You a puzzle that I’ve been trying to piece together yet you seem to always leave me wondering where I should actually start first I think it’s better if I started off slow then worked my way up to the next level of greatness because between you and I I’m feeling puzzled by the person you’ve became through this puzzle there’s a story that all leads up to the good and bad times so I’m just hoping that I can find a way to fix this unfinished project I’m thinking these first two pieces go together as to what they’ve said you would be in life if you didn’t take the opportunity to do what’s best for you in their eyes but not yours the next couple of pieces go together as a whole because it talks about how much you did without much help yet you managed to finish school with a child and a useless *** socalled father the man you thought was truly you’re forever love and which he wasn’t pieces after pieces bring me to the conclusion that you only have all this hate because of past experiences but still find ways to smile because you’ve made it this far and wouldn’t dare let another knock you down as a woman who’s been doing this since the age of 18 I’ve made it midway am I close? Or am I wrong? I can always go back and check for instructions I’m ready for my last and final pieces that tells me how you managed to use self love as an way to escape from all of today’s negativity I’m willing to sit here and learn as you continue to teach me how to finish this puzzle my dear friend...

21 Questions - Zyanneh Frazier

(1) Would you like for me to tell you that I love you & actually mean it? Or
(2) Tell you that I hate you & don’t mean it? (3) Would you like for me to fight for us? Or (4) Walk out like I just don’t give a ****? (5) Would you like for me to be honest & tell you the real me? Or (6) Tell you something that I’m not which is a liar & pretender? (7) Would you still stick by my side through the good & bad? Or (8) Walk out & just give up on me like everyone else did? (9) Would you be willing to give me your last dime? Or (10) Leave me empty handed making me waste my time? (11) Would you be embarrassed of what others may say or think about us? Or (12) Feel accomplished knowing that your entire family loves me? (13) Would you believe me if I told you I was out with friends? Or (14) Just jump to conclusions that I’m cheating?
...which isn’t in my blood...
(15) Would you be willing to cut off your friends to spend time together? or
(16) Do I have to turn you into a chooser? ...which isn’t something I want to do... (17) Would you trust me enough to tell me your deepest secrets? Or (18) Do I have to continue to beg for trust? ...which is something I thought I already won... (19) Would you be able to handle this bond? Or (20) Do I have to end this thing we call us?

...Because the real question I have is...
(21) Do you see yourself being mines forever?

Letter

I have a letter for my ex, but now I think I might end it here or should I really? because in this letter I got things to say but I don’t know if I should get to hurting feelings or say what I really feel

Because honestly I thought you was the one for me but you was nothing but a liar you had me thinking love, loyalty, trust, & honesty was everything I was retrieving from you

But really I wasn’t it was nothing but lies after lies and here I am stuck trying to figure out all the missing pieces after giving you my all

This is something I still regret days, weeks, months, hell even years later I can’t even love the way I once knew how I can’t even think, walk, or talk right all because of you

I guess cheating and lying makes you a “real man” in this day and age but in this letter you ain’t **** but a little *** boy trying to fit in like everyone else instead of being the “man”

I once used to love... so I hope you take notes from this letter by trying to not break another young woman’s heart!

Mirror, Mirror on the wall you are truly my only best friend you let me know when I’m ugly, feeling down, or even stressing unlike everyone else hell you even tell me if my outfit is a real presentation of ME unlike these unloyal so called “friends” that says “oh that’s cute” but really telling me things just to make me feel beautiful knowing they’re just telling me a heartfelt lie just to see a smile form across this face that I used to think was so unique!

Mirror, Mirror on the wall honestly I’m proud of what I’ve become because of you yes I’ve cried, tried, or even let my pride get in the way of things but you made me who I am today we’ve had some good and bad moments together I’m just happy and proud to say that I don’t need makeup to feel “cute, beautiful, or approachable” to anyone but myself because in the end you’ve shown me that “you are beautiful to some or even ugly to some”!

Mirror, Mirror on the wall I give you the power to seek what’s good for me because in the end you’re always right and you haven’t let me down not even once in my life and that’s the definition of a real best friend not many can do just that for me but YOU, you were there when I needed to use you for comfort because in the end nobody wanted to help me through the positivity or negativity but you so I take this time to thank you for being there for me!

Mirror I just want you to know I no longer have to be scared of who I am today and what I’m trying to become as a young woman, forever be my best friend!

