I traced my finger
On the outline of his face.
Every pixel carrying the love
That we have for each other.

Smiles were real with him-
Worth capturing through lenses.
My eyes distracted by his beauty.
I was not looking at the camera-
Why should I?
Perfection was right beside me.

Every line of coloured
Running through the picture,
Encapsulating the fantasies that was wrapped around us.
No sign of reality
Since we were simply
Infatuated with each other.

The light displayed
Across the photograph
Showed sparks that lip up
When we were close together.
The fire that ignited
When I was with him.

Every curve and line
Represented the edges of fantasy
That we were standing on.
But with every kiss
My dreams came true
And every unimaginable wish
Turned to reality,
Giving us a step ahead
To stop us from falling.

Yet all good thing come to and end.
Remembering that this time next year,
We'd both be gone and left as a memory.
And this picture,
Along with others,
Would be the only proof we once were.

Tears threaten to escape
As I gripped the picture tighter.
What scared me the most
Was that we both
Have the ability to move on.
And the only thing stopping us
Was the recollection of love we once shared.

Tears spilled down the side of my face.
I didn't want to move on-
I'll be forced to.
I wasn't allowed to have a choice,
Wasn't allowed to hold on,
Wasn't allowed to want more.

Of this. Us.
We were what we were always going to end up being:
A dream. Magical.
Yet never lasting in the end.
Since we were too perfect.
It was too perfect.
He was too perfect.

Everything I ever wanted
Thrown away almost as I had finally
Grasped it.
Calling it mine.

I never wanted to let go of the best thing
That ever happened to me.
It wasn't fair.

The image of us
Was always going to be
A reminder that perfection exists.
And so does pure love.

I gently placed the picture back,
Along with the other snapshots
I had taken of him.
Happiness written across his face.
He was like my happy place.
In fact, he was much more.
And always will be.

Keeping this photograph meant something.
It meant I was never  ever letting him go

I'd be lying if I said her grave was my only memory of her.

But, it was the one I remembered the most.
How could I forget?
She was family.
She always will be.

She had taken part of my heart with her.
Kept in her hands
and they burned together.
It was part of my soul I saw lifeless,
Part of my heart.

Now, I live alone with ashes in its' place.
She was taken away from me and I
Was torn.

Exaggeration?
I think not.
I have the ripped edges upon my skin to prove it.

I cannot cry-
I refuse to, they would say.
But really, I had no guts to do it.
I couldn't cry because it made the truth
All the more real.

To not be able to touch,
Speak,
Hear,
Feel her presence
Was a nightmare come true.

Was everything going to be alright?
Not if she wasn't there to kiss me goodnight.
Not is she wasn't there to ask about my well being.
Not if she wasn't there to witness all my achievements
And not if she wasn't there to catch me when I fall.
No, not at all.

Food made me starve
Water made me thirsty,
I needed her to live;
She gave me love and serenity.

Fate, you were cruel
To rip her away from my life,
I did good yet I deserved death of a loved one?
I beg for you to bring her back-
She means the world to me-
I need her.

Is it not enough to pray?
Is it not enough to love everything I get?
Is it not enough to take care of the family I have left?
Is it not enough to beg?
Is it not enough for everyone to come before myself?
Is it not enough to love her with all my heart even after she's gone?

After the amazing life she gave me
I still only remember her gravestone-
She deserved to live longer.
Why did she die when there were people who needed death more?
Why were you, death, cruel to her?
She was perfect for you but mostly me.
I guess you wanted her more.
Selfish you were.
How could you?

I can't take anymore of this.

I beg you, please
Please bring her back.
I love her.
I need her.
She can't be gone.
I'm nothing without her.

Please.

The fairytale was my life.
But the story itself wasn't mine.

Placed in a town
In a time of kings and queens,
Princes and princesses,
I was a commoner.

The palace was my dream
but not for the money,
obviously for the love.

I saw him everyday,
Stealing food with his adorable monkey sidekick,
Swift and sly,
He was calm and kind.

We greeted from time to time
With the simple eye lock
And a sweet smile.
My heart danced for hours on end
Yet he'd have forgotten me by then.

It didn't matter-
He knew I existed,
That was what was most important to me.

I watched him graciously live
The scary life.
Risks of being caught
But he laughed it all off.

I begged for another word
As I followed him in my only clothes,
Stalking after him but only to get a glimpse
Of the poor prince he meant to me.

I dreamt about him every night
Even if our eyes only spoke-
Even if his eyes only said one word-
Even if that one word was
“Hello.”

But after days of analysing him,
Figuring him out through everything but words,
I was caught off guard-
Our eyes didn't catch each other anymore.

He forgot I existed.
He didn't acknowledge me.
He didn't smile at the least.

But the closer I got and I could see-
His eyes were blind.
There was someone else.

I saw him wishing for the world,
Wishing for her,
Thinking about her.
Wanting to be with her.
Needing her.

To say I was broken was an understatement.

He changed.
He followed into the palace,
He stayed there for long,
I barely saw him.

He changed from me into them.
He became a prince.
She accepted him-
It was still romantic.

