I exist far beneath the floor boards
I'm an apparition
Dragging my way through halls
Carrying the weight of the world
And the weight of nothing
I feel nothing
I recollect nothing
I'm not sure I even am

The overcast skies drag me
onward, onward
     into despair
The chilled wind sings me
deeper, deeper
    towards slumber

for years I prayed to a God who isn't there,
when I stopped,
I saw the raven in the church hall.

As I swallowed my miseries,
          the pain consumed me,
          the weakness nipped my heels,
I felt fear.

As I sat in the hospital bed,
           the ocean drained my sorrows,
           the needle pierced my soul,
I felt weakness.

As I closed my eyes in group therapy,
            the sins of others spoke to me,
            the sins of myself consumed me,
I felt nothing.

But as I sat in the caged courtyard,
             the wind embraced me,
             the sun caressed me,
*I felt peace.

do not tell me that my sickness is fake
because I know all too well
how it feels to be
bound in chains only I can feel
with a terror only I can sense
vines around my throat
muffling my cries
and gasping for breath with plenty of air around

I am a child of the wind
turbulent and cold
inviting and warm
*I bring storms
I bring rain
I bring comfort
I bring destruction

I am a child of the ocean
*undulating and cold
peaceful and warm