Instrumental Instrumental, Please entertain my mental. The sounds I hear and feelings I portray, all affected by the mood I’m experiencing today.

Give me the ******, & help me imagine. Conjured by despair while suffering sadness, or rather aroused with the sensation of happiness.
So, Instrumental Instrumental, Will you be my nudge? Your budge I so yearn for, to move forward & into this unknown “love.”

You guide me into bliss & conquer my despair. Lead me to become one with light so I’ll be liberated from this wear & tear. Please be truthful, are my wishes so unfair? Isn’t above what we hope for, after the lifelong battle to escape from the Devil’s stare?

Contemplate my offer, & continue to be my chime. Let me reiterate that I don’t want you to feel pressured by my limited time. Nonetheless, expect that my flowing thoughts will continue until I die. Until dark day becomes reality, you’ll continue to be my sublime.

With the above in mind, I have a second question. If answered yes, you’ll enter past my dark circled eyes & into my brain section. If no, the access into my brain I’ll forevermore deny. & maybe worse, you’ll leave me vulnerable along my self-collaborated life stride.

So, Instrumental Instrumental, the third question is, will you judge? It takes a peculiar set of skills to recognize the pain I feel, & love. You must dig into all trials & tribulations & keep my innocence in mind. After all, don’t you remember the requests I mentioned in the earlier lines?

Let me know if my requirements weigh too much, & if so, I’ll let go & travel towards the sound of God’s trust. After all, who am I to deny this most natural ride? I question will it be enough, & your answer determines what I’ll find.

I ask because you provide relief for me, whether my soul be temporarily pierced or pure. Our friendship is enough to suffice, & at times I’m passionately reassured.

Instrumental Instrumental, I hope we come to agree. Come to terms with my requests, & shortly the real me you’ll see. I’ll guide you to my strengths if you’re compassionate for my weaknesses, but my final question stems from my worry on whether you’ll become a grievance.

For if we transition from friendship & into love, I dream you’ll help guide my circumventing mind away from suffering and towards lack thereof. As my age evolves continually, my days are anything but infinity. I hope you’ll be present while understanding that death is my destiny.

Instrumental Instrumental, hopefully I haven’t bothered your mental. Together my peculiar questions form a long list of stanzas, systematically aligned to help guide you to your answer.

Please understand I know the deal’s unfair, especially when we compare the benefits as individuals of this pair. The payoff for you runs short, for when I leave you’ll have to be a good sport. I believe your purpose is to help those uncover the secret of surviving life’s court.

Days like today bring me to reminisce,
of the life we shared, now an abyss.

Recent life has been testing,
this lonely Mother’s Day solidifies your resting.
Today it feels more like you were never here,
what type of life is it that I’m now investing?

Posed with the question of happiness.
what is this meaning without you?
living today admonishes the truth,
only former memories allow me your bliss.

Mixed feelings of love and hatred,
circumvent in this current conquest.
As I contemplate reaching out I'm reminded,
that your remains are all that is left.

Be at peace with the truth,
is the message you conveyed well.
I question God about this new reality,
a life filled with constant duality.

Your loss is permanent,
& recognizing this is pertinent.
This daily battle without you,
I cope because your gift of a DNA armament.

“Time brings perspective”,
were the words that escaped from your soul.
You are still my everything,
and today I escape into your memory.

The itch that demands,
the strong impulse which shall never end.
This battle is a constant one,
this I formulate from within.

You tore up my family,
you tore up my heart.
You destroyed the one I love most,
& you've made her want to depart.

Depart from vibrancy,
the will to live soberly.
You destructed her far past a breaking point,
& now she's a reflection of brutality.

Separated from the one who raised me;
I perceived you as so strong.
You made numerous examples of heroism,
before you let yourself fall apart.

Now your but a frail,
a withered example.
Of the one you used to be,
your present image I'm unable to handle.

Handle the transformation,
that time has made apparent.
Now I'm forced to raise you,
because your brain has deteriorated.

The pain drains my energy,
the devil steals from my soul.
I know this demand all to well,
I've had this feeling since a boy.

Now here I stand,
& I'll attempt to stay strong.
For what you've done to my family,
I'll remember until my days fail to start.

Tears come and go,
but the pain remains constant.
The child-view of life left us long ago;
after this read, its apparent.

Now here we stand,
torn apart from what we had.
You reach out to me and I grit my teeth,
attempting to forget that I'm sad.

I hope I'll able to forgive,
your selfish quest for departure.
Right now its so hard to apprehend,
& the effects feel like deep acupuncture.

The one you married can't see past,
past your current image of decadence.
The combined hatred creates your impulse to disaster,
& your destructive cycle is boundless.

You meant everything to me,
and this has not changed.
However my view of you is in shame,
and alcohol is to blame.

