My first thought when I wake up:
Is that I hate you.
You make me so mad
And you cause me so much pain.
You -- are my reflection.
And I'll say a prayer by my bed just for you.
Dear God, teach me how to love myself.
Is my last thought when I go to bed.
Forgive me for being so honest.
But I hate you!
And if you think I'm lying, I'm not. I really do hate you!
I don't like the way your face looks. Actually here! I will give you a full list of reasons why I hate you:
I hate that you keep secrets.
I hate that you procrastinate.
I hate the way you talk.
I hate the way you treat your parents.
I hate the way you treat your friends.
I hate that I have to be the one to tell you this.
I hate that you can never get your act together.
And you know --
That I hate you.
But you don't care! You'll just keep going won't you?!
I can't get rid of you...
Because you're my reflection...
Your average human body has hair, a head, arms, legs, a torso, hands and feet, eyes, ears, a brain and heart...
But if my body is made of music, are my arms mallets? Are my legs the legs of a piano?
Is my heart the drum that my feet will always follow? The metronome that my body will always follow?
Is my DNA coded in sheet music?
Are my hands the baton? Are my fingers the keys? Is my spine a xylophone, each vertebrae a singular key?
Fact: The average human body will eventually narrow down to only 207 bones. Are my 207 bones each a separate instrument? All part of the orchestral body,
If they say music never dies, do I die?
Does my soul live on generations after I am gone? Will people still remember me?
If my body is made of music...
Will you still listen?
Even if the song is over?
Truth be told, I probably need therapy, or counselling I'm not sure.
But I'm not going to get involved in that.
So instead I go to a karate class twice a week. And it's a good outlet for anger.
Just imagine the person or thing you're currently mad at and go crazy. Punch, kick, fight!
Make it known that you are blazing mad! Don't back down until you have won!
When the class is over, you're probably tired, you've used a lot of your energy, so you can maybe sleep your anger off.
But somedays, you rage does not give up, it sticks with you and you're still not satisfied with the service, you want a refund? Well too bad, you don't get one! Remember, this is not a real therapy session...
Maybe I should go into therapy -- or counselling.
Because even if you fight with all your rage and anger and hate, you won't win a fight if the person you're mad at --
If the person you are fighting...
Now I said that I wouldn't judge or treat you any different. Because you're still the same person you were before right?
No, you're not.
2 days, that's all it took. Just 2 simple days.
You come back and suddenly I wonder if I should ask what your name is...
You look -- different. But let me believe that the person I once knew is still there in the projection of a body I don't recognize. You are still here... right?
But then you start talking, and acting, and thinking differently. What?!?!
I start calling your name wondering if you'll respond, tell me you remember me, tell me you're still here, tell me--
Tell me that you can still be my friend. Because I will still be here for you.
No matter what.
They're empty first of all.
And anything or anyone that appears to be there, isn't actually there, you-- are dreaming. Don't believe me?
Let's play a game, it's called, "Where's Waldo?" With you as "Waldo".
Yes, that's right, you-- have to find yourself in this sea of walls, floors and people you do not know.
These people, with stoic faces, walk the same halls, looking for the same thing. They do not care that you are here, and you don't care that they are here.
Just get to the end of the hallway, but don't go into the light, you are not here to die -- you can't. You have to find yourself before you do. But there are some people who die before finding themselves in the "Where's Waldo?" page.
Out of this maze of halls you find yourself in.
You are determined. You will not leave without finding yourself, do not allow yourself to give up!
At the end of the hall! It's you!
You found yourself! You win the search! Now go!
Run! Get to them, yourself is waiting for you at the end of this hall.
RUN! Run as fast as your legs can carry you! Because you do not have time to think, so RUN!
They need you to save them! They're calling out to you, screaming for help, for You.
Get to them, grab their hand, save them!
...And just as you barely make contact with their hand and lock eyes with a body with the same eyes and face as you...
They begin to fade, to disappear!! WAIT! NO!
You were so close to saving them!
You wake up.
It was all just a dream.
You were dreaming right? You know you were dreaming!
You get up. Open the door... exit the room...
And you walk down a hallway...
My name is _________ and I'm ____ years old. My favourite subject is __________ and I like to ___________ in my spare time. I believe in ________ and from time to time I also go __________.
My family is pretty cool, I've got _ siblings and I really enjoy my time with my family. My father however is currently _________ and my mom is trying to cope with that.
My school is very __________, but I enjoy being there anyway. My friends are very ________ and I enjoy my time at school, it's a nice time to enjoy my own existence in a building.
But you don't want to live my life. It's too ____________. Underneath this skin lies the __________ I try to hide. I'm constantly ________ and _________.
Why am I just so ___________ with this?!
You don't know how much I go through. You barely know me. There is always information lost in translation. You shouldn't feel bad that you don't know me. How could you? You're missing something. I can tell you what it is.
You-- are missing ___________.