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Daisy Nov 2023
This poem is a response to one I wrote five years ago:

My eyes blaze with guilt,
and an outrage at being guilty.
No, at being wrong.

While I waited for the crows,
I was devoured by the chasm
between my father’s brows.
Felt my stomach drop
as I fell into the ground.
Even when I’m right,
I wish I were wrong.
But that’s just how it is to be the victim.

See, my mother was played with by god.
She’s quick to love only to be abandoned.
I remember her whispering to us,
in the middle of some nights
as if we were the daughters of Medusa.

My mother was hurt by god
She did not create sin but
she’s spent most of her life running with it.
Running from it,
running to it.
And I think at some point
she felt too distant to be worth it.

I thought I wanted to hate her,
but it’s impossible to deny her humanity and
to keep trying would only end in tragedy.
I know I’ve ignored her and
I know that worsened the distance.

I want to personally lay the burden
of how I love onto her shoulders,
tell her “You taught this to me.
I watched you love others from the mountains to the sea and I’m

sorry for the years I didn’t let you love me”.

But healing happened in a crockpot,
that wasn’t plugged in.

As a child, I felt so betrayed
because she was my favorite,
and yet I felt so alone
on nights when I couldn’t use her back
as my pillow.  

I tried to understand the kaleidoscope of her broken pieces,
and yet I wish I persisted as I got older.
I thought I protected my peace,
and maybe I did,
but it took me ten years to warm up
my shoulder.
I was sad about the absence,
until I became mad and indignant.

A case of unrecognized bias.
By having two drug-addicted parents,
and a lot of black-and-white thinking,
One had leaves, so the other was poison.
Two different flowers in the same garden.

And in that garden,
I’m weeding out the past
and digging in the dirt using only my hands.
Creating stability and forgiveness at that.
Forgiveness for my mother, who has grown despite my doubt.
Forgiveness for my father, for dying
at the hands of the devil he couldn't live without.
I am perpetually digging even further for hope.

And there is always potential for hope.
Writing this poem has honestly meant a lot to me. This is the first poem to truly help me reflect on my growth as a person. I have had the world ripped from me and shoved down my throat, but in all this chaos, grief, and pain came an opportunity to change my life.
Daisy Sep 2023
It's hard to separate the apple from the tree
Even if you roll away.
If you remain in the same spot for too long then
You'll just grow to be the same.
Daisy Jun 2023
She grew amongst the twisted branches of the tallest trees.
Tried remembering the days and nights
that often felt like dreams.
Sounded like war.
Smelt like smoke.
Tasted like powdered milk.
Looked like lies.

She ran her fingers along jagged edges,
Following district lines like she followed Brandon.
A peaceful life,
Full of truth.

Truth spirals out of control
When you can’t tell what is truth
And what is a dream that lives
Out of pocket.

But she lived,
So it must have been a good life.
Unable to change the situation,
She tried to change herself.
The loneliest Willow of the trees.

She was manmade,
Formed by the hands of people
Who were just people.
And so her twisted branches tied knots among her roots.
Daisy Jun 2023
2. Laugh
3. Keep moving
4. Color outside the lines
5. Don’t talk to strangers
6. Listen to your big sister
7. Don’t ask questions
8. Shhh
9. Read to escape
10. Wait patiently after school
11. Do everything before being asked
12. Keep secrets
13. Text back quickly
14. Your worth comes from your body
15. Lie better
16. Be cool
17. Be smart
18. Grow up
19. Don’t expect anything
20. Patience is key
21. Stop waiting for rain
22. It’s okay to be hurt as long as you expect it
23. If you want to change, you have to do something differently
Daisy Jun 2023
As the days inch closer
So do we.
He always took himself so seriously,
Even once we no longer did.

One year separated by a handful of pills,
By the milestones he has missed,
By a new man in an old home.

One year tied together with tears,
And not a lot of hope.  
With laughter,
And really mean jokes.
Daisy Jun 2023
I long for you in the morning
When my eyes are still shut tightly
And your scent lingers in the sheets.
I long for you in the morning
And again in the lonely nights.
You softly whisper in my ear:
I long for you in the morning
When my eyes are still shut tightly.
Daisy Jun 2023
The creatures that lurk in the night
Cover most of the road, unless you have on your lights.

To save ourselves from the river,
Everything takes effort.

Nothing is given to you,
But the ripples around rocks
Pointing to drowned dreams.
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