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May 2017 · 588
Tomorrow
allie May 2017
When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely
I just stick up my chin and grin and say, oh

The sun will come out tomorrow
So you gotta hang on
'til tomorrow, come what may!
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love 'ya, tomorrow
You're always a day away!

When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely
I just stick up my chin and grin and say oh

The sun will come out tomorrow
So you got to hang on 'til tomorrow, come what may!
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow
You're always a day away

Tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya tomorrow
You're always a day away..
There's always tomorrow, little Annie.
May 2017 · 515
whisked
allie May 2017
you whisk me away for a weekend
take me somewhere where the sun is shining
and the kids are laughing
we forget about whats happening
but then you raid me towards the end
and find something you dont like
then there goes my freedom
i try and at like nothing is happening
but
in reality
when we leave the bright sunshine
i spiral back into darkness
and the kids are no longer laughing.
May 2017 · 611
help
allie May 2017
i just need something
to brighten my days
and make them seem
less bleak
so i don't drink bleach
and call it a day.
i just need a little something to make me happy.
May 2017 · 526
Untitled
allie May 2017
i listen to your
loud music leaning over
the steaming stove

i'll cook you a meal
not wait for a thanks because
you never give one.

little things go by
and if i mess up you will
scream and shout. i'm numb.
-
May 2017 · 255
-
allie May 2017
-
{(+)}
we are all okay
until you come in
{(+)}
-
May 2017 · 1.7k
City of Stars
allie May 2017
City of stars
Are you shining just for me?
City of stars
There's so much that I can't see
Who knows?
I felt it from the first embrace I shared with you


That now our dreams
They've finally come true

City of stars
Just one thing everybody wants
There in the bars
And through the smokescreen of the crowded restaurants
It's love
Yes, all we're looking for is love from someone else


A rush

A glance

A touch

A dance


A look in somebody's eyes
To light up the skies
To open the world and send it reeling
A voice that says, I'll be here
And you'll be alright

I don't care if I know
Just where I will go
'Cause all that I need is this crazy feeling
A rat-tat-tat on my heart


Think I want it to stay

City of stars
Are you shining just for me?
City of stars

You never shined so brightly
la la land's city of stars
May 2017 · 536
out of season
allie May 2017
my poems
with feeling
i guess
are no longer
considered
good.

what do you want
me to write
do you want things
that don't make sense
or things that
are off topic

the only thing
i can write
is feeling.

and those poems
seem to
be
out of season.
the poems says it all.
EDIT: of course, this treaded. of course it did. i'm in awe, here, people.
May 2017 · 282
stuck
allie May 2017
([<+>])
i'm stuck.
([<+>])
-
May 2017 · 678
caught in the fishing line.
allie May 2017
the longest runs
are the things that **** us
we can train
we can raise our knowledge
but we can never prepare for the hurt
the anger
the tears
the scars.
when i say what's happening
people pity me
they try to 'help'
they look at me with sad eyes
and tell me to just solve it.
i can't, now can i.
it hurts.
i love.
i hate.
when you think you get out of it
it ropes you back in
if i cry
you don't care
if i yell
you don't care
if i leave
you hit me with words
you slap me with insults
tell me
i'm stupid
i'm an idiot
i'm worthless.
you pull me back in
into the fishing line
and i'm caught
caught on the hook
you trick me
say that you'll always love me
no matter what.
then you go along
and shed your hateful words like a snake
still,
i'm caught in the fishing line.
i'm stuck in the hook.
and there's no getting out.
i'll never escape.
May 2017 · 428
stages
allie May 2017
SCREAMING
YELLING
i'M dEfEaTeD
i GIvE up
i gIVE uP, oKaY?
i give up

i'll be obedient
i'll be a good girl
i'll be your star
and you can stick me onto a podium
i'll tell them about my troubles
and then say it's all okay now.

i give up.

i thought you were different, that's all.
i thought you were different

i give up.

i don't want to be obedient
i don't want to be a good girl
i don't want to be your star

go ahead, scream.
i'll say,
"i'm sorry... i'll never do it again."
then i'll go ahead and go do it again.
you will threaten me.
take things away.
i can't hang out with friends anymore
i can't have my computer anymore

and
finally
you'll take something away
that is so precious
so dear to me
and i'll strike back
or leave
hopefully.
from anger to rebellious thoughts to hope. i think that's how it goes, but i'm still in the rebellious part.
May 2017 · 361
unlisted
allie May 2017
your touch
makes sparks
f
         l
                         y
and throws away my conclusion.
i can't help loving you
because you are blood.
i can't help hating you
because of your actions.

your embrace
makes me want to
d
             r
      e
                           a
                                                 m
and dance
then roll around in
          l
                 o
                         p
                e
         s

but i can't,
now can i.
your **** love
is making me pay
and forcing me to break
the remaining shatters of my life.





