Take pride, Black girl, in
Your eyes—keen, ablaze
Thick, comb-breaking hair in puffs

We were meant to be,
Here, in this place, now
Though told we’re others, outside.

                                                                             Take pride, Black boy, in
                                                                    Your smile—wide and bright
                                                                   Long, wiry arms, perfect hugs

                                                                                     We deserve the sky,
                                                                          Clouds, sun, stars and all,
                                                                Earthward they pull as we soar.


                                       You’re worthy of life
                                           But guilty at birth
                             Of living while Black—full stop.

                                          The power in you
                                        Cannot be measured
                                Narrow your life for no one

                                          Quietly screaming,
                                    Under masks and knees
                              Slowly on we trudge forward.

When we dare to be quite audacious,
Not afraid to take space, so tenacious
Fearless and brave,
No attention we crave,
Steady breath and mind calm with patience.

When we stare deep into our fears,
Disquiet thoughts bound ‘twixt our ears,
Both pupils dilate,
And our heart speeds its rate,
Seconds become minutes become years.

But what if the danger’s within?
Not obvious, hidden by skin.
Can’t see it or touch it,
No words to describe it,
Agonal, gravitational tailspin.

Taught to be silent, we don’t speak.
Learned to be quiet, words in cheek.
Swallow them whole down,
Then be shamed to the ground,
Feckless attempts to voice, bleak.

So SCREAM.
LET IT OUT.

Break          free    of     the       perimeters           forced    upon          us,

Confines constructed to keep us constrained.

Alas, mitochondria made with fortitude
Vertebrae aligned to endure

With courage we wake weekly,
With courage we battle to breathe,
With courage we connect, collectively,
Resisting the urge to slip beneath.

I am the glass in your window.
Your eye struggles to see me,
Not through me.
Unless I am cracked, soiled or ajar,
Spewing air that makes you uncomfortable.
You keep me for protection
And because my appearance makes
Your house look good, inviting.

Every once in a while,
Your eyes catch a glimpse of your reflection
In me.
So you cover me up,
Hide me from the light
And shield your eyes from seeing
Your true nature.

If I shatter under attack,
You scold me for being too fragile,
Sensitive to the hurt thrown at me.
If the sun shines too bright,
You blame me for being too transparent.
If the rain patters too loudly against me,
You chastise me for being too resonant.

But you knew what I was when you chose me,
Picked me to be here.
I couldn't hide even if I wanted to.

Over time,
The forces pulling me down
Leave me uneven.
Because though still I may seem,
Inside, I am just
A collection of millions of atoms
Constantly moving, vibrating, changing.

Care for me you could,
But instead you choose to ignore.
Eventually replacing me with something newer,
Shinier,
And more like the others.

Despite outward appearances,
we are the same inside.
My heart beats like yours.
S1, S2. lub dub lub dub.
My lungs expand and collapse as yours,
My eyes observe yours watching me
And we are one.

Our lives, separate but concurrent
Have hardened our skin,
And softened our hearts,
Weathered our faces,
And strengthened our resolve.

I, the carer by title,
and you, the receiver by name,
the roles are readily reversed.
I am healed by your trust
And you by my ken

For we are commensal parasites--
Each requiring the other to live
While we sit, vulnerable,
Ready for the taking.

In my white coat,
And your white gown
We meet, as humans
To heal.

Since the age of 4,
I’ve wanted nothing more
Than to heal, and feel
Like I belong, therefore

I struggle and try
Pretend not to cry
While you laugh and laugh
Elated to simply standby.

I plead and seek your aid,
Instead of help, you evade
All I ask of you, is for you to do
The job for which you are paid.

My blunder I can’t ascertain
My fellows you guide time and again
Until, I yet see, that the error is me
Teaching me is from what you refrain.

But the real problem here,
Is that I can’t be clear,
Of this skin I was born in,
It doesn’t exist—a veneer.

On the ground I must lay,
Your knee crushing my airway,
While to me you tell, that all is swell,
My lips blue, no air left to say

That since I was 4,
I’ve wanted nothing more
Than to heal, and feel
Like I belong, therefore

Though scared I may seem,
And left no self-esteem
I continue to fight, for it is my right
To keep pursuing my dream.

Alone I walk,
To no one I talk,
No fingers with mine interlock.

Day by day,
In bed I lay,
Wasting my whole life away.

Sad without tears,
But drowning in fears,
My voice is mute to your ears.

Always seen through,
Weighing all down like dew,
With joy, my life can't imbue.