He rode his flying carpet into the night
The same night I saw the stars as his eyes.
He looked at her with his heart,
The same way I hoped he looked into me.
He gave her more than the magic lamp ever could,
The same way I wished on the moon he could give me.
His love was in his heart.
My love was in my soul.

He  dressed up for rags
Getting ready to accept riches,
Wishing on a genie,
For her and her heart.
Feelings broken I realised he had fallen in love.
He was Aladdin
He was never mine.

It was clear as the sky;
I wasn't  his Jasmine.

When you feel the world is hating on you.
Smiles are rare now.
I only walk into hate.

Maybe it's the sun?
But the people I love,
Are turning into my enemies.

These ears hurt,
After all the voices.
Voices that I can't stand.
Voices that mimic me.

I'm not sure anymore,
Of anything at all.
A silence settles between my friends,
I'm so afraid.

My vision so blurry,
I only look into the void now.
Has life taken me by it's hands,
And shook me sightless?

I'm distant,
But with a fake smile.
My voice hoarse,
From all the comforting.

Leaving  has made me realize,
I don't belong,
If no one wants me.

There are a few,
That light a fire in me.
But the numbers have shrunk,
By an infinite amount.

It never is depression,
But I wish to slip away.
To see if it is worth it,
I there is a silver lining.

I never want tomorrow to come,
If today was bad enough.
I feel as if there is nothing to look forward to.
Nothing at all.

I don't know anyone anymore,
As if they've grown up without me.
I wasn't their missing link,
But only a useless one.

My feelings are numb,
I feel so empty.
I don't understand anything.
I just don't know.

It's that feeling that resembles rejection which is so familiar,
It's comforting, and you can finally say:

**"I'm used to it."

When your skin color defined the rest of your life.

Every time I made a mistake,
I'd tear the paper,
Throw it away,
Take a new one,
And start again.

I'll rewrite my story,
Again,
And Again,
And Again-
Until there were no flaws,
And only happy endings.

I cannot eat my anxiety-
I will only throw it up.
I cannot cry about my eating habits,
I will only get angered.

If I consume the food
I see right now,
It will only come out as river
From my lips.
But if I don’t eat
I will starve.
I guess
Hunger goes both ways.

I could drink, however,
Or down my pills.
They only control the sane part of me.
Rather, the part that can be controlled.
But, they don’t know about the other side.
The side that plots plans,
Plans to do things I shouldn’t.
The side that believes in the wrong things.
Convinces me I am never worth it.

I overdose,
Hoping it will demolish that side.
But sometimes,
That’s not all it demolishes

Which leads to sleepless nights.
Where I only wake up earlier than before,
Until sleep is an enemy.
Sometimes I know I can’t do it
So I lock myself up tight
Only to stop breathing.
I wake up with slightest of amnesia,
And I always wish it would’ve stayed that way.

Which takes me on the path to depression-
My greatest fear.
Dull mornings,
No light comes through.
The night is day-
And it stays that way.

Beauty stops existing.
Hatred to the world and me is all.
This is when throwing up is ok.
I just wish my heart and soul would
Resurface as well.

Endless crying,
Hatred.  Anger.
Sometimes I get happy-
But it never is real.

No one wants this-
But it had to happen to someone, right?
And it had to be me.
At least, not everyone is like this.
Not everyone is demoralized as me.
Times like these, I Look forward to death.

One less broken person in the world,
Disordered and all.

Dear Lover,

I still wake up at glorious hours to meet what we once had through nature. Remember the sunsets we watched together? I still gaze at them with the same intensity I had when I looked at you. I wake up early in the brisk cold morning seeing darkness but finally watching the light brighten through my blue curtains making a sea of colour wash over my room. The shade you love.

How are you? It's been a while. I'm a little lonely since most of my friends have moved away. On the bright side, I’m moving on better. I've met a couple of guys and the crying has stopped a whole lot. I get out more than I used to. I visit the places we went together from time to time. You know how I used to write in that red book that you gave me on our first anniversary? I still have it and take it with me everywhere. I use it so much that the edges are getting softer and you can see a couple of coffee stains (sorry). I go out to the park daily and write whatever comes to mind in there.

Sadly, all I write is about you.

The first time you saw me, I was waiting for my mother to pick me up. I remember so well seeing your body rise from the sunroof with your friends. Do you remember when your eyes locked with mine? That look you gave me that I had witnessed a million times? I remember, and I miss that a lot. When you took me on car rides just to watch the sun rise and set? I miss that. You waking me up each morning with a phenomenal kiss and arms for me to fall into? I miss that so much. How about all those times a grey cloud hung over me, but you were there to cheer me up? I need that now.

How can I help it? You were the one that looked at me as if I meant the world to you. I craved your presence because you made me happy. I needed your smile just to make my bad day better. You were there for me when no one else was. I apologize if I’m not your one. You might not need me but I need you. You don't deserve me, but you have changed me so much. I guess...I guess I’m not quite over you. I’m sorry for fighting, I’m sorry for being stupid. But know, I did it out of care. I....I am so sorry.