. . .




i know i said i'm not thinking about it.
but how can i not?
it's so appealing.
everything gone in an instant.
so easy.
so simple.
the glass that sticks into my palms disappears,
along with the bruises.
the cuts.
the scars.
i just wish that

**someone would listen.
i wrote this late at night, when my darkest thoughts come out.
May 2017 · 389
don't trust them.
allie May 2017
don't trust them.
they'll put a hammer in your heart
and refuse you from feeling.
they'll put duct tape over your lips
so and restrict you from speaking.

don't trust them.
they'll put your feelings in a blender
with gravel and ice.
they'll constantly break you
then put you back together.

don't trust them.
they can hit
and leave cuts.
they can burn
and leave scars.

don't trust them.
and you'll end off better than me.
don't trust them.
May 2017 · 351
-
allie May 2017
-
mixing and matching
swirling and you stop
leaving me alone
-
May 2017 · 381
overload
allie May 2017
a sweeping overload of emotion
that takes me and chains
my ankles and wrists the ground
and takes my soul from me
the emotion is spilling.
May 2017 · 979
in the fight
allie May 2017
in the inner self absorbed world that is mine
someone comes along.
says something
or does something
and the army comes
and fights till the someone is dead
then the army leaves
and.
and.
and then?
i guess it happens all over again.
May 2017 · 564
the box
allie May 2017
in a box
candy
chips
two apples
a pear
are in the box

the box
is sitting
on white
tiles
and that
is where
the box
lies
nothing special.
May 2017 · 1.0k
Perfect Child.
allie May 2017
They want a perfect child.

Someone who likes sports.
A girl who gets good grades.
Friendly.
Funny.
Innocent.
Someone who pleases them.

I'm not a perfect child.

I don't like sports.
I don't get good grades.
I'm not very friendly.
I'm not funny.
I'm not innocent.
I don't please them.

Still, they want a perfect child.

They're not going to get one.
At least, not out of me.

I'm still not a perfect child.

I'm not a child anymore.

I'm broken.
I'm bent.
I'm destroyed.
People keep saying, "Get better grades," or, "Be better at sports." But I CAN'T.
It's so hard for me, not being perfect, and being yelled at because I failed yet another thing.please just stop it.
May 2017 · 935
happy mothers day
allie May 2017
happy mothers day
to those who have brought life
to those who have cared
to those who have welcomed the actions
to those who have shielded us from the world

happy mothers day
to the person who gave me life
to the person who cared about me
to the person who welcomed my actions
to the person who hidden me from the harsh world

i love you mom
so happy mothers day to you.
i love you mom
May 2017 · 375
-
allie May 2017
-
just another day
of racked
tangling
mangled
emotion

-
oh jesus i need to talk to someone (Cc, come to my rescue)
May 2017 · 320
Hello and Goodbye.
allie May 2017
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Oh, hello.
I can see you,
reading my poem.
Well, not really.
But I can project it from my mind
and see you scrolling down my page
or your home screen
or whatever page you see
and roll your eyes at this poem
and possibly click the like button.
Or read it,
then keep scrolling
because you thought it was bad
or you didn't like it
or whatever reason.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Oh, goodbye.
May 2017 · 1.2k
thank god for that
allie May 2017
i check my phone
the single thing that rises me
and i look at one of my only apps
then open it
and then open my missed text
and read it
then scream
then dance
then sing
thank god for that
something happened. and thank god.
May 2017 · 438
the w's
allie May 2017
wafting
waiting
wheezing



*why..
i just can't.
May 2017 · 439
I always said.
allie May 2017
i always said
i would
never
do it.

i always said
i never
think
about it.

i have,
though.

