i check my phone
the single thing that rises me
and i look at one of my only apps
then open it
and then open my missed text
and read it
then scream
then dance
then sing
thank god for that

wafting
waiting
wheezing



*why..

i always said
i would
never
do it.

i always said
i never
think
about it.

i have,
though.

does it
hurt?
who will
miss me?
what happens
after?

take back
please
to when my
life remained
free
and
blessed

fast forward
it to when
i lay in
sickbed
not knowing
when it is going
to come.

rewind to when
i was fresh,
innocent,
an angel.

and keep me
innocent,
fresh,
an angel.

save me
from the
gaping hole
that sparkles
with
black

because
this disease
has left me
*dead.

wrapping around me like a snake
your words.
i didn't do what i had to do.
now your words
can make me slip
from my narrow perch
above the cliff of insanity
and i will fall d
to the depths      o
and to the bottom      w
to my death                     n

I'm still here.
Patiently waiting.
Tapping my foot.

I'm still here.
Where you left me.
Worrying.

I'm still here.
Wiping my tears.
You aren't coming back.

I think I'll go now.
Turn off into the snow.
Let it over take me.

I'm gone now.
The tree is bare.
The wind has stopped.

I'm long gone now.
The tree has budding leafs.
And I'm gone.

**Gone into the wind.

When I was young when I wanted the sun to go down it did
Now it goes down without my consent

When I was young when I wanted the sun to stay up it stayed
But now it stays were it wants

Now I must sleep when the sun goes down
Now I must awake when the sun is up

My imagination still runs wild

But for now it sleeps waiting to be awoken