I Don't know anyone anymore,
It's like they've grown up without me.
I wasn't a missing link,
But only a useless one.

If I were to be an emoji
For the rest of my life,
I would be
:/

Not :)
Or :( 
Just 
:/

I'm not happy,
I'm not sad,
I'm merely 
Confused.

I'm a combination,
Of the two.
Sad, yet not always.
Happy, but only slight.

A lost soul, maybe?
Confused and sad to be alone.
But I'm happy to be away,
From the cruel, cruel world.

I could be :)(
But I am :/
Instead.

I feel depressed sometimes.
I cover a :( with a :)
Just to stop the questions,
And to see if it could be real.

:) could mean :(
But I can laugh for real.
Happiness can fill my insides.

I feel sorry for some people,
Not always pity, though.
Just sorry I can't feel the same way.
Sorry I can't tell them I know how they feel.
So I become :/

I don't know how I feel sometimes.
Since my mood changes 
by a few questioned words.

Content + Miserable = :/
Hope my maths is correct,
I have never been a genius,
I guess that applies for feelings too.

:/ = Me
I'm just a confused and miserable soul.

Somebody please help me.
Change me.
I don't want to stay the same,
Forever and always.

Happiness is...

Not being sad.

I pick up the broken pieces of my delicate heart,
Feeling the sharp edges cut my skin.

My blood oozes out my flesh,
Your name carried within.

You have poisoned my body,
So I bleed you out.

With every drop,
A kiss is left unfelt.

Dried out, it becomes scars,
Reminders of you,
And what you did to my once whole heart.

These broken pieces hurt like knives.
They burn my skin, redden it.
But only a silent scream escapes,
As I fall to the ground.

I lay on this deserted desert.
Only the cracked ground for company.

My thirst is unquenchable,
Since you are my water.

I'm far away from you,
Carrying this broken heart,
Watching it burn under the sun,
To red ashes.

My blood darkens,
Revenge cornering my mind.

But I love you,
How could you?

Slowly, I burn too.
I burn, with my broken heart.

Blood evaporating to the sky,
To heaven.

While I lay here,
In hell.

I clutch my heart,
Feelings the pain,
Loving it,
Since that's all I've learned to do.

I'm laying,
On the bathroom floor,
Wondering where you went.

I missed you,
But you came back to hurt me,
And I started to wonder,
If I was worth it.

I'm laying here,
On the bathroom floor,
Pounding about your thoughts.
Do you think of her?

Did you forget us,
And move in,
By falling in love,
With the first blonde?

I'm laying here,
On the bathroom floor,
Hoping you still remember me,
Remember I exist.

I need to stay Hugh,
Prove to the world I'm strong,
Tell them I'm okay,
I'm perfectly fine on my own.

But if all that was true,
Why would I,
Be lying on the bathroom floor,
Crying over you?

Dark.

Loving.

Depressed.

Shaded.

Black.
 
That's what I would use to describe her soul.

Her personality. 

Dark words,
Crossed out with red,
Red blood.

Her raven hair,
Shined.
But only,
Through darkest times.

Poison flowed,
Through her thin veins.
When cut,
She bled dark blood.

Her black wings,
Contrasted with her pale skin.
She lived and breathed,
The spirit of the dead.

Dark.

But she was beautiful.
So beautiful, she seemed fake.
Her love for me was undeniable/ unconditional.
Our feelings were mutual.

Her eyes only searched
For floating dead beings,
My face,
And my love.

We were opposites,
But that's what kept us closer than ever.

The kisses I leave across her body,
Are permanent in her head.
The words I whisper to her,
Are air to her delicate body.

Her eyes shine,
At my presence.
Darken,
At fake pleads.

Loving.

She is alone,
No family,
Except for me.
But she's what I need.

When she sings,
Her voice gets caught,
By the tears she refuses to let go.

When she sings,
She sings with symphonies,
A lullaby,
Referring to demise and love,
Which I realize is her one life.

Shaded.

A soul darker than night,
But only since she has a heart of a pessimist,
She can never find happiness,
Sometimes she can't with me.

She cries in her sleep,
Thinking no one can hear.
She wishes to forcefully bleed,
But I'm a wall standing between death and her

Dark.

I love her,
More than light,
But I only wish,
For her to be happy.

A beautiful face,
A black soul,
She is my,

Dark Angel.

It's so frustrating,
When I can reach you,
You aren't around,
But when I can't reach you,
You're begging for my attention.

The words were carved,
Into her dead back,
The blood so bright,
It could be seen from afar. 

Eyes wide open,
Red streaming down her face,
As if she were crying,
What was in left in her veins.