So, I ask you for one more chance for me to show you I love you. How is it that I only feel butterflies and nausea around you but you don't anymore when you're around me? This love simply can't be one sided. I saw the way you looked at me, and the way you acted, and everything. The sparks and fireworks were booming on my side. When I met you, I saw fire behind those beautiful eyes. I saw determination. I saw a strong connection, and felt it through my every vein. Have you moved on from that? Please say you haven't. I need this so bad, please understand that. I need you so bad. You mean the world to me, don't you get it?

If you loved me then, can't...can't you love me now?


Sincerely,

The Girl Who Still Loves You.

His screams of pain
Bounced off
The caved walls.

The many its tore through his flesh,
Howling through the process,
Grabbing at what they can.

I could not see them from above,
But it was too loud
For me to shut them out.

My ears were covered,
Yet sound leaked from the holes
Where dark seeped past my fingers.

I could not breath;
The fear was closing in on me
Stealing my air.

I inhaled,
But it was foul
Causing me to choke.

Seconds, minutes, hours
Ticked by.
Finally, they had left him.
However, their cries of victory
Did not reach over the sound of
Torture.

I knew it was my cue,
But my angst was too much to bear.
What was waiting for me,
Was too explicit for my innocent eyes.

These eyes were innocent,
But what lied behind them wasn't.
To survive I had to ****
What was left of a being.

Reluctantly I jumped off
The ground having another human upon it's surface,
I stumbled towards his figure.

My eyes tore away,
From the ****** mess I once called human.

His moans were all  could hear
In the cave,
In the arena,
In the whole world.
Why was I left to do the job
That I had cleverly tried to avoid?
Why couldn't they rid me
Of this suffering?
Why couldn't they rid us
Of this suffering?

My choices were blunt and clear;
I either pierce the dagger to end his distress,
Or walk away to end mine.

Knowing the consequences,
Either would leave me wounded from this graphic image.
But, I wasn't sure which one was what he wished.
I wasn't good with the death thing.

Then, with a groan,
His mouth formed a shape I couldn't communicate with.
The blood was dripping everywhere,
I couldn't recognize him any more.

Finally, I could see his lips
Forming the word

Please

Everything cleared up for me.
I was sure what to do.

I walked shakily towards his deformed body
Until I cowered above him.
My grip tightened around the knife in my hand
As I pulled it towards him.
My body shook,
My hand daring to loosen.

I gulped, not sure of what I was doing,
The body lying there in pain.
I sighed, closing my eyes.

I let the dagger fall,
Walking backwards as fast I could
And as far as I possibly could.

The loud sound echoed the arena
Scaring a few birds,
As realization dawned upon me.

I did it.

When you're alone
And you don't have a book to befriend,
You think-
And that can get scary.

Thinking about your loneliness,
Trying to humour yourself somehow.
Until you slip slightly deeper into your mind.

Then, life in general
Becomes your thought priority.
Exams, friends, family,
Exes.

Love.
Weeping echoes the borders of your mind.
Slightly mock crying
That you have no love life,
Or that your previous ones have burnt.
Just like the edges of your balance.

You stumble further,
Deliberating depression,
And how life is too cruel on you.
No one deserves you.

You fall, eventually
Into nothing.
Hearing your thoughts
Echo around you.

Then they start to scream.
As if terror caught hold of their voices
And shoved it through a megaphone-
Making their fear louder.
Your fears louder.
It's hard to think,
While tumbling endlessly,
Into nothing.

You're falling into a bottomless Thought machine.

The voices stop.
Abruptly.

Instead, you hear faint music.
Flutes.
Playing like wind-
Softly,
Suddenly you're floating.
As if on a cloud.

You look up,
To see the faintest light;
Hope.
Yet it's disappearing.
However, for once you aren't afraid.
But, the bright is closing in.
The light that you once thought didn't exist
Is making it's appearance stronger,
By vanishing.

Can you hear that?
It's the music-
Not so soothing anymore.
Not soft, but loud.
Not sweet, but bitter.

The horror clearly laid out
Through each note.

Can you hear the rapid movements,
The never ending spiral of notes,
The minor clearly being played,
Loud enough to get to the inner soul?

The cloud has vanished,
You are falling-
And the ground refuses to appear.

Wind of thoughts rushing,
Terror music playing,
Your rapid thoughts repeated out loud,
Turning into cries of help.

You can't move up,
You can't stop,
You can't breath
Any more.

What is happening?
Where are you?
Is this what it's like,
To be lost in your mind?

Eventually,
your knees buckle.
The ground resurfaces,
And you can sort of feel again.

But standing up,
you look above.
No light.

You walk around, feel your boundaries,
Smooth as silk.

You strain your ears to hear a thing,
Silence.

You try to hold it the tears in,
When realization dawns upon you;
You are trapped
In the midst of your thoughts.
Forever.

Drop
          Drop
                    Drop

That could either be the sound of rain,
Or the beat of my heart retreating from the dead.
Beating for you –
Like it used to.

Drop
         Drop
                  Drop

You hear that?
Tell me if that was the sound of the storm
Or my heart weeping once again,
For you.

You would have thought
I was over you.
But once a broken heart,
always a broken heart.

