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You make me sick:
Your happiness.
You're blinding me
In your sea of eternity.

It's disgusting
What I'm feeling.
I wish I could take it back,
But it's already blooming.

It's the elephant in the room.
It's in the center;
Shadow looming over
Yet we ignore it.
It’s so beautiful.

It’s mesmerizing.

It’s art.

And now I can’t do it

and I’m going crazy.

I want it so much.

Why can’t I just create one more painting?

One more piece of art?

Just one.

I don’t want to be a forgotten artist.
A thousand tears will fall from a 12 year old's suicide.
Why couldn't they say he was beautiful before he died?
And will they really wish they'd known him better?
Or are they proud of what they've done?
Because he's done exactly what they said he was best at.
And how did no one notice?
And how did no one care?
How can they do nothing about that breeding ground
For ******* and mental illness?
How can you let those deep pockets distract you from children's pain?
When did politics become more important than emotional safety?
And how can we turn this all around?
How do you make the world realize how far it's fallen
When it refuses to look down?
They'll never see how close we are to the ground.
We can dig in our heels,
But without an army
We will only be dragged and broken in half.
Going through the motions of every day
Trying to make you all think I've changed my ways.
Living life stuck in this daze.
This maze.

How could you believe I changed my mind?
Have you met me? I'm not fine.
I don't believe I should even try
Not me. Not I.

All I've ever wanted to hear is what I tell you.
Yet no one gets the hint, they don't have a clue.
"Don't worry sweetie, it's nothing you do.
Would I lie to you?"

And as my fingers tremble with the ache of memories
I wish you were here to give my hand a squeeze.
If no one were around I'd drop to my knees
And Death I would plead.
After everything that's happened in the past few weeks, it's about time I turned it into something.
15 days and 15 nights I kept you right here by my side
Through the darkness, hunger, and ice
I miss your hand on my back
I want your head on my chest
I want your lips on my neck
I want your voice whispering
"Do you like that?"
I like that

15 days and 15 nights I kept you right here by my side
But ****, my bed feels cold tonight

Oh no, I love you
And now I gotta tell you
Oh no, oh no

I thought I was just having a nice time
But then as you left for work I cried
Oh no, oh no
journal entry
Your green eyes light up the night in my dark room.
And in the shadows I can see you blink slowly to say:
"I love you. I'll keep you safe."
With your head on my shoulder,
My shuddering body calms, and the sobs subside
I can feel my tears drying as a striped tail keeps time.
Your growling cries fend off every intruding demon
And you ward off the devils in my brain.
I run my hand over your soft head and I'm no longer afraid.
You're the thief turned hero
The story of my success
You're the criminal at my rescue
You're the Bandit who stole my heart for safe keeping.
Wow, it's been a year since I was last on this site. I think I'll try it out again.
They are fading.
They were so beautiful.
I'm sadder than I should be.
They were so beautiful.
I should be so happy.
They were so beautiful.
They're almost gone completely.
They were so beautiful.
I'm really going to miss them.
They were so beautiful.
Their color is leaving.
They were so beautiful.
Although they're no longer bleeding.
They were so beautiful.
Feels like they are burning.
They were so beautiful.
Goodbye my old friends.
You were so beautiful.
I'll never forget
You were so beautiful
No matter how I try because
They were so beautiful.
Feedback would be appreciated.
I'm a broken soul
Broken and bruised.
I just want to be whole
Instead of self abused.

I'm alone right now
Afraid of my brain,
Trying to learn how
To cope with my pain.

I need you to know
How lucky I feel
To have ever met you,
To know you're here.

But still I'm lost
In my life's grand journey.
To the side I've been tossed
And I fell to a gurney.

But the doctors can't fix
What's inside your head.
It just precious tricks.
They pretend with the meds.

I tell them it's worked.
I say that it's helping.
But I still have urges;
I'm still feeling crazy.

I'm alone in my mind,
Though not in my pain.
I just want to grind
My life down the drain.

