Chamber Of Light And Shade

Jul 2018

Lily

He seemed to be the perfect guy,
Handsome, popular, athletic, and smart,
With his only flaw being his overprotective nature.
She seemed to be the perfect girl,
Beautiful, popular, kind, and loving,
With her only flaw being that she's too generous.
They seemed to be the perfect couple,
Buying little gifts for each other for no reason,
Sending cute messages every morning,
Always there when the other needed them.
It seemed to be the perfect break-up;
They said they still loved each other,
But thought they would be better
For each other down the road.
They said they would wait.
He seemed to be okay with it,
But at night he would cry into his pillow,
Thinking of nothing else but her,
Needing her by his side.
She seemed to be okay with it,
But some part of her believed it was her fault,
And when the razor came out,
She definitely was not okay with it.
They seemed to have gotten over it, and were now
Just “best friends”, but in reality, every day
They drifted further and further apart,
Until the person they claimed they were
So in love with was a complete stranger.
He seemed to be getting better;
He no longer stayed up at night crying, instead,
He had found other girls to
Take her place by his side.
She seemed to be getting better;
The bright flashing makeup was there
To help hide the fact that she still wore long sleeves.
Everything seemed to be okay,
They seemed to be okay.
But everything is not as it seems.

#seemed #seems #perfect #love #relationship #breakup #heartbreak #depression #selfharm #***

Jul 2018

Dein Xceriis

Spec

Kindness is a habit I don't look forward to
and beauty is silence, absolute zero
the end of all time, where all things go
in the spec of decay, a swirl of emptiness
the eventual horizon swallow

Jul 2018

Lily

That Last Bite of Cheesy Potato Casserole

I started with my dress,
The white one with the black flowery design.
I added my black scarf, draping it
Casually around my head,
Trying to stop my thoughts from drifting
To what I was dressing up for.
I slipped on my sandals and then
Slipped out the door,
Not slamming it because that felt like
An ending.
I didn’t want another ending.
Walking into the church,
The temperature went up 50 degrees,
And my anxiety went up 100.
I shook hands with the extended family,
Hugged your widow,
And comforted your grandchildren.
I made it through the opening liturgy,
Your favorite hymn, and the obituary.
I even stopped my tears from falling
During your granddaughter’s touching eulogy,
When she started sobbing up there on the altar.
Afterwards, I sat through the meal,
Everything tasting like cardboard in
My mouth as the temperature kept increasing.
Near the end of the night,
When the church was clearing out,
I went back to the food,
Craving a final bite of cheesy potato casserole
Before I could finally leave this night behind.
Yet when I get there,
The tray is cleaned out,
And there is no more cheesy potato casserole.
That’s when I finally break down and sob.
I didn’t get that last bite of
Cheesy potato casserole.

Sometimes the simplest things **** you.

#death #funeral #sad #widow #heartattack #love #church #god #food #casserole

Jul 2018

Tryst

A Roguish Bird

Poor Spider! Engineered her nets
To cast among the eaves –
And now her silk supports the nests
Of enterprising thieves!

A Roguish Bird with yellow smock
And beak like crooked spear
Crept up upon the wing and took
His pick of all her gear –

Poor Spider! Crawling home to scour
Her bastion torn to shreds –
She sets to task , and in the hour,
Hangs dew-kissed curtained webs!

#life

Jul 2018

Daisy

Enlistment

He was once so adamant.
So ready to deny the duty of somebody else’s war.
But something must have changed
Once the camouflaged man was through the threshold,
Because when he left the young man was no longer a boy.

I always pictured him as a frat type guy.
The one that ended every night with a different girl,
But always called his mom.
He wasn’t sure what he was doing after graduation,
But he promised me
Weekend trips,
And car rides,
And ice cream.

He spoke to me slowly when he told me.
Counted the benefits on each hand and was sure to highlight the safety.
He says,
“I just know you worry,
But there’s no danger where they want me”
His words dangle between us
And I swallow my heart.
I should be proud,
Or happy,
Or feeling something other than this pit of dread in my stomach.

He enlisted,
And soon after began drinking.
His breath now smelled of cigarette smoke,
And he was “man”.
But every time I tried to meet the boy in his eyes
He would pull away.
We haven’t spoken in months.
Until one night he calls me.

He spoke to me slowly when he told me.
His mother was sick again,
Only days before deployment.
He’s been chain smoking
And can’t sleep.

I hear the words in the back of his throat.
Wanting to escape,
But refusing to admit
That maybe he just isn’t ready to leave.
But the days pass fast now,
And it’s only a matter of time.

I don’t know when we will speak again,
So instead I have late night conversations
With the moon,
About the boy who signed his life away
Too soon.

#deployment #friendship #goodbye

Jul 2018

Lily

Brutal Honesty Hour

I wish I didn’t
Have to wonder about your
Commitment to me.

#honesty #honest #haiku #commitment #relationship #love #boyfriend #doubt #wonder #anxiety

Jul 2018

Lyn-Purcell

Care-terns

Most
in care
honestly
don't care, not at
all
⭐
f
r
o
m
      ⭐
            w
           h
         a
    t
⭐
I
'
v
e
   ⭐
          s
          e
    e
n
⭐


From
what I've
seen first hand
They're  in  it  for
cash
⭐
  t
h
e
y
⭐
a
r
e
⭐
        s
               o
                 ⭐
              o
             b
       s
c
e
n
e
         ⭐

They
hurt my
blood, blaming
HER when THEY are
wrong
⭐
b
l
a
m
e
  ⭐
        t
              h
         e
    ⭐
   o
n
    e
          ⭐
             w
              h
           o
      ⭐
h
a
s
  ⭐
        n
            o
               ⭐
             v
         o
    i
  c
   e
      ⭐

They
abuse
the weak ones
the young ones and
old
⭐
a
s
  ⭐
l
o
n
g
  ⭐
         a
         s
  ⭐
t
h
e
y
       ⭐
                g
                     e
                t
                  ⭐
t
h
e
i
r
       ⭐
             m
                        o
                       n
                 e
                y
  ⭐
t
h
e
y
  ⭐
               w
                    i
                          l
                         l
                  ⭐
             r
      e
j
o
i
     c
          e
                         ⭐

                                                                   Love
                                                                    money
                                                                     honestly
                                                                     a    truly   vile
                                                                     root
                                                                           ⭐
                                                                                   t
                                                                                           h
                                                                                                   a
                                                                                                   t
                                                                                               ⭐
                                                                                     i
                                                                              s
                                                                    ⭐
                                                             h
                                                               a
                                                                       r
                                                                                   d
                                                                                            ⭐
                                                                                                    t
                                                                                                   o
                                                                                            ⭐
                                                                                   k
                                                                            i
                                                                        l
                                                                               l
                                                                                       ⭐

I know, these Lanterns are darker compared to the ones I usually write. Again, these ones hit close to home, and they are specific to MY experience. I, unfortunately, have a relative who is in the hands of the care-system. They're completely vulnerable and I've seen firsthand, how nasty they can be. I witnessed a situation where the so-called carer put their hands on my relative and things...took a really dark turn.
I don't like to think about it. It's just makes me sad and sick that these people are in the business of care for the money.
I know that it's not just my family that the care-system has failed, too.
It's a thorn that's deep in my emotional pain.
*sigh*

#lanterns #dark #sad #truth #care #pain #failed #system