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aar505n May 2018
The first kiss was nice.
I was suddenly reminded of all the fun we had.
I felt my heart swell with old memories
Of dancing in your room at night
Or laying in the afternoon sun.
The time I melted into you
And you said you loved me.

That first kiss was nice.

Then you kissed me again.
I recalled how it ended.
The hurt and pain of the separation.
The feeling of not being want,
Of not being good enough.
My heart shriveled up as it remembered the heartache.

The second kiss was not nice.
Do I focus on the good or the bad?
aar505n Apr 2018
Stop the car now.
Sing to me.
While no one is watching.

I want to hear you.
Here before we go further.
A song of the hills.
And of the now.

I want to know you.
I want to be known by you.
That is all anyone wants
aar505n Apr 2018
I'll get the last train home
I do not wish to outstay my welcome
I really don't mind - I actually like it
Can you like sad and lonely times?
There's an odd feeling when overhearing friends talk
It forms the static beneath my thoughts
As I hold on tight to this solitude
And try to like it as much as it likes me
Sorry I have to go and catch the last train
aar505n Apr 2018
For that restless wanderer there is no common ground

On Sundays - when family rest and friends play - he has no where to go.

He hath ears and hears all
That is more painful than mere sight alone
Conversations that he will never partake in again

Through this suffering may wisdom come
Or else eternal punshiment for the restless wanderer
aar505n Dec 2017
Sacred Soul stuck in a profane Body
Insane Id inflicts anguish on scared Ego
Man finds trouble with doubled nature
Both Angel and Beast want what's best
But both can not be satisfied at once
This division against ourselves
Can only offer suffering in our lives
So man does the civilized thing
Obliged to be sad inside and depressed
And represses those impolite appetites
That contaminates consciousness
"How can we belong entirely to ourselves, and entirely to others at one and the same time?"
aar505n Dec 2017
it was all good until in the morning when the last of the illusions was broken

he had let the past coloured his vision
while also putting his hopes of the future on to his present

but now he sees, now he leaves

we didn't fit like before but maybe we never did.

rationality crashes down on me
he does not have that bit of me I seek

so what's the point of prolonged  disappointment?
Never give myself fully, always pretending
searching for that lost part of me in others and alwasy leaving
aar505n Nov 2017
this is my first storm without you
i'm fully awake, alone
thinking about you
for the first time in months

wondering if it's a rainy night over you too
wondering if you are still where i left you
half dreaming

that first stormy night still fresh in my memory
i remember us laying together as
the wind howled and the rain hammered

i gave myself to you completely
tangled together to stay warm
dissolver of limbs
for on that night, my soul took flight
a climb into the sublime
as the world around us melted away.
until it was just the two us.

the wind bellowed, and the rain poured
neither did phase us one bit
as we rested half awake, half dreaming

i no longer dream like you do
only remember what i can't forget
Maybe this will be my last storm without him
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