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Amelia Jun 2014
I don't really know
Where do my thoughts
Really explore and where
Do my thoughts really soar

Where does this glee reside
Why don't I miss the part
That died
The boy who I loved
But he simply shoved
Me out and I'm fine

But I want to soak up silence
And seep down to its core
And I want to learn more

I yearn for
Endless adventures
Night skies and endless laughter
Someone's embrace and a fast pace.

Creativity sits idle
And my mind focuses on
Nothing of nourishment
And grows dull in
The glow of the screen

Let new ideas come forth
And let my mind rejoice in
It's own unique beauty
Be
Amelia Mar 2013
I do it to myself.
stirring and creating the pain
letting tears fall like a gentle rain.  

My mind should be set,
on the goals that need to be met.
a university experience, no regrets.

But, the city and you drift together.
Los Angeles concrete heat, the sunny weather.
tearing me away from the clouded haze
of my darkened Vancouver days.

Your mind is a remedy, a stimulant to my own.  
your environment entices me.
like a small mouse in the jungle all alone.
 or an arctic fox in a desert far from home.

your hands tickle with my backbone,
they melt the strength away.
they weave and loop a canopy of comfort.
your arms a cocoon from the obligations of today.

Its an attraction that cannot be explained.
split seconds, that I rapidly try to frame.
Its the one week stays and the thankfulness I came.
its the feelings we share that are the same.

But, I don't want to be a second thought.
that unwanted, suffocating knot.
tying you down, a struggle to unravel.

whats best for me, is not this, I know.
your my happiness on a book loan.
waiting for the due date, paying out the fines.
memories and words solely on rewind.

Is it so wrong?
to want you when I have for so long?
To say I honestly don't give a ****,
about the differences and this sad luck.

to keep the book for as long as I can,
to silence their voices, yes he's my man.
to return once more to the california sands.
and to have those quiet evenings holding hands.

Mr. Chavez, why don't you call?
I'm coming back to you, even if I fall.
I told you I loved you, please just wait.
because I will always be your best mate.
Amelia Feb 2013
can you picture me?
spinning with you by the sea?
kitchen scenes, bedroom nights.
waiting for you at the stoplight.

can you picture me?
wrapped within your arms?
so close and warm.
completely out of harm.

can you picture me?
at Hollywood High
breathing in your gentle sigh.
inhaling so deep.
ready for us to take the next leap.

I can picture you.
a beautiful picture in my mind.
a treasure i did find.
a line that I did cross.
my virginity lost.


I can picture you.
with anger and silence inside.
melting somewhere, my arms too wide.
adversaries washed away.
reassurance as you lay.

I can picture you.
the bronze of your skin
the warmth hits like a wind.
on this cool ivory skin.

can you picture me?
these petals still immature.
never as I were.

I can picture you.
putting a bandage on my wound.
your smile making me a new.
your *******--a form of protection.
your words my progression.

I can picture you.
Amelia Mar 2013
i tried to be stong.

but your roots grew around my ribcage.

and your soil in my veins.

green vines tangled around my heart.

with flowers blooming in my mind.

afraid that one day,

they will all know decay.
Amelia Apr 2014
Final today, final tomorrow
no studying, mind scattered.
heart beating.

I dialed.
Why?
I was moving on so nicely
or was I tricking myself quietly?
I dialed.

I heard your voice and i melted.
everything I felt
came rushing back with the warm tears

the stitch I was slowly making
all torn away to a fresh wound
the feelings awakened
the pain echoing in the silence

I am sorry for the lies.
I spit on your fragile heart
and the trust you invested into me.

Sorry I dialed you up.
sorry i brought pain
to your beautiful heart.
Amelia Apr 2013
this isn't my type of party
20 people lost in the lobby.
girl got a cute face,
her friends got her own body
it isn't a commodity.

you're taking me down the alley.
this definitely is not the valley.
and I follow your stride,
nervous to be meeting your kind.

These big grey ocean eyes,
milky complexion, taller in size.
entering the fence, homes confined
The East Side, so many places to hide.

up the steps, entering in the back door.
cousins room, the stench of cologne.
Boom and Bass, torn down wallpaper
snapbacks, tied laces,  young children?

This isn't my type of party.
20 pathetic men in the backyard
my boys got a smart mind, kind face
this is such a waste.

Smoking, drinking, faded.
this isn't me, almost sedated.
take me to the air mattress
warm me, let me rest.

this isn't my type of party.
I don't fit in here, sorry.
get me out of this lobby.
my version of  " my type of party" by dom kennedy.
Amelia Feb 2014
I see two girls outside of my residence
popping the can, chugging the beer
All I hear
is laughter, a good time.