Another death threat,
Were staring at us in the face.
There was more to come,
Even after this gruesome tragic.

Her hands tied behind her back,
Body bare,
Ripped clothes strewn across the grass,
And a knife shone.

Contrast from silver to blood,
Her DNA splattered across the whole ground.

The darkness of the night,
Couldn't hide,
The ****** red body,
Freshly dead.

Scent of abuse
And a hint of scars,
She left the world in pain,
We could feel her spirit haunting the air.

Forced were the wounds,
On her back shaped like words,
"Until the blood has been bled,
I will be back, for the rest of my revenge"

I stand in the shower,
Addicted to the warm water,
Never wanting to leave,
Just like you.

I was so addicted,
To your smile,
I never wanted,
To let go.

I wait,
Feeling the droplets,
Of water,
Trail down my back,
Like your fingers.

You'd reassure me,
Grazing my body,
Telling me,
It'll be okay.

The soap,
Roams down my body,
Cleaning away the dirt,
But not our memories.

I want them to,
Because I miss you,
I need you,
Right now.

The tears,
Stream down my face,
But are disguised,
My the water.

The smell,
Of my shampoo,
Reminds me,
Of your cologne.

Why did I let you go?
I obviously miss you.
But you hurt me,
In a way I shouldn't forgive,
But I'm so ready,
To take it back.

I want you,
I need you,
I love you,
So much.

It hurts to know,
I let go,
Of the best thing,
That has ever happened,
To my life.


I still love you.

Blue skies,
Green grass,
Pink flowers,
Red roses. 

White sheets,
Pale walls,
Cream lamps,
Oak boards.

Teal bands,
Purple earrings,
Orange dress,
Red bracelets.

Pink lips,
Olive skin,
Auburn hair,
Grey eyes.

There are so many colors,
 but the one,
that matches my soul,
 are all,
The Black paintings,
Of the world.

It's sad,
How I can only get the words
'I Love You'
When I'm not sober,
But badly drunk.
And you end up thinking,
I don't.
And I try so hard,
To tell you,
But fate thinks otherwise.

I am all holes.
I have been shot so many times,
That I feel numb.

So shoot me, once again.
It will hurt, but I've learnt to love the pain

His fingers,
Traced down,
The permanent ink,
Stained all over her body.
 
She smiled,
At the feel,
Of his unique,
Touch.
 
But even she knew,
Beneath the pleasure,
Of their skin in contact,
He was searching.
Searching for something more,
For their unsure love.
 
He branched his fingers,
Over her fragile body,
Wanting to know,
If this was right,
If she was worth it.
 
He then pressed his lips,
Against hers,
And the sparks were flying,
Just like the first.
 
Yet she knew,
He was distracting her.
His fingers and eyes,
Had hints of only lust.
 
Even if his hands,
Were running up her spine,
She could picture,
His hands doing the same to another.
 
She refused to cry,
At least she was one,
Of the many,
He probably had.
 
As much as she wished,
There was no proof,
But only an abundance,
Of possibilities.
 
Still, she was under the impression,
He might have love for her.
 
But he was now questioning,
If she was his pretty face,
Or something more?
 
The light they had,
Seems to drift away,
But he doesn’t want to let go forever,
Not just yet.
 
He slowly whispers,
“I Love You,”
But she can see right through.
So many secrets, it hurts.
 
Tears break the spell,
Falling down her once rosy cheeks.
She thought he loved her,
Once.
 
He doesn’t notice,
Since she is too damaged,
She cannot speak.
He only kisses her deeper,
But with no emotions,
This burns her to the core.
 
She stays still,
Letting him play with her body.
This is the only way,
To show him she’s in pain,
But it only makes him deepened the pleasure.
 
If only she was prettier,
Nicer, better than the rest,
Then maybe, just maybe,
He could find the heart to love her.
 
Neither was sure,
If they chose the right path,
So instead,
They both are hurting bad

Standing in the bathroom,
I lock the door.
No guns,
No one would hear me.

I bend down,
Reach inside the cupboard,
Searching for something.
I find it.

My fingers curl,
Around a container,
And I shake it a bit,
I hear it.

My breath is shaky,
When I take out the pills,
This is what I want,
This is how it is going to be.

Tears fall,
I think of the words,
As I ***** the lid,
Off.

The computer screen,
Flashes in my mind,
I picture the words,
In front of my very eyes.

'***** ,
My hand goes in,
Grabs a pill,
And I put it between my lips.

'*****',
I swallow,
Tasting the disgust,
But reach down,
For more.

