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May 2019 · 224
Torn
I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions.
On the one side, there's fire
and it'll scorch me and burn me
Alive.
On the other, there's ice,
so cold it'll freeze me to
Death.
And if I choose neither,
I will be torn apart,
until there nothing of me
Left.
Apr 2019 · 165
Out of love
I don't know what changed
Because I never stopped giving
Even after you stopped accepting.
I don't know what I did wrong,
When you started pushing me away,
When you slammed the door in my face
I still stood in the rain,
Waiting patiently for you to open up.
I gave you time that I knew was just an excuse
For you to distance yourself from me.
My love was falling into an abyss, into this infinite space between us.
It was grasping at air hoping it would reach you but
We were falling from your hands that once caught us,
And you were too far away to realise you dropped us.
You were my universe,
And I let it come between us so you could have space.
I did it all out of love,
So, tell me,
Tell me
Why was it not enough?
Temporary infinities
Jan 2019 · 982
Reasons
You've given me tons of reasons to leave,
But I still stay
Because those reasons weren't enough
To keep me away
Oct 2018 · 205
Significant
I am no more significant than any other insignificant being on this planet.
I, an insignificant being, am endless.
You, us insignificant beings, are endless.
Boundless.
We are defined by the millions of stars' dust that stretches across the space of this universe.
We are glorious.
Flawless.
We will rise
We will conquer
And nothing can stop us
Nothing at all.
Insignificant yet significant
Aug 2018 · 376
I wish
I wish we met another time
Where I could've given you my best
Instead of giving you my worst
But now
My worst is
All I have left.
I wish
Aug 2018 · 143
Hard
It's just a little hard
Trying to find something
To fill the hole in your
Heart.
Hm.
Aug 2018 · 289
Dreams
Maybe
There aren't enough 'what if's'
In the world
To fulfill a heart's
Dream.
Maybe.
Jun 2018 · 203
Anxiety
An old friend came to visit me the other day
Anxiety.
He sat me down with my hopes and dreams and chained them around my wrists,
So that I would be able to reach them
But never catch a hold of them
Because they were just a little too far to fetch.
Part I
Jun 2018 · 144
Not a poem
In school, I detested English.
- The Poet


Can anyone else relate?
Apr 2018 · 892
Sink
Sometimes I just wish I could sink into the void inside of me, detach my soul from every part of me so I become a lifeless body.
So I can seep away from existence, fall into myself, and never see the light of day again, never be afraid that it will be burn me
Again.
It's been a while since I've written.
Aug 2017 · 537
Look at me
I want you to look at me
As if I'm the most beautiful thing in the world

I want you to look at me
Like you've found what you've been looking for

I want you to look at me
As if I make you happy

I want you to look at me
As if I'm more than you could ever ask for

I want you to look at me
As if you never want to let go

I want you to look at me
Like I'm the best thing that ever happened to you

I want you to look at me

*The way I look at you
Feb 2017 · 832
Cancer
My heart hammered in my chest,
Petrified, my vision was blurry
My body was shaking
From the reality before me.

His sharp teeth and pale lips
Pulled back into a hideous smirk,
His hollowed eyes
Filled to the brim with hunger
And his breath
Foul with every death
He had devoured.

My throat, constricted with
Anxiety
And my stomach
Screamed with uneasiness.

My living nightmare
Worse than I had ever imagined,
Feeding off of any hope left inside of me.

I could taste the bitter flavor of dread
Replacing any bit of courage inside of me.

I struggled to find air,
Terror gnawed at my heart
As he prowled closer.

I closed my eyes
Praying to whoever was out there
For a second chance.
Then cursing them
For letting this monster
Haunt me.

Everything I lived for
Would be gone within the next few moments
Tears of anxiety drenched my face
From the thoughts of losing everyone I cared for.

What did I do to deserve this?
Why have I wronged fate?
Why does fate bring this sinister creature to punish me?
Why? Why? Why?

I do not deserve this.
I will not be punished.
I will not let it end here.
I will not accept my fate.