Sure you can mend it-
But can't you see the lining of the cracks engraved?
See how deep they've gone,
Enough to ruin it forever.

I may not cry much now,
But the silent, unshed tears
Are the ones that matter the most.
They carry my soul
Through each non-existent molecule.

You can't hear
The screams of terror
For thinking I still love you,
Through the undying storm.

When you love someone
You idealize a dream
With the two of you.
And when when you find out
What you wanted was one-sided,
Would you wish to still love them?

It's hard when what my mind wants
Does not synchronize
With my heart.

It's hard to breath
With all this air surrounding me,
Giving me space to think about you,
And I refuse to.

Why can't the rain
Dampen my feelings
To the extent of being paper,
And tearing easily apart?

Why can't the storm
Soften my  heart,
Leaving it numb
So my desires would be hidden,
And finally, weaken.

Leaving no space for you.

But, here's the thing:
The untamed storm
Perfectly reflects my devotion
Of what I once had-
And still have- for you.

I carried an eternal infatuation for you,
And I still do.

Like a tree,
With many leaves-

I wasn't the only one.

Everyone wants to be stoic.
Absorbing emotions,
But never really showing it.

Like a sponge-
It absorbs water
But you can never tell it has.

Unless, of course,
There is too much.
Then it gets heavier,
And heavier,
And heavier,
The emotions piling up,
To the extent of spilling.
It then leaks through every hole-
Of water,
Emotions, feelings.

Unexpectedly
It bursts.
At the wrong moment,
With the wrong people,
Watching every single
Wrong move.

Stoic people are still people,
They're just better at keeping their emotions.
But having it all bottled up
Is like having poison flowing through your body-
Intoxicated.

To be stoic is not easy,
But to not be,
Is.

And sometimes,
It's best.

To have all your emotions
Bottled up,
Is never good.
One day you will erupt
Your emotions burning lava
Everywhere, at everyone.

To be stoic is a gift
But also a curse.

Would you want to be the stoic sponge,
Leaking constantly without knowing it?

Sleep is scarce for me.

While my eyes may be closed,
My heart is beating rapidly,
In the fear of not falling,
Falling for you too.

Do I dare say a word?
No, my secret is kept in,
For they would not understand.
Or rather, they know, but refuse to accept it.

So while they're deep in their slumber,
Possibly in another world,
I'm lying here awake
Thinking about the tens of possibilities
That would never happen to me.

Like, you and I.

My body cannot tame
This unhealthy diet.
It does not deserve
To suffer like this.

Waking up in the morning,
Only to realize I did not succeed.
Going out,
Only to realize that my lack of slumber
Is affecting me more more than I know.

Why? Because of you.

These droopy eyes
Only wish for one night,
Where they could close
For quite a while
In real rest.

But, even when they do
My last thought is you.

Why?
Why are you doing this to me?
I think about you late in the night
And first thing in the morning.
You are the reason I’m so tired.

How can you help me
When you caused it in the first place?

I'm tired,
Tired of drifting off when I shouldn't,
Tired of half open eyes,
Tired of my restless sleep,
And tired of thinking about you.

Why'd you do this to me?
I cannot help loving you.

Is my Insomnia,
The aftermath,
Of falling for you?

You shoot me down
And I will fall
Because I am not
Titanium.

Neither am I steel, Metal or strong at all.
I am made of flesh and blood,
And you will bring me down.

Not only according to the science of life,
But also because you make me
The happiest person I can be.

And when the happiest person
Doesn't have her happy,
She isn't that bright sunshine.
She's sad, melancholy and depressed.

You may not define me,
But you are what I need
And I want you,
I need you,
I miss you,
I love you.

Your words will hurt me,
Shoot me
And cut through my delicate skin.

I'm not going to pretend,
That you will never affect me-
You always will
Because I am in love with you.

You have left me,
Because I am not good enough.
But I promise you now,
I will be.

Yet you still hurt me,
Taunt me,
And bring me down.

Yes, I am breakable.

And you have, indeed, broken me.

I watched you out in the open
Staring at nothing
Mouth sewn shut
Eyes glazing at the world.

Your beautiful face
For once is not comical,
When I so badly want it to be.

The roots are climbing up your body,
Keeping you firm on the ground.
Now you can't run to me,
Hug me, Kiss me
Or tell me you love me.

Tears run down my eyes
As my feet carry me towards you.
I run my hands along your body,
Feeling only fabric,
No sign of life in you.

If you knew I was there
You showed no emotion of it.
I bite my lip as I watch you,
Watch you ignore me,
Like I wasn't crying for you.

I wrap my arms around your stiff body,
Feeling my heart race,
But yours still.

Do you not love me any more?
Do you not feel the same?
Please talk to me,
I miss you so much.

I'm sorry for erupting into an angry mess,
I'm sorry for taking it out on you.
I'm sorry if I was not good enough,
But I promise you I will.
Please don't give up on me,
I still love you.

Time ticks by,
But your eyes are still black buttons,
And your mouth is still stitches,
Your body is still sewn fabric,
And your voice is still silent.

