I don't need scars to prove I have a beating heart
and I don't need lines to make me divine
My life is just beginning
and the world won't stop spinning
Look up at the sun
and see that we are one
my palms are wet
my eyes are sweating
but my mind is racing through every setting.
Time won't give you a second to breathe
You have to make a move and not fall off your seat
Listen to what the wise man said back then
"You're more than your scars and the tools used to make them."

My toes are numb
And I can't breathe through my nose
And I can't wait to get home
And crawl under my grandma's quilt
And feel your skin against mine
Warming me up from the inside

You walk your fingers along the peaks and valleys of my frame
And inside my brain
I am pouring like water from a glass that you tip to your lips
If you're going to drink me in then I only hope
That you will love my body in all the ways I've never been able to

Worship where I've condemned
Hold what I have rejected
Kiss where I have cut
Heal where I have bruised
Be a friend to the thing I named my enemy
This thing I live in, yet keep separate from me

Every night
I relive your words
These clouds aside
You give me comfort

No idea what I'd do
If I'd never had you
But all I ask
if for you to stay through

Through the tears
Through the laughter
Through the pain
And the happiness I'm after

It seems as though every minute is a life changing moment.
One second, everything's ok; it's just an off day.
The next, there is death in the air.
I wish I could hold you forever,
Protect you from all the things you feared.
But instead, I felt your heart quit its beat.
I can't believe I still have tears left to cry.
I can't believe that I haven't shriveled up and died.
You're still floating in the air; in my clothes; you're everywhere.
My guardian angel, you were there.
You loved me, you cared.
You showed up when I need help, you had a halo
Now I've grown, so it's time for you to go home.

Oh, my love
you just need a hug
you wouldn't hurt a bug
I'm sorry, so sorry, love

it's time to live life
you deserve a happy light
a sun that makes your day bright
don't worry, I'll be alright

I'm so proud of you
you know that, right?
I love your smile
it's always so bright

Your laugh makes me laugh
your tears make me cry
I want-no, need you to go
I won't be left behind

We'll keep in touch
you need this rush
Your happiness is at risk
You gotta make the jump

You won't blow this
Please, stand your ground
I know you want this
don't lose your nerve now

You want this so bad
I know you need it
I don't want you to be sad
Don't you dare leave it

Your beauty will shine
Your face will glow
your smile will radiate
your talent, you'll know

I love you so much
I believe in you
You're gonna make this
You're gonna make you.

With a noose closing her throat
Blooding running from her wrists
She's prepared to take her final breath

Then she remembered
What she never wanted to forget
She cried and screamed
And fought the regret

This life was hers to take
But she knows she wants to live
Somewhere deep inside
She knows what it's like to be loved

She got down from her chair
And didn't want to move
But mom knew.

Shipped off, she began to learn what to live for.

Homecoming, her new skills are put to the test
She thinks maybe it's all been put to rest.

Mom doesn't know how  to filter
Her jokes taunting
With the ***** looks and "don't **** yourself"s
It's really no wonder why
She's afraid of the time.

So now she has a bad day
Breaks down for a moment

No hugs or "better luck next time"

Shipped off again like a package you didn't want

Is this how you treat your only daughter?

Oh, the way I loved him
was the most I've ever felt
Oh, the way I loved him
made me forget everyone who's left
Oh, the way I loved him
wrote albums and symphonies
Oh, the way I loved him
made me forget he didn't love me

Oh, the way I loved him
I knew he was never mine
But god, did my heart hurt for him
Like I was running out of time

Oh, the way I loved him
could make the oceans rise
Oh, the way I loved him
could pull the stars from the skies
And put them in his eyes

I haven't seen the light since then

Why are you so perfect?
Please, please teach me
You always know what to say
How do you do that?