My ex is in love...
Which causes me to fail
Relationships back to back
I **** sure don’t know if it’s me
Or maybe it’s just this *****
I think I got you sprung
I think I got you hooked
I think I got you affected
By how many *****
I no longer give
My ex is lying...
Which causes me to lose
Relationships back to back
I **** sure won’t take it anymore
Or maybe it’s just time for me to let go
I think I got you making up lies
I think I got you putting on a show
I think I got you pretending
Because last time
I checked, I’m single
My ex is crazy...
Which causes me to fight
Relationships back to back
I **** sure can’t stand you
Or maybe I’m just overreacting
I think I got you crying
I think I got you flexing
I think I got you assuming
About how in love you
You claim to be
My ex is truly a *****...
I’m not in love with the person
I thought I once was
Hell you even cheated
And got me looking like the bad guy
When in reality it’s YOU
So just do me a favor by staying
The **** away from me
I learn the keys of moving on
Now I thinks it’s your turn...
Nameless girl you know who you are!

You’ll be back soon
Just not right now
I be giving second chances
But end up looking like a fool
For going right back...
I’ve been through this once before
And it’s nothing but a huge *** cycle
Of mistakes and headaches
Like once before...
I’ve even said I loved you
And it’s nothing but lies filled
With shameful and hateful thoughts
Like the last time...
I’ve even helped you up
When you were down
And it’s nothing but regrets
From giving you my all
While I suffered
Like a fool...
As you played like the victim
I was the one stuck
With tears running down my cheeks
And a box of tissue just wiping away
All the fakeness and emptiness
Like the dummy...
But yet and still
I managed to go right the **** back
To a person
Who only called on me
When they needed something
Or someone to talk to
But didn’t even love me
The way I loved them...
I feel so embarrassed
I feel so pretraded
I feel so broken
I feel so lost
All because of you

Growing up hearing sirens felt like the end of the world because being black is hard to escape sometimes we can’t even reach the age of 18 and sometimes we were raised by a single mother while our father is either locked up, a runaway, or just dead.

Growing up it was hard seeing our mother working hard to make sure we had clothes, shoes, food, and a place to lay our head and sometimes it was hard to even fake a smile without getting that feeling of being judged by someone else.

Growing up watching the news had us wondering “am I next?” because our culture had it bad sometimes it was hard to even walk out of our front door and sometimes it was just like a movie but the only difference is this is real and we have to fight for what we wanted.

Growing up it was all about who had this and who had that or who was from here or who was from there sometimes we only do what we see right in front of us and sometimes we all seem to make the same mistakes as the ones before us...

But.. growing up had us all waiting for a change and still wondering when it’s going to come!

You seem to be my Clyde to my Bonnie
You seem to be my Martin to my Gina
You seem to be my Bobby to my Whitney
And you are more than I could ever ask for
You get on my nerves
You call me names (but in a friendly way)
You tell me your honest opinion
And you even check others when it comes to me!
You are my Micky to my Minnie
You are my Homer to my Marge
You are my Peter to my Louis
And you are someone I can trust
You helped me up whenever I was feeling down
You showed me that giving up wasn’t an option
You treated me like no other!
You can be my Simba to my Nala
You can be my Prince Adam “Beast” to my Belle
You can be my Shrek to my Fiona
And you can be more than just my friend
You honestly opened my eyes
You made me change my mind about dating
You always told me I was beautiful!
You will forever be my Lucious to my Cookie
You will forever be my Jamie to my Fancy
You will forever be my Dwayne to my Whitley
And I plan on making this last forever
You seem to be my friend
You seem to be my lover
You seem to be my other half!
Honestly
I think you’re my best friend...

She wore a smile yesterday
But where is it today?
She woke up different today
Sad, walking slow, ignoring
Everyone around her...
She fakes every smile
She just wanted silence
And wanted to be left alone
She didn't want to fight the battle
Between happy and sad anymore
She wanted to be like everyone else
Which was NORMAL!
She had tears later that night
But why are they falling tonight?
She went to sleep on a cold night
Upset, crawling on the floors, praying
Hoping she'll make it to another day..
Shes fighting for her life
Shes just wants all the pain to go away
And wishes that this would end
She realizes being like everyone else
Is just going to make her suffer even MORE!
But... Who is she?
A girl who happens to have dreams and goals
But will she ever reach them?
Is the real question... because
She's suffering from depression..
Will you help her? Or can you help her?..
Can you? Because if not.. she..
Just gone remain this unknown girl..
So as I ask... who is she?