I cannot bear the truth,
It hurts for it to sink in.
I don't want it to be true-
Please, tell me it isn't.

But as the seconds go by,
And you don't respond,
I realize that I cannot do anything about it.
It must be true.

You've turned Scarecrow on me.

I'm scared of my imagination.

I hear, see and feel things I shouldn't.
It scares me.

You hear barking, I hear howling.
You hear chair scraping the ground, I hear screaming.
You hear snoring, I hear wailing.
You hear in between radio stations, I hear cackling.
You hear sliding, I hear snakes.
You hear buzzing, I hear a bomb ticking.
You hear church bells, I hear the call for death.
You hear chopping food, I hear execution.
You hear the waves, I hear the drowning of the unknown.

I can't stay in the dark,
It's what I imagine I fear for.
My heart runs for it's life,
But it's stuck in the same cage.
And it's walls are scraped,
With tally of the times it will never get out.

You hear a tap, I hear drowning.
And I am flowing with it. In it.

Shake my head away from the dreams?
It's not as easy as you think.
When they taunt you,
While you sleep,
You dream,
You eat,
Scream.
I do.

It's just a nightmare...
- No it's not.
It's real;
It's my imagination.

Telling me things it shouldn't,
Making me feel things I shouldn't.

The imagery is too much, I cannot see;
Blind.

The wails, howls and screams are getting louder;
Deaf.

I’ve run out of voice,
To speak, to express, to call for help;
Dumb.

They say your imagination cannot hurt you,
Yet I’m screaming, running away from it.
But I can't – it's stuck with me, 'till I die.
Die from the fear of myself?
I will.

Singing a tune
Where birds even stop to listen.
So light,
So beautiful;
Incredible.

She sang me to sleep,
Softly stroking,
While I drift off
Into an eternal sleep.

Laid me down
In a bed of flowers.
Her tears silencing her voice.

She took a breath
And carried on-
But there was no change;
Her voice was constant
But cherished.

At least it felt so,
To me.
My eyes seeing only the light.
But I felt as if I were already in heaven.

No gunshots,
No blood,
No screams,
No demise,
It was a moment to save
Until my death was certain.

I always thought
Life would never go
The way you expected it to,
But this was something unimaginable.

This memory
I thought it worth keeping
As my last.
Hearing nothing but love.
No deaths, but one.

Birds silenced,
By the singing
Of someone who loved me,
And will carry on.

I wanted to close my eyes
And keep it pictured forever in my head.
As my last memory.

And I did.

I walked down the street,
Two A.M in the morning,
Knocked on his door three times,
His face popped into view.

His eyes concerned, 
And he opened his mouth,
But I raised my hand,
And stopped him.

"Look, I know you don't want me here,
You probably don't feel the same way.
But hear me out
And listen to my say."

"I sure have been in love with you,
For a really long time.
But our friendship has been a little rocky,
And I did not want not ruin it 
Any more.

I also wish
That these feelings would go away,
So I waited.
By they didn't.
We only grew further apart.

I was relived when you came back.
But I knew you didn't feel the same way,
And I was put in misery again.

I have tried my best for you,
I have stuck up for you,
I dreamt about you,
I did everything I could for you.

But you stuck with being the bad boy,
Dating the bad girls,
Those impressions that the town has,
Isn't really you.

I know I am one of the few people,
Who can see through your ego.
You really are a genuine guy,
You are so so nice.

You treat people the way 
They should be treated.
You want to protect
The ones you love.

I have fallen for your humor,
I have fallen for your kindness,
I have fallen for your generosity,
I have fallen for your cockiness.

But sometimes I wish 
I was that girl,
Who had all your attention;
All your love.

So, I know this might ruin
Our beautiful friendship,
But I want you to know that I Love you;
And I always will.

I want you to know, 
That I wish you were the one I called early in the morning,
Just to say hi.
The one I called in the middle of the night,
Because I was in danger.
The one I hugged everyday,
Because I just loved you that much.
The one who would come up to me
At a godly hour,
Just to say you couldn't lose me.

But now, I'm the one,
Who is coming up to you,
At a godly hour
Saying I can't lose you.

You might not deserve a girl like me,
I'm just vulnerable.
But I try to get your attention,
Because I really need you.
I can sense your presence,
From a mile away.
And God ******,
You are really ****.

So here I am,
At your doorstep,
Asking for one thing only,
Yet it means so much.

So, please, I know it's asking too much,
But will you be the one I call early in the morning?

 Will you be my 2 A.M?"

I held up that grand quilt in my tiny hands, thoughts rushing past my mind.

That denim piece splattered with red paint,
ah, remember when you wore that for the first time as you picked carrots with Dad?

That cotton piece filled with a vibrant orange,
how could you forget? That was the dress you wore to your first ever play recital.

That baby pink rayon piece,
you wore that on the first day of high school, you could not forget.

That grey wool piece,
that was your Christmas present, and you wore it near the fire. You spilled hot coco on it.

That rare purple leather,
that is too important to forget. Remember, it was the jacket you wore on you first date.