I feel so stupid.
You're not oblivious.
But I'm in love still,
although it's ridiculous.
Feedback would be appreciated.
Golden eyes stare through the trees
Blinding lights reflecting into the leaves
Something I've only seen in movies

They have hoods to hide their face
They attack what they can't trace
They love who they trust, he starts on the cusp
Now they want to make him their queen

Oh, keep him on a pedestal
Oh, deep within his castle
Oh, never look down again
From now on, someone's holding his hand

He approaches the throne
With stilted nerves
It's him
Forever in this universe
journal entry
Nobody writes about the glue unless it doesn't stick like it used to
Nobody cares about what's always there until it's gone elsewhere
There is no art about the dirt in the dark,
but it keeps us from falling apart

I know you think that they never saw you
oh, but I do

Sometimes you feel invisible because you don't like your hair
and you're not very tall
But don't let that make you feel so small
Because without you my world wouldn't turn at all

I know you think that they'll never see you
oh, but I do

Maybe you'll be
Lost to history again

A face in the crowd
A voice in the loud
But I know I'd know it anywhere

So I'll have you sign a book in my mind
I'll paint your name across the sky

I'm gonna write about the glue
I'm gonna write about you
for my mom
Tell me what to do.
All I ever wanted
was to help you.
I don't know what's wrong
But I'm writing you this song.
I know you want help.
So I'm here to help

I know that you're scared.
I know that you're worth it.
We met in the dark
I found a light
You put a pillow on your eyes.
You have to believe:
It'll be ok
But I can't go back to the dark.

I'm at the edge for you
I can't give my love to
Someone who spits on it and hands it back
I still love you

What happened to summer of 2012
Don't you know to make new friends
But keep the old
I ran away
In spite of myself
I pushed back
From your selflessness

You were so good for me
I couldn't bring myself to believe
I guess I just didn't see
The good in you or the love in me

I'm left to wonder
What could have been
I'll continue reading over
I'll continue to listen

I'll remember you
Forever and always
I gave you me
Now I've gone out in a blaze

I'll fizzle out
Like a firecracker
I'll drizzle down
And burn the earth

You're there watching
Waiting for me to come back
I'll promise you this
I'm well on my way

Be patient, please
I'm trying, I swear
Soon I'll be
Nowhere but right there
Feedback would be appreciated.
It's a summer day, dad is coming home
How long he's been away, I don't really know
It's me and mom, he won't be long
He'll want to have his space
He walks through the door
We can't ignore the look upon his face

He says "what is this?"
He can't resist a shoe left out of place
He'll fuss and groan
I can't be home
I learn to stay away
It's not all bad, I'll give him that
But I sure can't remember the good
It feels so wrong, I know it won't be long
Until the shoe is on the other foot

It's a summer day, dad is coming home
How long he's been away, since 8:00 this morning
It's me and Will, we can't sit still
We see him through the window pane
He walks through the door
We can't ignore the look upon his face

He says "what is this?"
He can't resist a hundred snowflakes
We stapled them around the room
He said he likes it better this way
It's not all good, I never said it would
But I would choose you any day
Because you find a way to make things okay
Even when you feel out of place

If I am me because of a family tree,
that's alright with me.
But you are you in spite of the things you knew
And that's a testament to you.
For my dad
I'm consumed in the flames of confusion
There's nowhere to hide from them
But all I want to do is run away
and stay away until I fade away.
I'm scared to stay in one place for too long
I'm afraid I'll be burnt to a crisp
I'm scared to be alive but I'm scared of death itself.
Pain, it's my biggest fear, but I'm drawn to it.
I hurt all day, every day.
Yes, music helps.
But to make music you must hurt.
Hurt to help.
That's my struggle every day.
No, this is not a poem about someone.
No, this is not a poem for someone.
No, this is not for you, or for me.
It's for the universe.
It's for the everlasting pain humans cause themselves.
It's for nothing and everything.
It's for no one and everyone.
It's for life.
It's for death.
It's for old and young, and nonexistent.
This is a story of a young girl of whom everything is expected.
This is a story of a young girl who doesn't want any of it.
This is a story of a young girl who would rather die than conform.
I'd rather jump out my window and just run.
I just want to get away from here.
I just want...
I don't know.
I don't want anything.
But I want everything.
I want love
I want hate
I want him
I want them
I want it all
I want nothing at all.
I am me
I am her
I am nothing
I'm just another name in the books
I'm just another face in the crowd
I'm just someone somwhere.
I don't want help
But I want caring.
Nobody seems to know the difference.
I'm alone
I'm surrounded by billions.
I write "I" too much.
I love too much.
I don't know how to end this.
This poem.
This hour.
This time.
This love.
This life.
I'm infected with the hatred of this world
But I like it.
Too much.
Nothing will ever be the same will it?
How much do you really care?
How much can one person stand?
How much is too much, really?
Did I say something wrong?
Did I say something too right?
Did I strike a chord?
Heartstrings pulled?
Eyes opened? Ears listening?
Mouth shutting.
I'm just a scared little girl.
People forget that.
Everyone is.
Nobody is invincible.
Love is invincible.
Love is no one.
Hate is invincible.
Hate is no one.
Blue, red, yellow, black, purple, green, orange.
Everything's different
Yet it's all the same.
I hope.
Forget me.
I don't want your sympathy.
I want no help.
I want to be left behind.
I want to be alone.
I want none of that.
I need someone.
I need love.
I need help
I need company.
I need love.
I need water
To get rid of this consuming fire.
This fire that's consuming me
in a thing of victory.
I'll be reduced to nothing
until that day.
I snuck into the cemetery where we were buried
I still keep the knife you used
My back still holds the scars
I thought since years had passed, you'd have moved along
But your ghost stays right where you did me wrong

