.

Some of her wiring had come loose
She had burnt out like toast
left on too high a setting

Now her brain needed a reboot
It had come to this
be plugged into a mainframe

she did not feel a thing
just a small sharp scratch
and the pleasant scent of the oxygen mask

wakes up a little blurry
mouth a little furry
but new connections made

a few weeks on
she can spark up a smile again
an electro convulsive treat

* * *
baby girl
grown up now
again on her own
magnificent in her being
has become a tortured soul

some things don't seem fair
shouldn't have happened this way
are things as they should be?
that's what the wise ones say

watching your
sweet love child struggle
to make it through each day
such heart break to see a life
unfold this way

I hope and I pray
I hope and pray each and every day
she will choose this life
that she will choose to stay



Copyright © 2014 Christi Michaels.
All Rights Reserved.