I walk alone a lot
I wonder why I don't have friends
friends like the ones I had
friends I write, but hear no response.

What happened?
Where did I go wrong,
i've been here for so long.
these relationships come and go.

I am alone  a lot,
waiting to see him or waiting for his call
but he is miles away.

I hope one day, I can find a friend again
one who will laugh at my jokes,
hold my hand,
and understand.
Amelia Mar 2013
My love grows for you.
a seed sown in loving soil.
A rose just for you.

In the ever-green wood
the fawn finds a comfort and softness
in the dirt beneath her hooves.

A plant grows from the soil.
which fills her hunger.
She gives back to the Earth.
Amelia Feb 2013
She has Cameras flashing,
Her Fake smiles,
Pushing flyers.
Desperation.

Her Clean Steps,
Stars etched for glory.
She has Rainbow fountains.
Tourists with wasted cash.

There is nothing here.
Yet for me—
She’s the connection to you.
.  
Underneath her
I go, Farther and Farther
The escalator takes me down.
Watching, searching, waiting.

Take my hand,
Together we can walk
Her washed-out fame
The bizzare.

Underneath the California Pines,
On the darkened side walk,
the Roosevelt Sign
lights your face.



No where to go,
Strangers approaching.
Pull me close.

My lips,
Quickly pressed on yours.
The Naïve sweetness.
Your cultured ways.

August 31st.
You Fade with the metro
I fade with the crowd.
I have Hollywood boulevard.

Hiding tears that sting
I rise and rise
Up and up
There she is, wrapped by
The city of Angels.

I run on the highland,
Quickly down La Brea.
Pack this suitcase
I leave her behind.
Amelia Nov 2014
It is near Minocqua Wisconsin,
along Lake Placid,
on the Lac Du Flambeau Reservation.
Majestic Pine Trees,
Maple Leaves,
and the haunting echo of the loon.

The district attorney of Illinois
my Great Grandpa, George Hall
this was his cabin.
My grandmother, Georgia and her sisters
on the walls, her sister Rosa
looks a bit like me, she died at 16.

I have a relative,
can’t remember who, but he died in
the chair I still like to fall asleep in.
They say he had a peaceful slumber

My father’s sailboat parked within the trees
what adventure this boat entails
the wind and water, lets me feel free
Can’t wait until I can sail on the sea.

The old canoe lays by the lake
I always imagine, the Native people
here before I, their land,
which I now call my own.
The Lake of Torches Casino
now what they call their own.

I admire the
beauty of their tradition, rich in spirit
finding peace with mother earth--
musical flutes and tribal drums,
I am connected to my creator.

A family jewel,
I hope it always remains
rich in history,
the enchanting sound of the murmuring pines
a part of me, my favorite place to be.
Amelia Oct 2020
My front yard has an empty
space. But, its gate, I assumed was well                                                             ­     

built, surviving the unrelenting Minnesota
frost, nothing is wrong with my fence, my upbringing,

I thought. Mom and Dad put the posts
down. Dad sacrificed hours in its landscaping

green, lush foliage all around, his creative
touch, passionate, instilling taste and inspiration

and, even if the fence was a little crooked,
because of the wine glass constantly in his hand,

its ok. But there was that empty space,
and aching with a dreamlike gaze

there I saw you,  come here.
you were a sunflower so sublime, I quickly

planted you. Young girls with
innocent hearts, stop to admire you

in my yard. Your charm, beaming. How
fast you grew! The nourishment

from an insecure heart like a
miracle grow. I knew, my yard would simply

be seasonal. Two months
and your bright petals fade into

nonexistence. Even after you
felt my hands pressing, settling you


In the soil. I thought. That I was your September
blossoming Aster, Venus’s Flower ,

The purple petals are fragile
I don’t grow like I’m supposed to

creeping so that you won’t see
me, going to class. watching you from afar.

Now, I am shoveling in the Texas heat, turning over
the soil, wanting your roots to go away.

The sun beating freckles
On my face.  Working so desperately

so my yard can transform, grow
into what I have always dreamed, love complete.

Where a butterfly gently graces my fence,
because this is where my miracles can happen.
Amelia Feb 2013
Your blue eyes pierced mine once again
The gust from the metro passing swiftly
Blew my hair across my face
But time stopped and we stood still.

You held nothing,
Your hands ****** in those denim pockets.
We meet within this dark, cobblestoned tunnel
I can’t stand the warm, brightness of today
I want the stormy, broken bits of our blue April.