I broke the seal on your afterlife
Now I'm being haunted even when I say goodbye
I wish I had never come to this side of town
I picked up your memory
Now you won't put it down

It's my fault
I raised up the bones from where they lied
I thought they'd say something
I thought we'd apologize
I'm sorry I was tired from the weight I had carried
Now I know what's dead should stay dead and buried

Chased by the undead, it's too late for regret
I dropped what I carried
I should've left you dead and buried
My dearest savior,

       Do you know what you've done?
       You've kept me from his fun.

       I never thought you'd hear it
       But here it is from my lips.

    Thank you.

    I love you.

       I'll never forget
       The moment of freedom.
       I'll never forget
       How you kept me from regret.

     You never helped me love myself.
  That was someone else.

     You never helped me get through pain.
  It was another yet again.

       But, my dearest savior,
       You helped me forget the present.

          One minute and twenty-one seconds of silly conversation
          Results in hours of peace in my mind.

    Thank you.

    I love you.

Yours Truly.
When it's least expected, it hits like a
freight train.

Where you're playing guitar on a sunny afternoon and
tornadoes blow through.

Writing songs to the beat of my heart,
the room catches fire.

My candle is blown out.

I can't see.
Trapped in the black silence

I create my shackles
and swallow my own key.

People come and go.

Some try to break the ties.

I glare with danger in my eyes.

Biting the hand that feeds
is now my only need.

How did I get to this point?

I won't allow me out of this joint.

Go away.

Leave me be.

Don't you see?

Come back...

Lock the muzzle
On that stupid mutt.
Don't let it cry.
Keep It shut.

If it makes a sound,
Kick it down.
Just pop it hard,
Right on the snout.

Master knows best.
Master above pet.
If it scratches the door,
Slam its foot.

"Don't you whine!"

"Don't you cry!"

"I swear to God!"

"You whimper, you die!"

That dog is nothing
But a mouth to feed.
And if there's no food
Then there is no need.

Don't you dare.
Please, I beg.
Don't make a sound
Or you'll lose your head.
My thoughts scare me.
The polka-dotted sidewalk,
beginnings of a rain-soaked street
The dampness of my socks means that my last pair of shoes have finally given out and left a hole in my soul

My gas light came on yesterday morning, so the wet socks will have to do, as I make my way to you

Eyes, then hands, then lips meet
Words pour, but I stop them short
Mental faucet, won't say more
The tap is too hot, and it always tastes the same

Pass it to you, I only play the game
But you see as I hide my ***** storm
You say "Don't cool off. I like your warmth"
prompted by Summertime Clothes by Animal Collective
Sometimes I think that my depression has me in a chokehold so
I pull off its mask only to find that it's been rage with no place to go

Where do you put rage that sneaks up on you?

Do you put it in a flowerpot only to wilt the calla lilies that it touches?
Do you put it in a collar and leash only for it to lunge at the first stranger to approach too quickly?
Do you hold it between your teeth so that it slowly dissolves on your own tongue until every strawberry tastes like grape leaves?