I took in a deep breath
1…2…3

His distorted face so close to mine,
Leering at me.
My heart pounding against my chest
My mind screaming to run
But my eyes,
Stared dead straight into his vacant sockets.

With all the courage I could fathom,
I roared
“You are not me.
You’ll never be”

His stance faltered
My nerves no longer chained around me.
“You can’t control me,
You are not stronger than me.”

My bravery radiated
As he started to saunter back
Fear in his voided eyes.
His figure shrunk with every step.
“You are nothing but a monster,
A beast.
I will not let you define me.”

He fell back and squirmed under my gaze.
“I may fear you,
But that doesn’t mean I won’t fight you.
I will, and I have.
And
  I won."

With that, he crawled into the shadows
Where he belonged.
But he always lurked,
Inside my own shadow, attached to me
He was always an unwanted guest.
But he never hurt me.
He knew if I could conquer the beast inside of me
I could conquer anything.

I can. And I will.
Nothing in this entire world can stop me.
*Nothing at all.
Nov 2016 · 958
Cycle of Getting Over It
Breaking up.
The words still flashing before my eyes,
Days after you’ve said them.
I take another scoop of ice cream,
Trying to swallow down the lump in my throat.
I’m okay, I’m okay.
I see her hands in yours,
I’m not okay.
I cry, and cry and cry. Till it’s all out.
I think I feel better now,
Crying makes everything better.
I get a message from you
I still love you, even if it isn’t the same
But the words morph into
You’re still being friend zoned.
I sigh, refusing to cry again.
Closing my eyes and the darkness is blurred with images of you,
Of us,
Of *happiness.

Then my heart starts to ache again
My eyes snap wide open.
I won’t allow myself to go there again.
I take an elastic band and set to punish myself if I thought of you again.
One day,
Snap.
Two days,
Snap, snap
Three days,
Triple snap.
I think I’m bleeding
And it’s not just my heart.
So I switch to binge watching
While binge eating.
This feels better already
Then the couple on TV decide to kiss,
I hate TV.
I switch to talking.
Moaning,
Complaining,
Crying,
Venting,
Pitying.
Everythi­ng till I’m done feeling sorry for myself.
I stand up straighter and take a deep breath.
Then I get another message from you
You’re the greatest friend ever*
Sigh. I slump back
I hate you.
I’m not talking to you again.
That’s hard
So I drink.
Downing all my sorrows and problems with each shot.
Is it really that difficult to get over a breakup?
I mean, I’ve done it before, so I can do it again
Right?
Well, before him you weren’t in love.
******.
Another shot.
And then I’m done feeling groggy.
Done feeling helpless,
Hopeless,
Useless,
Love-less.
Who needs a man anyway?
I’m fine on my own.
So I smile.
I Laugh,
Have fun till the happiness inside me bursts out.
This feels good.*
The skies seem bluer and the grass feels greener.
I feel incredible.
And then,
Flashbacks.
Kissing,
Smiling,
Holding my hand,
The way you’re looking at me.
Oh great.
*Now I have to start again.
This is just a thought process I have. The cycle is so annoying.
Nov 2016 · 618
Consultation
Patient: B. Hypocrite

Feelings: Angry, frustrated, sad, confused, despaired, suicidal

In need of therapy (Yes/No)**: What's the point? I'm already a hopeless suicidal *freak.
Oct 2016 · 1.6k
What is love?
It is when you find yourself forgiving the hands that crushed your heart.
Oct 2016 · 1.0k
Sinner
If loving you is a sin,
Then consider me the *Devil
I will only sin.
Oct 2016 · 707
Poet
What am I if not made of irony
Hypocrisy and words
So contradictory?
I mask it all with style;
Venom and blood
Or light and color-
All decorating our words
With different kinds of splendor.
But I hide the true meaning deep within.
Even if the truth is more shallow than you think.
I let you taste emotions never offered to you on your plate,
Because I hide my ingredients
In the meal that you ask for.
I give what you never knew you never wanted
In a way that only entices you.
But I am one of the best liars on paper.
I am one of the best actors.
I convey millions of emotions
When I only have a soulless soul inside.
Poets like me can describe feelings they've never felt before.
Never take my words as my life
Because halfway,
I stopped living in my words.
Poet.