That blue flannel piece,
you loved that one. You wore it all the time, ever since the first time you wore it when you won “best speaker” at a school competition.

That brown cupro piece,
you wore that to your mother's birthday, the one where she got promoted to L.A.

That green polyester piece,
never can forget, could you? That was the shirt you wore when Dad and Mom divorced.  

That white lyocell piece,
you wore it at your graduation party, and your whole family was there.

That barkcloth piece,
it was a day to remember, you united with you brother once again in that dress.

That calico piece,
you wore that to the hospital when Granddad got a heart attack.

That black and white damask piece,
that was so beautiful, so you kept it for your dinner. Which you hadn't realized was your engagement dinner with your boyfriend.

That red gingham piece,
wow, that was the time you met your dad's girlfriend. And Mom had not moved on.

That black lace piece,
a day never to forget. It was the funeral of your Granddad’s, and that was the dress you wore.

That grey gauze piece,
it was the shawl you wore when you visited your grandma, and found out she was ill of depression.

That amazing white gazar piece,
a memorable day. It was the dress you wore to you wedding.

That turquoise silk piece,
too soon after your wedding. It was the part of the purse you took to your Grandma's funeral. *

That white and blue jacquard fabric,
that was the fabric you had for your curtains, when you moved into your own house.

That leopard print intarsia piece,
it was an amazing day. Your mother visited you the first time in your new home. The both of you cried with the rain pouring outside. Nothing could have ruined that beautiful moment together, united.

That satin cobalt blue piece,
that dress you wore to the dinner with your parents and husband. Only to later realize that you brother had met with an accident.

That exotic lantana piece,
you remember, don't you? You wore that dress when you met your brother days later, severely hurt.

That red lace piece,
you went to London with your husband wearing that. You were so excited.

That madras piece,
it came from that cushion out of the four your husband bought you.

That cream organdy piece,
your mother had found it in her closet, a dress from her mother's, and wanted to give it to you.

That deep purple paisley piece,
you wore that on the day your mother died.*

And like that, all the thoughts came back to me. All the pieces of my past, fit in together. But it never made sense – that was how my life worked. And there were more pieces, more parts, to fit together, until my life was spread out in front of me. Like a patched quilt.

Stars

He held my hand as my head dipped into the sea of stars.

My eyes were watching the galaxies,
While my heart was watching ours.

The milky way enlightening his heart,
While his smile enlightening mine.

His laugh brighter than the little gases above.

The grass beneath our bodies,
Pulling me closer to him.

His lips meeting my forehead,
While the stars met the moon.

They must have met each other before,
Every night.
Maybe they became friends,
And soon best friends.
Maybe after a few more nights of playing hide and seek,
They decided they wanted to be more-

Just like us.

His whispers in my ear,
Making me shiver.
And the stars start to turn
Deeper into the dark night.

And your scent
As your arms wrap around me,
Making me feel warm.
The stars making the earth
Feel dark
And at home.

And while we lay down
On the grass,
I hold your hand,
Hoping to never let go
Of our little infinity.

Our infinity...

Our infinity...

Our infinity...

Waiting on the other side of a screen,
                          
                              ­       Hoping you'll send me a message.

Seconds tick by...
                                  Minutes tick by.....

                                                        ­                Hours tick by....
                            
Then I realize.

                                              There is no one on the other side.

                                                          ­                        
*Never was.

How is it
That I can make everyone double over,
But you?

Just tell me I make you laugh.

Just say those four words....

That's all I need...

Please.

I Love your poetry.

Your few words can portray emotions,
that take forever to get out into the open.

Every time I see,
your name in my notifications
I feel giddy
knowing a true poet has seen my poems,
out of all the better ones on this website.

First time I saw you,
you had talked about Hello Poetry,
and I thought of how wonderful,
you made it sound.

Because it is.

Every word you write,
has a heavy meaning.
And every punctuation you added,
carries a strong emotion.

Your simple wineglass,
seems to define so much,
yet nothing I could ever understand.

I just want you to know,
that your poetry is unique,
and if you are ever in need
of a helping hand,
I’ll be happy to give you my left.

So, keep this poem in mind,
because it took me so long to think of.
I couldn't digest the right words,
but they were there,
in the open air.

Your poems leave me speechless,
I guess.
Since I can't seem to compliment you,
that easily.

But if I were to just use words,
in no order,
they would be:

Spontaneous. Brilliant. Amazing. Magnificent.

To describe you through
your infinite poetry.

I dance,
Because I have to.

For the love of dance?
Hell no.
For the love of the examiner.

My teacher's words,
Screaming constantly into my ears.
What I was doing was wrong,
I would never get points for that.

Smile, not for the audience,
But because the examiner doesn't like
Glum faces.

Oh whatever happened,
To the true meaning of Dance?

I don't know.
It's gone,
just like my happiness,
and hopes,
of being better.

My jumps are not filled with beauty,
but sweat.
My pointe work does not look amazing;
It looks tiresome.

Is there ever going to be a day,
When exams don't matter?
No.
Never.
It will forever count
As my life.

People think I have a choice-
I don't.

I can't dance without being judged;
Heck, dancing is nothing without judgement.
Beg for mercy?
Never.
I'm not weak.