As these months, days, weeks, & years go by the emptiness & heartbreaking moments continue to appear as I push myself to make her proud.. flashbacks of our last conversation reappear in my head as I write you this poem, I even remember my very last "I love you mom" before I had to say my official last one mother's day used to be the best days I remember your smile like it was yesterday, but for these last 7 years I've been missing it mom. I'm just proud to officially say I did it mom May 17th, 2017 I'm  finally doing something I thought I would never accomplish because I lost hope after losing the most important woman and best-friend I thought I would never lose at such a young age now here I am 19 years old leaving high school with tears of excitement, and hopes & dreams for the future Lesley Renna Pickett I'm visiting you today and graduation day I miss the greatest single mother in the world happy mother's day!

We are the colors of the rainbow,
Only because they represent us.
But sometimes we feel like the colors black, grey, and white,
We use these three colors to hide ourselves away from all of the hate!
Only because they seem to go with any and everything without an explanation.

But every single day we hear things, About us being gay.
We get called ugly, ***, *****, ****, phony, ****, queer or ******.
Just for labeling ourselves gay, bisexual, lesbian, pansexual or transexual.
Take the time to learn our story,
Before assuming you know us based off our looks and actions.
We could’ve been *****, “born” this way, or it became a choice of our own.
Here we are just trying to love who we are and want to be,
But can’t seem to do so because of people like you!
We still manage to keep a smile on our faces and our heads held high,
Just waiting for the day to feel equal and wanted. In this messed up world.
Instead of having to look over our shoulders every second of the day,
Hoping and praying to make it to another day without being the next VICTIM!

So as we ask please...
“Accept Me For Who I Am”

She was so beautiful until he decided to replace her face with ugliness now she calls herself a demon all because he wanted to put his hands on someone who couldn't even defend themselves now she's just hoping and praying that these scars would soon disappear but every single time, he comes around they reappear as she cries and tries to fight back but yet there's no one around to help.., he even calls her names and even make her undress herself just so he can get a piece of cake she knows living this type of lifestyle isn't right but yet he's always making sure there's no escape so she's stuck with bruises and a mindset filled with hate all because of him, he will soon suffer from this and his day will come as she remains calm and reports everything that as happened to someone who was only trying to protect her from the virus he's spreading all over her face.. places such as her eyes, nose, and lips all started to turn black he caused this girl a heartbreaking life who may never consider herself as "beautiful" ever again...

What If...

See what if the whites were the slaves and the blacks were their masters?
See what if all the blacks were cops and the whites were getting killed for no reason?
See what if all the whites had to sit in the back of the bus and the blacks didn't?
See what if all the blacks were well dressed and rich while the whites were dressed ghetto and poor?
SEE THERE IS AND NEVER WILL BE A WHAT IF...
I just wanted to flip the switch because being black in this world is extremely hard.. we have to fight hell we've been fighting since day one but still get treated like crap I just want you to understand what our people did for us but yet we can't seem to come together as one only time we come together is when a white man kills one of our own but yet it's still black on black crimes as the days go by but then again.. we can't help it..!
What if we could just come together as a whole but I don't see that coming anytime soon so I'm just going to keep hoping and praying for a better way... because I'm black and I'm proud.. but sometimes I wish I wasn't only because of this messed Society!

By Zyanneh Frazier

I'm tired of having to tell somebody I care about or love to be safe all bc of this ****** up place I call home known as "killa city" yall starting to act like the next Chicago with nothing but violence now I see why momma never let us leave the house bc she wasn't trying to see her two sons & daughter end up in a casket all bc of the crime rates continue to keep rising
when will all this stop?

My sweet and amazing family
and friends who continues
to put nothing but a smile on my
face and bring nothing but
tears of joy as we celebrate this
wonderful thanksgiving day
with memories that we'll
all continue to share on this
wonderful day as we
enjoy this food, share hugs,
and take pictures as
wonderful people do each
and everyday..
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Trying to control it
but these demons keep on
testing me... waiting
for me to snap knowing
I'ma later regret it
black out within seconds
because I be fed up
wishing that all this
pain would just go away
having a mindset filled with nothing
but hate because I
can't seem to stand the
words loyalty and trust
because people starting
to disappear from the list
of people I once called my best friend
maybe its because of
my temper...

