Once, I told you goodbye.
It was bitter and **** and my mind would race
My heart would cry and try to keep pace
But every time i opened my eyes,
They would water and my soul would die.
I smoked a cigarette in memory of you,
Drank a bottle of ***** and ran away from it all through
Thick and thin I would still stay
But then I remembered I pushed you away

Once, I told you goodbye.
I cried and cried once I woke
Sobering me up was certainly no joke
And once my eyes rested on pictures of his smile
My heart couldn't help but palpitate for a while

I know it's my fault and I know I shouldn't cry
But I'm sorry he was my everything
And I just let it die.

It's good for the bones to go somewhere new
Where the flowers don't greet you and you know no one around you.
Sometimes it's good to know where you stand
With the Gods, Goddesses, and the sand.

Moving on can be hard or it can be much fun
Depending on who's around you
You could be the one
Standing on mountain tops or shouting from the roof
Movement is good for the soul, if you would.

Just Remember youll never see the side of me that's broken
I can promise you right now with my hands on your form of the Bible that you'll only hear of it
You'll see it in my texts or hear it in my voice
If you get lucky you'll be able to read my body language and listen hard enough to the screaming within my brain and figure out I'm in distress
But other than this I'll never let you see ime broken
I'll ask for a favor I've never cashed in because I always want nothing know return
I'll ask you to pray to your God or goddess that keeps you well in mind and ask of them to watch over me
I'll ask you to give me the space to breathe and gather my thoughts before I make a major decision
I'll begin and plead for your forgiveness once that decision has been made because
I know it was the wrong one

Just remember you'll never see me broken
But you'll always hear about it
You'll hear about the scars on my wrists or the pains in my thoughts
You'll hear about the throbbing behind my eyes and the spot where between my brow wrinkles because suddenly, it's not because of a smile
Its because of tears
Just remember you'll never see me broken
Unless you walk in on me because I forgot to lock the door
Then maybe
You'll hear what my heart and head are screaming to say

Well sir !
Today we have, the usual, suicidal ******, paranoid drug addicts, skitzophrenic ******* that'll slice your neck open in a split second.
All the things you'd find in a mental institution.
Theres no place like home !
Walking these halls in my robe, and slippers.
You see darling, im not insane, they just think i am because well, im all of the above, ahahaha.
I didnt mean to **** that boy.
But ! He did say he loved me.
Who the **** would say that.
Filthy little liars.
He made it so ******* easy though.
But i did mean to **** him.
I didnt.
I did.
I didnt.
I did.
YOU'LL NEVER ******* KNOW.
There was this one day, they locked me up so tight, it left bruises on my ****** skin.
Oh **** !
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Do you hear that ?
What did the second one say ?
Well ******* too Elvis !
He wishes.
Ah, ****.
Scars are showing again.
Oooh,theres a mirror in this room.
smash.
''Nurse !, Lunas done it again !''
****** Luna they called me in school.
But i killed them too.
Anyway, i sat there with a broken piece of mirror in my hands and carved pretty little pictures into myself.
But, i needed stitches.
Yay the doctor !
He makes me feel good, inside.
Probably because he ***** me so hard it leaves me pleasure until the next time i break a mirror.
He's older.
42 to be exact.
Im 15.
Isnt it cute.
His wife doesnt know.
Or his daughter, i went to school with that dog.
She was the first one i got rid of.
Cheerio.

We look up at the stars and think they're beautiful
But the tragic truth is that most of the stars in the sky are already dead
I guess that's why we leave flowers on headstones
Because somewhere in our history, death has become beautiful

Hello?
Can you hear me?
I've been locked inside my head so long I can just barely whisper
That you've hurt me, broken me
That my wounds have been reopened by just the sound of your name
Whispered on the wisps of wind on my lips because they miss forming those letters

Hello?
Are you listening?
Are you checking your phone hoping you have a missed call from me
A voice-mail you can listen to over and over because you know I'll always leave one so you can hear the hole in my lungs where your name used to rest

Hello?
Do you even care?
Have you even thought of me or even asked how I was doing
We ended so abruptly that the scars on my wrists have been torn open and someone in your family rubbed salt into them so deep they just continues to ache
Ache for you to clean them and nurse them like you used to

Hello?
Can you see me?
Can you see me on the road going on without you
Can you see me getting stronger and learning to be my own person again
Because you stole the very thing that made me who I was
My soul

Hello?
Is this you?
Is this the monster you have turned into or the shell of who you used to be
Its okay none of it matters anyway, I just need you to know
You still mean nothing to me

Day 1: I want to tear my skin off. My heart is beating so fast i can barley breathe. I feel so filthy.
Day 2: I can't believe this. I don't want to be here. Why did this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Day 5: I guess I drank too much and my friends were to drunk to stop me.
Day 10: I can't face my friends, I can't live my life.
Week 3: No one knows. He hasn't said a word.
Week 6: It happened again, I was sleeping and he did it again. Why did I stay the night? Why didn't I go straight home?
Week 7: He left and kissed me goodbye. I don't know how to feel.
Week 10: My life's out of control, I can't believe whats happening.
Month 5: My boyfriend knows. But not all details. Just thinking about it, makes me want to take a shower.
Month 8: I finally came clean to my friends. They're appalled. They hate him now. I still feel filthy. I can't get his smell off my body still.
Month 11: The anniversary is soon. What am I going to do?
Year 1: I haven't spoken to him in months. I haven't thought about it in days. I still feel as if hes on top of me, why can't I wash him away?

Its an uphill battle with myself and others. Some days I can't get out of bed or even feel like breathing.
But I try not to let him get to me. Because if he sees my weakness from what hes done,
He's won.