Yes, I want your calm, soft hands in mine
No, I don’t want your red roses
or your yellow note lined letter.
I want what keeps you warm.

Come closer,
I want that blue sweater your wearing.
The one that smells of musty cologne
and weaves together all those blue shades.
The one I used to wear.
Amelia Mar 2013
Next to you
side by side
for this ride.

Here on the metro,
It’s the time we spend
Staring and sleepily
anxiously, awaiting.

All in it together
For this short ride.
Look at her, over there.
Or him, eyes everywhere.

Or you— so close,
But distant as you
Gently grip my hand.
Busy mind or absent mind?

Quietness that stings,
My daily eagerness
To hear.

Slouched over,
Fighting the sleep
That wants to take over.

Here,
I silently anticipate
The moment of your revival.
Or maybe it’s not sleep
But merely me.

I take a quick glance,
Nothing.
A longer glance at you.
A smile begging
For something in return.

Come on,
This ride is too short.
The stop has almost
Arrived.

Our travels will
Come to an end too fast.
The Journey closes
And we will wait

Separately.

Waiting at the bus stop.
Counting down
the minutes
To be next to one another

Once more.

Waiting for the next bus.
The ride we have
Together.

Don’t worry,
We won’t miss it.

I saved for the fare.
Did you?
But please, awaken.
I long for your eyes.

On mine.

The ride is a short one,
But I am next to you.
Side by Side,

It’s the best of travels.
Amelia Mar 2013
The lamp post flickers.
The fresh air calls to me.
Phone to ear,
I step outside to venture
On these dark roads.
Its cool, but I feel warm
The sweetness of laughter,
the prospect of hope
the comfort of your being.
Amelia Jun 2014
The thrill
The emotion i feel
When I see those city lights
The wind of the freeway
The paradox of insignificance yet
Empowerment.
The deep night sky and the speed
Millions of souls
Gathered in this place
The glows and gathering of us
Traveling all so fast
Around and through this city
Connecting rejoining passing and colliding
All different ways on the freeway
Amelia Feb 2014
Two people met
Not knowing all that would happen
When they let
Their hearts go.

The boys eyes
Made her realize
He was the sun in her sky
And she the moon
Waiting for him to rise.

He hurt her sometimes
Tears fall from her eyes
Raindrops on her sheets
Her glow grows weak.

But their sky can be the most beautiful.
Deep hues of orange and red.
She shares the sky with him

When the night grows dark
She waits till she can see
The brightness of
The sun again.

She waits for the storm to pass
So she can dance
In the radiance of his light.

She hopes
He will always shine
For every and all kind

--amelia rose
Amelia May 2013
its funny how we are in the same city now, yet I feel the farthest I have ever felt. we drift our separate ways with the constant hum of traffic and the rising heat. something between us is unsettling, the friction stings and my body grows empty and gray when I leave your sight. But when the grayness passes and my time of being unacknowledged and mistreated is over. I know the freeness of before and with each pedal on the sidewalk and the bumps in the pavement, I grow stronger. the cuts you've left inside my walls begin to heal and the palm trees stand tall against the California sunset.
Amelia Nov 2014
He holds me near the keys
I sit on his knee
playing asian melodies
with the black keys on white
I fall asleep to his unique melodies of the night.

Easter time, I remember Louis
he came to our home on King Street
what wonderful feathers, and lovely tweet
Louis would fly free, the wood banister is his seat.

Large tomatoes grew outside,
She would go there to hide,
in the sun, crouched down, tending the flowers
looking after me almost every hour.

Polish pottery set on the table.
wooden spoons and soup ladel.
Her lovely flower crown, and white gown
the chapel bell’s sound
I hope my wedding can be
as beautiful as this one was across the sea.

She curled my hair often, barrettes, and bows
for first communion and theater shows
She wore long skirts, long hair
and an irish hat she would wear.
We thought she dressed funny,
But now I wear her greek cape

We shared a small room
I would hear him breathe softly
when morning would loom.
we danced wildly to NSYNC
and giggled and played
how sad I am--things have changed.