'****',
I grasp another,
But find it hard,
To swallow,
With the lump in my throat.

'***',
The tears streaming,
Can't stop my hand,
That reaches down,
As a sob escapes.

Four pills,
I feel drowsy,
But I keep going,
I need to do this.

Five pills,
I sob at the harsh words,
That flash again and again,
In my brain.

Six pills,
I hear the front door slam,
They know,
But I'm almost done.

Seven pills,
I see white,
I can't smile,
But I can see my future.

Eight pills,
I fall to the ground,
The bottle slips from my hand,
As I slip from the world.

*

I open my eyes,
To see my mother looking down,
I didn't do it,
I failed.

She is sitting next to the window,
Rain pouring. 
She was cold,
And he is the warmth.

Her eyes reflect,
The droplets, outside.
Soon become real,
Falling from the inside.

She promised she wouldn't cry.
She didn't when she found him on the ground,
She didn't at the sound of the deafening beep,
She didn't when they lowered him to his grave.

But she guessed,
She held it for too long.
Was it okay?
She can't stop.

She remembers,
When he held her hand,
Wrapped his arms around her,
Kissed Her.
Now she needs that,
To stop hurting.

When she was with him,
She felt contented,
Safe,
Warm.

Why is it,
That when she need him the most,
He disappears,
Forever?

His demise,
She's Pensive, about.
Profusion of questions,
Asking the stated obvious.

If he ever thought she hated him,
Think again.
Look who's crying now.

He is the bones in her body,
The muscle,
Her heart.
She can't live without him.

So, that means she's dead.
 
He's no longer here.
What's the point of living,
If she can't stand up?
If she can't breath?

She knows he isn't coming back,
So she thought it over.
She's got nothing here anymore,
Got nothing to live for.

So she takes the gun,
Placed it to her temple.
So she can be with him know,
They'll be together forever.

“I love you,” she whispers.



And there, stood the grave, right next to his, it was marked:

Anna Stones
1994-2014
Suicide
Depression of Love

Is it possible to be scared of three words?

My eyes shut,
As the ringing is heard,
Of the bell,
In his hands.

The silence is broken,
As he chants,
The first few words,
To our prayers.

We repeat,
In sync,
Every word,
Is beautiful.

The light,
Still bright,
Sitting in it's lamp,
Sitting on the table.

Flowers,
Neatly cut,
Yet wild,
Pleasing needs.

The scent of sticks,
Drift across the room,
Putting smiles on our faces,
As he preaches.

Everything placed,
Has a deep meaning.
Referring to death,
With reality.

When we have gifted the people,
And the room with our blessings,
We open our eyes to the works,
So he can teach us something.

He talks and explains,
The points of life.
What it is like to be,
One of his kind.

Stories spill out of him,
Yet still keeping time.
That's what a trained priest does,
Know what he says and why.

When he is finished,
We seal the lament,
With a silence,
One can only desire.

We pray and wish,
In our hopeless minds,
For our lives to become better,
For it to extend,
And for the love of our children.

And when all,
Is wished and said,
We leave the place,
And this wonderful, peaceful,
Religion.

I stared at the big blue cloud,
It was in my hands,
It was so blue that it depressed me
But it was only fluffy candy

I picked a piece from the cloud
I digested it with my eyes and soul,
It was the brightness to a child's life
It was my only happiness

You look at candy,
As sweetness to your life,
but to me it was more,
It was the only freedom I had in the world

I bit into the blue sweetness
As it dissolved in my mouth,
It dissolved my pain,
I was sure everything would be fine again

Then, when the cotton got stuck between my teeth,
So did my hopes and dreams.
I felt like a fool for believing
A fool for trying

A tear slid down my cheek
Making the candy bittersweet
No Cotton Candy can make it go away
Rewrite my story

When they fought and screamed,
I'd try find my happy place,
Eat my sweet Blue Candy,
And just pray it away

I've tried everything
Clovers to Rabbit's Feet,
But this heavenly cloud
was the only price to pay

If my life was all drunk and dead
Would it **** to find my demise-free zone
And just eat some Cloudy Candy instead?

If wishes came true,
With every bite I took
I would have father with me
A Mother to love me

I kept eating the candy though
Even if it didn't taste heavenly anymore
Tears kept streaming down with every bite
I kept the harshness inside

The faster I ate, the more it hurt,
I couldn't swallow the lumps in my throat,
The pain developed inside of me,
Like a tumour, I was a waste, never needed.

You eat all the Candyfloss in the world, it won't work.
It just sweetens the pain, lessens the hurt.

They coo over a child,
A child that isn't so different to me.
But he has a cute face,
Charming smile.