It flows from your lips
like Niagara Falls
I drink it in sips
Then take a big gulp

You tell me what I need to know
I take it in, but I never show

To die would be an awfully great adventure.
Happiness must be in Never-Never Land.
I want to fly high and dry;
I want to flit through the sky.
I hope to follow a piper of pied attire
Meet in our secret place through the mountains.
There will be many lost kids
Looking for a way to live.
I don't think I know the way out.
How shall we be together again?
I don't want to grow up.
I want to stay here.
I want to fight pirates.
I want to play with ticking alligators.
I want to love in the most innocent ways.
I want us to be lost in this phase.
You just seem so perfect for me;
I want time to just freeze.
So, let's steal the dust of a fairy
and take to the night sky.
Play on the clock tower
Fight for our own power
We can be whoever we want to be.
But, flash forward now
I come back to visit.
I see you've found out
What growing up is all about.
I can't help but to feel alone.
Where do I stand now?
Where is my home?
I don't know how to get through to her;
But to die would be an awfully great adventure.

a city made of plastic
******* with elastic
torn between a tourist trap
and locals who just want it back

i thought you cared the most
guess i held too close
you fell like sand through my fingers
i couldn't see you any clearer
loved you with all my might
guess i held too tight
i knew you'd crumble from the start
like a blade straight through my heart

when sorrow is safety and joy is fear
everything is wrong here
one fleeting moment is wrecked
just because i realized what i felt
i'm so tired of being lonely
and so scared of intimacy
i'm an open book that's terrified
scared of what you'll see inside

want to have a whole committee
but i'm not that kind of city
i'll welcome you with open arms
and then i'll sound the alarms

I give my life to You
Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow
I give up myself to do Your will.
Give me the strength to bend but not break
Help me to give Your name its own deserving fame.
I love You
I serve You
I believe.
Amen.

We all have this pretense of perfection.
No one wants to believe in flaws.

We are pushed to be perfect.
Pushed so hard.
Pushed too far.

Reaching perfection
Is like touching the sky.

Always the goal
Not ever probable.

Many think that perfection is a dream.
Instead, it's a nightmare.

A nightmare we wake up crying from.

Love is the beginning and the end.

Perfection is a nice image
But never believe that it will happen.

Every day we get closer to perfection
And yet, we will never be as close
As we are right now.

When I'm pretty:

Maybe I'll be happy
Maybe he'll love me
Maybe they'll see me
    instead of through me
Maybe they'll care
Maybe they won't forget me
Maybe I won't have to be so funny
    if only I could be pretty

But who am I kidding?
I'll never be pretty.

I'm useless
You don't need me.
I'm not even a part
of this family.

I don't stand out.
I'm nothing special.
I'm your roundabout.
My presence isn't colossal.

I don't belong.
I shouldn't be here.
You all get along
So well without me.

I guess I'll go.
You won't have to know
Who I am or where I'll be
To know the me I let you see.

Tick tock
Watch the hands race around the clock.
You mark the time
by the reflection on a dime.
red, black, red, red, black, red.
Connect them together
I win again.
Forget about my past
Immersed in rebirth

Sleeping.
    Sitting.
        Bored.

Talking.
    Listening.
        Tears.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

What should I see?

I look at the mirror,
She looks back at me.
Not the girl with fear in her eyes.
Not the girl controlled by insignificant slivers.

Instead the girl with the ginger hair.
The girl who plays above the stairs.
The girl with confidence.
The girl up there.

See the smile?

See the joy?

She's back.

As the noose of pain
begins to strangle her neck
the strings of her guitar
vibrate as they come to help

She's not sure what's happening.
It's all so **** confusing.
Her life flashed before her eyes
but this instrument helps her realize

She never understood
how to get herself out.
This music is good
it's the water in the drought

They'll never know
how much it means to her
to run plastic across steel
the rhythm of her earth

she can never explain
at least not fully
how it calms her soul
though they always wonder

to her it's that feeling
of eyes closing after long days
that beautiful feeling
of beings able to look past that gaze

it's like trying to say
the exact feeling of the way
you live and love and stay
alive and safe

don't you know
she can't tell you everything
it's not a to and fro
she's incapable of some things

this separation is difficult
don't you feel
how she just wants to scream and yell?
but instead, she, herself, steels

she shuts herself off
and begins to strum through
every note on the scale
just so she won't cry and wail

leave her be
please, just go
listen between the words you hear
look between the cracks you broke

Not everything is what it seems
but sometimes as you can see
everything that happens
is exactly what it seems to be

First, you feel the cool against your fingers.
     Let yourself calm down.
     Everything will be ok.

Next, comes reluctant defiance as you move closer and closer.

And then


Contact. The point meets flesh


Add a little pressure and adrenaline does the rest.


Your fingers twitch, you feel a scratch.


Now just watch, sit back. Relax.


You see the pure, white innocence


Soon, it's gone. Covered by red.