What you've done I can't apprehend,
and I hate myself for the same impulse.
I wonder if one day I'll give up,
because my efforts never penetrated your mental.

Days turn to months, months into years.
Your time is limited here,
from the effects of all the shears.

Your shears are permanent,
Your liver is due to fail.
However every-time you hear this,
you never seem to care.

Back to the cycle,
of your every day misery.
The alcohol has driven everyone away,
And yes mom, this is scrutiny.

A series of thoughts transcend into a tough day;
Me without you, due to the day your life drifted away.
Flushed down anxiety pills to forbade myself  from suicidal decay,
Because eternity without you is something I can't stand to say.

My raw heart collapses each day, while pretending I'm okay.
And I’m entrapped, demanding to penetrate through foreplay.
My shocked sense of love remains as your body withers & grays.
When I come to visit, I sit six feet over where you lay.

What family now? What remains I’m unused to.
This new normal is not what I planned to seek reassurance through.
You were the one and only, and you were taken like theft.
Everyday I'm taken adrift thinking of what you there is left.

A battle for faith while walking through this living hell.
For while I endure this pain, I imagine you released from life's spell.
Selfishly I want you back, although you’re finally in peace.
You endured everyday painfully and you've earned your release.

If there is One, tell the apparition to help.
For none that I know can comprehend what depth of pain I've felt.
Felt or feel, the ambiguity blends,
As the difference in meanings escapes from life's natural mends.

As I sit here and reflect,
Reflect back on the changes.
The changes life brought from my stubbornness,
which left me crumbled and attainted.

From waking up in the morning,
& crawling to the washroom.
Only to set myself up for a day,
a day I wished I could step through.

The agony of humanness,
relentlessly pierced my brain.
The pain set a foundation of misery,
which snuck out & made me plain.

The rust around my bones,
framed my lack of lust.
The lust to live vibrantly;
could it be cured? I'd grow to trust.

A time of immobility, I wished I could relay.
Relay the message to the One,
Only to curse His plan, yet obey.

Obey the principles of gratefulness,
is what I was told.
Told to let go of what I can't control;
Yet these words seemed entirely dull.

The unwillingness to carry on,
from an internal cascade.
Unable to unleash my anger & frustration,
& failing to convey.

Convey my state of mind,
to the people I love most.
Before they thought I'd overcome anything,
but this me was a ghost.

A ghost of who I am,
departed from uniqueness within me.
Bearing my helpless mood out on caring hearts,
even those dearest to the.

The, as in I,
or the other way around.
Separation from oneself was desired;
but I realized the gates of self shall forever surround.

What was brought forth was an opportunity,
& a revitalization would occur.
Problems did arise from my setback,
But in this moment, I pulled out each burr.

Happiness from the thought of what will be,
while having to endure what was.
In this moment my eyes opened wide,
like the strength of a strong wind gust.

Patience is a virtue,
at least this is what I'm told.
To hold onto anger is useless,
& the point is to unfold.

Unfold the despair,
& find faith in the cycle.
The events of life are ever-changing,
& like earth's marks, are insightful.

Movement is progression;
it can be painful, yet pure.
Erosion happens with time,
& we were placed here to endure.

Endure life with patience,
where faith will persevere.
Life is not a movie,
where problems can't be severe.

We must accept change as part,
part of our little world.
What surrounds us is vital;
alike the three letter word.

A word stemming from trust,
the word stemming from faith.
The three letter word is His,
and this, we must not mistake.

"Under the tree sat Buddha, meditating with his fear.
He grew to understand how to face Mara, less his habitual red ears.

The red ears of resentment,
The red ears from fright,
The red ears that pushed him from tranquility to fight or flight.

A similar story comes to mind,
One I know all too well.

The story of mine is a tale to tell,
As long as judgements forever set sail.

Leaving the moment for the past, I see a hateful boy.
Distant from the world around me, so confused & annoyed.

Transformed from my façade of impersonation, to the feeling of being lost.
Stemming from the monotonous & everlasting worriment in thought.

From mediation I understand, what red ears did to me.
The red ears transformed my thought process,
Into someone I'd grow to see.

From growth came lessons, and new habits from within.
To sit with perceived problems patiently takes courage & a half Buddha grin.

A smile to acknowledge,
An acknowledgment of growth.
For the one I was to who I've become had to happen, as if renewal were a must.

The change was essential, & shall stand the test of time,
from the old wondering & circumventing rollercoaster thought ride.

The form of wonder we know all too well, that steals us from here & now.
I wish we could all learn how to live presently & apart from the modern crowd.

Tranquility was foreign to me, however the possession of is a must.
A must that changes a boy to man, which should happen before skin to dust.

While undergoing transformation, a man will come to see,
That who he wanted to be is he, while listening under the tree.

As I sit back to reflect, I can now understand.
I understand how the test of time transformed me from boy to man."