Yes, ballet, to me, is like war
Between me and my teacher,
or maybe me and everyone who thinks otherwise.

I'm nearing my Waterloo,
but I won't surrender yet.

But, maybe I have.

I have been brainwashed.
All I want now is good grades.
A distinction.

I don't love dance,
I do it for everyone else who does.

If you look closely,
You can see my tiresome face,
but soulless eyes.

No one understands,
what I’m trying to say,
so I stop trying.

Yes, I've given up.

I don't dance for myself,
I dance for the examiner.

The Girl who reads.
That’s another name for me.
 
The one who is kept content
By reading fictional lives.
 
From Harry Potter to Cather in the Rye,
I read.
At the parking lot. At home.
Under a tree, or in the library.
You’d find me,
The one who reads.
 
Call me a bookworm,
Since I am.
Infinite words captured in my mind
Caught in the neurons,
Waiting to be known and learnt.
 
I read within reason:
To dream. To imagine. To hope.
 
I read for the emotion I won’t get in reality no matter how much I plead.
 
Reading builds up tension
And the urge to finish.
Not aware what’s on the other side of a page
Can **** someone within.
 
To be engrossed in a book,
Shutting the world outside,
Hearing nothing but words,
While patience is on the edge
Waiting to fly.
 
The despair that fills you
When you realized a character died.
The one you loved, the one that was fun-
The one you wished existed.
 
Or maybe the romance,
As you realize who your perfect one is,
Your “meant-to-be”,
Doesn’t exist either.
Never will.
 
You cry, you scream,
You sigh, you dream.
 
When a book is not found,
You are in a Trans, a pensive mood.
A profusion of questions bundled in  your head-
Who? What? Where? How? Why?
And all you can think about for the rest of day,
Is going back to bury your nose in a book,
To find the secrets it refuses to tell you.
To find the treasure between the lines.
 
Call me a book freak,
I won’t deny it.
I’d be complimented, actually.
I can’t help these numerous words
That keep spilling out.
 
But I know I’m not the only one.
Heck, I know I'm not crazy.
 
I'm not the only one that sees
The irony of life,
Innumerable paths,
The alternative
And countless paths.
 
Reading helps you learn this, not only academics, not matter what people say.
 
Reading, to some, is to live.
Reading, to some, is to learn.
Reading, to some, is Cloud 9 when things get really bad.
 
To me, it’s my everything.

I opened my eyes to only see the void.
So I fill it up.
I fill it up with words, but not any words;
Poetry.

Who would be
My perfect man...?
he would need to know who he is,
Whre he stands.

Not too romantic,
I mean, come on, this isn't the titanic.
Would be nice if he's sweet,
And SERIOUSLY neat.

Should love books,
And have good looks.
Has a funny bone
Not some dude who drones.

Has to be like a best friend,
Always there with a hand to lend.
Music should be part of his soul,
And I should be part of his goal.

We cannot be a mistake,
That is something I can never take.
Meant to be, of course,
I want him till....only God knows.

No complaints,
From neither he nor me.
I don't want a saint,
But a man who can lead.

Challenging and adventurous,
Not someone who is ego.....ous.

Not forever gone but not too clingy,
Not forever drawn, not melancholy.

Obligatory to hate me sometimes,
He has to have his own side.
Too many arguments, we're done.
So he's gotta be bold, loving and fun.

Hugs well,
Kisses swell.
Dances badly,
Would he sing? Gladly.

Not afraid to come clean,
Not afraid to let off steam.
Loves the things I do,
But not lie if I make horrible food.

I want a man
Who is not afraid to love me.
Not afraid to laugh.
But never hurt me.

One more thing:
He's gotta think my poetry is **** good.
Or else I'd stab him, stab him I would.

I pick up the broken pieces of my delicate heart,
Feeling the sharp edges cut my skin.

My blood oozes out my flesh,
Your name carried within.

You have poisoned my body,
So I bleed you out.

With every drop,
A kiss is left unfelt.

Dried out, it becomes scars,
Reminders of you,
And what you did to my once whole heart.

These broken pieces hurt like knives.
They burn my skin, redden it.
But only a silent scream escapes,
As I fall to the ground.

I lay on this deserted desert.
Only the cracked ground for company.

My thirst is unquenchable,
Since you are my water.

I'm far away from you,
Carrying this broken heart,
Watching it burn under the sun,
To red ashes.

My blood darkens,
Revenge cornering my mind.

But I love you,
How could you?

Slowly, I burn too.
I burn, with my broken heart.

Blood evaporating to the sky,
To heaven.

While I lay here,
In hell.

I clutch my heart,
Feeling the pain,
Loving it,
Since that's all I've learned to do.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

HOPE YOU GUYS HAD A GREAT HALLOWEEN!! AND HOPE YOU HAD AN AWESOME DAY AND AWESOME COSTUMES!!!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted.
I'm sorry I'm not your dream child.
I'm sorry I'm not beautiful.
I'm sorry I'm not smart.

I'm sorry I'm not talented,
That I didn't deserve your attention.
So sorry for not being popular,
Or thin and perfect.

