I am One with the notion of You

Hello you.
I know you.
Long time now.
Many lifetimes.

so my art teacher said,
" draw abstract.
dont think about the perfect line. "
when i do this in writing
things sometimes come undone
and the reader does not understand...
except for maybe 1.
1 is enough.

Sometimes I want to write
But am not sure what
I want to express
Nothing to impress upon you
Except the need to rid myself
Of excess mind stuff
It’s therapy
It’s release
It’s an exorcism
An affair of the mind
One to another
Always wanted a brother
Had a sister instead
Is as it is
Strokes my hair,
My mother, as she tells me
Put your backpack on and go
Just go
Get away from yourself
So I did.
But you know,
One returns to oneself
You can’t run forever
Sometimes you just have to
Sit with yourself
And have that conversation
You’ve been avoiding
Sometimes it’s time
To reabsorb your many you’s
And acknowledge your shadow
As being part of you.

What was that?
Did you just say
That you can’t remember?
How about that.
Convenience runs
In the blood of your veins.
You are accountable
For the rot of your reign.
You will be judged
All fingers pointing at you.

Kicks up a storm
pages torn, underarm
Running madly through
The undergrowth
Horns out Wings fired
Fires burn as fires must
Fires burn as fires must

Leaves dancing madly
Mayhem, memoriez
dust and bits of rust
Skies of feathers
silver tipped flapping wings
Bring on the light of day
Let it stay
Let it stay

For awhile let it stay
Darkness heed me
Sunshine lead me
Does anybody need me?
Which way is home?

I will not be cast alongside
the shallows of your grave
with the loss of you
embedded in my heart
you will depart and take
your memories with you
and I will remain,
sane, scarred..  but alive.

your skin and mine
come close
but we are not close anymore
and yet we are!
I cannot explain it
but we are inextricably bound.

am i supposed to
write happy songs
when i am not so happy?
watch this space.
there is
an evolution
a revolution
happening inside of me.
and i am you.
here with you.
doing this thing with you,

Inconceivably impossible
But yet here it is.
Here I am.
An anomaly trying
To mainstream
It's way through life
While some sense in me
Finds no such sense in you
Sometimes I am that tadpole
Weaving it's way
through the current
Sometimes that kingfisher
In amongst termites
Did you know that
Theres a warrent out
For your arrest
They say that you're
The very best
At what you do
And yeh you do be good
At getting me to love you
**** you I do.
I do love you.

"one last dance!"
she cried
"one last chance,"
he sighed.
And so begins the story
of betrayal
and thus began the search
for Holy Grail
for thou dost and
thou dost Not
be impervious to
the Magic of Mankind
and most especially
to the Hand and Heart
of Woman.

i love you.
I love all of you.
Thank you
for having
me.
When again
there is an Ark
i will have all of you
with me.

Broken
By you
Words unspoken
By me
So much
To say
I won’t
Be the one
To say it
Coz it’s already said.

where do we start
and where do we end
its a ******
being with you
its tender
just knowing you
you break my heart every day
and yet i love you
i love you still
i love you
love you love you
am i stupid?
i am something
that you havent
yet guessed at.
whats the bet?
you aint gonna get it.
Yet here we are.
You, wearing shoes
in the presence of
my bare feet.

I feel myself fragmenting
into pieces that are falling
into spaces that are calling
me to knees unused to crawling

I saw a man fumbling
stumbling to his knees
I watched his prayer loose it’s wings from his lips as he begged of his God for release, for peace,
for a piece of bread
or a comfortable bed

Pretty white flowers
in the sun
The day’s just begun
Golden light falls across
Your face
It’s so lovely
The need to embrace you
Is strong
I do sense a sense of
Belonging

Numb, numb to dumb.
Alls been said and done
And here we are
Standing in the rain
Sweet tears, wet pain
Fear not loved one
We'll ride this ocean
Of emotion and
Come out smiling
Fingers on the dials
Of happiness  
And warm under
The blankets of love

I stretch out my arms,
disengage myself
from a tangle of dreams
and find you, impossible you
watching me from your pillow..
What are you thinking?
Is that you or are those stars
blinking down at me?