By Zyanneh Frazier

Rest in Peace “Mom”

December 10th of 2010 I was
Holding your hand, telling you not to worry was not an easy thing for me to do
I sat with my brothers and kept asking myself is this our last goodbye?
As you happen to suffer in pain laying helpless on the hospital bed
Being brain dead and unable to breathe on your own
I couldn’t help but cry, but pray for good results from the doctor and nurses
As they slowly took you off life support and removed you from the breathing machine
Losing someone I truly loved was just so hard for me
December 19th of 2010 we was
Heading to the hospital as we suddenly got a call saying she didn’t make it
I walked into the room where you laid peacefully
Resting in God’s arms, although I wasn’t ready for our last goodbye
I happen to miss your sweet beautiful smile and amazing personality
The thought of not hearing your voice or not seeing your face
Happens to put nothing but a frown on my face leaving me with nothing
But tears slowly going down my face as I tried to tell myself this can’t be right!
December 27th of 2010 it was
Time for us to say our final goodbye as we laid you to rest
I never imagined that it would end with you laying in a casket
You were always there through the thick and the thin
You were more than a mother to me your were my best friend
Nobody can ever replace the bond we shared with each other regardless
If it ended with you yelling at me, because all you really wanted
Was the best for me because you didn’t raise no dummy
On November 23rd and Mother’s day of every year
I happen to visit you to tell you happy birthday and to
Release balloons and lay flowers by your grave to show you
That I love and miss you dearly as I try to forget that heartbreaking day
That will forever haunt me throughout my teenage and adult years
Lesley Renna Pickett may you
Rest in Peace!

By Zyanneh Frazier

Abortion

A screaming baby yelling
“Mommy! Please don’t let me go!”
All because it wants to see this world
But Mommy happens to have regrets and a mind filled with shame
All because nobody knows about little James or Joyce
Mommy isn’t ready for mistakes to happen
A screaming baby yelling
“Mommy! Please don’t give up on me!”
All because it wants to see Mommy smile
But Mommy happens to head to the clinic
All because she’s thinking about abortion
Mommy isn’t ready for regrets to happen
A screaming baby yelling
“Mommy! Please don’t do this to me!”
All because it wants to see its first birthday
But Mommy happens to grab for the scissors and then panics
All because she finally realizes life’s a blessing
Mommy isn’t ready to fall down the same path as last time
A screaming baby yelling
“Mommy! Please make the right choice!
All because it wants to know its gender
But Mommy happens to suffer from ***
All because she was ***** by a unknown man
Mommy happens to give life to a healthy
James Denzel Roberts
But…
A screaming baby yelling
“Mommy! I thank you!”
All because it misses its mommy
But Mommy happens to give James up for adoption
All because she doesn’t want James to suffer
Mommy happens to die 2 weeks later
As…
A screaming baby yelling
“Mommy! You’ll always be in my heart!”

By Zyanneh Frazier

Sprung

The way you carry yourself
Happens to put a smile on my face
The way you smile
Happens to make me blush
The way you talk
Happens to motivate me
The way you walk
Happens to make me admire you
The way you dress
Happens to impress me
The way you laugh
Happens to bring tears of joy
But for some reason
I can’t seem to break through this wall…
All because I think
I’m sprung off of you
So nameless person you know
Who you are
Just stop playing games
And make the right decision because
People like me don’t last very long
They happen to disappear
Leaving you with regrets and you questioning
Yourself with buts, ifs, and whys
So it’s your decision
While…
I’m still sprung off of you

By Zyanneh Frazier

Suicidal Thoughts

She happens to have those thoughts all because
She happens to be suffering on the inside
Nobody seems to understand this young lady
All because they happen to not care about her feelings
They happen to call her out her name just to put a smile on their faces
While she runs away with tears going down her face
And a broken heart that can’t seem to get fixed
So all she happens to have are these
Suicidal Thoughts
She happens to have those thoughts all because
She always looking at herself in the mirror
All because she doesn’t thinks she as beautiful as them
The girls who happens to call her ugly
When they are just trying to make themselves feel better
All because they don’t have the looks and style as this young lady
So they are willing to bring her down just to make themselves feel so much better
So all she happens to have are these
Suicidal Thoughts
She happens to have those thoughts all because
Boys never approach her as a man
They happen to make her feel uncomfortable
And unwanted all because she isn’t the girl they thought she would be
They use her as a toy
They happen to play with her mind and emotions
They use her as a game
They happen to hit it and quit it
They use her as a dog
They happen to make her do as they say
So all she happens to have are these
Suicidal Thoughts
She happens to have those thoughts all because
She is wondering who her real friends are
Which happens to be this razorblade and this bottle filled with pills
Please help her before it’s too LATE!