does it
hurt?
who will
miss me?
what happens
after?

take back
please
to when my
life remained
free
and
blessed

fast forward
it to when
i lay in
sickbed
not knowing
when it is going
to come.

rewind to when
i was fresh,
innocent,
an angel.

and keep me
innocent,
fresh,
an angel.

save me
from the
gaping hole
that sparkles
with
black

because
this disease
has left me
*dead.
I never have spoke of this out loud, but I need to feel this crap, so here we go. I can't keep on being this perfect child; I got into another college after I didn't like my previous one. I had a boyfriend, but I broke up with him. I get good grades. And I don't have it all. I'm not saying I'm depressed because that feeling stays with you, but I am sad. I'm mad at this ****** world.
May 2017 · 455
The Cliff of Insanity.
allie May 2017
wrapping around me like a snake
your words.
i didn't do what i had to do.
now your words
can make me slip
from my narrow perch
above the cliff of insanity
and i will fall d
to the depths      o
and to the bottom      w
to my death                     n
The stress that I have now about homework, school, family, friends. It's crushing me to oblivion. I just need a break, but my life won't allow it.  Can I disappear?
allie May 2017
I'm still here.
Patiently waiting.
Tapping my foot.

I'm still here.
Where you left me.
Worrying.

I'm still here.
Wiping my tears.
You aren't coming back.

I think I'll go now.
Turn off into the snow.
Let it over take me.

I'm gone now.
The tree is bare.
The wind has stopped.

I'm long gone now.
The tree has budding leafs.
And I'm gone.

**Gone into the wind.
I've given up on someone. I just can't with his constant needs and the self pity that hands around him. I hope he understands and no longer is an ***.
May 2017 · 541
Locker room talk
allie May 2017
Locker room talk.

Yes, it's 'cool.'
Sure, it's was considered 'awesome.'

But have you considered that
Women
Are humans
As well?

Locker room talk.

No, it's not cool.
No, it's not awesome.
No.
It is not what makes you tough.

1 out of 4 women are sexually abused.

And I see you.
I see you.
Your eyes are glazing over.
"What joy. It's* *this talk." You say.
Yes. It is that. talk.

What if,
Though.
It was her.
I think the poem says it all.
May 2017 · 1.4k
cracked, split voices
allie May 2017
i sit at the plastic table alone
my friends are asking a question
to the supervisor that watches
she says no so they
skip towards me
singing in cracked voices
they get the entire room to sing
and in their fabulously split awful voices
they chant the words
that make me smile
my cheeks flushed pink
my smile wide
my laughter loud
oh how i love my friends (Allyn, Cc, Bryn, Sammie, Julie, Morgan, Amanda, and Annabelle)
May 2017 · 658
Birthday!
allie May 2017
I open the door
To streamers
To candy
To glitter tape (Amanda, thanks)
So yay!
It's my birthday!
Thank you, Cc, Sao, Sammie, Allyn, Amanda. It's a great day. (And Bryn, even though you weren't there.)
May 2017 · 321
-
allie May 2017
-
we are beautiful.
we are amazing.
we can shine.
so don't tell us otherwise
because the poems of true feelings
don't glow anymore.
-
May 2017 · 207
The True Truth
allie May 2017
When I meet someone new,
They ask,
"Hey, how are you?"

Why do you ask?
I mean,
I can say,
"I'm good, how about you?"
Or, I can say,
"I'm dying inside with the deathly feeling of the solitude that has become my life, and slowly withering into small pieces from the constant harming words that now dominate my life. But then again."

"You don't care."

"So go ahead and spill your life story. The ups and downs. The amazing and mysterious dilemmas that have appeared in your life. So talk to me. I will listen. Or try to cut in, and try to enter. But. But."

**"You won't listen."
-
May 2017 · 231
NO.
allie May 2017
NO.
NO.
We are not simply
'together'
Because we are friends.

NO.
We are not
'dating'
Because I am female and he is male.

NO.*
Also, even if we *were.