Four of us, together forever
nothing can tear us apart, never.
and now I wish I had kinder things to say
my family so beautiful
the memories, like the most lovely song
I always want to hear--
so I won’t be far, so our hearts can be near.
Amelia Apr 2014
I am in a disoriented dream.
too young to know,
twenty years have passed
almost two years
and you were there or almost near.

its because i'm confused
or i don't understand--
my being in yours

why the moon shines so bright
and I exist this certain way.
but you took me to a place

inside four small walls,
one small space, a tub, a mirror
one bed, near the hills
of San Gabriel and the concrete

We sat in a tree and jumped a fence
but emotions ran too high
and I never added up quite right
in your mind--

My words spoiled the truth
and they stained the trust
they weaved together anger
and spilled tears

We wanted and tried
so hard for love,
I relied on you
you relied on me

yin and yang
we sat, interconnected
yet opposing each other
our energies combining
and combating

We sipped a bottle of sky
in the friendly El Monte
I left your side, I've left your side
too many times..

but you came back
pounding on the door of the Scenic
, your there and
I never want to let go again

and your body feels perfect next to mine
never wanting to leave
that bed
wanting to drift back to sleep
in your arms

but we leave this place,
The Scenic becomes
a memory
and now thats all thats left.
hoping you might still remember me.
Amelia May 2014
Me: fly away, leave him be
let the pain drift with the sea
let your heart  feel
deep and real
always be honest
love waits the longest

him: love waits the longest
and lust stays dishonest
pain drifts with the sea
so it spreads to the world
sun shining in cali
but my heart is cold and feels old
not broken tho, barley
beating its weak
true love is what we need n seek
but until then I will swim the sea
broken drifting looking for the
the fish that truly loves me

Me: the fish wasn't ready
for the love we shared
but we risked and dared….
in each others arms
it was my complete nirvana
the sun shining
I want to tear my heart out
and not to have to feel it again
your heart grew cold
because of the lies I told
but you only see a lying ***
and theres more to this soul
first love who explored my heart
and wrote on its walls
now it feels like an empty hall
because u walked away
and now I am left with this place
a place you filled and had
but I will try and swim in the sea
and let my spirit be
let it be free
find nothing or no one
but find me.
Amelia Apr 2013
there I was coming back again. running back across that **** freeway and the busy roads of East L.A. past the small bakery and the questionable corner shop, the rainbow guadalupe and baseball park, down dozier, past the barking dog through the fence. there i sat in front of the housing complex on the road. waiting for him to come out. he can’t avoid me know through the receiver and the 2000+ miles. Silence as he stands there watching me, watch the street and the moon. Of course, the tears come and I really have no pin point reason why. But he holds me in the road for as long as he can and his grandmother comes wheeling out all concerned that I am out in the road all alone in this neighborhood. I wish I could speak Spanish, just to lessen her worries and let her know how much she means to me. if only she knew and if only he knew too.
Amelia Feb 2014
I was born in 93
in a town I don't remember.
A place I never see

on the boarder of Luxembourg,
Bitburg Germany.

I was always running away.
ready to explore, always something to say.
Having no fear at 5, throwing tantrums
when things weren't right.

I've hurt, but I know my hurt doesn't compare
I've struggled, but I know my struggle doesn't amount
I've prayed, but I know my prayers are quiet.

I've looked in the mirror, frustrated with what i see
thinking that through a perfect body I would be free

I've lied to myself, trying to climb to somewhere I've never been
hoping to escape the reality of what was and will be

I've given my heart away
looked to the sky looking for refugee
hoping the sky will give me peace.

I've slept through pain
when I felt the heart break and ache.
I've had troubles breathing when
my emotions take control.

I breathe knowing I can breathe out hate
and breathe in peace.

I lost myself in another person,
when i know we aren't right.
I fight and I fight.

I don't know whats wrong with me
why I fight and he spites me.
I've felt my control slip
and my reason come 2nd.

20 still searching and breathing
still fighting for my dreams.
hoping I will live in harmony
in peace..
Amelia Apr 2013
Can we be undisturbed.
in the hours of dusk
privacy, just you and me
and maybe the moon left behind too.

you've become apart of me.
its like a nail in wood
pounded over and over again.

its the painful shot of tequila
the scent lingering in my mind
the quench and reaction with
the sweet, honeyed stillness of my thoughts
the relaxed motions through my body.

you're the moment
I dive too deep, but I like the complete
separation from life and the oxygen up above.
the underwater thrill and the lightness of my body.
and the pressure from the plunge.
Amelia Mar 2013
exposed in the front room.
the sounds muffled into the warm air.
lay me down on the bathroom tile.
Amelia Nov 2014
I went to Misato Japan, .
Small people and the gentlest of faces
small roads and rice patties.
Miso Soup and a kiwi farm.

Photo booths and game centers.
I didn’t take enough pictures
Sendai before it was destroyed.

Matsushima and the buddhist temple.
The flocks of seagulls near our boat.
The islands so distinct.
Wind so powerful.

We were treated like royalty,
looked at like celebrities.
I was dressed in a Kimono
and treated to a feast.

People so gentle,
bows full of honor
gratitude in their eyes
immense kindness I was shown.

— The End —