By Zyanneh Frazier

Dear Brother,

We had fights
We had tears
We had moments
That helped me
You only last once
You only care of me
You only love me
Throughout life
You are my brother
We had ups
We had downs
We had arguments
That helped me
You’re my protector
You’re my best friend
You’re my favorite Leo
Throughout life
You are my brother
We had talks
We had agreements
We had disagreements
That helped me
You’re a son
You’re a brother
You’re a friend
But no matter what I come FIRST!
Because you’re my brother
But most of all we both came from
Nothing to become something
So let’s make mom and dad proud!

Love, Lil Sis

By Zyanneh Frazier

Life…
Life… is so strange
Nothing stays the same
Everything change
But who to blame?
Life is like a game
Where you have to lose
Before you can gain
To win you have to face
The fearful rain…
In Life… they always say
Don’t use your heart
Only use your brain
In Life… there is love
But the more is hate
No one decide
They all hesitate
And who knows the fate?
The closest people you need go away…
In Life… people lie
To your face
When you need them
The most you find them
Lost… but day after day
Days go bye
People are born
And others die while most
Of us are trying to live another day…
Life… is crazy
Year after year
No one understands
Nothing is clear
Nothing in our hearts except fear
Today you walk and talk
Tomorrow you lay in your grave
And nothing is given
You have to earn it!

By Zyanneh Frazier

**** yourself…
Is what they say
To the hopeless girl
With the scars scattered across her skin
And tears going down her cheeks
**** yourself…
Is what they say
To the frightened boy
With glasses pushed upon his nose
And school books just ready to learn
**** yourself…
Is what they say
To the independent girl
With a very unique flow and attitude
And male clothing covering from head to toe
**** yourself…
Is what they say
To the insecure boy
With his lips all glossed up with lip-gloss
And his hand clutched tightly between another boys’
**** yourself…
Is what they say
To the outcasts
The Self-harmers,
As if they aren’t already considering it!
To the Nerds,
As if they aren’t already being made fun of!
To the Transgenders,
As if they aren’t already been judged enough!
To the Homosexuals,
As if they haven’t heard it once before!
**** yourself…
Is what they say
To the Gays
The Straights
The Geeks,
And the Weirdoes
**** yourself…
Is what they say
To the ones who are misunderstood
And who are scared to even express themselves…
ALL BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU!

By Zyanneh Frazier

My Biggest Mistake..

I won't say that I love you
Cause I've said it too MUCH
I won't tell you that I miss you
Cause I never heard you say IT
I won't say that I want you
Cause I could never be under such a TITLE
Only a fool would believe all the things you SAY...
I don't feel a connection with you
Cause all I ever heard from you were LIES
I don't feel protected around you  
Cause all I ever did was felt UNSAFE
I don't feel loved when im with you
Cause all I ever did was be a second OPTION
Only a fool would stick around for such a very LONGTIME
I can't take it anymore
Cause all you ever did was PRETEND
I can't even believe I once called you my bestfriend
Cause all you ever did was USE ME
I can't see you in my future
Cause all you'll ever do is stay in the PAST
Only a fool would continue to follow you down the same path
I feel bad for the next person
Cause all you ever do is FRONT I feel free free Cause now I can be on some me ****
I feel like making you feel my pain
Cause jealousy is the KEY
Now you are officially my rebound you had me picking pedals off of roses because I didn't know if you loved me or loved me not BUT now im officially calling it quits with you and anyone else who has a problem with my decision because I stand tall shouting me, myself, I... I was born alone so ima die alone having a CHEATER is the last thing on my mind focusing on what's really important which happens to be school so mister nameless you have finally been put under the bus now as they say "Once a Cheater always a Cheater" now I know what was wrong with this picture loving you was my biggest mistake!

By Zyanneh Frazier