Everything I don't.

My parents love them as if they never had a child.

While I fade into the background,
Yet the tears fresh and shinning,
The only thing that makes me stand out.
Yet, I still fail.

I fail to be what everyone wanted me,
To be.

I'm sorry for being myself,
I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.

I'm sorry,
So I'll fade here,
Unnoticed.

Tell me he's not mine,
Tell he's not perfect,
Tell me he hasn't got an amazing smile,
Tell me he's not worth it.

Tell me he's not beautiful,
Tell me he's not the one,
Tell me he's not a miracle,
Brought from above.

Tell me he doesn't make me happy,
Tell me I don't need him.
Tell me his eyes don't melt me,
Tell he hasn't made his way within.

Tell me his words don't soften my heart,
Tell me he's love for someone else,
Doesn't hurt.
Tell me we can never be apart,
Tell me this feeling doesn't burn.

You can tell me anything,
But I don't care.
I Love him, he's amazing,
No one could compare.

If this is what he makes me feel like,
I adore it.
Us together feels so right,
Ive fallen in Love with him.

My pen dances,
Across the paper.
Words pour out,
Of this once empty mind.

My stomach churns,
At this feeling,
Of joy,
For writing fairy tales.

My smile is so bright,
And wide as a flowing river.
My eyes shine and sparkle so much,
They could replace stars.

The music entering my ears,
Sends my body dancing.
Still with pen and paper in hand,
My soul screams out loud it's greatest fears.

The happiness inside me,
Sprinkles bliss around the room.
The smell of Exhilaration,
Signals my heart to start jumping.

I can't believe,
That this amazing talent,
Can do so much to me.

But, hey, that's poetry.

It's funny, 
How a girl who has talents to stand out, is unnoticed. All the time. 

She sits down silently,
Counting the hours 'till it ends,
While everyone looks past her,
As if she was a ghost.

'Am I invisible?' She asks herself.

She counts,
Everyone acknowledging smile,
Hoping they finally see her,
But is yet to be disappointed, again.

People wave at her,
When she's alone.
But that's all the attention she gets,
That's all she has.

She silently cries,
She knows it's pathetic,
But she only wants to be known,
To be a somebody

Dreams of being famous,
Standing onstage.
But sadly realizing,
It's just a fake.

The one person she loves,
Is wrapped in his own world.
A world where she's the background,
A world where she doesn't exist.

So, it's fair,
These tears streaming down her face,
She wants to stand out,
Be different.

She tries so hard,
With her polite smiles,
Her funny tone,
But it's not good enough.

So, she writes it down,
To the world.
Where people don't see her face
But her words, for once.

She can show her true colors,
Through things she loves,
Which is poetry,
Posted to the universe.

She prays,
That there is someone reading,
Someone who sees through her words,
Gets the clue,
Helps her.

All she has to do, 
Is wait.
But that's what she has been doing,
For her past life.

These tears are for something more,
Something that matters to us all,
But we find it so easy,
That we forget that there are people,
Who can't.

So, I write it down,
To the world.
Where people can't see my face,
But my words, for once.

I write, because I want you to know,
This world will never be perfect.
*Never

Wait a minute, I think I've figured it out.
You hate me, while I love you.

Guess the feeling isn't mutual.

She's dead,
The one who loved me and gave me care.
She held me in her arms when safety was rare.

She's gone.
All my hopes drained. She was my everything and kept me maintained.

She'll never come back.
She was my everything, put me in front of her.
She was all I had, forever.

She's no more.
My life has ended, has no meaning?
I'll have no peace, no reasoning.

I Love her.
My mother's dead, she always made my day. Now she's gone,
I have no more to say.

A language spoken so well around the world.

My teachers would use the synonym “irony”.

I simply disagree. Sarcasm is showing the obvious by saying it isn’t. Irony is simply having the world hate you. And, being someone you’re not. It has many definitions but I’m here to talk about something else. So here goes:

Sarcasm.

A language spoken well around the world.
My teacher would use the synonym ‘irony”.
It makes things seem different.
It shows annoyance.
Some don’t get it,
But that’s the beauty of it.                                                                  ­                       
Most use it for fun,
And a joke is cracked.
But some find it hurtful,
Some just can’t.
It needs emotion,
Which is something people don’t have.
Therefore always going back,
And making the joke sour.

 
What I love about it,
Is that anyone can speak it.
Sometimes not knowing it,
Sometimes knowing it.
But any language or sign
Can have this weird dialect.
And that’s how everyone around the world,
Becomes closer together.
Another thing to the list,
That everyone has in common.