The white line turns crimson, and the shame fills your head.

But you don't care.


You continue to watch the mesmerizing show.


It's delicious and sick, watching it flow.


You feel the pain, you know it's there

     it's part of the experience
     there's no more hesitance.


Now the red runs down

It meets the clear water

And that beautiful droplet twirls and dances until there's nothing left to see.


And so you repeat.




And then





The defeat.

I promise to stay alive
If you promise not to forget me when I die.
And I'll be sure to follow my heart
If you keep these memories from falling apart
I know I'll turn to dust
It'll be my time soon enough
I know I don't deserve smooth sailing
But does it have to be so rough?
I don't want to be just a number
I want my face to be remembered
I want my name in the history books
I want people to know how my handwriting looks
I want a feast day
A parade
Something to celebrate
I want my name in lights
Banners hung high
Images preserving my life

You know?
All that would be nice
But something smaller will suffice.
If I could just get a promise from you
To never forget me, that'll do.

I feel butterflies when he walks into the room
Lightning smiles, ******* kiss, contagious confidence
His hard head and his restraint, I took for strength
And I found warmth where he touched
And it was nice to let someone else drive for once.

I feel butterflies as soon as he walks in
Verbal daggers, fierce defense, "well, so he's passionate"
My mistakes, he said he'd take with grace
But he took some warmth away
And it's worth the sacrifice to stay by his side
Because it's easier to let him drive.

I feel butterflies when he walks into the room
Phantom wings, glass to feet, maybe I don't know
My own fault, he said I'm being crazy
Maybe I'm ridiculous
But even though he gets rough
I only feel warmth where he touched
And I don't think I remember how to drive

I feel nothing when he walks into the room
Dusty squares, empty walls, open closet shelves barren
My absence, he never saw it coming
I spent decades afraid of losing all his weight
And I had nothing left
So I took the car for a drive

I know you're gone
And I know you'll try
But I'm not the type
People wait on

You believe in me
You know the secrets I keep
The faith I have in you
I wish I could see it in me

I can't blame it on missing you
Although I want to
But I'm still sad
How am I still sad?

I try to blame it on missing you
But then I have you for a day or two
And I'm still sad
Maybe I'm just sad

When you have the choice between a semi-colon and a period
Which would you choose?
If the period were made of the tears of friends,
Would you still reach for an end?
Because I would rather reach an exclamation point
than the question marks of those who didn't know me.
I would rather a second chance to break rules and fix mistakes
Than to end before I can complete my...

Where did you go?
Living your dream
You seem so happy
Did you forget about me?

I hope you did
I was holding you back
You were so worried
You just need to laugh

I want you gone
I want you happy
Though I could use a hug
Every now and again

You don't need me
I'm the dust on your feet
I'm baggage you never needed
Shake me off and leave

You're better than me
You don't need this
You deserve the best
Not this burning nest

So I'll see you around
In my dreams I'll love you
In my mind I'll keep you near
But you will forever be free of me

They set their expectation
She said "boy, are you mistaken"
"Just watch me" drive through the picket line

They said she couldn't do it
She'd say ain't nothing to it
"Just watch me" walking straight into the sky

We have been here before
On the hospital floor
I'll be sleeping right there next to you

You know that we're all scared
That you won't know we're there
Because you can't open your eyes like you do

Can you hear me?
Do you know I'm here?
Can you feel me?
When I whisper in your ear?
I'm here
I'm here

They say wait
Oh wait for me
She can't wait
She's got somewhere to be

Can you hear me?
Do you know I'm here?
Can you feel me?
When I whisper in your ear?
She's gone
She's gone

Cut into her skin to see what she’s made of

    Her bones shake with noise

    Her heart beats a rhythm

    Her blood flows to a melody that escapes

        with every slice of her vein

Though they say she’s beautiful

They don’t see the scars of battle

    There is no peacetime in this war.

She’s tired.

They say “keep fighting”

    but they don’t know

        that she gave up long ago

You see, there is a monster that can’t be killed.

It will win in the end

No matter how much she puts in.

This is no fight.

It is a bloodbath

    There is no coming back.

Capsules unload down her throat and her eyes close

She’s tired.

She swallows the poison with no hesitation

    and lays on her bed

        whiskey by her head.

She never knew the appeal of the drink

    but figured it would do the trick.

