Earth to self,
You are not okay.
Please seek help.
Love,
You.

"I'm drunk" she said as she clutched onto my arm
Her hair dangling off her shoulder flickering in the wind
And her eyes glinting as they reflected the street lights.

Her heels quaked at the uneven concrete and she giggled
She wobbled, tightening her grip bringing me closer
Each step she took was a little bit messy and incredibly charming.

She stopped mid stride and turned to me
Standing so close that I could feel the wisps of her flowing skirt
Dance across my thigh.

Her lips parted just a small amount
And mischief flickered in her eyes
She leaned forward grasping at my neck

Inches away from my hesitant lips
She whispered something coy
And she spun on her heel with as much grace as her drunken self could muster

"If I were a boy" she said, her back now to me
"I'd think you were my world"
And before I could inquire more our cab pulled up.

And we, were headed home.

Sweet kisses move me like a lullaby
Midnight rushes over our eyes
And sits upon our brows
Tight arms surround
Gentle swaying in the moonlight
To the rhythm of romance
Let us dance in our dreams

Are you really wasting time,
If you wander?

Are you really making memories,
Behind a desk?

Are you really doing nothing,
When you're laughing and thinking?

Are you really living,
When you work the 9 to 5?

Morning comes like an secret lover
Peeking through my cracked blinds
Caressing my face with warm light
Filling me with joy
To think I once wished
To never see its face again
I'm alive.

We sit in silence
To others we are awkward
To us we are infinite
Propelled by the fuel
That sits in our cups
And the lust that echoes in
Our sighs.

Dear God
Please give me the simplicity of four little letters
Carved like a love song onto my wrists
Can you see me trying and falling?
How many times can you break
Into skin so sunken that even
My own mother doesn't know
Where it breaks and
Where it bends

Good God I am here
Begging to a being
I cant convince myself to believe in
Like hopeful letters
The words fall flat
I am not who I am.

I see the world around me
Progressing like the plague
I see the people smiling
Like its all okay.

I'm trying for tomorrow
But drowning in today
Caught by the undercurrent
Of yesterday.

I keep coming to the same blank pages
Hoping to fill them with my mind
I have so much to say
But words won't fall

How can one be showered in compliments,
Yet covered in shame?
The stains of self consciousness remain.

Promise me you'll never leave me
Promise me you mean what you say
Promise me the skies will clear.
Can you do that?
Can you love me like that?
Because I never could.

Sad sunken eyes beneath hair
That hasn't been brushed
For far too long
With a low key smile
Begging to be kissed
I wish I had been there
For all the storms
I wish I had known
You weren't a stranger.

Liquid in our thoughts
Solid in our actions
Sharp to the point
Soft to the touch

Fluid in the matter
Choppy in the act
Faithful in our promises
Unreliable in our paths

I find you in hidden places
Woven inside me
Like the stitches of a quilt
I am not whole without your memory
Incomplete with what you left
I have built myself around your absence
But you remain.

They say tomorrow is full.
But today was empty.
They say that the future will be solid
But the present is hollow

Promises become tomorrow
Disappointment becomes today.
Happiness becomes the future
Loneliness fills the present

Forgive me when I say,
I can't take another today.

It starts like a sliver
A small fragment of someone else's being
Slips into my skin
Sticking within the shallow foundation
A surface connection
Skin deep until left untreated
Allowed to seep
Building roots into my blood
Before long the wound has grown
Oozing and hot to the touch
It starts to invade
Inching its way to my core
My heart, my lungs
Now stained with its name
I breathe shallow breaths of clean air
Trying to cleanse my soul
I will heal
But scars remain.
A forced change my soul accepted.

I'm going to erase your smile
Like it never even happened
Only god will know
And neither of us know god.

I'm going to fill the void
With sins and bad decisions
Only god will care
But neither of us know god.

It's not that I don't want to see you,
I do.

