A bunny found their way on my screen
Back when my humour was dry and obscene
Who would predict that years later
I'd somehow find no reason to hate her
and long to even have her wish I could be there

To a woman who grew with me, granted in a different direction
Whos personality was striking, infectious
Whenever I get that first paycheck, I'll have you in mind
To gifts you may never see, where I hope in humankind
We meet once more and hug like we never could and thought absentminded

To your eyes, that even caught me off guard on a digital screen
To a hope for a physical gleam
of that beautiful smile you so vicariously show
To your everything, ive been Blown
Away, time and time again, how you've grown

Saranghaeyo, I won't deny it any further
Even if we don't speak, I seek you with vigor
How I'll wait military time, diligent like Bam
I'll buy every piece of merchandise, every Lego, ever hoodie
And then some, Cause surely
I'll meet you properly again, someday


Maybe I'm Shooky, fell on my head with a Mang
The lingo is no fun, when you have no plan
No direction, only seogtan in my Chimmy
Shall I say Tata? Now that I have the gravitas?
Swimming in a direction, so willing

What point is a bias, when one only loves a byeol
A star thats barely known, yet shines in my soul
A human so radiant, her being brings me joy
From naïve to the very opposite of Coy
Willing to give the world, where he hates it himself

I'm sorry, for misusing you with my words and anger
I can't see the band the same, where you brought them, a manager
A genre I'd never in my life get to touch
Is something that makes me miss you so much
And for that, I hope you read this one day and laugh


Son-ga-rak ha teu, I love you Bun Yoongi
The name we figured out together
Please, in this or the next life come find me
And tell me all about Bulletproof Boy Scouts when you see me
Again, I hope
Saranghaeyo

Time passes as my name must be a long gone Memory
Stars die out, as you must tire from my apology
A singular, repetitive one, in a hope you say Hello one day
That we meet again, you look my way, and for one time to say
"I love you."

Constantly seen messages, Constant messenger pigeons
They console me, gently chide, tell me to let be
Yet every time it blurs my vision
That the prospect to becoming a lover and father one day
is tearing me apart

To use my youth denies accountability, blame others ruins my integrity, To say my mouth had enough, disregards the truth
My words followed the dark path my heart made, My youth turned adult
Can time, that heals wounds, still turn me into captivity
Where my own bedroom feels like a peaceful prison?


Can it be so easy to hate everyone, and wish they'd die?
Even the ones I love who I wish expire and live in the sky?
That my begging, tearful nature, is a crutch, and turns my fleeting independence
To a childish dependence
On others to send you messages I wish I could do myself

I believe God will bring her back, and bring me peace
But do I deserve such a charitable Deed?
I pray, cry and hope indeed
That his divined intervention intercedes

That a measly 7 months of silence
Can never compare to an eternity where death doesnt guarantee our souls meet
Tested by my patience
Willing to lose the sheep and honey bees of this world
For the bunny I sold away in anger

Do they ever meet? In the city Or in the streets?
Does distance affect their signal? A line in history or a squiggle?
Does the hands of time delay their meeting?
Do the whims of fate wait until it is too late?
Or does the last crow sing where love could have been?

Does the Moonlight shine on the corpses of their promises
Will the Sun revive them on each others premises
Eyes of Brown and Green mix to make a regal forest
Do they ever think of what was, and if they were truly honest

A past like Honey, the present like a sting
Dances never had, kisses never felt
A Future ever more unknown, unworn promised rings
Is infinite wealth better than a love that could melt?

Staring at sunsets, rises, Full Moons and Monsoons
Dry runs my tears, wet from the sweat of my fears
Do you ever step aside and force yourself to remember my name
Or is the thought of our memories one that brings you to shame?

Must I keep writing until the universe takes heed
Or calm down my steed and forget, agree
That it is pointless calculating a love that is no more
Or is it something deeper in my core
That bothers me enough to overanalyzing

I see a Soulmate where the world sees the past
See a muse where the present sees a hindrance
Touch a wound where the cast had failed
Mailed others letters that you'll never read
Wrote ballads you'll never seize
Its of utmost importance, that you know I care

Its been a month, I can seem to find
The words to say, or get you outta my mind
How I wish you looked back, to give closure
Knowledge won't end suffering, lack of exposure

How it must feel, to get rid of me
How my heart yearns, for what may seem
To be the old you I created in my head
Was it all a dream? Should I go back to bed

And even now, even now, I still defend your name
Even now, even now, I still take all the blame
For my words might attack you and cause you to leave
But you made it so thats all I had under my sleeves

I regret, that words cut so deep
I'm upset that i'm losing sleep
Wish I'd forget, Like you seem to do
What'd I expect? Is this a sign from You

And even now, even now, I wish you'd feel the same
Even now, even now, I wish you would come claim
The broken pieces of my heart I can't fix
Friendships turn toxic when romance is in the mix

But I guess, it would be mature
To just let go, and to be assured
That your life is going par for the course
Maybe my existence was a part of the cause
Where you couldn't seem to move on from the lack of resource

Even now, I wish I cut out my tongue
Even now, I wish we still stayed young
I wish forgiveness was as easy as the books make it seem
You were book-nerd and explained how they made you cry a stream
Now I see that not all books have happy endings
Some don't even end, wasting the time you're spending

Even now, you're a muse I abuse
And even now, I just wish I could choose
what thoughts entered in my head
And if it would affect you if you ever read

Even now, I wish you the best

The title speaks it all so clearly, unlike I who slurs my words
To write down what a handful will see, but phrases never to be heard
From obligations to congratulations, it all starts to feel the same
How petty it is I blame everything, how I must feel ashamed