All she ever wanted in life was the sleep when she was sick.

They told her she was born with illness in her mind

    and too much compassion.

They said she should look out for herself

    so she looked into her heart

She saw the exhaustion and knew what to do.

She fell asleep and will never come to.

In the silence of this night
you’ll never know what I fight
bleed out these evils
rid yourself of the poisons
you keep on knocking
but no one’s there
desperation triggers adrenaline
nothing can stop me now
I just ignore the daggers
because I know it’s all a dream
I can’t even die
and what would it be like
to be able to practice
your final act of being alive?
dying in your sleep
but still able to wake up
still able to see the morning sun
those thoughts just load the gun
I shouldn’t think these things that pop up
I should try to filter my brain
but why?
when nothing can filter the pain
just watch me fade away
all this is just part of that fight
that I fight every night
silence is a beautiful thing

I am determined
It will not cross my mind.
I will not be controlled
By a sliver of metal.

I am beautiful.
I am incredible.
I am worth endless amounts of love.
I will smile.

I am human.
I am strong.
I am not made of wood.
I do belong.

I am here for a purpose.
I know where I'm headed.
I will be a success.
Today I'll begin living.

I invite you to join me.
Together we'll find joy.
It's been such a long while
Since I've seen you smile.

If only you knew my pain
knew my fear
knew the everlasting ache for literature.

Maybe then you'd understand.
Maybe then you'd get the hint.

Perhaps you'd be more empathetic.

How about we strike a deal?

I'll eat the banana,
and you slip on the peel.

Maybe for once you'll get it.
Maybe walking a mile in my converse
Will give you a better look at the inverse.

Would the stench of blisters keep you focused?

I doubt it.
But I'll keep going at it.

I don't need you
or your drama
or the stress.

But you sure as hell need me
and my care
and my help.

But I can't let go.
No matter how it tears me down.

You will go first
and I'll be here
give you a boost

to Heaven's Light.

Your smile lights up my whole life
When I look in your eyes, it's like
I'm flying through a dusty sea
When I catch your waves, you see me
It's as if you already know me
Our brains are alike
And so are we
I look in my soul
And I see
You and me
Will you understand, please?
I know, I know, I know
I'm so sorry.
And when you look at me
It's me who can't breathe
Now I'm the claustrophobia
And you're the door for me to leave
And you can see right through me
I really can't explain it
Our brains are alike
And so are we.

Strum

Strum

Time to tune up

Play a little harder til the coils spring up.

Play

     Sing

          Scream

Pound out the rhythm.

Make sure they all hear.

It's your last chance.

Your last cry for help.

Don't listen to them say:

     "you're sick. Go to hell."

Believe

     Walk

          Sing

Twist

     Pour

          Swallow

Black.


Rest.



Peace.

You make me twitch into motion
I let go for the first time
You give me dreams
Make my smile gleam
You run through my veins
And play in my heart
You tease my senses
And make me feel

Talk me from my tears
I'm lost in your melody
Your picture puts a spell in me
Magicaly tranquil in its glory
I try to match the outside in
My soul wants to sing
But it's hard to be heard
When you're so far away

Tonight ain't the first
But I know it's not the last
I know it must end
But our affair is my friend
These are my controls
Run by my impulse
Tricking me into love
But it fits like a glove

And, God, it feels good
To let go and then blend in
Pretned it didn't happen
No one saw and it never did

All this deceiving is getting far too easy
All my white lies are stacking up like spies
Who can I trust in this world of lust?
Who listen as if it's a given

So go talk to a wall, get hugs from a waterfall
Here it all goes down the drain and you will be ok
Just kick up the floor, it's doesn't matter anymore
You are the boss of it here, and I will lend you my ear

Just listen for my sign, we be alright
Together we can and will fight
We will win before the night
We all know what it's like to not need anyone
But I bet you need me now and I'll be there somehow

Just listen to the clock because time knows best
Find your clock and don't let it stop