Does that make sense? I don't know.
Oct 2016 · 465
Mama
Mama, it hurts to breath him in now.*
I think it's the intoxicating smell of all the wrong choices he made following him everywhere he goes.

Mama, it burns whenever I touch him.
He scorches me with his fierce speech, a tongue of fire every time he speaks to me, but with words never truly meant for me.

Mama, it deafens me whenever I hear him.
His voice is raspy from all his problems he tries to smoke away, turning his lungs into ashes with all the bad herbs he puffs away.

Mama, it blinds me whenever I see him.
His sad self wasting precious life away, in the depths of despair.

Mama, I want to cry for him. He hurts so much and I cannot even reach out a hand to help him without poisoning myself with his deadly words. Loving him is excruciatingly painful because he has no love left for me.

Mama, I can't leave him.
Even if he doesn't show it I know if I were to leave he'd suffer tremendously. He's so fragile behind the armored wall he put up against anyone.

Mama, I know you think I'm making a mistake
But I bare with the pain if it can make him okay again.

I'm the only one he lets his walls down for.

Mama,
You ask how? Why?

Well, if he didn't, he wouldn't have asked me to stay longer.

Why?
I guess he needs me as much as I need him.
I need to save him so I can save myself.
Oct 2016 · 833
Wounds
I don't know why I reopen old wounds.

I guess it's because I just want to
Feel Again.
Wound me,
Again.
Sep 2016 · 903
Falling
I know you won't fall for me,
But you will fall eventually,
And when you do
I promise she'll be there to catch you.
To everyone who fell
But never got caught.

I don't blame you for that.
Sep 2016 · 502
Fire
Light entered the dark room.
It's soft glow lit up the dark corners of the room
And even went as far as lighting up the dark corners of her mind.
The warmth spread across her face as she stared into the light-
A fire inside her eyes.
She watched the candle roar with only one flame,
Not afraid if the yellow flicker would burn her heart
If she got too close-
Like she did.
She spat fire at her whenever she brought down her walls.
She had to constantly build them back up so she wouldn't get even the tiniest glimpse of her broken, crippled self.
Her heart and soul were worn out,
Burns marking their territory
And stretch marks seeping through because that one big part of her Learnt to shrink more and more
Just so she'd have more bricks to pile up as defense.
She lived in constant fear that her fire would turn more of her body black again.
She was tired of living in fear of suffocating in her smoke.
Her lungs were sore from breathing in her scorching words.
In the dark room she reached her hand out to the flame,
Something she never thought possible,
Her fingers clasping onto the heat.
Clasping onto the peace
From the lone candle.
She never tasted a fire so beautiful-
For once the orange didn't leave her soul in ashes.
She inhaled the burning serenity
Embracing it,
Engulfing it,
Enlightening her insides
With a new found happiness.
She let herself melt
Into a world brighter than the light
Gone in her eyes.
Welcome Home. This fire still burns for you. Use it to find your way in this new life.
Sep 2016 · 389
Universe
Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if the universe was in your hands.
I know you'd be able to control everything- have it all your own way, as you please.
But I also know you'd shove the world between us, giving us an infinite amount of space no one could imagine. In my heart I'd have the meteors creating black holes.
In your eyes you'd have the stars making a whole new galaxy that doesnt consist of me.
So, really, even in a possibility as such,
Nothing would have changed.
You'd still have left me for her.
Sep 2016 · 412
Platter For One
At least you know
How it feels
To lay your heart down on a silver platter
Loved to perfection.
Slathered with the sauce
Extracted from the roots of
My words.
Sprinkled with the butterflies I felt
Every time I looked at you.
And you could taste the pinch of ecstasy
From all the times I held
Your hand.
Let us not forget
Our moments together
When we couldn't think of
Ever being separated.
Our history
Spiced up the plate
But left a tangy taste,
Almost as sweet
As your lips when they were on
Mine.
All of it paired with the sliced up
Hatred and anger
I felt towards you.
The strong aroma of
Frustration
When you made me want to scream in
Fury.
All to provide a cuisine of
True Love.
Only for you to push it away
And say
'No thank you, I already ate.'
My-our- hard work, time and effort
All gone to waste.
You just drank more and more
Of your Ex-pired girlfriend, instead
And got drunk on old feelings.
Again.
Sep 2016 · 2.0k
Intimate
We were not our most intimate
When my kiss was on your lips.
We were not our most intimate
When our hands clasped onto our hope together.
We were not our most intimate
When I scribbled poetry onto your skin
Or when I tattooed my love into your heart.
When I held onto you so close and made you promise me you'd never let go
We were not our most intimate.