Maybe I'll just file it away
   on the top shelf where I keep my winter coats in Texas.
Then, years from now, when I pack up to move to the mountains, it will topple over and smother me.
Maybe then I'll finally leave it behind
   in the pile of things too broken to donate to Goodwill.
prompted by On the Road by Jack Kerouac
The mirror mocks my every move
Every lump I try to smooth
The mirror cons me of my happiness
Knot in my throat, stuck like this


I feel the corners of my mouth
Like they're tied to the ground
I try to fix it, try to heal
I try to replace it, the shame I feel


Feeling visceral
If only I could find
Something comparable

As much as she pushes him away,
He just won't get it.
Can't he see
how desperate she is?

She can't take much more of this:
He doesn't seem to care.
He's having his fun
forcing her to the gun

She doesn't know
what else she can do.
He just won't leave;
She's begging him please

Someone help her.
Shove him back.
She can't do it alone,
her efforts falling slack

Listen to the wind
Look through holes in the screen
she's there looking in
trying to hear her own screams

She swears it will be over soon,
Her pain will ebb away.
But are her words true?
Or will he continue to play?
Feedback would be appreciated.
You let it slice through your soul
You let it punch through a brick wall
You let it tear out every hair on your head
You let it break you down to the ground

You let it in and spit it back out
You move past it without a doubt
You scratch through the surface
You want something deeper

You don't want to die
So you sit there and lie
It begins to show through
You begin to lose you

All your friends try to do the impossible
You pull away though they mean well
You sit alone in your room
You hate the world but with no proof

You just want to give it all up
You don't want to talk it all out
What even is there to talk about?
"I have no problem, no lie, no doubt"

They say you don't deserve it
But you know the truth
There is absolutely nothing special
Inside of you
Feedback would be appreciated.
My heart is beginning to smile
as I feel the love of people
I had no clue
there were so many of you.
Now I see
and I bleed
the clearest of tears.
You don't know
how much you've saved
my body, mind, soul
and et cetera.
I still can't believe
the way you talk to me
You're beautiful.
You create beauty.
Beauty in me.
Beauty in music.
Beauty in words.
Beauty in my soul.
I don't know
where it comes from.
But I guess it's there
in there.
How do you do that?
How did you know?
What did you see
Way inside of me?
First of four poems that I wrote during my time in a mental hospital...
you got me on your hit list
i can't afford a therapist
it might be cheaper to die
well, maybe
but the funeral industry
the way it's looking lately
oh, it's bleeding me dry

you have made up your mind
to believe a lie
well i'll admit you tried
and i
i could eat a live
wire and then my
brain would be just as fried

and you
you can have your pride
and you can  take your time
but you can't take what's mine

and you will not be the reason
i give up believing
in the good inside
because i
i will keep on breathing
and easily sleeping
purely out of spite
the light is so far away
but I hear the train so near
I scream, but the horn is blaring
but why are you all just staring?
The ropes tighten as I struggle
my half-hearted efforts are useless
when can I be released?
when can I finally breathe?
are you finished yet?
My eyes are forced to close forever with the sand of your storm
introspective roaring
my brain is imploding
I'm going the wrong way on this mountainous escalator
I'm just so tired
the exhaustion is overwhelming
everything I used to do
I now do for you
but you don't even know
I can only offer my condolences
but I can't rewire my head
it's all set.
I'm dead.
Your gift of the soul
can never be matched
When I fall in a hole
You help me come back

You give me the chance
to stand on my own
I fall in a trance
from the light you've shown

You give me the words
I so need to hear
I don't need to work
to know I have your ear

Your gift of love
could never be replaced
Like a beautiful dove
I'll give you the stage

You give me heart
You give me soul
You save me every day
And I really hope you know
How did I get here?
Where did I turn wrong?
When will I find the map back home?

Who to turn to
     When your arms are long gone.

Your whispers fading with distance

I just can't make myself believe.
Like an Israelite, I need tangibility.
I need constant proof.

