Talking to walls can substitute
A kind of feeling not absolute
I often wonder just how long I can go before I have to leak the feelings that nobody else should know
I'm not sure what kind of funk I'm in
Because I only go to sleep when the sun has risen
And I'm not sure how much more I can take of this torturous daze, I've taken blow after blow
But I know it's not your fault
And I do apologize
See, I cannot seem to recover the light in my tired eyes
And I'm afraid there's not much left in me though I've tried very hard to take their insults thinly

But I'm not as strong as you, obviously
And I'm bound to be chained down by him, indefinitely.

When we bought the bag of rice from Costco, it was so big that you jokingly said that it would last our whole relationship...
funny thing...
because it did...

I grabbed it from the pantry last night, and there was only one cup left...  just one cup... I thought about saving it... trying to make myself believe that maybe if I saved it, it would mean that our relationship wasn't over yet...
I thought maybe that  if I saved it... we'd have one more chance... one more cup left...
But the reality is... that bag had been emptying out... I did not want to see it that way... we had even forgotten about it for a little while and it was just there... half full, half empty... But I should've known that it wasn't going to last forever... We would finish the bag someday... and with it... we'd finish everything else.

I looked at the bag as I took it down from the pantry... I wrapped my arms around it...held it close to my heart...
"It's time," I told myself... and with a few scoops I took the last cup left...
I watched as the rice sank down to the bottom of the *** already full of water... so heavy... drowning... each grain of rice... ready to be boiled, consumed... changed.... then forever gone.
I thought maybe I could just save the empty bag...
but I told myself... what for?... it was just full of empty promises, full of words that were never said, full of pain and sadness... full of broken pieces... I needed to let go..
So with one motion I grabbed the bag and threw it in the trash... closed the lid and took a deep breath.

No more rice.. no more bag... no more us.

I want to tell you not to forget me
To think of my face and smile
Of time we spent talking and touching
But loving really wasn't my style.
I thought it'd be easier to be alone
I'd done it for so many years before
But when I remember your voice, dear
I realised I'd always wanted more.
But of course right now I have nothing
I ruined it all, I know
I am my own worst enemy
I don't blame you for letting me go.
I want to tell you not to forget me
But perhaps it is best that you do
Move on in your life without me
And leave me with just memories, of you.

I still smile when I think of you
I  can still feel your skin on mine
And
I know you never meant to hurt me
Even though you did
And I feel guilty I couldn't be the one to save you
Even though I shouldn't
I'll miss hearing you talk about the things you love
I'll miss being a part of that list
I'll miss being able to share all of myself with you
And although when we next meet
Time will have deepened our wrinkles
And deepened our understanding
I need you to know
I will never be far from you

When you left you took my heart
And I let you
Because I thought it would be easier
Not to care
But it doesn’t work that way,
And without it I am so dead inside
My body is a skeleton
Filled with crumpled leaves,
Hardened flowers,
Distant emotions, and fading memories
They subside like tidewater out to sea
I feel nothing, am nothing
Not even a ghost
Just a barely breathing being,
Dying six feet under the surface