When you were on the other side of a room
Filled with tons of people,
And a lesson going on in school
About something important,
But through it all
You caught my eye,
Held onto it,
And finally
Smiled.
That's when we were intimately in love.
Well, one of us was, ha.
Sep 2016 · 666
Bathtub
I climb into the tub filled with water
Hoping it would cleanse me of our memories
Our history,
Hoping it would get rid of moments I crave to forget.
I run the soap along my body,
Cleaning out your fingerprints,
Rinse,
Smiling because I think I'm finally free.
But we all know how baths work.
I sat there in my dirt,
Your dirt,
Our dirt,
I sat there in the midst of our memories
Stuck with you
Surrounding me
Once again.
Like you never left.
To him: you're stuck on my mind. Why?
Sep 2016 · 432
Crystal Glass
I drank from the beautiful crystal glass
Silently wishing it was your love
So I would keep it in me
Until it consumes me
And I would be surrounded by your love.
To him: wouldn't it be nice to have a crystal glass of love?
Sep 2016 · 804
Heart
That feeling
Like you wrapped your cold hands around
My heart
Squeezing the warmth and love out of it
Until it was empty.
But I never minded,
As my heart loved the feel of your hands
And needed to be cooled down every once in a while
Because every time I looked at you
It warmed up again.
To him: My Heart for you.
Sep 2016 · 401
Our Minds
I always think of our perfect moments, fairy tale nights and incredible memories we made together
But I know you only think of how beautiful she is, her amazing smile, her wonderful laugh and how incredible your memories with her were.
No one gets over their first love.
Turns out, you weren't any different.
Sep 2016 · 451
African Sky
Do you think you’re going to miss
The stars in the sky?
You’ll be a thousand miles
Away from the beautiful
Night.

Do you think your heart will grow sore
From missing the sunlight?
The way it paints the clouds
In an abundance of shades
Right up in the sky.

Do you think you’ll miss
Looking up and seeing your favorite color?
Miss seeing that wonderful tinge of blue
Also known as my hue
Of hope.

Do you think you’ll wish
To see the orange sunset again?
Watching the tones of fire ignite the sky
Until a deep ocean cools it down
And washes it out
Till it glitters with desires
Known as the stars-
Shining bright and illuminating your way
Home.

If I were you I’d miss the African Night.
I’d miss seeing destiny
Sprawled across the darkness like that.
I’d miss the sunlight
Warming up my heart
From sunrise like that.
I’d miss the splash of colors
Tinting the clouds
Giving me a taste of incredibility
From sunsets like that.
I’d miss the sky
How infinite it can be.
But you won’t have to worry
Because you were born a beauty-
A star.

