Oh it was good back then
Let me begin by saying
It was good
and never again
I was afraid to step outside
I never committed intellectual suicide
I never prayed but for myself
He needed more help than love or wealth
It was good then
I didn't know much
I couldn't feel pain
Or pain as such
But pain for pain's sake is the beginning and end
Boredom only after to boredom will lend
I was afraid yes of everything
And anything that said my name
For fear of nothing has fear to blame
Oh but once again
It was good back then
I wanted more and more I got
And with pride and faith and love forgot
Still I went with a bleeding heart
Thinking I should play my part
And be a part of life as an uneasy act
With numbed awareness too dull to react
Feeling nothing but for tomorrow's wake
Nothing there but for tomorrow's sake
And knowing better I know not how
But to be and be me right now
And knowing better later once again
Sighing softly," it was good back then"

Truth?
Truth?
What Truth?
The truth is that we all stumble blindly,
pretending that we have any semblance of what we are doing.
We fail to grasp the mere simplicity of things
and we have to make everything complicated.
Just passing through.
Regrets,
what a waste of time.

do not tell me that my sickness is fake
because I know all too well
how it feels to be
bound in chains only I can feel
with a terror only I can sense
vines around my throat
muffling my cries
and gasping for breath with plenty of air around

As I swallowed my miseries,
          the pain consumed me,
          the weakness nipped my heels,
I felt fear.

As I sat in the hospital bed,
           the ocean drained my sorrows,
           the needle pierced my soul,
I felt weakness.

As I closed my eyes in group therapy,
            the sins of others spoke to me,
            the sins of myself consumed me,
I felt nothing.

But as I sat in the caged courtyard,
             the wind embraced me,
             the sun caressed me,
*I felt peace.

for years I prayed to a God who isn't there,
when I stopped,
I saw the raven in the church hall.

Rearrange, re-estrange, re-derange.
Exchange the change you
Prearranged with something
Even stranger.
Interchange your long-range
Thoughts for something
Shorter, maybe don't be
Shortchanged this time around.

I looked at you
And I saw stars in your eyes.
The kind of stars
You see in a winter night
Hanging in front
Of a deep blue backdrop.
And every color of the galaxy
Was imprisoned in your irises.
The more I looked,
I found that your heart
Was more unique than your eyes.
It lacked four chambers
And arteries
And veins.
It was not like every other heart.
It took the shape
Of a crescent moon
That seemed to shine brighter
Than the sun.
And I was envious.
I was just another robot,
With a pulse
But no purpose.
But your captivating beauty
Was merely a test.
And seeing that my lips
Can no longer verbalize
Of anything other than your eyes,
I clearly have failed.

The heart is the heaviest of all the organs.
It carries your burdens, your worries, your sorrows.
When you speak from it, this weight is packed into every word, yet none of it is lifted from your heart.
Sometimes I wish I could think through my brain instead of my heart.
But then I ask myself: Which one hurts more when it's betrayed?
You need a brain to be alive, but you need a heart to live.