Why is it your business?
Let's just say.
We happen to date.
Why,
In the name of god,
Do you care?
You are not him.
You are not me.
So stop wasting your words on us,
When you could find someone for yourself.
This expresses the constant words that slap themselves to me and my friends.
With more than one person, the people around us ridicule us because we are friends and the opposite ***. Yes, we can be friends without anything 'going on.'
May 2017 · 1.0k
Isolated 2
allie May 2017
Sitting by my computer
The screen reflecting blue and red light
On me and the nail polish
Sitting next to my arm
With clear gloss covering the countertop
Lonely.
May 2017 · 438
Accept.
allie May 2017
Closing my eyes
Accepting the darkness
Isolated from the crowd
And I'm a confined human
Bathing in laughter that isn't mine
Living a lie in the oak tree shade
Shivering in the hail that covers the land
Around me. The hail that makes everything ice.



Accept it. Please.
*PLEASE
-
May 2017 · 435
Isolated
allie May 2017
My name
Is
Allie

My story
Is
Lost

My past
Is
Absent

And
Me?

*I've vanished.
Sometimes I feel invisible.
I'm just a blank slate in a crowd of people that can shine. And in the crowd? I'm like everyone else: A deserted shell of person.
May 2017 · 321
the cycle of stars
allie May 2017
Twinkling stars shine
brightly in the cloudy sky
dancing by the moon.

Though the stars do die,
others take their place in the
cloudy moonlight sky.

When the stars die they
fall to the earth like a flame
then crash. Stars now dull.

So that is how the
cycle goes: Shine, fall, crash, die.
But new stars can form
Shine like a star.
May 2017 · 462
Conflicted
allie May 2017
Sweet chirps come from the trees
Small warbles of the animals echo around me
As I stare at the grass
Which is stained in scarlet.

Your body body lies still
Frozen in ice.
Your eyes never opening.

I wish I could turn back time
To when you stood by my side
Smiling that goofy grin
With your dimples pinching your cheeks.
Strange thoughts come at the oddest times.
May 2017 · 1.4k
Bye, bye, little birdy.
allie May 2017
The words that are covered in darkness
crawl up my legs and into my mind
and slowly break my thoughts.

I can no longer burden those around me
or shed my reflection on them.
No longer will I drag them down
from their high place in life,
and stoop them down to my level.

Tears leave my eyes as I enter the room
that holds my death.
I do not know the effect it will have,
nor do I care.
All I can think is the depressing darkness
that floods my mind every time I close my eyes.

Yes, it will hurt.
But nothing can hurt more than my very existence.
So I sing the tune that enters my mind
as I slit my wrists.

*"Bye, bye, little birdy. I'll miss you so."
Written for a friend. M, I love you so much. I know you don't have an account, so maybe that's why I wrote this here. Please don't go. You have no clue how much you mean to us.
May 2017 · 1.2k
The Smallest Things
allie May 2017
A consideration for the smallest things.

pebbles, sand, birds.

I look down at the smallest things,
and try to express the sudden urge of gratitude
that lays a blanket on me.

fire, sun, warmth.

Yes, they are small.
Yes, most people overlook them.
Yes, most people take them for granted.

water, ice, snow.

The smallest things
Are the things that change us.

See, a few days ago,
I was standing outside in the pouring rain.
A child walks up to me.
She says,
"Miss, are you alright?"
I say,
"I think I am now."

So the smallest things
Are the things that change us.
I think I'm okay now.
May 2017 · 569
Statistics.
allie May 2017
It happened to me.

Statistics.
That is me now.
I scream and I cry
Into the depths of my pillow.


I had not been wearing something that showed me.
I screamed and thrashed.
I am now a

Statistic.*

Help me.
Rid me of the memories
That play across my eyelids
Whenever my eyes close.

I regret every second
Of that tortured night.
And just when I thought it stopped
and the pain was gone
The real pain
Hadn't even started.
I've been wanting to post this for a while, so here it is. And if you ask, no. I am not going to expand on this topic. This is my first and last poem on this subject.
May 2017 · 413
Suicide note for a friend
allie May 2017
Nails on my skin
you pull me back
the only thing keeping me from death
you whisper,
don't go..
But you let go
my arm falling limply to my side
I shake my head slightly
and you nod
Tears streak down your red face
but you know
that I have to go