My fort of safety drove off in a van.
The love of my life is now a man.
The sky burns into night on a broken gold horizon
Cela va sans dire mais, I will say it anyway

Take my hand, I would follow anywhere
Up the rocks and down the stairs
Leaves falling down like confetti at a parade
Tiny little Bourbon Street in the home we made

The sky burns into night on a broken gold horizon
Cela va sans dire mais, I will say it anyway

Ever since tomorrow became today
I was singing about you before I saw your face
I'll paint a map on the tops of my shoes
So I will never lose my way to you

The sky burns into night on a broken gold horizon
Cela va sans dire mais, I will say it anyway

Even if it ended and this was all
I would never regret the fall

The sky burns into night on a broken gold horizon
Cela va sans dire mais, I will say it anyway
I love you
Once she tried to teach me to Charleston
It was the closest I came to seeing her dance
But I gave up because it was too hard

Once she had an extra bourbon
And slapped my cousin's husband in the face for dropping one too many four letter words

Once she told me she liked country-western music
and roses and hummingbirds
But she hated my tattoos

Once she cried to me because she was tired of getting older
And it was the first time
I realized she was afraid to die

She used to tell me every day
between work and school
"Don't work too hard, darlin'"
capturing memories
Here's to a couple of beautiful lives.
You look at me and don't avoid my eyes
I look at you and all I see is smiles
and although I live to hear your praise
I just want you to feel happy days
Listen to me like you do
hear my words I say to you
What you say to me is what you need to believe
and I won't rest until you see
Listen to you like I say
hear your words and find your happy day.
Let's all get together
for a rousing game of "have you ever"

Have you ever felt so low
that nothing was real?

Have you ever wanted to paint a canvas of skin and veins
Only to regret it every day?

Have you ever wanted to run away from every pain
And live your days in another place?
Have you ever been told no?

Have you ever been afraid to disappoint;
Afraid you couldn't work your own voice?

Have you ever wondered what it's like on the other side?
I wonder if it's really a heaven in the sky?
Maybe it's nothing and you really do just die.

Have you ever felt so buried under stress
that you couldn't even get dressed?

Have you ever wanted to down a bottle
And feel powered, full-throttle?

Have you ever hoped to bleed dry
So you could be light enough to fly?

Have you ever dreamed of bleeding skin
then woke up, wishing it had happened?

Have you ever loved the pain of an open sore
So much so that you made some more?

Have you ever loved someone so much so
that you didn't even care where your own life would go?

I have.

All these things.

I can't talk anymore.