So with no motivation,
and minimal mentation
From life I'll have full dislocation.

What is appreciation,
But a love for what is
Exactly as it is.
An attention to the details,
Every crevice, curve and bend
Without expectation of change.
Quietly observing the natural truth and beauty oozing from within.
Savoring every moment, sad and happy.

I appreciate you.

It is more than love for love's sake.
To appreciate is to hold in high value not only the tangible,
But also the nebulous. The aura. The shadow. Whole.

I appreciate you.
Not what you do, but what you are.
Not what you say, but what you mean.
How you breathe. How you move. How you embody and exude your authentic self.

I appreciate you.

Through death we learn how precious life is.
We are given the gift of your first and last home.
With the first cut, your struggles, your joys and your scars are all revealed.
And we see you.

We see the physical pieces, tissues and organs that you inhabited.
The lungs that expanded with your first breath and collapsed with your last.
The heart that beat for the first time in synchrony with your mother's.
The womb in which you created life.

But when we see you,
We also find foreigners who took your space for themselves.
The cancers which suffocated and starved you.
Sutures, scars, and remnants of past surgeries intended to extend your life.
Abnormalities and deformities that not only defined your perfect imperfection, your humanness,
But also evicted you from your physical being.

So lucky are we to learn from you.
So indebted are we to you
For your generosity and humility.
Like all great teachers, you have made great sacrifices in the name of education.
And for that we are truly grateful.

While your ears cannot hear our "thank-you"
We know you are listening and watching over us
As we pursue the knowledge and empathy we need
To become great doctors.

The way in which you love,
So truly and deeply,
Is felt in my soul.
From the marrow in my bones
To the tips of my hair.

Just a glimpse of you
Warms my blood and
Floods my body with joy
And I can't help but smile,
Even if only for a millisecond,
No matter how deep into the darkness I've traveled.

And for that I am grateful.

You are the North Star that shines bright with diligence,
Guiding me through the treacherous night
Toward my freedom,
And away from the ******* of self
That enslaves me,
And keeps me shackled to my negative thoughts.

Like a mother cat to her kitten
You teach me not to **** where I eat
And how to always land on my feet when I fall,
No matter how far.

And for that I am grateful.

Your hugs are morsels of love,
Radiating with the kindness, acceptance and patience
Ingrained in your DNA,
That all transfer from your heart to mine
When we embrace,
Left to left,
Calming my anxious spirit
And once again I am grateful.

Because I know that no matter what,
You're on my side.
That the ratio of good to bad in the world
Increases every time you interact with someone,
Dropping little high-pitched bombs of wisdom
That explode with the positivity and joy we all need,
Not only to bring us closer to our own inner selves,
But also to see through the façades of others
And have compassion.

For we are all connected by an invisible web
Much bigger than us
And not created by us
But that traverses oceans and time alike
And brought you into my life
When I needed you most.

And for you I am eternally grateful.

Though excruciating,
I have delicately incised my heart
And left it open for you.
Blood and all.
I am completely defenseless,
Truly surrendering what is deepest within me.
All of me is on display,
And I am vulnerable, exposed.
Our environment, unsterile,
Makes me susceptible to infections:
Hate, judgment, abuse
That spread through the words and actions of others,
Attacking my system.
And, subconsciously, I internalize them,
Accepting them as my own.
But I trust you to care for me.
I believe with conviction, I must,
You have washed your hands
In preparation to touch my heart
With the gentleness I need
And cannot provide myself.
Because alone, I am unfixable,
Permanently damaged and slowly losing blood.
Dying behind my seemingly perfect demeanor,
A closed facade.
I trust that because I have exposed my pain
To you, solely you,
We can begin to repair the destruction
And stop the hemorrhaging,
Together.
Thereby providing the means by which
This earthly vessel, and in turn
The fragile soul inside,
Can finally begin to heal.

I am peaceful when my mind is still
And my heart is gentle.
My actions must align with my beliefs
Tall and orderly like the vertebrae in my spine
During quiet meditation.
I am not accepting of labels which others place on me,
That are in dissonance with my inner self
And what I know to be true.
Because only when I am genuine can I find clarity.
Clarity to discover my serenity
And be able to watch my emotions
Pass through me like vagabonds,
Instead of latching on for dear life
As my knuckles turn white
And my lungs turn blue.

Flexibility is the presence of structure
In the absence of rigidity.
Like the valves in my veins
That keep my blood flowing in the
Right direction.

