Yesterday was our 2 year anniversary.
I bet you thought I forgot, huh?
Well darling it's hard to forget someone
That has given me so much to remember
And I'm not talking about the good times.
I've been dreading today for days
I've been cying and screaming out your name and
I'm pretty sure my neighbors are tired of all my noise.
Trying to drown out my sorrows with chocolate and obnoxiously loud sad country songs but
I can't help but isolate myself,
Because since you arent here to do it for me,
I have to do it myself.
I've been a wreck the last week and a half
Crying on your birthday and even more as the days passed.
I've never been one to pine over a man,
But a man wouldn't have done me like that.
So after all we've been through
And all the tears I've cried,
I think I'm truly starting to get over you.
My depression took a vacation and I was finally able to get out of bed
I thought for a moment all the things you ever said
That "our love would last forever"
I guess forever never lasted long anyway
Because we went a year and 8 months before I decided to run away.

At first I didnt notice the date.
And when I did it was all but too late.
I cleaned my room for the first time since I moved,
I washed my sheets because somehow they've started to smell like you
I cleaned off my kitchen counters and sprayed fabreeze into the air.
I washed all my ***** dishes
I did two weeks of piled laundry
I took to the floor with a broom and a mop.
I sat and read for the first time in ages
I did all of these things and didn't cry today.
And I guess I'm truely getting over you
Because yesterday would have been our 2 year anniversary
And not once did I think of you.

You can't expect me to just be okay.
Even when you twist my arms
My mind won't bend that way.

There's a train departing at 1am.
It's not the normal trains who's wheels squeal on tracks or whistles blow and wheels screech to avoid crashes
The train I'm talking about is my train of thought.
Normally everything is linear.
Everything is fine and I over think every once in a while
But every once in a while, around 1am
My disaster train leaves and I can't rein it in
Here come the insecuties and old heart breaks
Angry old rants and sadistic new views
It's all jumbled mess and it comes with feness
And crashes through the walls of my mind like-well a freight train.
There's a train leaving at 1am.
We know where it goes and what hops aboard.
Let's just try and close those eyes
Before your up late enough to hear the wistle blow.

I feel as if my poetry isn't mine anymore.
Every other stanza I spit out reminds me of the one that broke me, or glorifies the one who found me but,
Im still at a loss of how to find myself between the small spaces in my pages.
I can never keep my head ******* on straight enough to stop worrrying about one or the other
I can't just keep focused on my goal, there has to be something else, something bigger, waiting to be messed with when I get home.
Some kind of sectioned off drama or project to occupy my terrified mind and strangled heart.
But my projects either don't last long enough for me to find a new one
Or last too long and I simply get bored and throw it away.
See, that's why I can't have nice things.
Because either I'm to fragile to take care of the broken or too bulletproof to be sympathetic
And I can't help but smoke cigarette after cigarette wondering what would come next.
Which project will help me slip between the cracks again?
Which one can be the most self destructive without activly hurting myself or others?
I guess that too, has been lost in the spaces.

There comes a point when my insomnia and depression play with one another.
It's a moment where I lay in the darkness and contemplate and wait for sleep that never comes
I'll sit and wait and close my eyes in attempts to dream
But my efforts bare no fruit, so I abort them.
Just like how I aborted you.
Our relationship was toxic and so we're we to each other
It was a matter of time before it pulled me under
But now I'm paralyzed at the thought of you
And our supposed to be 2 year anniversary leaves me sad and feeling lonely
Though I'm not. He's an hour away
I need him to keep you away
You've interupted my thought process and I can't help but notice
How you've manipulated my body into wanting you.
But my brain and heart know better and they stay away
They put up their walls and nothing will ever escape.
That is until the time I see you again
And I feel like crying because you're no longer my friend
But that's okay, time heals all wounds
Well youd think but, I'm not amused.
So I'll just lay here crying and wondering what to do
And asking myself how
The **** can I get over you?