Have you ever felt disposable?
Like you're only worth as much as you are useful,
And you're just not useful for that long?
Have you ever felt disposable?
Like you're great and all,
But if something better comes along
It's into the garbage you'll go?
Have you ever felt disposable?
Like you're wonderful and all that jazz,
But if the old thing starts working again,
Losing you is no great loss.
Have you ever felt disposable?
Like every person before has thrown you away
Because you were lost, or just stopped working the way they wanted you to.
You weren't useful anymore, you weren't doing the thing they wanted you to do anymore.
Have you ever felt disposable?
Because I have.
When every person that came before you
Threw me away like a broken toy,
Because they were spoiled frustrated children,
Throwing people away because they didn't work how they wanted them to.
Because I was a toy, I was not human.
And because I have feel disposable,
That means I'm afraid that at any second you could throw me away,
Even though you're not them, and they're not you,
And you're not like that at all.
Because when you look at me,
You see me as human.
Have you ever felt disposable?
Because that means you've felt the fear that the person you love most will leave,
For one reason or another.
Whether it be entirely irrational or completely unfounded,
It means that every second that passes between the text message you've sent asking them "Are you leaving me?" and their response, feels like a knife to wrists,
Draining you of every drop of blood you could possible have or create
And you get cold, and the cold makes your joints stiff, and then the stiffness makes you ache and you're not only crying out of the fear and unnecessary anxiety, but you're crying because dear God, it hurts and you can't breathe because if you breath you'll sob and only cry harder.
Have you ever felt disposable?
Because if you have you know that wearing his hoodie makes you feel wrong, because at any second he could decide to leave and if he leaves you'll never want to take it off because it's the closest thing to a hug from him you'll ever get again.
Have you ever felt disposable?
Because after being disposed of, you start thinking all these terrible things because it's what you're used to.
Have you ever felt disposable?
Please just make it stop.