Things I said to prove a point
messages left on read I wish I never sent
The cold is blistering, so are my fingers
Tell me how you can forget yet for me it still lingers

People go on with their lives, wishing for the summer
While I sit hear wishing I didn't think everything was a ******
Its so easy to appreciate the little things in life
But so hard when you feel teardrops turning into ice

Everyone says to seek help, that it gets better as you grow
yet almost a decade later I have nothing to show
Spreading positivity, have no certainty
Of the people coming and going, who matters and who closes the curtain

Future careers, games, girls, what I fear
Further encapsulating that I barely feel like I am here
Stuck between adulthood and being a child
Stuck between a mild nature and a wild imagination

Stuck between what games to play, what role to play
Which school to pay and which job pays better
Payment is engraved in my mindset, my parents make sure of it
Little do they know I hate adult life and I am sick of it

Crushes like a giddy child, in this darned freezing weather
Is it sad I feel better alone, or I feel alone and barely any better?
How ironic my words contradict each other
but thats what we were to one each other

Am I just ranting over you, this existence, or the future?
Is this in general or has my heart finally ruptured?
This barely makes sense, and neither does this life
Play, work, pay then get a wife? Is this why samurai always held a short knife?

Writing this comes as no surprise, when a threat of a goodbye
Is what one would despise, yet is greatly needed.
To have held on a handful of years
Through the laughter and the tears
And have glimpses of you in my eyes

To Know you'll never read my letters
That I'll never know if your worse or better
That you'll never hear my resolutions
that my ears never hear your voice again

That I'll never laugh at a dull joke again
That every girl I meet will never even be a friend
Hoping my naïve loyalty will make you send me a message
To give me passage again into your life


It wasn't fair expecting a rainbow when I gave you a thunderstorm
And for you to expect gold when you sent me to an oil rig
I'll never know if you'll ever go to prom
Or were the feelings we felt ever that big


Will I ever get to tell you happy birthday?
Will we ever get to hug? Can I even get a handshake
Or did I make the mistake
In all the hopeless promises I used to say ?


That i'll go to special events, and buy charms you'll never wear
That I'll tear up and hold my face, and those around me wouldn't care
That a dreamcatcher used to connect us, like the very dreams I had for us
That you taught me how to cuss, and hold back and not make a fuss


I miss the way we used to laugh, at the mundane and obvious
And how you always made light of my snobbishness
How you made me a better man, both mentally and physically
And how I promised us tickets to Seoul with concerts and sights galore

So this is it, no millionth chance, the final curtain closes
And what a sadder way to end it, where both of us exposes
The fatal flaw in one another, and our hope to achieve love
While you go back to your knowledge, and I beg the one above

I got the message today, the finality is alarming
How all veils have been removed, as its regarding
Or would be love story, If I could be the One
Who takes you to see the moon and not get boiled by the sun

I shiver, I cry, I hope you didn't take to heart
The anger I spewed and the hope it doesnt break us apart
I came like a volcano, and you a Tsunami
Only now does it dawn for me how you're so far from me

I said thing to instill a reaction
But instead of satisfaction
I get the realization that this extended vacation
will be our dedication to what was and will never be

A girl and a boy manage to become best friend
But boy falls in love and girl follows suite
Unknowing they'd be each others rock, person
Now one stands firm and the other uncertain


Does it end tonight, do angered words repel honeyed apologies?
Can love conquer all and fulfill their destiny?
Do they become ones Soul mates to now polar opposites
Or day even more distant, now used to be's and Pessimists?

The ocean seems so peaceful, the night is so calm
How the moon is ever so charming
Shining on me once again, and once again I long to be friends
you taught me how to whale watch, you taught me how to heal

I stare right at the moonlight, hopeful for a shooting star
It seems you're getting farther, and I'm left with all the scars
We stay closely right on the shore
Yet loving memories turn to a bore

Swaying and swaying, our row boat is sinking
Waiting and waiting, do I stay still or do I swim
I hear the whales calling me, I float towards their sounds
They sing melodies of the past, their themes are so profound


You wait on the shore, dripping wet, I'm stuck between you and nostalgia
Of whale calls repeating what once was, and you proclaiming what will be
Their voices sound like Honey, yours like a bee

I know you're right, I know its wrong, but I want to live in the past tense
before our relationship became tense
lovers to friends, siblings to strangers
We went from content to danger

I wave goodbye, cowardice, I cry knowing that this is all a dream
That you wished me the best, that I stayed in the stream
That you want us close, and I grow even farther
I wish you were closer, and that I was smarter

I stay, whale watching as you fade away
Wondering when it will be the day
We meet again and iron this out
To before things went south

I hope to find you on that same shore
with the same smile
with the same heart

I sit exhausted every night
Not a single off day in my sights
Working as I wake up, and until I dose off
So busy, my dehydration is discovered by a dry cough

To busy to eat, yet too hungry to carry on
Taking even a little break causes progress to be gone
Disappeared are the days of weekends being a reprieve
As I wipe the tears and carry on by rolling up my sleeves

Some call it growing up, others call it existing
Here I am throwing up, unware of how exhausting
this all truly is
The human body was made for pressure, yet I cannot reassure
If I am tired out of hard work, or hardly getting things to work

The weapons must have succeeded, the attacks seem to have landed
Stuck in this workflow I feel stranded, and yet life has still demanded
I wake up and smile, and sleep with the same expression
Is this depression, a lesson, or a trial for heaven?

Sitting down is wasting time, and working with no success is just as worse
Is this a challenge set before me, or some invisible curse
Time and time again, clocking in and clocking out
I sit still, letting it boil, as all I want to do is shout