i am who i am
and that will never change
i am the same as i was a year ago
when the roses start to fade

i guess i'm not enough
to make tears run down your face
i still wonder if you care
if you even know my name

i don't understand
why we cannot co-exist
i never wanted to hurt you
with my poisonious lips

how deep are your scars
for us to make it this far?
there's a hundred million friendships
but all i wanted was ours

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦
𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦
𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴
𝘐 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘺

𝘛𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦
𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘐 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦
𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘦

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩

𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳
𝘐𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘻𝘻𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦

𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥
𝘛𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰
𝘛𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦
𝘐𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶
𝘐𝘧 𝘐'𝘮 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦

𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵
𝘚𝘰 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥
𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥

please leave me alone
to walk these pathways solo
I was hoping you wouldn't notice
but I think you already know

I know I have problems
and I'm trying to fix them
but what words can be enough
for a desire to even say them

for every time I open my mouth
I wish that I had closed it
remembering the times I messed things up
and the disappearing moments

I give far too much
and I know that I shouldn't
cause I have nothing left to give
so at least I know I'm used to it

throw the page away
so you can make the same mistakes
tear the edges so it frays
i just want my hand to fade

If the world fell apart,
Would we have made it this far,
If things were done different,
Would you still be in my arms?

I exposed myself for you,
Just to feel my old scars,
I guess nothing has changed,
You're still a friend of the dark.

If the skies faded to red,
While I lay there and bled,
Would you treat me as your enemy,
Walk away to leave me for dead?

have you learned how to cope,
when you're left all alone?
the world has faded beneath our feet,
all that is left of it is you and me.

I don't want to lose you,
while I try to hold on,
my heart is heavy from the pain,
so can you just stay?

you're the only one left,
who's been by my side.
everyone leaves in the end,
no matter how hard I try.

to "stay in touch" or just "text them often"
but it doesn't matter don't you see,
they don't have much time to spend,
and they sure as hell don't want to spend it with me.


hell, I've thought it over and over,
about how much I'm a burden.
she doesn't even want to spend 5 mins,
in this world I'm just a ghost, that I'm certain.

sometimes I feel like you're dead to me
you're merely a face from long ago that use to comfort me
and...
tell me everything would be alright.

why do I keep coming back to you?
holding on to the hope of seeing you again,
when you're smiling, breathing...
returning to that beauty I used to know.
back then, it was so unfamiliar.
the sound of being so close, that unwanted feeling.

now you are the one who is unfamiliar to me.
have you changed, were you a different person then?
was I close friends with a ghost,
whose hands I could not reach....
was it all simply an illusion?

why am I here? why are you here?
do I miss you... or....
do I miss... the old you?
the version of yourself that died long ago?

maybe things have changed too quickly,
and I've failed to catch up,
you have focused on yourself,
while I was wrapped up in my thoughts.

I don't know why I keep coming back to you,
or why I can't let go.
why is it so difficult?
just....
why?

all I know at this point,
all I've ever known is,
I was closer with you than anyone else... even more than her.
and when I cried in front you,
that created something special, a sort of bond that I had never felt before then and...
haven't felt since either.

you know that feeling too.
because when you become close with someone,
and you show them just how much of a mess you are...
it changes things, at least for me.

things change even more when that same person,
who's seen more of your flaws than anyone else,
decides to turn their back on you,
and call you horrible things.

saying "you're selfish", "you're a narcissist",
throwing insults at you while you're trying your best and trying to help.
but when it comes down to it, you have to take care of yourself too.
maybe that is the reason, I don't feel anything when I'm around you.

maybe that is the reason I'm with your ghost.
because the you that I had known is dead to me.

remember when life was so simple?
how we worried about our future but were
caught up in our anxious ways,
never knowing who would leave or who would stay?

remember when you'd ask how I was
as if the world depended on my happiness?
like when you'd walk me down the alleys
and I agreed even though I was so nervous?

because deep down within me I loved you.
not because of how you looked,
or what you said,
but because of what you didn't say.

you didn't ignore me like everyone else,
you didn't roll your eyes and look away,
you didn't hide your emotions behind your face,
you only loved me as your friend.

you took me in and embraced me into your arms,
as if you found what you were always looking for.
I can never forget the warmth from your smile,
once day I'll see you again and tell you thank you.