Your home is the night
And wherever you are
You can see the glimmers of
Hope.
You are a shimmering ball of
Miracles.
Wherever you are
You are home.
To him: I wonder what it's like to feel the last day here. You've got one more day but I already miss you. I wish we could talk again. But by the time we can, you'll have replaced me. My life is still miserable.
I wrote this thinking of you. I hope you liked it.
Sep 2016 · 551
Voices
I turn up the volume as loud as it can go
Hearing the music blasting my drums.
But no matter how loud it is
It can never block out
The voices inside my head.
To him: I told her. I don't think I can keep my promise anymore. My life is ruined. I'm so sorry.
Aug 2016 · 690
Bed
Bed
I've stopped imagining you lying in bed with me.
Because I know even in my dreams you'd stay close to the edge,
Trying to get as far away from me as possible,
And leave me feeling lonely, empty and
Cold.
I'm starting to feel as cold as your heart.
Aug 2016 · 545
Blind
I took off my glasses so I would see the world in all it's blurred glory. Where nothing is certain, everything is unclear and focus is lost.

Sometimes I wish I was blind so I wouldn't see how people change and deceive you. So I wouldn't see the ugly creatures they grow into. So I wouldn't be faced with the fact that no one stays the same.

I wouldn't see people grow into their worst fear.
I can't accept change if they only change to hurt every part of me.
Jul 2016 · 500
Reflection
I stared at the girl before me. The voices in my head from the years before were echoing inside.

You are so smart. I wish I could have a mind like yours
You are talented. The words you write on the page are gold.
I know you will do so great one day.


The girl they talked about was someone I couldn’t recognize.

I touched my face and the girl in front of me touched hers. My fingers traced down to my lips where a smile usually sat. I tried to curve  them but it hurt, so I let them fall into a grim line.

Much better.

I felt the tingles as my hand reached my eyes and the girl had bags under hers. I caught a glimpse of something shimmering in her eyes; tears. Why was she crying?

My cheeks are wet.

I stared at her face and saw the pale skin that clung to her bones. She looked like she could be healthier.  Be happier. I wanted to make her happier.

But what is there to be happy about?

I couldn’t recognize the girl in the mirror. I didn’t know who she was. My eyes focused on her until her face became disoriented and blurred. I blinked and could only see a mess of her.
A mess of me.
My hands fell limp to my side as I watched us cry together. She didn’t reach out to me. I didn’t reach out to her. I didn’t want to know her. I didn’t want to know me.

The girl everyone talked about, the girl in the mirror and the girl who I thought I was had nothing in common. They stood out. For better and for worse. No one knew who the real me was. I don’t know who the real me is. I feel like if I did it would make even less sense to me. I’m not smart. I’m not talented. Who was that girl in their heads? She was not me. She can’t be.
Why did the girl in the mirror have to resemble me? Why was my reflection the scariest thing I’ve ever seen?
Why did she make more sense to me than the girl in everyone else minds?

She was hurting. She was broken.

*Am I broken?
Why does it hurt to breathe when I know it's better off in someone else system?
Jul 2016 · 325
Love and Lust
Let our kisses live
Our lust skin on skin
Our bodies pressed together
Our love tangled forever
Your hands rooted on me
My heart finally set free
Your lips breathing me in
Your eyes filled with passion.
Your touch melts my soul
A fire, we are born
Tonight we are set alight
Once hopeless, you bring us to life.
Our love screaming out loud
Darling,

We're beautiful now.
Jun 2016 · 527
Just Another Love Poem
If our lives wasn't so divided
Our hearts could've collided,
Space wouldn't define our status 
But It would be our safe haven
Where we could live among the craters
Riding on the shooting stars
Passing Uranus, Saturn, Jupiter
To finally land on Mars.
Because our love is out of this world.
Connect the dots you see in the night sky
And clearly written are the words 'You and I' 
I can finally call you Mine,
That word I trace on your skin and I realize
Platonic, romantic,
We were meant for each other.
Read the constellations,
Do you dare question the galaxy?
I don't even care anymore. I'm just writing what my heart feels in an exaggerated manner.
Jun 2016 · 2.5k
Boxes
I know you can't talk to me because you're busy
Packing all your things into your boxes.
I have to know, though,
Are you packing us
And the memories we shared too?
Are you trying to forget them-
To restart completely?
I can feel you putting me in a tight box,
Taping it up,
Never to open again.
I know you want me to ship me off
Just like everything unwanted you ever had.
No wonder there's so much space between us.
Because you left me in a box, sent me away, without I even realizing it.
I guess I was too much to carry along with you.
It was best
To box me up.
Because the last time I loved you, you shattered my heart into millions of pieces. There were so many, I stopped trying to collect them. Instead, I swept the jagged pieces away, burning them to ashes, hoping, praying over the fire a new one would eventually grow.
It never did.
May 2016 · 555
Medicine
They said I was
Your medicine.
I didn't know why
But they did,
The label 'girlfriend'
Slowly turned to 'his cure'
Once your darkness showed
Again.