As limber beings we can sway and bend without snapping.
Even under intense pressure,
We are able to return to normal
When we call upon our inner strength.
Our minds, like muscles,
Must be consistently stretched and tested
To remain pliable.
Allowing us to become more accepting of ourselves and others.

To accept is to acknowledge the things and people
We cannot change.
With gentleness and detachment.
Not to simply tolerate our differences,
But to hold in my heart that you are who you are
And I love your entire being,
Unconditionally and without judgment.
To accept myself proves more difficult
For we can never truly detach from ourselves.
We all long to be accepted and part of something more.
To feel our hearts beat in sync with another
When we embrace: chest to chest for six seconds
To feel like we belong.
Because acceptance is also the belief in the inner goodness
Of someone
Which we can't always see inside ourselves.
So we constantly search for something that separates us,
Makes us different.
Not realizing we are in effect shunning ourselves
And preventing others from seeing us,
Sometimes intentionally.
But when we become mindful of our thoughts and actions,
Especially towards self,
And we treat ourselves as we treat others,
We can truly invite unequivocal love into our lives
And receive the acceptance
For which our spirit genuinely yearns.

Unity through working together
For we cannot exist without each other.
I need my lungs which need trees,
Who need the sun to rise every morning.
The same sun who kisses my cheek and warms my heart,
Darkens my skin and calms my soul.

As joyful music enters my ears, my mind is quiet
And a gentle smile forms-
Easing left over pain from the day before
Releasing serotonin in my brain, and
Signaling to my body that we will be OK.

Because today is a new day,
A new chance to live harmoniously with the other beings
With whom I co-exist;
To dwell on earth in synergy
With the energy of atoms outside my mortal chassis.
Those which I cannot control
But upon which I must depend
To simply
Subsist.

For alone, I am nothing but
A random collection of carbon and hydrogen atoms
Vibrating at different frequencies.

But with the help of gravity and other natural forces
They are unified into one.
Moving together,
Pulsing together,
To form the being that is me.

A calm and cool breeze
Passes through the leaves of the trees,
Persuading the branches to sway,
Like algae in a turbulent sea.
Without a cloud in the pale blue Arizona sky,
The sun radiates down-- hot and glaring.
It reflects off the shiny paint of the cars around me,
Illuminates the brown mountains in the distance.
And magnified through the thick lenses of my glasses,
It blinds my sensitive eyes.
The surrounding sempiternal desert
Is so clear and sharp,
That no one nor nothing can hide
(With the exception of the beings who can blend,
And despite my tiring efforts,
I am not one of them.)
The nearest Creosote bush
Eminates of the smell of water,
As it passes through a hose.
I am instantly transported back home
Where sand is replaced by grass and plants
That require regular watering to survive.
When I close my eyes I can see
The illusion of a waterfall, created by the uncoiling hose
As it ejects tepid water for us to traverse.
But upon unveiling my windows,
I allow the sandy landscape to penetrate into my soul
And I am brought back to the present
Where life subsists, illogically,
Through a dearth of water, and inordinate sun.

Strength is the ability to protect yourself
Emotionally, physically, spiritually.
You are strong when you need no one
You are self-sufficient
The desire is there sans the need.
Acceptance of lacking in one area
Will allow you and behooves you to
Increase strength in another.
Because without strength you are vulnerable
To external forces.
Like newborn turtles as they make
The dangerous pilgrimage to water,
Picked off one by one,
By carnivorous, unforgiving animals:
People out to hurt others to falsely improve
Their own self-esteem.

Strength is the courage to challenge your fears
And make an about-face to run toward them
Not away.
This abrupt "180" seems incongruent to our
Beliefs, desires and thoughts
Because our subconscious mind proclaims
That to confront our apprehensions deems us
Weak.
And as naive beings, we listen wholeheartedly,
Believing that what we ignore does not exist
And we regress to an age when object impermanence
Unsettled our feelings of safety.

Without strength we cannot breathe, eat or think
And without fulfillment of these basic human needs
The question is, Do we really exist?
So we must define and develop our own strength
In order to thoroughly define and develop
Our sense of self.

Resistance is:
The lack of willingness to change,
A desire for control.
We resist when we feel
Angry or hurt,
Because really we are scared.
The act of resisting takes so much energy,
But yet we continue because
We are slaves of habit.
So we waste away
Robbing our bodies and ourselves of
Everything, anything.
Because we want what we want and
Not what you want.
We have hissy fits and revert back
To our 2 year old selves
Trying to assert our independence.
Denying the fact that we have tied
A brick to our feet,
In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, and
Proud of finally doing something on our own
We are alone
Sinking.
Unless we resist the urge to resist and
Call out for help
We will continue to sink
Then drown in our pride
Too resistant to try something new
Or do something different.

