But sometimes
the colors were
brighter
sounds were clear
her mind wandering
wherever it landed
light and colorful
beautiful thoughts
sometimes
these were the
thoughts
that consumed her

She wanted to live
like no one was
watching
live only for herself
and her memories
to care only about
what she wanted
but it wasn't that easy
because all she
did was worry
all she did was
be scared
if only she just lived

she was afraid
when they looked
at her
what did they see
always wondering
what they were thinking
how do they feel
analyzing every
little thing she said
overthinking
she just cared
so much
she just wanted to be
accepted

She just wanted
to live a life
that she would be
proud of
a life that she
was glad she lived for
one that she
would be sad to leave
but would leave satisfied

Sometimes
all she wished for
was someone who
understood her
even when she
didn't understand herself

Sure enough
when all of the
distractions of life
are taken away
you are left
with yourself
your flaws
there for you to
judge
and you alone
your imperfections
for you to pick
apart,  for you to
overranalyze
but mostly it is
there for you to love
to cherish
and to take care of
at the end of the day
you have yourself

When she fell
she could feel
the light, its warmth
its happiness
and its stability
she blinked
and she was
plunged into darkness
a darkness that
drowned her
a darkness that
was a struggle
consuming her life