Thank you for my life.
Thank you for lending me time.
Thank you for easing my mind.
Thank for your guiding light.
Thank you for love.
Thank you for your hugs.
Thank you for being
absolutely cute as bugs.
Thank you for music;
It’s gotten me through it.
Thank you for caring
instead of just staring.
Thank you for everything;
I wouldn’t be here but for you.
Thank you for existing.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for your charm.
Thank you for your wit.
Thank you for helping me
Get away from all of it.
Thank you for your humor;
Thanks for that.
I always love you more
when you make me laugh.
Thank you for chasing your dream.
Thank you for inspiring me.
Thank you for living free.
Thank you for embracing me.
Thank you for the warmth;
You’ve given me so much.
Thank you for the love;
I’ll never be able to pay you back.
Thank you for saving me;
I’m so glad I’m still here.
Thank you for braving my seas
of sadness and fear.
Thank you for the beauty
You bring to my world.
Thank you for helping me see
The beauty there is in me.
I couldn’t see it before,
But every now and then,
I begin to look for it,
And it brings a degree of happiness.
Thank for what you’ve done for me.
Thank you for how you’ve cared.
Thank you for proving me right,
and for proving me wrong.
I love you so so much
With all my heart.
Thank you so much
for helping me restart.

Walking up to the big beautiful house.
a mansion of sorts.
Open the door, revel in the amazing novelties in each room.
The bookshelf.
The big piano.
The grand staircase.
The host tells her to head up to her quarters.
Up the stairs she floats
her head in a daze from the extravagance surrounding her.
Into the room that could fit a barn,
she gazes around.
Her eyes glance over
the desk
the armoire
the windows with a view
the doors to the bathroom
finally,
the giant bed.
white sheets
white pillows
white blankets
pure, fine, snowy.
Her legs blur and she bounds into the bed.
As she snuggles in,
her heart drops.
She hates it here.
She wants to leave.
The door locks behind her.
She calls for the host.
Screams to be released.
Demands to leave the beast.
But the beast will never leave.
He begins to come alive.
She sees a kitchen knife.
Suddenly, she, herself, is the enemy.
The beast tells her what to do.
get the legs, the arms, ribs and face, too.
Her body drains, every second is another pint.
Her breath smells of blood
Her hair matted, but
She finally finds peace.
She remembers how she loves the beast.
But no.
She can't stay.
What of her friends?
She can't leave the devastation behind.
These lives are more than a tweak of the spine.
Her ****** knees shake
Her gashed elbows tremble
They need me! They need me! It's not this simple!
As I awake from this dream
I know what I need.
I feel my heart beat
as even my eyes bleed.

Shh! Quiet down
Shut your mouth.
Hear that sound?
It's drowning you out.

Listen close.
Silent as a ghost.

The whimpering
The barking
The biting
The fighting

Do you see them?
Inside your life's hole.
They're there
Fighting for your soul.

One dog,
Black as night
It seems as though he's winning the fight

The other,
Brighter than light.
Covered in wounds, he doesn't move.

I kneel next to the ****** hound,
But I leave kibble all around.

The black one eats
'til he's had his fill.

The white one lifts his head for a crumb of strength
I push his head back down and stroke him lovingly

But comfort means nothing when he's dying
The black dog's finished, he comes up beside me,
His head in my lap.
The white dog's crying.

The puddle of blood grows
I am being swallowed whole.

I see the flames beneath
So I jump to my feet.
I lean over to see.

The black dog's tail swings side to side
As he looks his master in the eye.
Is it possible for a dog to smile?

I begin to fear
I pull the white dog near.

The dark one growls
My heart rejoices

"I don't understand"
The white one wails.
His eyes close.
Stillness covers his tail.

My eyes overflow
My face breaks down
My hands grasp out
I'm falling down.

This agony is leaving
My chest no longer heaving

But the black dog grabs me
Pulls me from peace
Tosses me aside
I lean on the beast

I look to the white dog
Sadness fills my heart

But then,

His eyelids part.

But the black dog has quite the head start.

So many reminders

So many temptations

How could I do this?!

How dare I blow it all again?!

If it weren't for you

I'd be in shreds

Unfortunately

I still want to

It's 1 in the morning
And I can't sleep
Because I'm finally realizing
You never cared about me

You used me
Just like everyone else
I'm everyone's best friend
Only when convenient for them

You're bailing and flaking
Not seeing me crying and shaking
I don't know what I did
But I'm ******* tired of it.

I'm sick of never going anywhere
Because I'm stuck being
A footstool and doormat
Hardwood, and carpet.

I'm your couches and chairs.
You take what you want
Then leave me there
Call me crazy, but how is that fair?

Where have you gone?
You've left me so cold.
I have no one
with which to grow old.