I'm sorry I'm fat,
And I know I deserve this silent treatment.
I deserve the bullying,
The comments, the  glares.

I'm sorry my ruddy legs,
Only got me this far in life.
I'm sorry these red eyes,
Can't see anything but pity.

You haven't spoken to me in ages,
So I know you won't miss me.
You have ever asked me how I feel,
So I know you won't care.

I'm pretty sure you'd be happy
To see this letter.
You don't have to pretend,
You love me anymore.

I know.

You'll have the perfect family:
A rich Dad,
A happy Mom,
A beautiful Daughter and
A smart Son.

I know I don't fit here,
So there's no denying.

I'm sorry I have to do this,
But life doesn't want me here,
Or anywhere for that matter.

So I've decided to run away.
Alone.
No one needs me,
Believe me, I know.

I want you to know I love you,
Even if you don't.

Last of all,
I'm sorry I was never good enough.
Yes, I wish me to hell as well.

From,

**The daughter you never loved.

Silence- complete absence of sound.

It's funny,
How they think silence,
means you can't hear a thing.

But you can hear silence.

It's so fricking loud.

I can't even remember the last time
I cried,
And someone held me close,
And told me it was going to be alright.

Everyone hates me.

They think I'm the bad guy.
I'm the hater.
The negative vibe.
The one who kills.
The Devil.

They don't think I have feelings.
They think I don't care,
That I like being here.
That it doesn't **** me
To have Satan as father.

Do you think I'm proud
That he was banished from heaven?
That I like
Watching people suffer?

Death is not my specialty-
It never was.
I pray secretly
For a better life.

Helping, apparently,
Is a sin.
The smell of demise
Leaves me melancholy.

My tears
Are tattooed on my face.

These harsh words
Have been engraved onto my skin.
I have never been happy
With a sinner for a dad.

How can I pray to God,
When he is the spoken enemy?

How can I hope
When it has been crushed by all his followers?

I don't have friends-
They're all scared of me.

I have only lived to see
Fear.
No one has ever loved these red eyes.

Red from crying.
Red from hurting.
Red from a broken heart.

I can only write my ache.
But no matter how I try,
No one can relate.
Or care.

The worst kind of pain
Is the one that cannot be described.

That's me,
The indescribable agony.

Staring at you.
I think of my future.
Will you be in it,
I wonder?

I think of the negatives,
If we ended up together.
But how can I dream
Of something that is clearly impossible?

Staring at you,
I think of what you've done.
To steal my heart,
When you meant no harm.

You did many things,
Not directed to me.
But look who's falling,
Falling hard from my Love tree.

I live next door,
To a ballerina,
I hear music all day,
And see lights on all night,

It doesn’t bother me,
For we are good friends,
I knew her forever,
Even as a child,

Sometimes I see her,
From my bedroom window,
Dancing like her life depends on it,
Only, it really does,

She moves,
With such grace,
Delicately on her toes,
As if it was easy,

She glances out her window,
Sees me staring,
Flashes a smile,
As if everything was okay,

But I too knew her too well,
To fall for that lie,
I looked at her long and hard,
And now I see why,

Beads of sweat,
Fell down her forehead,
Her legs shook,
As she did a developpe,

Her face was pained,
Strong hint of confusion,
Yet she smiled away,
As if she wasn’t hurting,

She was beautiful,
She could pass as a goddess,
But if you looked closely,
You could see she wasn’t flawless,

Her ever-so-fake smile,
Is what gave her away,
And the shine in her eyes,
Was simply the tears kept inside

Just when I thought,
It was a trick of the light,
She tripped and fell down,
Into a puddle of her own tears,

I didn’t know,
What to do,
Should I climb out my window?
Or leave her in pain?

One thought was dominant,
And it was neither of either,
I screamed just enough,
For her to hear,

She looked up,
And cried once again,
I asked her what was wrong,
Was everything okay?

She said it wasn’t,
As she walked towards her window,
And then did I see her body,
As thin as a straw,

She told me her story,
Everyone was screaming at her,
They said she was pathetic,
Useless in so many ways,

She said she agreed,
They were telling the truth,
She was too fat to be beautiful,
Too fat to dance,

That’s when it hit me,
It explained so much,
She had a disorder,
Anorexia nervosa,

I told her the truth,
While her body shook,
I shook my head and said,
“It’s going to be okay,
My little ballerina”

She smiled, and left.

Waiting on the other side
Of an equal sign.
An equation left
Unsolved.

I'm supposed to be a sum
Her + Me = Eternity
Yet I'm still waiting
To be solved.

Left in a textbook,
Unnoticed and unloved.
Trying to ignore the groans,
The glares, the words.

Jotted down repeatedly,
Still no one sees,
I want out,
I want a life.

Forever hoping and believing
That my real question will be answered.
I'm left as a problem,
Impossible to solve.

I lay on this piece of paper,
Eager to know,
If I'm true,
Or hopelessly false.

So I'm waiting on the other side
Of an equal sign.
And equation left
I solved.

I'm sitting and wondering
If there's anyone home.