 
As I say,
Some are fluent,
Some aren’t.
That’s what I appreciate,
It’s the one thing you and I have in common.

 
Stupidity is what it starts with,
As one points out the obvious.
Then the other emphasizes on that,
Pointing out the dumbness.
Anyone can laugh out loud,
Anyone can cry,
But it’s what keeps us together,

Our stupid sarcasm.

Blue tulips, yellow flowers,
Pink clouds, purple sky.

Green leaves, brown ants,
Caramel skin, yellow sand.

Red apples, peach lines,
Orange sunset, Teal ties.

The world is a beautiful sight,
But my life in jail is just black and white.

It burns my heart,
Right to my soul,
Seeing you with another,
God, just let me go.

It was like a dagger in me,
Yet you let me bleed,
Because you didn't know,
You didn't know.

Why was it you,
The one who never really cared?
Rarely had your arms around me,
But now I'm completely bare.

I wish it would stop,
The pain is hurting me.
But you had to carry on,
Carry on torturing me.

I wish more than anything,
For you to love me.
But you don't notice me,
You let me be.

I love you,
I wish I could tell you.
It's my secret,
But you don't care about the truth.

I'm sorry,
I'll take the blame,
For being me,
I walk with my head down in shame.

I dance.
I point my toes till they hurt.
I stretch every muscle in my body,
Even the ones that I shouldn’t.

 
I move across the room,
To every dusty corner,
Using all the space I have,
In this tiny room.
 

I smile,
As I lift a leg,
Turn it into the right position,
Try and ignore the pain,
 

I place myself for a pirouette,
Turn out my feet,
Widen my arms,
And let go.

 
My leg stays under my knee,
My arms come closer,
As my weight leans backwards,
I fall.

 
I regain my stamina,
And try again.
Doing the same as last time,
I fall.

 
I change my position,
I bring my weight forward,
And when I thought I did it,
I fall.

 
I got back up in anger,
The smile vanished from my lips,
I turn again and again,
Wanting to be perfect.

 
My last twirl,
I kept going on,
Turning with no end,
Until I collided into a wall.
 

I fell, once again,
But did not get up,
The white light was burning my eyes,
And like that,

I was gone

I see you,
Confusion written all over your face.
Like you don't know where you are,
Why you're here.

I figure you can't see me.
So I wave,
Run up to you
Then wrap my arms around you.

Do you know I've missed you?
I've run out of tissues so many times,
For crying so long.
But you're here now.

I counted the minutes,
Hours, days, Years 
Until this moment,
I'm so happy.

You don't wrap your arms around me,
But I guess you haven't seen my face yet.
I pull away, centimeters apart,
And hope you recognize me.

Your features haven't changed,
You're as beautiful as you left.
Those hazel eyes,
That amazing smile.

I missed those nights we had,
Now I sleep alone.
But I'm glad you came back,
Life would return to normal.

You still don't understand,
Why I'm in front of you,
But now I'm confused,
Have you forgotten?

You couldn't have.
All those messages,
Those calls,
 My texts.

Don't you remember,
When you would lift me up,
Carry me to safety,
And hug me, reassuring me?

Don't you remember,
When I would lie in your lap,
Telling you stories,
While you stroked my hair?

Don't you remember,
How you teased me,
Making me angry,
But kissing me afterwards?

Don't you remember,
When I would play my guitar,
You would hold me,
And we would sing together?

Don't you remember,
When I would curl up next to you,
Head on your chest,
While you whispered your love for me.

I read your eyes,
As I tell you everything.
But I can see.
You don't remember 
There was never a 'me', after you left.

You don't need to explain,
I can see,
You fell in love immediately,
Forgetting what we had. 

I push you away,
And I see the recognition in you face.
You only realize now, do you?
You were so caught up, hey?

I walk away,
Hearing you scream my name,
But I know you never loved me,
I am so ashamed.

I fell for it,
Like everyone else.
There never was a 'us'.
There never was a 'me'.

I can hear you,
Running after me,
But all I wish to hear,
Are my raging tears.

I am such an idiot,
For believing you cared.
But you were so kind,
So amazing.

So was it all for fun?
Did you just want to play with my feelings?
Or did you love me,
But moved on when you left?

You said you won't forget,
You said you would care,
You said you will always remember,
Said you'd always come back.

But I guess,
More things were said,
Than ever done.

You grab me by the waist,
And try to explain.
But I break free from your grasp,
Like I broke free from your lies.

I wasted precious time,
Thinking you still loved me,
But I guess someone was better,
Prettier than me.

