you painted your nails again. spanish moss, this time.
it's meant to be a signal. an intentional marking of the body,
your (white) body, to say something. say?
the cat scratched your hand up pretty well-
you even bled a little.
there's something pleasing about the pink lines,
dents and pock marks,
knuckles russet where cold air and washing dishes
ripped away. it hurts, just a bit.
you keep your nails short, another signal.
sign in, out, off. signifying nothing?
these things are relative. related to other markers.
relating to who is doing the looking.
you are often curious as to what they see in your hands.
when they look and they don't see you,
despite the careful work you put in,
it hurts, just a bit.

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body.  i like what it does,
i like its hows.  i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz
of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

Anger is sweet lemonade on a hot day
The only time my heart sways

My brain still sends a letter to my heart that its still pumping
Even if it is black and blue

Reminds me of a time when I was true
Free from a pain that was due

In the **** away from depression  I'm now dressed in,
I miss the old days

Hid my tears with makeup
      Curled my hair despite the burns
   Pierced through my desperation for
                            earrings
       Some may call me an attention
                              *****
        Or a girl who finally embraced   
                     her feminine side
                      But I don't care
      Your opinion is the only one that
                            matters
But you had the audacity not to notice
               *Your Porcelain Doll

In and out
Breathe
Stay strong
I'm trying
Stop cutting
Be a good girl
Smile
I can't
Hopeless
Waste of space
Disgrace
*I know

"Be happy." They say.
I can't.
"At least pretend to be."
Why?
"Because no one likes a sad person."
*Oh

My mommy
Sold me
She was cold
and Lonely

inheritance I didn't have
Her drug/pill habit took all of it
So sad

My mommy was so sick
she took the world
around her with her

She did things that rhyme with slick
butter things
that make a twitch

In college school
she found a ray
Her cowboy hero
had found his crazy

My mommy was that crazy
So beaten, unloved/enslaved, insane
My mommy was so crazy
So crazy So crazy

So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy

My mommy was so sick
she took our family with her
killed all of them
So sick

"There's no good dyin' alone."  she said
"There's no sense livin' alone."  she said

My mommy threw all of it
Never saved
She only spent

She bet her roll
on all of it

and fed them death
She died with them

My mommy was so sick
she took the world
around her with (her)

My mommy
Sold me
She was cold
So lonely

what do you say to the ocean at your door?
lapping at your welcome mat
leaching dye with every push, every pull
slip sliding under the foundation
rendering it sodden. fertile ground
for the mold that you breathe in
with every pull, every push
of salt air entering your lungs.
what is there to be said to the ocean at your door?
there are claims that
making sand castles on the shore together
knowing the tide will come in
is still worthwhile
journey as opposed to product
but this is your home
being eaten away
this is where you live
and the tide is coming in
can you talk to the ocean at your door?*
anymore than you can talk to the ocean
in your mind, eating away at the levees
you worked so *******.
eating away at you.