Soaking up self hatred,
Ignoring kindness,
No more self love to dip oneself in.

Allowing the positive to fade out,
As the negative sinks in.

Elegant love,
Misinterpreted into elegant pity.
Taking in ravishing hate,
Turning it into a new idea.

Dancing among despair,
No longer interested in the light,
That was always to bright.

Take in the negative,
Spit on the positive.

It aches, it twitches,
Thee heart beats are off tune.

Its burning in the acid it created,
Trying to numb itself with physically pain,
To help ignore the spiritual.

Red ink clogging its system up,
As it starts to self destruct on itself.
Unable to handle the black ink,
That's making its self known amongst the red.

Sync does not happen in a unstable heart,
Only scit **** beats that are signs of a deep sleep to come.

"I like the games I play,"
He confessed, trying to impress,
To make the questions come to a standstill.

He twirled and twisted the truth,
Making little white lies become poisonous butterflies.

"The boy was never perfect,"
Is what they say, as comfort,
It makes him want to scream,
But all he does is smile, and agree with them.

"I'm proud of being such a good actor,"
He states with assumed pride,
But its more of a sad confession.

The howled sound that let loose from his throat,
It sounds more strand then it should be,
But no one questions;
His quick silver tongue catches their attention away.

He has to keep his image up on stage,
So he keeps up the delighted look as the cameras flash.

"We have so much in common,"
Another states, and the boy thinks he going to be sick,
He just wants to take a remote, and click!

I wish to make myself into a masterpiece,
I yearn to be perfect,
I hunger to please my own living eye.

I don't need to make heads turn,
Or let artist take me to their beds.

My intention is simply,
For all those people to glance away,
I want them to simply walk on by,
No judgment in their eyes.

I simply want to be marvelous to me.

I remember the interrogation room,
I can still hear the voices boom,
Each question that was in burned inside my head,
Has informed and destroyed me.

I can still feel,
The clock of time, ticking by,
It's keeps reminding me,
This argument keeps going on and on,
And we both know we are done.

I don't have a voice lawyer,
That can talk back and defend me.
So I have to sit and take it.

The room is growing smaller,
Which is quite concerning because it was quite tiny already.  

My interrogators want me to talk,
But they only want to hear what they want to hear.  
So I stay silent, because I can't give them what they want.

They keep shining this spotlight on me,
And I feel so small, maybe there winning,
Because I just keep agreeing.

When I leave this interrogation room,
I know I’ll change myself all of again,
Because I aim to please,
And I never wish to go through that ever again.

Smile bright,
Keep it tight and in place,
Smile for the camera's dear.

Each camera is a person,
Taking your picture.

Keep up the game of pretend,
Try to stay with the trend,
You still want to have your best friend, don't you?

Try your best not to be offended,
Let pretend to be splendid.

The cameras are still rolling outside,
So your going to have to wait it out till then,
Be patient before you rush back into your bedroom.

The afterlife sound much better than the wildlife outside in society.

This magnificent game we all play,
With all this assumed real smiles,
Is what everyone one watching the T.V. want to see,
So keep it up my magnificent child.

Empty once again,
Drinking nor eating is enough,
The void soon consumes me whole.

I am used to being half empty or half full.

I keep trying to hold onto my old chips;
All the old information on how I used to tick.

Taking the medication will never get back all the pieces I need,
But I think they all disagree because they keep saying:
"Give him the medicine" They'll say,
Because that's what messed up disappointments get.

Cannot halt the isolation that consumes all of me,
The emptiness has already won,
Now its just the waiting game.

Sooner or later all will find out, I am far too gone.

Daddy and mommy told me,
"Don't be so idiotic,"
So I kept all the strange behavior to myself just for them.  

I'm too far gone, but that's okay,
"I'll get better someday," That's what my therapist says anyways,
So I put it on loop inside of my hollow spaced mind,
And maybe it'll become true someday.