You words echo through the hall,
But I keep walking.
I don't want you anymore,
I'm through with this.

You're still chasing me,
But I'm faster.
I run to a corner,
Curl up and cry.

I can hear you coming closer,
But you don't touch me.
But that's what I need right now,
You.

Deep down,
Past the hate, the hurt,
The pain and the worst,
I realize,

I still Love You

I am made of different things,
That is why everyone believes,
I have no soul,
No feelings.

that it doesn't hurt,
When I know I'm the one,
That keeps lovers apart,
Keeps the right from the wrong.

They think it doesn't hurt,
When people punch me in frustration.
They don't make a dent,
But they do to my heart.

I might be what keeps people safe,
But the glares shot at me,
Are filled with hatred and anger,
But all I do is be me,
It's my job.

People overlook me. 
But when they do,
It's as a problem.
They think I'm not real,
That I don't feel.

I would cry if I could,
Get rid of myself,
So people would be happy,
And not hate me.

I lock people,
Block the outside from the in.
Hurt people,
Without me knowing.

I am something,
People wish a away.
I wish I could disappear,
Making smiles reappear. 

Everyone hates me,
Detest my infinite width,
Loathe my secure body,
But I can't help it.

I'm just  a wall.

Only when you leave,
Do I realize

I need you in my life.

He was popular, she was just a school girl
He thought he was alone, she thought she was known
He thought he had nothing, The girl knew that he didn't know he had everything. 
He found himself imperfect, the girl thought about how he was famous, good, smart, alive, had a family, had food, had a roof above his head.
He yearned to be perfect, but the girl knew all along that he was.
He waited for something to come, the girl had waited  long enough.
He wanted a distraction, she WAS the distraction.
He thought he was a goner, the girl who hated her birth day was already gone.
He Wanted to run away from the truth, the girl only knew the truth.
He supposed he was lonely, the girl had cried on her special day 'cause no one cared.
He was smart, she had parents screaming for better.
He was talented, she was a mystery, never to be revealed.
He was perfect, the girl realized she'll never be.

I watched as her hair bobbed up and down,
Her eyes sparkled like the ocean,
And her smile widen in beauty

We were one,
We were the best,
She had her beauty,
While I had my brains

We sat together, 
ate together, 
laughed together,
Our worlds revolved around each other

We were solid particles, never separated,
Yet closer than ever,
We were a maths problem
Her + Me = Forever

But, like in any other love story,
I feel in love with her,
How could I not,
She was a demon who captured my heart

God, take this love,
As a sign to the angels,
Let me be her man,
There's nothing more that I want,

My soul longs for her touch,
Whispers for her kiss,
Dies for her smile,
This is my 

True Love.

No new messages.

I don’t know where you are on the other side of the screen. But I want to know. Badly.

No new messages.

I’m not sure what I’ve become, in these seconds, of being patient.

No new messages.

My soul only wants one thing, I realize: You. Your attention. Your sympathy. Your words to make me feel better.

No new messages.

I’m going crazy now. I want you, your touch through words. I want to know that you’re listening to my thoughts. That you’re here for me.

No new message.

My patience is running out, my love for you is too. Staring at a screen, wanting something only you can give.

What has my life become? I am nothing. Saving time for you to talk to me, when I should concentrate on what’s important.

No new messages.

My life is useless. I am looking for the wrong goal. But I keep staring, hoping you’d somehow send me a message, telling me it’s ok.

No new messages.

I’m tired. I’m sorry. I can’t stop being the crazy girl I am. But I’m in love, that’s all I can say.

No new messages.

I get it, you’re not online. Fine. I’ve stopped caring. What’s the point? Forget you. I hate you. I wish we’d never met.

No new messages.

Yes, I’m still here. Can’t you see? It’s been hours, I’ve been staring at this screen since you said you’d be here. I’m not ready to give up. Are you there, somehow?

No new messages.

I’ve tried, but it’s getting late. I’m sorry. Even though I know you’re not here. Please know that I still care.

I type in a new message and then sign out.

I Love You.

We are the Dupids,
The two of us,
We search for love,
Then crumple it up.

Instead of love arrows,
We shoot poison darts,
We crush their souls,
And rip them apart.

The sight of two, 
disgusts us to death,
Then when we have run out of darts,
We are in total debt.

We don't love, 
We aim to hate,
We don't care if we go to hell
We will face our fate.

Those stupid hormones,
We'd **** them if we could,
We hate their stupid love stuff,
We would rip it, yes we would.

But unfortunately for me,
I have been struck by Cupid,
I'm falling hard,
I am no more a Dupid.