Washes her hair in a river of tears
She takes a long walk in the rain
The winds are restless
for this time of year
Shifting, shifting, things around

Sidestepping the end of a chapter
Heaven lies on another page
I’m turning away
I turn to the mountain
I will climb to the very top

As I look down on sparse terrain
I remember, how I came to be here
It was pain, no not the train
That brought me here

I want to paint me
A new picture
I want to paint it blue
I want to paint me
A new picture
I want to paint it blue

Any color but you

Paint it blue
Paint me too
Paint me Blue.

Listen.
I need to talk.
Had been hoping you would
Walk beside me, hold my hand,
Watch my back as I do yours.
This self destructive cycle
Has me spinning in circles
Madness on a rats wheel
Roller coaster riding
As sanity flits like a flutterby
Just outside my reach
No wonder I don’t remember
Why would I want to?
I am beside myself and
Apart from you
Pleading on deaf ears
For a moments peace
Pressure release before I
Implode. Boom.
Just like that.
Boom boom.

The tides of life keep
coming around and I sit
on the shoreline
with my toes in the water,
eyes shaded from the sun
as I contemplate
something, everything
and nothing,
telling myself to breathe,
Woman, breathe..

Be that good red wine
that Gods dine upon,
be mellow and mature
Beguiling and demure
Acceptably unsure and yet
so able to endure
what is, for what it is.

Be you. The best You.
And remember
to make it it real.
Observe.
No more time
to make believe.
Reflect. Breathe.
Act.
Consciously.

These  tides will do
what tides must,
wash away the old,
bring in the new,
chipping away
until we break through.

Love yourself.
The best piece of advice
Anyone ever gave me
The best piece of cake
I ever ate.

Music.

Soul circles, smoke-like
- cat in trance -
simply can’t resist the dance
disappears on padded feet
simply can’t resist the beat

its difficult to hear you
through the din
i kinda hear you
wanting to be near you
but the air is too thin
and the noise is too loud
and i too be impossibly proud
Unattentive
to your warning signs
And impervious to my own
another glass of wine
and i'll be just fine.

Four black paws
and a few white whiskers
crept
into my space,
a new face.
Lost my heart to midnight fur
and a tentative purr..
Sigh. Love is what it is.

Having explored
the vastness of earth
and built our towers,
we now discover
terrains of the mind..

From without
we move
within..

My fear
is another platform
for sin.

Pray here,
may this path be paved
with good intention
that we may
travel safely
Into the Mind,
positive and knowing
and consciously growing.

We have done this before.

The wise ones say that
"the only constant
in the universe
is Change"

So come, then.
Let us embrace change.
Again.

today i'll clean the floors
tomorrow i'll do the doors
and then i'll sit
and think for a bit
about anything other than chores

Races madly , arms flayed
A fool running in circles
Rats turn the cogs of his mind
In slow motion
As he bashes his head against
That same old wall.

I am a fool for you
and my heart
has no inclination
to follow the rules,
it just bulldozes forward
toward you
leaves me spinning
in its trail and
spitting up dust.
Like a moth to flame
your magnetic being
pulls me closer
than I trust myself to be.

love songs come
in all shades of rainbow
i watch the night skies
light up
with the colors of you
and it's so **** beautiful.

Embrace yourself
in your own cocoon
if you must,
Vent yourself
And howl
at the moon's cusp
Cry me tears
That wash you clean
Make peace
with things
You may have seen
Sit for awhile,
come have some tea
Share your thoughts
And dreams with me
I will listen
Will give you my time
And when you leave
You'll be just fine

They had taken the bait
and now they waited.  
The jury was out on lunch
and she chewed her fingernails
to pass time.
He shifted,
loosened his tie and tried
not to look her in the eye.
One ravenous moment
had devoured a life of maybe's
forced to face some mirror
stand trial, be made to wither
Oh! to have known sweet desire
is to have overthrown
any verdict of denial.