I remember,
looking up
I could see the shining stars
twinkling happily
out my old bedroom window
If only I could be as happy as them
Clouds cover the stars tonight
coating the world in a navy slur
But I hold this knife now
taken from my kitchen
hidden in my sock drawer
And I stand here
feeling stronger than ever
hidden so no one will find me
I can't deal with this
I don't care about the abuse
I know you won't miss me
I write this to inform you
that I was never happy on this earth
I might be on the next
No one will know
No one will care
So today I draw my knife
and I press it to my chest
as one for the billions
No one will miss me
My hand shakes
droplets of blood fall
mixing with tears
I have to
Don't worry about me,

**I'll be fine
Written by Charlotte (I wanted to add my own notes) | I love you, M. Don't leave us, because then we'll all die. I love you so much.
May 2017 · 488
Thoughts in a Blender.
allie May 2017
I wipe tears from my eyes.
[**** it this is hard]
I cloak myself in darkness.
[i guess it can hide me]
My eyes are rimmed in red so I hide them.
[blah, bah. she says to look like i'm okay]
Chin up, head high.
[but i don't want to lie. i'm not alright.]
No more tears.
But I'm sobbing still inside.
*I never stopped.
My family's life has been destroyed now. God, I miss my granddad.
May 2017 · 1.2k
counting down
allie May 2017
counting down
10 [sighing thoughts, aching fingernails]
9 [ugh where do i go now]
8 [falling apart...]
7 [my eyes are slowly blinking now]
6 [at the sight of your frail broken body]
5 [the quiet beeping next to you]
4 [my own heart is picking up]
3 [oh god oh god oh god]
2 [the beeping is rising the beeping is rising]
1 [i'm crying now]
**silence
Love you Granddad. You mean the world to me, and you left. I love you so so so much.
May 2017 · 334
Roaring Winds
allie May 2017
in the roaring winds of life
the best i can do is barely holding on.
I feel myself slipping away to wherever the winds go.
allie May 2017
Cascading Waterfalls
Dripping down my cheeks like a
Deep valley of tears.
I just can't.
allie Apr 2017
The numbers.
They shine a small light on a dimming day.
Make my face break out in a smile.

The numbers.
Those **** numbers are the shining moonlight.
Those **** numbers are the suffering sunlight.
Those **** numbers can dim my day to darkness.

Those numbers.

T h o s e    n u m b e r s .
I don't even know anymore.
allie Apr 2017
i lean into the Depths of my Counterpane.
the White lives of soldiers Float around Me
crying whispers Hide in the dark Shadows
frozen Bullets cry along the Gusts Of wind
rivers filled With ice Flow Along the banks
dancing Feelings trot towards The melted Dreams
and in Sorrow thoughts Come the Thawing memories
of Fire and Hail covered in black And white Slush
-------------------------------------------------------
I'm feeling the confusion so here we go.
Apr 2017 · 508
quiet thoughts
allie Apr 2017
eating a frozen dish
with the moonlight hanging over me
crying silently with the howling wolfs
brave silence sings in the clouds
screaming words ever so quietly
----------------------------
I wrote this last night around 12, but was to tired to post it. And here I am, almost falling asleep.
Apr 2017 · 628
Untitled
allie Apr 2017
{-[<>]-}
if you put a bucket over my fire.
the bucket will burn.
{-[<>]-}
inspired by CC | don't try to put out my fire because it will burn you. :)
Apr 2017 · 199
Waiting and Done.
allie Apr 2017
:{+}:
I'm sitting patiently.
I'm waiting for the changes.
The new features to fade into black.
The new screen to disappear.
Maybe I'll head off.
Maybe I'll set off into the world of unknown.
Possibly.
Or I can wait.
Or I can stay.
Or. Or. Or.
Or. I can start something new.
Or. I can find something precious.
Or. I can hide behind the blankness of it.
Or. I can break through it.
Or. I can sit off for a while and wait.

I guess that's something to decide.
:{+}:
I'm now thinking about heading off to another site. The changes the owner's have made to this site are bothering me, and it doesn't seem like they're going away. I've waited it out for a while now, but I think it's time for my poems to come to an end.
Apr 2017 · 351
w a i t i n g .
allie Apr 2017
W a i t i n g .
W
       a
     i
           t
    i
           n
     g
          .
Patiently.
Throwing things at the wall.
Fiddling thumbs.
Breaking glass.
Tapping foots.
Mind breaking stress.
    g
            n
  i
            t
  i
        a
W
W a i t i n g .
i'm just stressed.
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