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  Mar 2019 Ciel
Langston Hughes
I've known rivers:
I've known rivers ancient as the world and older than the
     flow of human blood in human veins.

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

I bathed in the Euphrates when dawns were young.
I built my hut near the Congo and it lulled me to sleep.
I looked upon the Nile and raised the pyramids above it.
I heard the singing of the Mississippi when Abe Lincoln
     went down to New Orleans, and I've seen its muddy
     ***** turn all golden in the sunset.

I've known rivers:
Ancient, dusky rivers.

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.
Ciel Mar 2019
I miss you.

I miss your smile
and how your cheeks would rise
to reveal slightly yellowed teeth
creating wrinkles at the corner
of your small shiny black eyes.

I miss your loud and obnoxious laugh,
I miss your warm hugs.
I miss how you would laugh
At my childish jokes.
I miss your tickles when I was sad
And I miss your goodnight kisses.

I miss you
And I wish I could go back in time.
I wish I could relive all our moments together.
All those moments I failed to cherish until it was too late.
All those times you carried me on your shoulders folding my little hands into yours
All those times we danced in the middle of the kitchen to old french songs
All those times you kissed me on the forehead
And told me you loved me.
All those times I took you for granted.

I do not only mourn your loss,
I mourn all the moments we will never have together,
I mourn for my graduation without your hugs and kisses
I mourn for my wedding day without you to walk me down the aisle
I mourn for the birth of my first child without their grandpa to bless them.
I mourn for every minute this world has to exist without its kindest angel.

If only I had known that you would leave so soon
Then maybe I would have never left home
Or maybe I would have picked up the phone that day.

I miss you, papa,
More than I thought was humanly possible.
Ciel Mar 2019
Remember?

Remember when we were just kids?
When we used to dance in the rain?
without a worry and careless?
We did not think about how sick we might get
or how bad we would look with our soaked clothes.
We did not even worry about the following minute.
We were not worried about people watching us,
Hell, we did not even understand the notion of judgement.
we just lived in the moment.

The feeling of the droplets of water on our little faces
as we looked up at the sky laughing and waving at the clouds.
The movement of the water in harmony with our feet
as we tried to see who could make the biggest splash.
The happiness those little moments brought us
was greater than any menacing consequence
or possible future problems.

Those were simpler times.
Happier ones.
Ones I wish I could relive.

They are the ones we spend our whole life chasing after
without truly ever reaching them
  because
we think too much,
plan too much,
worry too much.
So much so that we sometimes forget to live.

If you can,
hold onto that innocence,
That fearlessness,
That carelessness,
That spontaneity,
for once you lose it,
once you conform to the absurd idea
of growing up being a synonym of worrying more,
you will have this hole in your spirit
this hole left by the lost of
a feeling we do eve have a name for.
Ciel Mar 2019
Sleepless nights,
gallons of coffee,
regretful decisions at primitive parties
with the cheapest alcohol that can be found,
stress-filled hours at the library,
followed by binge-eating sessions
staring in a textbook that is
worth more than my soul,
just to take a test that will determine
what my life becomes.

Oh, but what a glamorous life
college students lead.
Ciel Mar 2019
I once knew this woman.

The strongest woman I had ever met,
but see, she was hurt a long time ago,
and ever since,
she has not trusted many people.
But once in a while,
Someone worthy of her trust would come along
and she would allow herself to open up.
And oh, were those times beautiful.

They were more beautiful than
a butterfly flapping its graceful wings to take its first flight.
More beautiful than the calm but spellbinding motion of the ocean.
More beautiful than the first shining stars in the dark sky of the night.
More beautiful than the first leaves changing colors when autumn came.
More beautiful even than watching the first flower of spring blossom.

There was beauty in her strength
but also beauty in her vulnerability.
Beauty in seeing her walls slowly go down.
Beauty in the way she expressed her feelings.
Beauty in her laugh,
but also beauty in her tears.

She was a strong woman
who knew she had nothing to prove
for her strength was undeniable
to anyone who ever laid their eyes on her.
Ciel Feb 2019
Stop comparing your pain to others'
Stop comparing your successes to others'
Stop comparing your life to others'
Stop comparing and start living.
This poem was inspired by the quote: "Comparison is the thief of joy".
Ciel Feb 2019
her
Her beauty was almost sinful,
but taking my eyes off of her
would have been blasphemous.
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