I inhaled cannabis for the first time
I felt a freedom I felt free from life
I felt that life was nice and I could live
When my high came down I felt my life wasn't real

To be in a different world, a peaceful world
Is a world I want to live in
I want to be free
I want to live
I want to be me
I want peace


Yours truly

She stares at me,
Her eyes seem to search mine.
Her hands stretch towards the division,
Towards that finely marked glass line.

She seems to whisper something,
Sayings too faint to hear.
Yet her lips move with such passion,
As though her utterances are very dear.

I take a step back & stare,
At the being before my eyes.
Torn robes & mangled hair,
And scarred hands to my surprise.

I try to draw close,
Yet I cannot seem to reach.
It's as though a barrier lies between us,
One that I cannot breach.

I looked with more intent,
But the less I saw instead.
Yet in her eyes I could discern,
Something that filled me with dread.

Then suddenly it hit me
From out of nowhere
And like an unraveled mystery
All became clear.

For in my curiosity
And my desire for close inspection
I had failed to see
I was staring at my own reflection

#BlueRain
2016

I put makeup on my little sister.
I laugh as she squints her eyes too much and
mascara goes everywhere. Thin black streaks run along
her eyelid and below it; she goes to rub and
I have to hold her hands from creating a bigger mess.

The sky turns black and we run inside for cover.
She starts to worry as the rain erupts from the clouds
and cringes when she hears the thunder.
I tell her there's nothing to worry about,
and took her hand to lead her out on the porch.
Lightning cracked down so close,
and I scared her even more.

I laid her down in bed; past bedtime.
She was tired and I
didn't think she'd remember but
she asked me to sing her the song I made up
when she was just a baby.
I swept the hair across her forehead as I began the tune.
She grabbed my hand and drifted off to sleep.

She doesn't need me like she used to,
but I'll always be there, just in case.

It was like watching a butterfly change colour
to match the landscape; rather fetching I thought
Until the poppy bowed its head to avoid fire
in a red lawned field where the heroes fought.
The noise, the flashes and sparks were obvious
a new threat for the red scorched flower
dying a death, remembering again at the eleventh hour.
The petals were crinkled, its life an open book
the wind throws its power to the weather vein
The headstones paraded in rows deserve another look
never do we want to see this horror again,

What I Meant:

cue tumblr poem prompt

What I meant
the last time I said
"I love you":
  

You are destroying me
but I'm letting you,
You are a fire and
your arms around me
make my thoughts scream

This is not
just an impulse
not just a match
I'm lighting up,
This type of love
will never burn out
no matter how
many times
our lips will be
coated in ash.

I would rather decompose
than leave you,
so cover me
in a veil of your flames.

- Crimsyy

Where have you been,
My long lost love?

Has anyone seen
My long lost love?

I long to know your state,
My long lost love.

And to find your estate,
My long lost love.

We were once united,
Bound in love
Ecstatic, excited.
A life now unheard of
I awake aghast, affrighted.

Awaiting a letter from you
Blown in by the breeze.
Far between and few
Are the days of pleasant ease.

My long lost love
I sorely miss our affinity.
And I sorely miss you,
My long lost love,

Creativity.

the butterflies in my stomach
the flutter in my chest
are overtaken
by the weight of self-doubt
and overthinking.

those butterflies,
that flutter
are the only things i ever want to feel.
pure bliss.
pure happiness.

the self-doubt, the overthinking,
the anxiety it brings
is overwhelming.
shutting down is the only option.

it's all i can do.
(but i can't)