Before you my future was a blurry extension of me that I failed to complete.
I imagined myself getting married to someone, having a daughter, taking her to ballet and giving her advice for college cause she would be a doctor like me.
I imagined myself wrapping presents for Christmas, going to my parents house for the Holidays and celebrating mothers day.
And she would have my smile and be boyband crazy like me and she would grow up with The Beatles and I saw myself teaching her to ride a bike.
But after you (and for the first time ever) my dreams changed and now I can´t see myself getting married if it isn´t with you. I don´t think about the wedding anymore, instead I think about the crazy mornings running around the house, trying to get our kids ready and making coffee for both of us, because I know you are lazy in the mornings and I have a tendency to let time slip by when I´m watching you sleep.
That daughter I dreamt about now has a little brother, because I want somebody to look exactly like you, and play football like you.
I still see myself wrapping Christmas presents but now I see you next to me trying to fit into a Santa costume.
And we would have Christmas at my place but New Year´s at yours.
And maybe she doesn´t like medicine but architecture and I will not only buy her Operation but also tons of Legos.
I can still teach them to ride a bike, but it will be your job to teach them sports. I´ll take care of Biology and English, but Math will be all yours.
The beatles are still the music they´d hear growing up but I promise they will watch every NFL season wearing tiny red jerseys on the sofa next to you.
For the first time my imagination of my future doesn´t stop five years from now, it not only covers my career.
Meeting you gave me a perspective and showed me all those invisible parts I didn´t know I wanted.

I think the thing I miss most about you is your laugh,
The way your eyes would shut
And your nose would scrunch up
And your head would fall back,
Loud cackles turning into silence as you gasped for air.
Your cheeks would turn tomato red,
And I know you hated it, but,
Baby, to me it was magic.
Your laughter was a tune that I never wanted to leave my head.

I know you're gone,
I know that,
But I still think about your laugh,
Hear it, even.
I want it to stop.
I want the laughter to go away.

Because, baby, I know you're not laughing anymore.

So I got scared of life,
of the future,
of everything coming so fast, so hard,
of the fog that doesn´t let me see past next week.
And when the tears exploded all I could think was how much I needed you.
I drove to your house,
against that superstition that nothing good happens after 2am.
And you opened the door, and your arms,
and I opened my heart.
The only peace I´m feeling these days comes from you.
My strong and steady.
And you say I don´t know how strong I am,
but I say you don´t know how strong you make me.

There are days when I think
"if I die today my last memory of you would be lovely",
but then you come and spoil it all.
so right now my last image of you is you dancing....
          

                                              With someone else.