That moment when you realize,
Life isn't a friend,
But simply an enemy,
Toying with your emotions.

You hope and pray for something,
And it only does the opposite.

It's different for everyone.
Seem have it hard, suicide.
Some have it good,romance
But everyone hates it.

Don't let it hurt you,
But look past the glares,
The threats,
The knives.

It only wants you to cry.
It only want you to die.

So long, Life.
Your dreams have come true.

She is sitting next to the window,
Rain pouring. 
She was cold,
And he is the warmth.

Her eyes reflect,
The droplets, outside.
Soon become real,
Falling from the inside.

She promised she wouldn't cry.
She didn't when she found him on the ground,
She didn't at the sound of the deafening beep,
She didn't when they lowered him to his grave.

But she guessed,
She held it for too long.
Was it okay?
She can't stop.

She remembers,
When he held her hand,
Wrapped his arms around her,
Kissed Her.
Now she needs that,
To stop hurting.

When she was with him,
She felt contented,
Safe,
Warm.

Why is it,
That when she need him the most,
He disappears,
Forever?

His demise,
She's Pensive, about.
Profusion of questions,
Asking the stated obvious.

If he ever thought she hated him,
Think again.
Look who's crying now.

He is the bones in her body,
The muscle,
Her heart.
She can't live without him.

So, that means she's dead.
 
He's no longer here.
What's the point of living,
If she can't stand up?
If she can't breath?

She knows he isn't coming back,
So she thought it over.
She's got nothing here anymore,
Got nothing to live for.

So she takes the gun,
Placed it to her temple.
So she can be with him know,
They'll be together forever.

“I love you,” she whispers.



And there, stood the grave, right next to his, it was marked:

Anna Stones
1994-2014
Suicide
Depression of Love

I was walking down
The gravel of the school,
Suddenly I felt,
Like a shadow was behind me,
Staring, looking, waiting.


I hoped it was him.
I wanted it to be him.
I wanted to believe it was him.
I hoped and prayed it was him.
Even if there was a chance it wasn’t.


I wanted it to be so badly.
I wanted to take back my words.
Tell him that I loved him,
That age didn’t matter.

 
Tell him that,
He didn’t have to be with her,
That I was there,
For him.

 
Tell him we could change the world,
Break the rules,
Make a difference.
Tell him that it was me he wanted,
And I knew.

 
Tell him that I could finally,
Have the happy ever after,
That I always wanted.
That nothing could stop us.
 

I wanted him to know,
That we can have,
Everything we wanted,
That life wasn’t something to hate.
 

I wanted to tell him,
That I would die happy,
If took my hand,
And held onto it,
Until it was my end.

 
I wanted him to know,
That I loved him,
And I wanted to know,
If he felt the same.


I wanted,
My life to take a turn,
Be what it should be,
Be what I wished.


I wanted,
To wrap my arms around him,
And hold on,
Till death did us apart.

 
I wanted him to know,
That we can.
I kept praying,
Not letting the negative in,
Keeping my hopes up,
Then I turned around.

 
There was no one.

You only realize,
That you miss someone,
When they've left you,
Forever.

I was forced,
And I hated that place.
But I forgot there were good,
People like you.


I regret not thinking straight,
Because now I miss you,
I miss you smiling,
Cracking a joke all the time.

You sure didn't have the cleanest mind,
But that made you all the more funny,
Your humour,
And constant laughter.

I never hated you,
How would I?
You were so sweet,
So nice.

You got along with everyone,
Hid your feelings to the ones you hated.
But you changed ways behind their backs,
Making all of us laugh.

You're the one person I miss the most,
The one person I wish back.
The one person I want here with me,
The one that I need to make me smile.

I don't love you,
But I need you,
I need some happiness,
To turn this frown the right side.

I wish I could turn back time,
So I can treasure those moments with you.
I don't want to regret,
For being the worst friend.

You did laugh,
At the things you shouldn't,
But I forgive,
And I forget.

I dream of seeing you,
So many times,
I just want to say goodbye,
one last time.

But we're parting further,
So I can never see you again.
Connections fail,
To make me contented.

So, keep this poem,
so you can remember,
you changed my life,
and you'll stay in me forever.

Goodbye’s can be harsh,
With me, it always is,
A farewell to a piece of my life,
A piece of my heart

In the end, I’m left alone,
I never see it coming,
Just like when I met you,
I never knew you were worth it,

Friends or no friends,
We weren’t always,
But in my mind,
We were, always

My feelings were hurt, yes,
But at least you were with me,
Now I see into the future,
With us, there is no destiny,

We don’t feel the same way,
Pains me, it does,
But who can blame you,
For not feeling what I wish?