As I sit here in front of you,
I am in awe.
I envy your uniqueness and
Your strength to be different.
Your thick trunk holds you up
And roots you to the ground.
I see the remnants of your traumas:
Cut, infiltrated, branded, punctured
But yet you continue to grow.
Your branches become thinner
As they move away from your body,
By hold the leaves without which
You couldn't survive.
This, your physically weakest part
Makes you vulnerable,
Yet you reach out, steadfast,
Inviting any and everyone in
Because without you we cannot survive.
We must depend on each other
For that which we need.
So here I sit,
Gazing up at your interlacing arms.
Absorbing the wisdom you bring and
Hoping that I can do for you and others
All that you already do for me.

I am a tree.
A real tree with real bark.
As I've grown taller and older
My branches have been sheared.
The little pieces of me,
My old self.
I lean now,
Slightly to the right,
Imperfect and not standing tall.
I've been through a lot in my life
Leaves falling, branches breaking,
Bark peeling and moss growing.
I no longer fit in with all the
Straight and narrows around me.
In fact I am unique
The only one like me for miles around.
I am a real tree,
And for that I am proud.

Hope is tired.
He is an old man, beaten down,
Worn out by the disappointment
Of expectations.
Every now and then the sun comes out
And hope is renewed,
Transformed into an infant:
Fresh, naïve, a blank slate
Upon which the world will write.
Without hope we would be nothing,
Life would no longer exist,
And the vacuum of anti-matter,
That makes up space, would be its successor.
Hope puts ideas in our minds
And laughter in our souls.
It brings tears to our eyes,
And despair to our hearts.
Hope is the basis, the foundation
For all emotion, thought and action
Because it provides us with the power of reasons:
A reason to love and breathe
And a reason to sleep and eat;
A reason to be ourselves and a reason to
Live the life we are meant to live.

I love you.
I will never abandon you
Like everyone else.
Never would I hurt you,
Unless you disobey me,
For I own you.
You are my property.
A little teddy bear I cuddle
And squeeze until your stuffing pops
Out from behind your eyes.
Your beautiful eyes.
Watch and observe.
Your body, disgusting
But able to do what I want.
I provide goals for you,
Something to do,
A challenge to accept.
No matter how many times
You cut the cord,
We will forever be attached.
I, as a newborn, a fetus,
Feeding off all that is you.
Or, I, as your mother,
Protecting you & entrapping you
Inside my womb.
Our lives depend on each other.
We are one.
United through your blood,
Your every breath.
I'm your best friend
Loyal and honest.
As long as you have me,
You need no one else.

It goes on
It continues
Flowing down from
The mountain of shame
Twisting & turning
It engraves a path
The path I am to follow.
In 3 words it goes on.

It goes on
Slowly & begrudgingly
Scintillating back & forth
In the snow
Carving an angel
To guide my way.
In 3 words
It goes on.

It goes on
Unbeknownst to me
For I am stuck
Trapped inside
The white straight jacket
Of my mind.
Unable to breathe or eat
Because I refuse to look at it
But still, in 3 words
It goes on.

It goes on
And on and on
Infinitely moving forward
Past me, toward me
Through me
And it will continue to go on
Without me
Until I step forward
Of my own free will
Through my choice
With my true self and whole heart
That I go on
Without judgment or pity
But love and the understanding
That I must go on.

The heart listens
Beat after beat
Encapsulated by the lungs
Who resonate with the sound of the breath
In and out
Without which no sound could be spoken
Or heard
Hearing and listening
Separated by automatic or conscious thought
My ears hear
But I must listen
Listen, focus
A connection is made
Through sight, touch
So we beat together
Connected by an invisible spider’s web
Thin but strong
Direct and iridescent
Systole, diastole
Open and close
No words needed
A rhythm unspoken
Warming our souls
Alone but together
Shared
No sentence
No phrase
No beginning
No end
Just love
And that is
The language of the heart.

Mind clear as the Arizona sky
Thoughts blowing through the cacti
Creating dust storms through my body
Over-heated from self-judging rays
Hot and blinding
Eyes, apexes of the Catalinas
Peering down upon everything around me
Rivers flowing down
Nourishing the landscape of my heart below
Pulsing with unexpected life
Snakes and birds traveling everywhere—
Blood carrying life from one place to another
Emotions twinkling through the night—
Stars guiding the way to safety
My being landlocked on all sides
Holds its own
Living on its own time
Disregarding social norms
Full of constant radiating light
I am peaceful and serene.

