I didn't know I could fear this strongly
For a something I'd loved so fondly
A chance I knew as normal
Became forms too formal

Men with cold eyes through glass
Replaying every moment of my past
Could I take this chance again
Can I find what might have been

Do I choose what would destroy me
The something that employed me
What made me lose my choice to use
No longer the spark and just the fuse
Made nothing hold certainty
Except despair certainly
I didn't ever want to stop
But it seems I've reached the top
And from this peak I could fall down
Or stay up on solid ground
How do I remedy
This pain from something that still loves me?

I was given one life
Planned for me to waste
Where I am not told to draw
But the right way should be traced
But I don’t believe in rules
Or being told what to do
So I’m ignoring all this *******
And starting something new
I was not born to learn
What has already been found
I am here to discover
What is left to do with sound
So next time you say it isn’t that bad
And I should learn to deal
Think of how you feel
And if it’s all that real

He told me he loved me
He missed me
Then kissed me
But he didn't want me

Yes, I may still love you
I miss you
But I'll resist you
Because I don't need you

Do you miss the way I walk
Or the silly way I talk
Do you think twice
About how you weren't that nice
Or have you moved on
Not considering that I'm gone

You won't get a second chance
To get back that loving glance
I won't run back to your embrace
And let you kiss my face
But I don't think you care
Because real love was never there

And I still dream about you somehow
Even though I've tried to vow
That I won't think about those times
And keep validating them with rhymes
But even though I'm low
I don't want you to know

That I miss the way you walk
And the serious way you talk
That I'm willing to think twice
About how not nice would just suffice
And that I'm trying to move on
Yet still wishing you weren't gone

It’s that bittersweet feeling I can’t ignore
As the waves lap against the shore
Everything’s perfect I know that much for sure
But I still sense a sadness

The clouds mean nothing without the sun
But the sun is only light
And the clouds look beautiful tonight
Yeah it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen

Sitting on the beach
Touching something I thought I couldn’t reach
But it’s partly cloudy

If I ****** up by trying to heal
And I hurt you with my honesty
That's something I never meant
And I owe you an apology

I didn't want to wound you
The same way you wounded me
I just wanted to escape
My world turned tragedy

I had to pull myself back up
Any way I possibly could
I was willing to take the risk
But it didn't mean I should

I loved you with my whole heart
Even how tested I was
My feelings for you didn't break
I loved you just because

So I hope you never question
Whether I cared at all
Because every memory was special
No moment too small

So please don't take me too seriously
When I don't know how to cope
And I pray you never question
The way that your love gave me hope

Another gray day
Clouding my mind
Not capable of peace
When the sun don’t shine

I feel very stuck currently
Between the two different mes
The one that wants to love you
And the other to be free

All the time
You told me that it was for forever
That there was nothing better

All the time
You said you could not believe I was real
And I thought that told me how to feel

All the time
I ignored the little signs
Because you kept telling me it was fine

And all the time
I loved you and didn’t question it
I never thought you were full of ****

And all the time
I told you all I needed was trust
And you agreed it was a must

But all the time
You were lying
And now I feel like I am dying

Now all the time
I wonder why I kept it going
When deep inside I felt myself knowing

Now all the time
I question how I feel
Because if it wasn’t, then I don’t know what’s real

He held my gaze a few seconds
But not long enough for me to hold on

I try to write a happy thing
Something that’s inspiring
But nothing seems to come out right
I’d rather try to pick a fight
Against the world we’re living in
Full of hate and ripe with sin
I’ve seen the better side of life
But those moments seem to end in strife
Because the imperfect place in which I live
Has nothing more to me to give
It doesn’t deserve a happy song
For everyone to sing along
And ignore the reality that surrounds us
There’s nothing left to discuss
Our world no longer has a meaning
The importance being what you’re gleaning
But that’s not what our lives are about
So I will choose a different route
And if it means I walk alone
I can’t undo the stitch I’ve sown
I’ve committed to my destiny
And it will be enough for me
Enough without the false appearance
Of happiness and self assurance
Fulfilled without the needless *******
That likes to get my fire lit
And this will be my happy thing
To forget it all and just start living