I can’t force love,
But like friends, I can’t
Stop doing what I do,
Saying what I say,

So maybe it’s best,
Before you part,
We stop being friends,
And I’ll be left with a broken heart,

People say,
“Live life with no regrets”
That’s why we should move on,
So I won’t be hurt again,

I hate doing this,
But it’s for the best,
I love you more than anything,
More than a friend,

Goodbye to another loved one,
Even if I know what it feels like,
I’m inexperienced when it comes ,
My heart breaking to pieces

Ignore my raging tears and please, Please do as I say:

Just clear your head,
Forget we ever met,
And let me be lonely,
Again.

Some find happiness easy to find,
Some find it hard.
I’m one of those people,
Who really don’t know.

 
But my days of sunshine,
Are gone for good.
I stare at the photo of us,
And can’t believe we were.
 

Why is it,
That when I’m happy,
Someone of something,
Decides to ruin it all?

 
I slowly eat my chocolate,
Letting the sweetness,
 Swallow my pain.
 

I throw the frame,
 To the ground.
Hearing the crash,
I pull myself together.


I take another bite of my chocolate,
As memories rush into my mind,
Of you and me loving each other,
As a tear slips down my eye.

 
I can’t keep it together,
My chocolate tastes sour,
What happened to us?
What happened to you?
 

My tears rush like a waterfall,
Creating a river around me,
My chocolate can’t do its job anymore,
It is no more sweet.


I drop the chocolate,
Hoping it would stop,
The taste,
The pain.
 

I still miss you,
So much, it hurts.
But you never gave me the love, 
Like the one the chocolate gave me.

I trace fingers down my arm,
Imagining yours,
Inked.
 

I close my eyes,
Think back to us,
Memories.


Your tattooed arm,
My favorite beanie,
Gone.

 
Your smile,
Your hug,
Missing.
 

Am I supposed to leave you?
Am I supposed to forget?
Even though it was you,
Do you still miss me?
Questions.
 

I know it’s your dream,
Since you were a kid.
But now that you’ve met me,
Do you see me beside you in it?
Dreams.
 

I’m not used to this,
I can’t do it.
I lean down my pillow,
And I still smell your scent
Empty.
 

Why can’t you come home?
I need you now,
I’ve never felt this way before,
Please, help me.
Pleads.
 

I don’t like being alone,
 I miss my heart beating,
At your smile.
When it flutters,
At your touch.
Addicted.


Like a drug.
You aren’t good for me.
Who am I kidding?
I need you so bad.
Drugged.
 

I want your kiss,
Your skin upon mine,
Your lips against mine,
Your soothing words melting mine.
Wishes.
 

Your tattoos,
Meaningless.
Yet so many reasons,
For every single one.
Trance.
 

A tear falls.
My heart against yours,
Racing each other,
But staying close.
Metaphors.
 

Love was once a mistake.
And I never trusted again.
Then I met you,
And you turned my world around.
Happiness.
 

Maybe I’m dreaming,
I close my eyes.
I’ll wake up with you in my bed,
And forget everything.
Disappointment.
 

These are real tears,
You’ll never be able to see,
That I hate to admit it,
But I think I love you.
Light bulb.

 
And I realize.
You kisses make me wanna fly.
Those nights with you made me feel special.
That’s all you wanted.
Recognize.

 
I held on to the man of my life,
But let go.
Now I’ll never be able to see you again,
Because I didn’t get it.
Understood.


These tears keep flowing,
Now I get it.
I held my walls for too high,
Too long.
Corrected.

 
Can you hear me?
I want you to know,
This poem is for you,
My aesthetic pleasure.
Literature.


It’s you that I want.
I’m sorry for not believing.
I know you are the one.
My one and only.
Romantic.

 
Take these tears,
To show the world,
Take my blood,
And let me write:
True Love.

It can’t hurt you,
But only make you fonder,
It silences the silence,
With beauty.

Makes you feel,
As if you’re in outer space.
No one can find you,
No one can hurt you.

Peace,
Makes you calm,
The only sound you hear,
Is the music making its way to your heart.

It’s a mist,
Only in the color your desire,
It moves around,
Slowly wrapping itself around your soul.

It’s emotional,
Can speak to you,
But the words soothe you,
Telling you to fly.

Music is made,
Sung,
And heard,
It’s what keeps us alive.
It’s what gives us life.

Get lost in the sweet, amazing feeling that I call music.  
                                                              ~d(-_-)b~

That moment when your realize,
You've taken a step too far,
You can't take it back,
You're ruined forever.