My heart is throbbing.
Sometimes when the world feels so heavy I can hardly breathe
I have to slow down and I'm forced to think.
My whole life has been a blur of faces as I wander through places
With time passing by so fact I forget to make each moment last.
I can't even see past the cards of talking points
And the angry letters I wrote myself.
My dreams are filled with vivid images of back when we were friends
Back in the time when I knew what I was going to do.
When my future consisted of fighting crime with you by my side
And now the days pass by untouched
I can't even move without a crutch
I've got pins in my ankles and screws in my head
And I'm pretty sure I'm better off dead.
But I've kept my promises and made my peace
I decided instead to be dominated by sleep.
My veins pump with lead and my lungs run empty
I don't know to whom I should be listening
And really there's no point in blame because I know it's my fault
I just always feel like I approach with such an assault.
And I'm sorry that I can't be more
But I'm doing my best and that's not good enough for you, I guess.
I didn't do enough to make you care about me
I don't know what else to do to keep my focus off of you.
I don't understand how you could just forget me like that.
What did I do to deserve to be treated like the **** on your shoe?
When are you going to realize
I stood by your side through all your darkest nights
How could you leave me in mine?
How dare you call yourself my best friend
When you are the one who is causing this to end
You are the one who refuses to see me for over 6 months
You are the one who I cry over losing every night.
Because I never pictured you out of my life.
I never thought of how I'd live without my best friend.
Because you knew my life and you were there with me side-by-side
Then all of a sudden, out of sight, out of mind?
I guess you never really cared about me at all.
All the times you couldn't see me, but you never wanted to, did you?
I'm looking back now with enlightened vision
Only to find all the times you didn't think about my feelings
Even though I couldn't get yours out of my head.
And how am I supposed to sleep
When I don't know how your brother's doing or if your parents are ok
What am I supposed to do to forget that you had problems too?
Problems that could come back in a simple flash.
I trained myself for four years to remember every detail
Everything I could drink in because I wanted to be a good friend.
But now I'm just supposed to pretend?
I have to forget all our past.
We've gone back to being strangers but therein lies the problem.
From the second we met we were drawn together
So I don't know how to think of talking to you then not going through.
I don't know how to not want to be around you
But I know that I don't because you're a poison.
Your face is etched into my head like a painting
With your name on a plaque beneath it
And I've been studying it for so long
I know every pore and every scar
I know every hair and inch of skin because you let me in.
And you can't let someone in if you're only going to shut them out.
Because the only way to go back to being strangers
Is to never have known you in the first place.
And I can't do that because every time I stop to think
There you are, and I'm on the brink of tears until my vision clears.
But it doesn't and I have to learn to live
Without slowing down
Because I can't think anymore.
It seems to have gone from
a beautiful life
to a beautiful lie
And I don't know how
And I don't know why
But I know that it's all my fault
Because now I'm a grown-up
Now my opinion is one that might matter
I keep climbing and climbing
Then throw myself off the ladder
I don't want to wake up
But I don't want to dream
I want some color
I want to bleed.
Living to love and loving to live
Are complete different entities.
I cannot explain how different they are
Without showing you every scar.
Things are so different up in my head.
Grateful for the days I don't get out of bed
So here's to the kids who live to love
But are so ******* ready to just give up
I'm right with you, so I have no advice
Don't think you're the only one suffering
You have an entire family
But here's to the kids who hate to live
Life is crazy, I know I know
But death is forever, so please don't let go.
Live in the now, don't forget the past
Listen to your heart
Because now doesn't last
Soon, tomorrow will be today
And you won't know what to say
So live to love and soon enough
Every day you get, you will love to live.
Please don't lose yourself in his head
I know you love him
I love him too
But we are not crutches.
You can't keep this inside
You'll crumble from the inside out
You need to take time to breathe
Take a step so you can really see
If your mouth works,
You have an obligation to speak for what's right.
If you have a chance to keep him alive
You take it
You hear?
You take it!
Until then
Don't let yourself drown in it.
Oh, and Holly?
Remember to love you too
Like I love you.
Oh, you swear, do you?
When will I begin believing truth?
I'm just a naive youth.

Quit taking advantage of me.
You know you're all I see.
You know you made me believe.

How could I let myself fall?
How did you break down my walls?
Tears made my eyes shine like a doll's
because of you.

I hate what you do to me.
Why didn't you let me wither;
Just let me waste away
Until I find another day?

Why did you choose to care?
It doesn't make sense.
Why did you become a child's bear
When you knew my childishness?

All I wanted was to drift away
But you made me want to stay.
Why couldn't you just let me take the easy way?

I owe you so much debt.

Why me?
Why did you choose me to love?
Why did you cry over me?
Why do you have to mean so much to me?
I'm sorry...
How do we really know
That we are good people?
How do we know
If God is smiling?
Is He really there?
Or are we just alone;
Out on our own?
Is it debatable or fact?
Or a debatable fact?
Or is this all just to give Him a good laugh?
How can anyone be so sure?
We are so imperfect
Who are we to be confident?
Are we really that self-important?
What if everything's backwards
And we're all hanging in the balance
Upside down, faces cherried
Cuffed by the toes
Left with no hope.

What if you're wrong?
I don't know who I want to be
I go to Target to pick out new identities
   try them on in a humid fitting room
   try not to pop the seams before I buy
   try to peel them off when they don't fit just right

The ones I fall in love with are always out of stock
Or only available at the high end up the block
prompted by Life's Work by Rae Armintrout
"Well, you're going to die anyway."
Please let my words ring true
please let me say I’m fighting through
please understand my words to you
please let my message be used

I don’t know where I am
I’m not sure where I stand
I’m living on the edge
but I want your safety pledge

I need to know
what you’ll do.
How do I get it through to you?
Why won’t you try, too?

You’re the only reason I’m alive.
You’re the only star in my sky
but I’m afraid it’s all just lies.
What have I lost from my eyes?

