i'll be almost an adult
yet i don't feel mature
as the pain goes down my throat
and collects itself into a ball
of tears.

stuck.

i feel stuck.
i feel sorry.
(i wish i could say i feel nothing.)

i feel like i'm going backwards, asking myself
if i should be or not be at all.

i don't know what i'll say
on my birthday

when they ask me what i wished for
on the candle of the cupcakes

that aren't even the ones i asked for.

this house we built out of love
has fallen under the weight
of needing each other
with the miles and oceans
that separate us.
our bones are breaking
and we are drowning
in the dirt
in the rubble of our memories,
the smoke chokes us
and we cannot breathe.

the weight in my chest
tell me that i simply want to be
where you are.

God,
I know you see me,
I'm in love
with the monster I hate.

I know you see me,
as I beg and beg,
for you to give
my heart a break.

im sick.
literally.
i have the flu.
i walk downstairs,
to find someone
to help me
figure out what to do.

i see my mom,
expecting a warm embrace,
she looks at me and says,
"wow you really need to lose some weight."

i'm sitting here hurting,
everything is in pain,
and all you can think of,
is how much i weigh?

i go to the scale,
close my eyes,
a million decisions
run through my mind.

i open them,
and i look at the scale
right in its
numerical face.
and i'll say
"*******,"
i know what to do,
this weight is here to stay.

We are all the same.
A human,
with a body, a soul, a brain.
So excuse my manners,
because this isn't very well mannered,
sit down and shut up,
because my pain
is as valid as your pain.

You are my ocean,
Full of life and patience,
From all the fishes in the sea,
You are the one that feeds me.

You are my mountain,
Sturdier than any craven,
From above you watched over me,
Keeping me safe from my killing spree.

You are my sky,
Your vast kindness covers the azure high,
Soaring through the air with your white wings,
Healing and nurturing every of my being.

You are my inferno,
Your voice gives me courage for the morrow,
Burning passion fills your eyes,
Chasing after your dreams for miles.

You are my friend,
Always by my side till the end,
I won't like to see you alone,
So lets bump fists our friendship do regrow.