We were so cute,
Not perfect.
You made me smile
Laugh and almost burn with red on my face.
Until you became sick,
Right down to the core.
I didn't know what to do
But they said
'He should take you'

But no one likes to take their medicine-
It tastes bitter.
They hate it
And I know you secretly do too.
They spit me out,
And I knew there was no difference when it came to you.
In your case you liked being sick.
Spending less time with me
And more with her.
Going back to your bad habits
And ignoring the pleas
To take me,
Drink me,
Treat me
Like I deserve,

I tasted horrible, you knew it.
So you kept the bottle
But never opened it.
If you did, the stench scared you
So you closed it and shoved me at the back of your shelf.
Away from your heart.
Away from you.

But you took her,
Pills of her you downed it all
And got high on love,
Leaving me in the bottle
Waiting to be loved.

Sometimes you reached out your hand for me
But your desires got in the way.
I expired and you eventually threw me away.
I forced my lid open
And spilled in your bin
Trying to show you I cared.
But you took me out the back door
And never saw me again,
So much for being your medicine.
F*ck prescription.
They got it wrong anyway.
Apr 2016 · 1.4k
Darkness
I stopped fearing the night
When I realized
The darkness was
*Inside me
Inspired by Joker's Quote.
Mar 2016 · 492
Star
I never counted the stars
In the night sky;
I counted memories.
The times I feasted on the milky way-
Oh, how they tasted like chocolate.
The times I looked up and spelled out your name-
My heart leapt and reached out for them.
The times I hand picked parts of galaxies-
I held a box of the remains in my arms.

We connected. We shone.

I love the stars
They shines bright, in my heart.
But you held it all.
They were in my smile,
But you were the reason they showed.
They brought out the best in me,
But you were the reason for my rising self esteem. 
I could enumerate the ways they spoke out to me,
But it was you who helped me understand.

Yet, some nights,
They don't show.
I feel like my world has crumbled to pieces.
Some nights are stormy,
And no stars are there
To comfort me.

It's dark out now.
I can't find my way.
I'm lost, completely.
They've all vanished.
Or rather, been taken away.
Some people don't like the shining asteroids. 
They forget the beauty of it.
The galaxies.
The universe.
They keep it locked away,
Far from me,
In fear it would blind me
Give me too much hope,
Make me love.

But you are my star.
My milky way.
My galaxy.
No matter what they do,
They can not keep me from loving you
I miss you.
Mar 2016 · 459
Have You Ever Had That?
Where you're locked up in a hole, curled into a ball, having a bitter taste for the world and wondering why you hate love so much until you realize it's because you never have been loved.
Enough.
Feb 2016 · 752
What If
What if I fed on the stars? I know I'd starve till darkness dawns upon us, consuming the galaxy at first ray of night. I'd hold every hope and dream wished upon, but sorrow would fill up my insides for I would never be able to make any of them come true.
What if.
Jan 2016 · 1.7k
Galaxy
Once there was a girl who, when she pulled her blanket over her eyes,    
She saw the galaxy surround her.
She reached out and touched them,
Instantly making the infinite possibilities of catching the stars so...
*Possible
Jan 2016 · 479
Mistakes
Once there was a girl who made many mistakes,
And she decided to build a mountain with them.
She never fixed them;
She was just too afraid of falling.
Jan 2016 · 1.3k
Dear Mom and Dad
I'm sorry I grew up.
I guess they never understood.
Nov 2015 · 480
Promises
"Don't make promises you can't keep," They said.

