it was enough for you to kiss me once and my stomach did that thing where it plummets to the ground and bursts through the floorboards and all the air leaves my lungs which is rather ironic considering I never felt as alive as I do when you're next to me

i cried myself to sleep again last night
those old demons resurfaced
and i knew they would follow me into my dreams
i dreamed that i was scared
i was broken
i was alone
the ghosts of my past were all around me and the tears just wouldn't stop
and they said it would happen again
because why wouldn't it?
i was too weak
i wasn't worthy enough to prevent it
they closed in on me and i couldn't breathe
and then
then everything slowed
and i saw your eyes
they smiled at me as you soothed my soul and wiped away my tears
you wrapped me in your arms and said it would be alright
that you would protect me
you promised
and for the first time in a long time
i believed
i woke up alone in my bed
but i felt your presence
like your arms were still around me
my pillow was dry
**the tears stopped

with each of them I had endless conversations
that dragged into the night;
there was always common ground
and so many feelings were put to words
in those nights

and with you.
with you I have silence
I have the gentle touch of a hand
as we drink coffee and watch the sunset
from your house on the hilltop

with you I have smiles and lazy afternoons
when we lie next to each other
as I melt to the beat of your heart

with you I have the silent "I love you"
that doesn't need to be said to know it's there,
right there behind every touch

with you I have silence
*and it is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard

the air is suffocating
and all that I want
i cannot have because
the fear is too tall

as my heart sways
on a thin thread
don't let me have
one more fall

there are no more
moonlit nights
all that is left is
ashes on the wall

just stay beside me
speak no more because
with my final breath
**i give you my all

We sit in deafening silence
And look on painfully
Is there anything left in this dust,
or is all already forgotten?

All of the pale faces in the room
but yours is the palest
And no one dares to look your way
with denial, they try to escape the madness

I know how they feel
After all, you were a part of us
And I know that we're in for sleepless nights
That they will blame you for abandoning us

But there is something they don't know
That's why I don't worry
You have evaded this tragedy
So for sorrow I do not long

Now I hope that you're happier
That you have found your peace
Because if faith was more cruel
You would still be here.