Im sitting in the car
Trying to think out another bar
Have I come to the end
What's become thus far
...Writers block
Still no juice pumpin
No ideas jumping
No thinkers dancing
Just standing & glancing
Just searching & searching
Lurking & yearning the higher thinkin
I get to rolling
Get this ****  going
I'm blowing
This ****
Oh ****
Help me ..
I can't breathe;
Gardner I hear you too
Because I can't ******* breathe
21 but lungs 50
These bills got a choke hold on me
So I let go with some ****
Here's some sugar for this tea
sally Mae is to greedy
Like college is to family
Like Family beating down on me
For this degree
Spent two years for a degree
In a logic I learned to disagree
I had to finally be in the tea
To see the bitterness in me
So here's to the sugar in my tea
Mary is to me
Like Mary is not to family
All because of a little ****
I admit it's what I fein & need
I feel the need  
To not need what I feel
Then it hits me
it's too real
Life hates me
She's out to ****
My minds hazy
can't stand still
My soul is taken
Taken to hell
Cs when I get to thinking
I cant prevail
Words left unspoken
& so many more to tell
Dwelling in a heart that's been broken
but none of that matters when I'm smoking
So here's an ode to Mary
for lifting me off my feet
& emptying a heart so heavy
For all the happy highs  given at my saddened lows
With a cheery smile & eyes a glow
I truly owe.. this ode to Mary
                                             -G

Same **** different day
But today is New Year's Day
....Same **** different day
Hung over
New Year's Eve leftovers
Stuck on resolutions & do overs
Picking up the broken pieces & starting over
I headed to work with every intention to make it all better
Then I picked up "Friday's paper"
Said it once then said it twice
A part inside felt a little less safer
Homeboy died in Friday's paper
police Closed his eyes
but he finally feels a lot safer
Mommas screaming why in Friday's paper
Rather die than suffer & stay alive
Spend eternity w| her angel
Because in her eyes
There's no survival
Where's God when all you know is sinning
Baby's hungry so he prepared to break in
But that's not what they saying
Friday's paper headline "**** break in"
He want the money & the drugs
So he break in
Food ain't enough & he breaking
How can he step forward in a world they already set locked gates in
In other words segregation
Buts it's decades later
Yea well you know segregation
White privilege
Under one nation
****, ain't nothing different
Just ask Friday's paper for confirmation
Poor white man w| mommy issues
finally had enough & shot up the whole school
Young black **** shot cs his black hoodie ain't seem too cool,
Ok Amber we coming to the rescue
Tyrone got kidnapped who?
I know y'all see this
or do y'all got a blind eye too
cs there's no reason why we have to fight to survive
while you ask daddy for a check or two
I'm living off a check or two
& you need 3 bathrooms to survive
why does the law apply to me
more than it does to you?
How do you look down on me
when I created you?
Lip injections,
hair extensions
ghetto expressions
that ain't you
but here comes Friday's paper right on cue
Zendayas dreads are unacceptable
twerking is ghetto too
While "keeping up" with the exact  life you ridicule
then have the caucacity to put it in Friday's paper too

                                      -G

why is it that nowadays
whenever anyone asks how im feeling
i just say that im ok
just a little bit tired
without even thinking
that answer comes out of my mouth
quick on the draw
even when im far from okay
when every day feels like a struggle to get up
and a struggle to lay down
trying to make sounds that resemble the word help
but shutting up about my problems like I was told to do
And I know that my co-workers don't want to hear me vent
But what would their reactions be
If they heard me snap back at them
"feeling depressed and suicidal"
awkward pause
see no one knows how to address suicide from the outside
they just tell you that they hope you feel better
as if it's just some sickness that will be gone within the hour
But other than that I'm okay
I'm REALLY okay
Just a little bit tired

you and i
we'll move on
and forget all of this.

and maybe we'll even
find whatever it was that
we were looking for elsewhere.

and perhaps
we'll understand
why it ended the way it did.

but what we had
was precious and it'll
always exist somewhere.

in dying leaves and
the silences we shared
and maybe, the moon too.

He's high but I'm higher
Why hide what you desire
Am I all you desire
Cs you , you you you
I admire
Like flames of a forest fire
But I can't breathe
Inhaling your smoke
While your smoke inhales me
Help me
I can't breathe
You're flames are smothering me
But I can't leave
I inhale your smoke
You exhale my hope & me
Lost all that I admired
In this extinguished forest fire
I'm high off his
But off hers he's higher
                                             -G

To the boy who feels he has to fill big shoes
With the regret of seeing another girl hurt but knowing he has daddy's approval too


To the girl in black & blue
taking pleasure in filling her mothers shoes
but regretting her boyfriend taking her fathers too

To the woman in black & blue
masked in makeup & the finest of shoes
Covering up regrets for the pleasure of knowing her children will wake up to a hope to pursue

To the man with hands of black & blue
slick hair & the finest suit
With the regret of seeing another mother hurt but the pleasure of knowing his father proud too

Life's moments that catch our breathe
To the pleasures we indulge in
& the regrets taken to the coffin
Here's to all of life's twisted pleasures and regrets
                                          
              ­                       -G

What is beauty

Cs  no one really explained to me
What beauty is supposed to be

Is it you ? Is it me ?
What is beauty

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder .
You spend ever dollar ; trying to look smaller ; taller ; hotter
But why does it matter
a woman's beauty based off of what society tells her ..

.. What beauty is ? Excuse me ms tell me this ..

Does your own opinion count ? Is your answer  defined by what is on the inside or the out ?

Beauty
If you ask me
Ill tell you what beauty is supposed to be

Beauty goes beyond what the eyes can see
Pay attention properly & you will see
The beauty
In you ; them ; even me

You see a pretty face ; I see an ugly soul
You see a monster ; I see a beautiful girl
Image takes a toll on a woman's role
In life

What happens when the looks begin to die . I When were  forced to look upon what's inside .
What you've tried to hide behind your so called beauty ?

What about dignity ;
What about confidence & hospitality . Kindness & quality
Humbleness & trustworthiness

The characteristics that live & breed inside of you .
Should that not count too ?
Or should you listen to what the world tells you ?

About beauty
Because no one really explained to me what beauty is supposed to be
                                           -G