Well my heart is filled with the ones you couldn't.
When it comes to you,
Promises were made to be broken
Nov 2015 · 1.1k
Hurt
He hurts me
And he doesn’t even realize
I’m screaming.

He broke me
Yet he’s too absorbed
To see my jagged pieces.

He’s torn me apart
But he’s blind to my shreds
That lay upon his hands.

He doesn’t get it-
I’m not right anymore.
I’ve gone wrong
In so many ways.

Nights are filled with sadness,
While days are filled with
Fake smiles.

Can’t he see through them?
He’s supposed to.
Or is something distracting him?

My heart broken so many times
As if they were designed to be
Apart.

The pieces don’t even fit
Anymore,

I miss looking at me as if he loved me.
I miss his kisses which led me away from this cruel world.
I miss him arms wrapped around me,
Promising safety.
I miss him looking into my eyes as he confessed his love
To me.
I miss him smiling at me as if I were the only one.
I miss looking at his beautiful face
Through the frames set in front of my eyes;
He was picture perfect.

I miss him.

The angel that I thought was mine
Set fire to my heart,
Burning it to ashes
As they fell to my gut
And it burned through
Making me hollow inside.
It’s too late to fix me right.

Cuts and bruises
From when you slashed what you thought was love
Engraved into my body,
The way your name was tattooed across my soul.
But you never realized
How much I love you.

What did I do wrong?
Please stop hurting me.
The pain is too much to handle-
But don’t understand it.
You never do.
When will you?

I could never tell you,
The words were caught up in my throat-
Choking me.
Like your love
Suffocates me.

I feel like I’m losing you,
I’m scared of losing you,
You’re the best
Yet the worst,
That has ever happened to me.
And you don’t realize how much it hurts.

You promised me the world,
That we would be together.
We'd fly high in the night sky,
Soaring on top of the world.
You weren't a mistake,
WE weren't a mistake.
I wasn't your first,
but I'd definitely be your last.

Don't make promises you can't keep.


You slipped
Out of my grip,
Because I was right from the start-
I am not good enough.
Love. Isn't it wonderful.
Oct 2015 · 2.3k
When I grow up
Please don’t let me be like my Mother.

Don’t let me be the woman
Who never gave me a second glance
Because whenever it came to children
She stopped loving at one.

Don’t let me be
The woman who gave her all to the first born,
But when it was me
She gave it all up.

Don’t let me be the woman who smoked
Half a lung into ashes,
Every night thinking I don’t see
The grey puffs rising to my window
Darkening my room
Choking me as it slowly became the air I breathe.

When I grow up,
Don’t make me marry a man
Who never loved
And lived for numbers upon papers
Caring more about his reputation
Than his own blood he weaved into
Us.

When I grow up
Let me teach my children
Happiness and what it is like to smile,
Instead of drilling into their brains
All the reasons they should cry
And drown in their tears.

When I grow up,
Don’t let me search for my dreams
At the bottom of a shot glass
Taking more and more
As I get drunk on false, temporary happiness.

Don’t let me come home to my children,
Telling them how useless they are,
Throwing things at them
And finally collapsing into a heap of hopelessness.

Please don’t let my children
Have a father who never even cared
Enough to remember their birthdays
Let alone save them from the nightmare
That was their Mom.

Don’t let me become
The reason my children cried at their reflection
Because beauty never defined them
The reason they refused to eat
Since the flesh on their body
Kept growing in their eyes only.

Never let me be the woman
Who found only the ecstasy
She bought through men each night.

Even then it wasn’t love.
Even now it isn’t love.
She never learned to love people like me.
But I loved her.

Yet it was forced,
I only saw the mistakes she made
Every time I looked at her.
Including myself.

Please, when I grow up,
Let me learn to love my skin
And suffocate in all the things that make me
Beautiful.

Let me prove to the woman who claimed
To have raised me up
That I will never make the same errors or ever be like her.

I’ll love, I’ll live, I’ll care.
Three things she never grew up to do.

