As the crowd moves around me
I cower
and make myself
as small as I can
My eyes burn
and my chest hurts
"don't hurt me"
I think
as I cry so hard
my throat refuses
to let me form sentences
people ask what's wrong
but I can't answer them
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"
Is all they can make out
and all I can make escape my lips
I'm sorry I'm scared, but I don't know what to do
Please forgive me
and don't hate me
for the fears
I can't control

What is context?
Clearly they don't know.
I show my innocence
Yet get sent to the gullitine regardless
Even when half the jury is in my favor
The King refuses
and I get charged for a crime
I never committed
Trying to protect someone
Who just wanted me dead

Swear to love only me.
Don't look at anyone else.
I only look at you.
So only look at me, okay?
Say you love me.
Only me.
You can't stray.
Your heart has to belong to me, and only me.
You're absolutely mine.
No exception.

I know now, or in a sense...
I've always known, I've always known
That I don't care about real life
It's hard to care if you never were.
But if I'm not real...
Will people care for me?
Will death just accept me?
Or do I have to stay and tell my story?
Either way, I'm more than unreal, less than real.
And I'm more conscious than I've ever been...
In a sense, I'm alive.

Some people say I'm hyperactive
But that's not me
Some people say I'm cute
But that's not me
Some people say I'm heartless
But that's not me

I don't know what I want
And I don't know what I am
But I know what I'm not
But that's okay
At least, I think so

I know what I love
And I know what I dislike
I know what I hate
But only sometimes

Life is a mystery
Life is a puzzle
And I want to solve it
But I know this puzzle is never ending
For now, I guess
I'll just focus on the pieces that make those around me happy.

There was once a man
Who looked at the moon and asked
"Is there anything I could ask,
that you can answer?"
There was no reply,
as expected.

The next morning, there was a dog.
The man crouched down
in front of the dog and asked
"What are you up to today?"
The dog walked past,
as expected.

In the afternoon, there was a girl.
She was sitting on a bench in the park.
The man sat beside her and asked
"Are you waiting for someone?"
She kept gazing at the sunset,
as expected.

Night falls in a pub in the city.
There's a drunken man, had many bottles.
The man approached him and asked
"Is something the matter?"
The man finally collapsed after too much drinks,
as expected.

Lastly, in a room there are antiques.
One is a mirror in an intricate frame.
The man looked at the mirror and asked
"How do you feel today?"
There was no reflection,
as expected.

Pull me by the arms
And tell me that you love me
As long as we're together
This game brings so much pleasure
Your soft skin against mine
makes me quiver
I love you more than anyone
So never let me go, never tell me you're done

You hold me so tight
I fear I might break
But the feeling
It feels so good
To be against you
Against your chest
I feel as though we are one
I love this
I feel wanted
So please
My love
Hold me tighter
Go ahead
You can break me if you want.

Blurred visions linger
         the longest in mind
When one dreams about
                                      the apocalypse
        The other flounders
      
        But for they are the same
                 And the light is with them
                 It displays mere cracks in the skin
        And the wind blows them away


                                             Clumps of broken dreams created
                                             Figments tainting the soul


For your mask speaks
Your heart speaks louder



                                                                                    Stay strong.

Hey, friend.
It's been a minute since we could talk.
I thought I'd steal your life for a minute and we'd walk.
I need someone to listen and I'm selfish enough,
To just take it for myself and be incredibly rough.
Of course, I'm not serious, don't fret.
You're looking at me different from back then I bet.
I haven't changed at all, my emotions dime a dozen.
I still love you so much, but I know your heart doesn't.
I've been empty since I left you, but I won't ask you to come back.
I remember how we could have been and I wouldn't cut you no slack.
I wish I was still there, resting my head in your lap.
Getting kissed by you, using your legs to take my nap.
I wish I could take back the drying blood from my hands.
My own or his or hers or theirs, I don't know, my psyche bends.
Don't worry, I'm not taking my own blood from me.
That's what my friends are for, good people, they help, see?
We've been playing around, doing some... knife play.
It's been making me all better cutting all that way.
These days I'm cold, I'm sick, I'm hurt, I'm ravaged.
There's more holes in my soul than on my body, I am damaged.
I've been taken apart by my friends and family and myself.
My conscious frozen solid and placed right up on a shelf.
But you couldn't help me anymore, you have your things yourself.
Take my word of advice and please take care of your shelf.
I must leave for now, knife play waits, I'll never see you again.
I hope you see me as the hopeless kids we were right there and then.
Please never live without my smile in your heart.
Please forget my death and take me back to the start.
And with that, I take my leave, I love you.
I always have. I always will.
Remember my seed in you.
Remember my ruin in you.
Remember my blood.
Sincerely,
"J"