Emotions are like thorns—
The harder I push against them
The deeper they reach inside me.
Painfully stabbing through
My so-called “protective layers.”
Quickly tapping them
With the tip of my finger
Releases one drop of that
Which I had contained.
The drops continue to flow
Unless I am bounded, restrained.
The petals mirror the drops in color
Portraying the future blooming
Of my life.
Once the emotions are in place.
Occasionally I grab the rose,
Forcefully, clumsily puncturing my skin,
With multiple emotions at once
Uprooting the flower and
Eventually killing my feelings, future and self—
Essentially shutting down all that is me.
In order for the flower to bloom again,
I must plant a seed and wait
Cautiously feeling the thorns
As they grow.
Until finally the bud opens and
My future blooms into a bright red rose.

My brain is a finely tuned A string
Plucking and picking itself out of tune
And though out of tune itself
Molds and bends to be in tune
Relative to others.

My skin like a mahogany fingerboard
Is constantly pressed
And squeezed and slapped
—Abused by my own hand.

My mouth and tongue are f-holes
Through which my inner vibrations
Are released into the air.

My heart is a bridge
Keeping my thoughts
In their rightful place
But also connecting
My body and mind.

My bones make up my sound-post
Holding me together
And providing the structure
Necessary to speak.

My feet are an endpin
Grounding me
And connecting me
To my surroundings.

Occasionally a bow comes along
Forcing me to do or say
The opposite of my desires
Moving me
And playing me
Like an instrument,
A toy.

I am a cello
Here to say what I want
How I want.
Though my strings need occasional tuning,
I decide how they sound
And when they sound.
Although I am sometimes used by others
For their gain
I am always in control of my expression.

The future is a calm, mysterious sunset
Inside a dank refrigerator.
Curious, afraid of the dark
We long for love.
Our fear creates passion, hope, stress
Imperfect emotions bring the strength
To care and feel for that which we
Need permission.
But with grief comes love
And the intelligence to fail.
Reject aloneness in pursuit of
Self-kindness.

Sound flows piercingly through the air.
A wave of warmth slaps across my face,
And douses my clothes as it moves
Down
My body.

The harmonies and atonalities
Cause my heart to
Flutter
With arrhythmia.

As the bow continues,
My calm is slowly replaced
By fiery passion;
Hot,
From the slapping of the waves.

I am soaring,
I am free.
Watch me.
Listen as I express
My inner voice.

I feel lost
the holes in my memory
are too numerous to count.
I become a green-eyed monster
when friends brag about vacation & trips
even though I have taken more trips
to superior locations.
I do not remember.

The minuscule fragments of
my childhood paint a depressing picture.
Abandonments, death after death after death,
Homelessness, loneliness, imperfectness.
My memories have collectively signed a DNR.
They are unrecoverable.
Lost forever in the holes my mind created
to prevent insanity.

Free
From the army of my needs
The wholeness of my being is
Alone.

No longer tied down
Strapped
Against the mirror
But free to be
The most genuine me.

Expressing,
Identifying,
Through the bow
Pressed against the strings

Through the laugh
Erupting from my heart
Caught
Like a contagious virus
From a child.
I am me. And me is I.
And that is all that we can be.

Tossed, like cars,
By the winds of my hurricane
Are the little pieces of me.
Moving from here to there
To here to there,
I am scouring for it.
From deep inside my eye,
I long for it.
Crave it.
Envious of the calm waters,
I make them turbulent.
At times a stillness emerges from within.
Though eerie, anemic.
Without destruction there is no dispersion.

Blank stare
into blank space
I see nothing
but everything.

As my mind wanders
the dark corners of the room,
my ears pic up the
distant conversation
of the couple beside me.

I am lost inside my head.

Spinning quickly
on an axis slightly below five degrees.

Tied behind the white straight jacket
of my skull,
rest my thoughts,
fighting to be free
yet potentially dangerous to themselves and others.

Tied like strings
Across the shoes of time,
Are the vocal chords of my soul.

Distress travels from my tired heart
To my lips,
Pinned open,
Through which silent screams erupt.

Ravenous for compassion and love,
I deprive myself of food and contact.

I am alone,
Save the company of my physical being.

My body speaks
But I cannot

For if I do,
Not only will the knots come undone
But as will I.