Her lonely self
Has some secrets
On the shelf
She dusts away
The cobwebs
And mutters underbreath
Something about
Life and death
I strain my ears
To listen
She cries some tears
That glisten
In the morning sun
It's an old song
Repeatedly sung
It's hers yours mine
The passage of time
Will erase the words
But the tune
stays the same
It's an old game
The players change
But the rules they
Will remain.

I spy with my little eye
Some something..
It flickered by me
Like a butterfly on acid
All fluttery and buttery
Slip sliding away
Not sure what I saw
But it left me with
The feeling that
Everything is transitory
Ravens wings couldn't
Be more beautiful
Than what it was that
Just flew by
Drew my attention
And then it was gone
Quick as jam and scone
To a hungry man
Next time I will have
My net on the table
And I will catch it
Before it's able to
Fly away
Scrutinize it's wings
And see if it sings
Won't cage it I promise
But I will catch it
And let it go again
For the sake of curiosity.

when skin bleeds
the soul breathes
finds air in sweet desp(air)
circles, smoke-like
disappears
irrevocably in arrears

Sheathed in a layer
of supersonic air
the wind parts for her
as she rides the airwaves
like a dancer in the sky
Stars blinking in and out
as she passes
illumined by the essence
of her presence
as she smiles upon the darkness
and revels in the black canvas
of a picture waiting
to be painted
by the brush of sunshine

it gnaws at me,
an alien in my belly tugging
at my insides turning me inside out..    
this palpable feeling of gravity
of my place on and in the earth,
sidestepping the grave
like a ballerina blindfolded
and dancing in the dark

Dare me
to be different.
Dare yourself to be other
than who you usually are.
Stop!    Why the eyebrow?
You know just as well as I what I mean.

Dark is the blue that surrounds you
My breath catches in my throat
Monster is the wave that moves me
as it weaves and winds the pattern
of your soul around my heart
Churning and burning
I am enthralled
by the magic of what you are
and when the tide turns,
I will show you how to move mountains.

it was a bird
that broke the back of night
a mating call unto the light
shadows black and bruises blue
it ushered in another hue

When I think of you
My heart beats faster
I have made love to you
With my eyes
Can barely disguise
This way that I feel
It's so **** real
That it feels
like a daydream.

His incandescence
touched her
The very essence of him
Was hot and cold
And confusing
Quintessentially
Absolutely unnecessary
Yet seeming oh so very
Necessary

They played the odds
against their Gods
and watched the cards fall
Babylon was tall
but God was taller
than them all.

Stay over there
and
love me from a distance
this way,
lovers can do
what they wish to do
because distance
determines it all
doesn't it?

are you my lover or not?
in my head yes
in my body not

what is real?

if my fingers do not
actually touch your skin,
is all forgiven?

I wait for you
As I walk with you
Some great divide holds you
To the other side
And I watch, holding my breath
While holding your hand.

you know?
i am done.
take my gloves
from me
don't shove me
like that
i am untouchable
you may not
enter this space.

truth be said,
you read me wrong..
that letter was never written!
rather, you wrote your own
instead of picking up the phone
and had it posted,
from me to you
and you read me as you chose.

As Eyes close to this reality
They open up to Dream
Where nothing makes sense
In retrospect and nothings
As it seems

Yet it lingers into real-time
That moment in the morning
When I’m dreaming yet awake
and I find myself wondering
Which reality is real.

She whispered
Where are you?
His silence was so loud
That it deafened her ears
And stilled the leaves
That rustled underfoot
The cold was within
And the cold was without
Skin stretched tight
Across aching bones
While silent tears froze
On her sweetly
Sleeping cheeks