It's just that seeing you would mean getting out of my bed
And that requires me to get out of my head.

And no, it's not that I don't care,
I do.

It's just that caring would mean getting out of my head
And that requires me to get out of my bed.

Hollowed out ghosts linger on my tongue
And tickle my mind
Scratching at the back of my teeth
But never leave my lips.

Faded places writher in my eyes,
And seep into my thoughts.
Trickling down my hands
But never escape my fingertips.

She smiles coyly,
Playing with her wild tangly mane.

She ***** her head to the side,
Scoots a little closer and says:

"I'd like to think that I tend to trip more people
Than I fall for."

I wish the whirring in my head would stop.
Just like the joy did, years ago.
It's been so long since I've smiled for myself
Now I just grimace in a daze.

I'm tired you know?
Whatever I'm doing, it's exhausting.
I need time to catch my breath.
It seems I've left my mind back a few yards.

They say to fake it till you make it,
But I'm all out of false
I just want some honesty
Without a hint of doubt.

Baby, can you see me?
Can you hear me?
I'm screaming under water,
Drowning under you.

Baby, can you feel me?
Can you please me?
I'm fighting myself
Over and under stars that shine my name

Baby, can you find me?
Can you save me?
I'm walking on a line
That I've crossed so many times.

Oh and I can't feel
The ground beneath my feet
When will this seem real?

I've been trying for awhile
Please tell me why it's so hard
To fake a smile

Give me a name
To remember
I've got no one to blame

But myself.

Mommy, I'm being bullied and I don't know what to do. I can't escape them and they know just what to say.

Dearest please explain, for your friends at school love you.... The teachers say you love to play.

Mommy you don't understand, they're deeper. Mommy they're in my head. I can't control them now and they all want  me dead

You look at me the way they do in movies, full of wonder and curiosity.  It scares me to think that someday you might see me the way he does now: the way I see myself.

She will give him everything she has
Until she has nothing left to give
And then he will hate her.

Not because she has nothing left to give
But because she will start to take.

She will take his energy
His love
His sanity.

She will take his peace
His patience
And his clarity

And sooner or later
He will become just as empty as her
Just as broken
Just as vulnerable

And through his hate
He will start to give

"Diamonds are a girls best friend"
They tell me with smiles so bright they shine
But their eyes are cold and so are the jewels they hold.

Some boys on Abbey Road wrote about a lonely girl.
With diamonds and a sky of marmalade
But no one to hold.

And I have to think that if I had the choice
I'd rather stay on the ground
To have your hand to hold.

For diamonds are too cold
To sacrifice for love.

Spin me like a broken record
Hear the same notes, scratch, repeat
Does it thrill you to know my rythm?
Does it please you to know my pattern?

I wrote about how the birds still sang
The morning you left me
And the trees were still green
I wrote about how the world doesn't stop
Even when mine is crumbling

Annoyance scratches at the back of my brain
All the things you say the way that they sound
Is disgusting
And beautiful
And I hate it.
The planned patience of every single word
Sounds pretentious and assuming.
I can't stand it.
I can't stand you.

Stop counting the roses that never came
Stop waiting on a perfect tomorrow.

Stop wiping away tears that are only half way out
Stop scratching at skin that doesn't even itch.

Stop listening to strangers with harsh messages
Stop trusting fools with guns.

Help is a four letter, one syllable word that carries the weight of the world.

Let's take a few steps back
And look at where we've been
Torn and out in the gutter
Rain pounding on our backs

Now take a few steps forward
And look at where we've come
To stand amongst people
Who will never know our names.

My sick, twisted mind
Is starting to unravel
And I'm left with the fraying threads
Of my existence.

Watery eyes stare at the ceiling
As aching limbs stretch across the bed
Grasping for a hand that left long ago

Pleasure surges through my skin
It's electric, moving in waves
As his eyes dance over my body
Soaking my essence in.

Tonight, I am his.