How did it come about
The loneliness I feel?
Where do I turnabout
To make it dust from my heels?

I'm looking for a sign.
I'm looking for an answer.
I feel so confined.
I'm locked behind bars.

The prison has provisions.
The prison has no life.
The prison gives me vision.
The prison has more strife.

I have this feeling of dread.
It's overwhelming me.
It makes me want to be dead.
I'm tired of the things I see.

I'm sick of *******.
I'm sick of lies.
I'm tired of hiding
From every eye.

I want to laugh.
I need to cry.
It shouldn't be so hard
To show an emotional side.

When the flaming sky is raining down on your dreams
You still have to have something to believe
When the starry skies are covered by milky streaks of light
and you can't see their twinkling eyes
You still have to know that everything will be alright
Nothing you ever do will make me stop loving you
I could never deny how bright you make my life
I want to hear it said, every day, not just in my head
I want my self-hating skin to shed.
I don't want to keep carrying this lead.
Listen when I say I'm not going away
Because I love the way you look my way
I wish I could see it every day.

I've been in my head
Trying not to be misled
But you heard me
I was screaming and you heard me

Fading and you saw me
Awakened and shaking from a bad dream
But you had me
It's ok because you had me

That night at the tree
We watched the lights from underneath
And when you kissed me
Oh my god and when you kissed me

Holding me down
Slowing things down
Like a wizard stopping time
Do you want to stay at mine?

Holding me down
Slowing things down
My pirate ship hits dry land
I want to do it all again

Silence turns to quiet
Everything is calm when you're right here
Stay right here next to me
You're all I want to see

This isn't goodbye
This isn't "I love you"
This is not "I really miss you and I want you back"
This is a "*******" note.

I've been waiting here for 7 hours straight
All you can do is talk about the weather.
You crack jokes, you smile, and bring us in
But I know how you feel inside;
It's killing you to see me alive.
You'd spit in my face if given half a chance
And you wouldn't hesitate to give me that glance
I was there for everything.

I was there when your brother went to rehab
And when he moved back in
When you thought you could end it all
But you couldn't handle it.
I was there for your birthday
But you missed mine.
I have to remind you every time.

How could you forget that we had a life; a future?
We were supposed to be partners in crime until the day we died.
How could you forget unless it was something I did.
Please tell me what I did.
And why you hug me different.

When life throws you too much to handle
Give it to me and we'll share the mantle
Listen to the world around you
and know that I will not drop you
I love the smell of your hair and the light in your eyes
Together, maybe we can rise
Out of the lot we were given
Make the most of our situation
Give me half of your smile and I could turn the night to day
If I had an ounce of your strength, I could relieve Atlas.
And if you read my head for one second,
You'd hear your name a thousand times
You'd see your face from my eyes, and know that I see past your facade
You'd hear every word you ever said to me and know just how loud you are
You feel the safety of your arms
and you would never let me go.

You're talking
You're talking

What if I can't say?

I'm listening
I'm listening

What if I don't hear?

I'm moving
I'm moving

What if I want to stop?

"How was your day?" He asks.

"Up and down," I say. "How about yours?"

He goes on to write me a paragraph about how he hit traffic on the way to work and then work was fine but he had to do some extra cleaning to make up for his coworker showing up late and then he went home and did his volunteer work and his roommate's cat did something cute.

Then he stops.

I respond to each part of his recap. I'm glad he told me and I'm happy to listen.

But I don't say "Aren't you going to ask me to elaborate?"
I don't say "I set you up to ask me again."
I don't say "Don't you care about why my day was 'up and down'?"

I don't say this because then he would ask me again.
But I don't want him to ask me again because I asked him to ask me.
I just want him to ask me.
I know he already asked me.
I don't know why, but I need him to ask me twice.

Blame it on the way I was raised.
Blame it on him not knowing how to have a conversation.
I didn't even know this was bugging me until I was writing this down.

We never have conversations.
We both just make comments and then return to silence.
He doesn't know how to ask questions
And I won't allow myself to say anything unless directly requested.

So I leave my hints and he doesn't take them.
I make my jokes, and he just chuckles like he's trying make a bad comedian feel better.

He asks me how my day was and I say it was up and down and he doesn't ask me what happened.
I know he meant that in the first question.

I don't know why I need to be asked twice.