Do you ever feel that urge
To let go of everything you are
All the good and all the bad
So you have no choice but to restart
To let go of the deep-set anchor
That binds you to the land
Unable to cast you off
No matter how much you demand
I want to float than to hold a course
I throw my trust into the waves
Hoping they would mould me
Into someone who couldn't be tamed
Recklessly and aimlessly
I dive into the sea of change
It's whirlpools and calm tides
Broke the mold of the girl who stayed
I don't want to fear the unknown
I want to face the depths instead
I don't want to be consumed by darkness
I want to conquer the adventure ahead

How easy it is for trees to let go
To let go of it all until bare
What is it like to shed the old
So naturally without a care?
To be covered with a cold blank slate
Teach me, how to let the old go
To make room for new colours
And cut off what I have outgrown
Do you regret every leaf that leaves you
And changes more over time
Or do you relish in the weightlessness
Because you are closer to your prime
Do you feel empty during the season
When the world lacks vibrant colours
Or do you see it as your time to reflect
To change yourself for the better
Do you reminisce when your world was full
Of different sounds, hues and beings
Or do you savour in the solitude
To prepare for your next beginning

I use to wonder
What was wrong with being single
When I had my time back to myself
I had space, solitude and freedom
But that's just it
That abrupt lack of another person
Too soon to settle
You're left with a void in your heart
A gap in your mind
Unknowingly, you make room for two
You are left with all this space
What do you fill it with?
Who is your last thought at night
Or your first thought when you rise
Or every spare moment in between
Who do you think about in the silence
Or who lives in your daydreams
As if you are a house
And he is the furniture
Then he moves out
You are still a house
Though you no longer feel at home

With you, I didn't cry much over
But with you, I felt the most pain
You didn't hurt me, at least not intentionally
Though it hurts more than I can explain
You fell in love and pursued her
I felt my heart break again
Because she fell for you too so it shattered
I was unable to restrain
No one knew of my feelings
I couldn't put them on display
I tried to give up by avoiding you
In hopes this love would go away
How many times I've failed
Because you kept enticing me to play
This friendly game between friends
When I know you wouldn't look my way
Your eyes made me weak
I had to look at them everyday
They reminded me why I fell for you
I felt a connection I couldn't contain
How we are when it's just us
I wondered if you felt the same
Your actions and words, I misinterpreted
But I know you are not to blame
No matter what, I have control
My heart is my responsibility to tame

I use to see home like a prison
A place that chained down my soul
Times have changed, I have progressed
Here, I realized I have the most control
I use to see my room as a place
Where I was trapped within 4 walls
But now it is a sanctuary, a refuge
A place where I'm almost free from it all
I wanted to get to know the world and its people
And I still haven't seen it all
Though now I see my home as somewhere
A place I can heal every time I fall

I don't allow myself to feel
The emotions I have for him
So my feelings for him stay
And continue to fester from within
The more I love
The more I deny
The more I see him
I continue to lie
Because the truth weighs so heavily
That it would burden us both
So I keep it all inside of me
Where he can never hold

It's hard for me to ask for advice
Because you don't live in my head
You can only advise from what you hear
To the extent of what I said
So how can I expect an answer
When you don't fully understand
The question that I'm asking you
Is more difficult to comprehend
I don't blame if you don't know
Because you really don't
Though I don't know either
To ask a second time, I won't