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 Jan 2017 Nebulous the Poet
Elise
There is a small hole in my back and
no matter which way I toss or turn I cannot seem to fill it.
I will walk and walk and walk but it will still be empty
it will still be missing.
I will walk to the end of the earth to find it again

Fear for me is not terror.
It’s an itch on the very edges of my shoulders that will not leave
I have scratched off the top layers of my skin trying
when it comes I am an inch shorter and a foot smaller
and when it puts its hands on my face I can’t bear to look away
my fear is sleepless nights staring at a clock that ticks down to zero
whenever it reaches the end I am convinced that the world will end but it hasn’t yet
I just reset the clock and roll over and over again
maybe next time the world will finally start to break apart

I think about time every time time happens
my mind loves to remind me
again and again repeating lines for emphasis
that I am running out
my heart is too fast and my hands are too slow
my breathing is somewhere in the middle
I am looking for something I lost long ago
I will walk to the end of the earth to find it again

I will walk to the end of the earth to find my peace
a special form of hell
I wrote this for a psychology class to describe a specific form of anxiety, bonus points if you know what it is
You broke the ice
the way you broke us,
with the moon.

Rarely full and
partly hidden only
seeing one side, yours.

Sometimes still,
solely silent
in distance.

Bright but barren
and bleak.

Never illuminating
but reflecting what
it dies to let shine,
disappearing to reappear
and take breath.

Always moving but
always there,
pushing and pulling,
highs and lows,
redefining its lines
and everything it touches,
even us.
Subject

Shortly after our
first date I joked
Don’t make me write a poem about you.

It’s been a year and I laugh
because my poems
have become your home.

It’s been a year and
you’re kissing
someone else and
I’m just kissing people
who aren’t you.

Waking up next to you
for the last time
we knew it was and
we had to tell each other
not to cry so we could
kiss for the last time

When we broke
you said to me
I don’t want to be the subject of one of your poems.

But I warned you.
9/18/14 – 4/4/15 – 9/14/15
Nothing
looks familiar
anymore and
I want to go home
but nowhere
feels like
it anymore.

When bluffs
get boring
I trade them
for fields.

When two
lakes aren’t enough
I leave for
a forest of them.

Maybe it’s true
that home isn’t
a place but
a feeling.

Maybe
home
is me.

But
what if
home isn’t
a feeling,
but a person.

Maybe
home
is You.

For now
I’ll have to
carry all that
makes a home
in my bones
until I find
someone I can
unpack into
Still needs work, but I thought I'd still share!
You found me
Lying in a corner
Cold and crying
Love etched into my arms

You found me
Broken on the inside
Scared and Scarred
My soul corrupted

You found me
At rock bottom
Waiting for that bus to come
Even though I knew
Whenever I  got close
The bus will drive away

You found me
And you were the glove
I inflated
To float out of rock bottom
And back to my home
Back to the normality
I craved

I found you
When you had stopped caring
For those around you
When you had given up

I found you
When you had become indifferent
Stoic and cold
Hate written on your forehead
With invisible ink that everyone could see

You shouldn’t have cared
When you saw me lying in that alley
You should have kept on walking
Because you shouldn’t have cared
But something in my sick smile
Of pain and sadness
Made your heart twitch
And caused you to walk into
The darkness
And pull me towards the light
You shouldn’t have cared
When you saw the scars
On my arms and chest
But something about me, you said
Made you human again

You found me
Crying in an alley
Ready to die
I found you
Walking around on the street
In a husk of who you used to be
Yet through
Our mutual sadness
Happiness grew
When the life you live is a lie,
could you ever look up to the sky
and apologize?
But you can't and you know why.

You speak as if you are better than all.
But how could you possibly stand tall
when you are only trying to maul
many people so they will fall?

I did not like meeting you in my light,
for you're making it as dark as night.
But maybe you believe it to be your right,
to act rudely and cruelly and fight.

Have you ever considered being nice?
I heard that it was good advice.
But hey, maybe you like your vice
and i'm watching it grow out of control like lice.

I don't like watching others endure your cruelty
for they do not deserve your foolery,
or was it your lunacy?
either way, stay away from my community.
In my community there is someone who is just so rude and mean to everyone. I have not known this person for a long time but they are seriously annoying me and many other people and I would prefer it if they stayed away from the people that I know and care about.
It's honestly like dealing with a real life troll and i'm trying to ignore them but hey, I just had to vent about it somewhere.

Apply this to whomever you wish.;)
for three months, i counted the days i would see you again. i spent every moment figuring out what i wanted and after three months, it was finally you again. i sat each day and just thought and wondered how it could have been different. three months i have been emotionally alone. and now after three months, you're back. and now I've lost interest because you have shown none. this time it is going to **** when you leave and to be honest;

i don't think i ever regained myself from the last time.
""
"I used to be the person
who took pictures of
beautiful sunsets but
now all I see are dark clouds"
Dredging up memories
The past comes back to haunt me

Feeling so badly insecure
I'm starting to lose my composure

Why me?
Why be so friendly?
I'm fearing my destiny...

This endless, painful cycle
Finding myself caught by every obstacle.

The truth hurts,
Lies are worse...
I must be cursed.

I'm unworthy of love
**Cause me, you didn't think of...
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