I can’t keep imagining him in my mind
Or love I’ll never find
Blinded by my perception of perfection
Depth only found upon inspection
Afraid I should know in an instant
On this I am insistent
For last time when I let the feeling build
The foundation wasn’t filled
And these holes turned into cracks
Beliefs I’d built on pacts
I want that love that grew
But I want the instantaneous jolt, too
Hearts bright at first sight
And feelings that take flight

The only thing you have to do is die
But I won’t be up there in the sky
You’ll just have to trust
I’m tied to the earth even when I fly

But we’ll escape this curse for now
Find comfort in our vow
We won’t let it keep us
We’re better than it anyhow

The earth beneath us crumbles
Gravity slips away
We live among the stars
Come back another day

When you told me you loved me
And asked if I did too
It wasn't that I didn't
Or that it was too soon
Just the compilation of my fears
And the vastness of my love
Made me wonder if it was real
And if I was enough
Because I was torn apart
And I love with everything
So if you hadn't really meant it
I couldn't bear the sting

Lit up like a christmas tree
That’s the girl I want to be
Someone I only know
When you’re with me

It’s confusing
The unknown before me
The world I’ve yet to see
On my own
All alone
Filled with uncertainty
Yet free

It feels easier to let the time pass by
And not do a thing
Just let the days count on
Waiting

It’s easier to hope that that something will happen
All on it’s own
Just let the years go on
And sticking to what you’ve known

But nothing ever happens
When your head is full of dreams
And your heart is empty
From not doing anything

It’s hard to make the change
But it’ll be even harder
To look back at your life
And know you should’ve been much smarter

Those fears and apprehensions
Can only hold you back
Let go of what keeps you down
And get your life on track

I am told that I am free
That I can be whatever I want to be
As long as it fits within the confines
Of our society

I believe that I’m a slave
And if I misbehave
They’ll curse me until I break
And forget the freedom that I crave

Moving past the guide they’ve given
And knowing what is right

Moving past the guide you’ve given
And doing what feels right

Forget what they’ve told you
Forget what you’ve told you
If you give love
You’ll get it
Everything else
Just forget it

So much of me
Is still entwined in you
Every memory
Stuck to my heart like glue

I’m hoping I don't go under
And trying to let it go
But I can’t help but wonder
If a better love I’ll ever know

All I can say
Is I hope neither one of us dies tonight
Because if todays the day
Then you shouldn’t have left me hurting this way

All I know
Is if one of us should die tonight
Would you regret letting me go
Without telling me you love me so

All I can do
Is hope neither one of us dies tonight
Because you didn’t think it through
Got tangled up in you

All that can think
Is if one of us should die tonight
My stomach would sink
Knowing you chose to drink

Over me

She said that’s not the point
But I know it doesn’t matter
The point to her is not the point to them
It’s the way our thoughts can scatter
We can’t focus on the core
Get caught up in the minutia
We’ve forgotten how to love
And I’m not talking about medusa
I mean love in stepping back
And seeing the world as more than us
But a working system of plants and animals
Built on more than trust
Because we recognize our luck
In knowing and feeling more
But it’s our deepest curse
Because our egos keep us poor
Poor in love and selflessness
Weak in strength and will
But we ignore that we’re insensitive
Because we won’t die before we’d ****

I’ve grown tired of caring
And I’m sick of feeling
What am I even hurting for?

I’m moving on to living
I’m trying out my new eyes
What was I even seeing for before?

I can’t muster the courage
To let myself take things on
So why not let them go?

I’ll go for a walk
And take a long shower
Sing for awhile
And draw for an hour
Make a list of my worries
And put it to flames
Sleep for forever
Not sure for what I aim
Just trying to find some peace
In the crazy world we live in
And help myself ignore
All that might have been

It’s hard
Cause I’ve been there and I’ve felt it
But it’s okay
Because I’ll be there again and I’ll feel it again
Just in a different way