You said to write so now I’m writing.
You said it’ll help but now I’m dying.
I’m so confused by this world
I’ve built for myself

I’ve strayed so far away
from the path I intended to stay.
I know you said you wouldn’t forget
but please don’t let me, my decision, regret.
Feedback would be appreciated.
I miss you
I miss the gleaming smile
And the way you shine
I miss our old life
Take me back
To all my old ways
Let me get lost
In my own gaze
You were always there
Caressed me when I hurt
How do I repay you?
I throw you in the dirt.
I'm sorry
I miss you
Please come back
Feedback would be appreciated.
I swear to you

I really didn't mean to

But, now we've hurt you


**** me, too.
Don't ask.
Let me start
by setting the scene.
Look around.
They're not what they seem.

I've grown to know them,
grown to love them.
I learned to show them,
had to help them.

You learn to listen.
You learn to not judge.
In this hospital of sorts,
you see you're not alone.

There's the Angry,
the Sad,
the Scared,
the Mad


We're not crazy.
Try to see their past.
No one's really as different
As the name taped on their back.
2/4 of my mental hospital poems.
My insecurities
They have the best of me.
Not sure what I can do
But I just keep pushing through.

Your words are my raft
In this sea of hate and doubt.
You help me cry and laugh.
I'm in a rut but with you I can get out.

My love is strengthened.
My belief is restored.
I'm learning not to bend.
These words are what I hoard.

And even when you leave,
This help will not be deceased.
I'll always have this care.
I'll never forget the way we were.
Where are we?
I can't see
Can you hear me?
I can't breathe
In this world of make believe
You're in me
You're what I need
Think you know, baby?
You've scratched the surface
Time to dig deep
Take down my screen
See my world for real
Quick, before it's sealed
Take the bait and leave
You've got what you need
Now give me what I crave
Feedback would be appreciated.
I drank a glass of Texas tea
And turned into the ghost of a memory
I learned to be so quiet
I watched all my friends forget
I learned how to walk with the silence of the dead
I learned how to keep my thoughts inside my head
I learned to keep my mind open and my mouth shut
But I had no one there to open me back up
I never brush my hair
I forget to fall asleep
Is this what is meands to be me?

Had my first taste of Texas tea
And then their eyes went straight through me
Fill my cup all the way up
And watch my teeth rot
journal entry
I should be happy

Today was a good day
  like objectively a good day
  like, on paper, a good day

I should be happy
Today good things happened
  better things than yesterday
    or last week
    or last month
    or the last 6 months

I should be happy

But why do I feel like I'm moving my feet through water just to slow them down?
Like I'm looking through cotton just to see where I'm going
Like I'm laughing to prove my smile is bigger than it is
Like even breathing is made harder by the sheet over my lips
  parachuting into my mouth with every breath.
I swear

I should be happy
a journal entry
How is it that in the midst of so much light
I can feel engulfed in dark and shadow?
It's almost like things are lightest
Just before the dark
This isn't how the world is supposed to work.
Am I just destined to live backwards?
When my world crumbles,
Am I supposed to crack with it?
It seems as though my only choice
Is to hang amidst the burning house.
I'm not supposed to get out.
And I'm supposed to be unafraid.
There won't be an exit.
There won't be a man in a cape.
No clean air to breath.
No relief.
Only the tightening of my lungs
And the disintegration of my heart
Left to rot
And to be forgot
I'm nothing to this world.
My existence is simply to take up space
And make everyone's day.
I smile
No one smiles back.
Am I already dead?
A ghost among you?
No one listens when I speak.
No one seems to see what I can see.
I hate this cycle I've been thrown into.
I don't know if this is a dream or real.
I just know that I don't want to feel.
You are so loved
Everything you do
I fall more for you
And now I wonder

How do you feel about me?
What do you think of me
When I'm not there?
What is there to keep you here?

I can't help but to think
You're far too good for me
You're living your dream
I just continue to bleed

You were my bandage
You held me tight
You protected me
Through my darkest nights

You loved me
You cared
You helped me
You were there

Here I sit
Writing you down
Sifting through this ****
Before it all comes pouring out

You passed me to another
Like food upon a plate
You took one bite of me
Then threw me away

I trusted you
I held you so dear
I don't want to hear it
I'm covering my ears

I'm done, we're through
Please, leave me be
Just let me die
Like a bird in the sea
Feedback is appreciated.
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