When I grow up,
Please don’t let me be like my Mother.
Sep 2015 · 1.1k
Not My Love Story
She was bad for him.
She was his worst distraction
But he was so attracted
Simply infatuated
With her.

Months passed
With him longing for her,
He wanted to hold her
Again.

He’d wait for decades,
Just to hold her hand.
He’d wait for centuries,
Just to see her smile.
He’d wait patiently,
For eternity,
Just to call her “mine”.
Again.

He didn’t care about what was best for him.
He didn’t care about what was best for them.
All he cared about was her amazing smile,
Making the mistakes he made
So worthwhile.

But, being apart,
Made him do better in life.
He was concentrating,
Grades up, social life stable,
And was the boy his parents wanted him to be.

But inside, He was dying.
He missed her like crazy.
He wanted her,
He needed her,
It was worth giving all this up,
Just to hold her in his arms.
Again.
Her perfect, Angelic face,
He wanted to hold it close to his
And just before they kissed,
Whisper “I love you”.

He dreamt of a future together,
He picked up each piece of their magical infinity
-His fantasies
Forgetting reality,
Only wishing to grasp her hand
Which was just out of reach.

He hoped, one day,
He would capture the world
In his large hands,
Engraving it on a silver ring
As he knelt down
And asked her to marry him.

He wanted to take her
To the most beautiful cities,
Yet prove to her
There was nothing more beautiful than her
In his eyes.

He wanted to
Wrap his arms around her,
Pull her close,
Just to show that
He was never ever letting go.
Again.

He didn’t want to listen
To what people thought
Of her or him.
She was the only brightness in his life.
The only thing that made him smile.

His eyes flickered,
Landing on the magnificence
That was the love of his life.
But she didn’t know it yet.

He wanted to feel the sparks fly,
Once again.
Fireworks bright,
In his mind
He wanted his body to ignite,
In flames.
Just by one look,
From her to him.

And he hoped, prayed,
The feeling was reciprocal.
He wanted her in his possession,
As she had already become his obsession.

He wanted to hold her,
Kiss her, then say
“You are not an option
You are my priority,
Don’t forget that,
We’ll define eternity”
Again?
Sep 2015 · 560
Photograph
I traced my finger
On the outline of his face.
Every pixel carrying the love
That we have for each other.

Smiles were real with him-
Worth capturing through lenses.
My eyes distracted by his beauty.
I was not looking at the camera-
Why should I?
Perfection was right beside me.

Every line of coloured
Running through the picture,
Encapsulating the fantasies that was wrapped around us.
No sign of reality
Since we were simply
Infatuated with each other.

The light displayed
Across the photograph
Showed sparks that lip up
When we were close together.
The fire that ignited
When I was with him.

Every curve and line
Represented the edges of fantasy
That we were standing on.
But with every kiss
My dreams came true
And every unimaginable wish
Turned to reality,
Giving us a step ahead
To stop us from falling.

Yet all good thing come to and end.
Remembering that this time next year,
We'd both be gone and left as a memory.
And this picture,
Along with others,
Would be the only proof we once were.

Tears threaten to escape
As I gripped the picture tighter.
What scared me the most
Was that we both
Have the ability to move on.
And the only thing stopping us
Was the recollection of love we once shared.

Tears spilled down the side of my face.
I didn't want to move on-
I'll be forced to.
I wasn't allowed to have a choice,
Wasn't allowed to hold on,
Wasn't allowed to want more.

Of this. Us.
We were what we were always going to end up being:
A dream. Magical.
Yet never lasting in the end.
Since we were too perfect.
It was too perfect.
He was too perfect.

Everything I ever wanted
Thrown away almost as I had finally
Grasped it.
Calling it mine.

I never wanted to let go of the best thing
That ever happened to me.
It wasn't fair.

The image of us
Was always going to be
A reminder that perfection exists.
And so does pure love.

I gently placed the picture back,
Along with the other snapshots
I had taken of him.
Happiness written across his face.
He was like my happy place.
In fact, he was much more.
And always will be.

Keeping this photograph meant something.
It meant I was never  ever letting him go
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