she was exquisite as she looked out into the distance, waiting for her coffee to cool down
I would watch her as she sat in the same spot every day
as if this was her escape from something far away
But what was it?
Is she debating on leaving someone or life it’s self?
Or the memories she placed on a shelf?
What about Rent?
Is she late?
Or was it a letter she sent?
Is it the boy who makes her wait?
wait for every day that her energy fades away
certainly, it wasn’t the cold weather
because her face would brighten up as soon as she saw the first snowflake
I feel like her name is Heather
surely it wasn’t Blake
She was creative, and I'm sure of it
due to the overload of sketchbooks and pencils that were jammed inside of her purse
they were losing their color like how the fresh leaves abandon us with some remorse
I bet she's a writer too
because as she wrote, she would stop for a moment and glance outside for something new
At times I wish I could be courageous enough to say hey
but every time I do, I panic and forget what to say
she was the girl in the coffee shop
and I was the boy who wished to have the ***** to introduce myself before I stopped
cuz maybe, somehow she could have lived for another day

It’s like I feel my tears are about to rain down on me but this **** umbrella is covering up all of my chances of breaking down

There similar in their own different ways.

Both have anger and trust issues.

They can explode at any moment and I’d be stuck there trying to help them.

Why is it that I take the responsibility to help calm someone down.

It’s like it’s my job to do so.

I hate the fact that both pull me in with full force.

Why is it that I go to the trouble ones.

It never does me good.

You expect it like it’s easy for me to open up like it’s easy to open up a bottle of water.
You assume it’s like drinking from a bottle with full throttle.
You suspect it’s like easy to learn the A B C’s, but I disagree.
In fact, let me tell you something it’s harder than you think.
So please sit down on the counter near the sink and listen to me scream because this isn’t a dream.
I am like a brick wall and trust me there tall.
It takes a lot for me to break them down.
You would have to a clown to think it’s easy for me to say how I feel and honey there’s a lot to heal.
I’ve been through the worst.
Sometimes I feel like I will burst like a volcano in Hawaii thirsty for the taste of the sea.
I’ve been bruised and beat to the ground and cried myself to sleep without one bit of a sound.
In the same way, as I felt like I was nothing else but a lost toy.
My heart was crushed by one certain boy ever since then, my walls have built taller than ever before.

It felt like I was your Peter Pan and you were my Wendy.

I wasn't ready to grow up or let you go

but you...

Who are you to tell me that you missed me
when all you did was cause me pain
who are you to tell me he did me no wrong
when you stood there watching him suffocate my soul
and beat the **** out of me
who are you to tell me you cared about me
when you kept your mouth shut when you knew he abused me
who are you to tell me that you loved me
when you walked out of my life when I needed you the most
Who are you to tell me that I broke your heart
when all I did was try to fix it
Who are you to tell me that you got my back
when all you did was stab it
Who are you to tell me that will never forget me
when I already have...

It’s the sadness in your eyes that darkens your heart

you were like a piece of art

your white pale skin carried no marks nor wounds

your silky hair and royal navy eyes appeared to be so alluring your suspected you were undesirable

but you were terribly mistaken..

Sunflower

I am in the middle of nowhere, unseen
a place where they call it a maze
with images on a screen
that run around for days and days

I was too blind by the darkness in my eyes
I could not speak for they might have hurt me
I could not hear for they had said too much
that had broken my confidence
I could not touch for they were too pure for such a thing like me

For the tears that fell and crawled down my cheeks. When the weeks felt like years and the years felt like weeks. You held on me so tight but it was never enough. Now you lay down on the grave of your mistakes with a dead faded rose by your side.You seek for her lust but it's buried below. Deep down in the soil is where a rupture heart is held with sorrow in it's veins and broken promises with no tomorrow.

You were my cure
But I was the poison streaming through your veins
You were the pages I could write all of my darkest secrets
I was the cigarette that burned your lungs
You were my canvas I could paint on
But I was the tools you used to carve all fo your pain away

My body fades as my chest burns and grows into a garden of flaming rage

                                       Words repeat as I am reminiscing and the voices become louder.                                                              

Weakness spreads through my veins and these chains bundle up in a blanket of power I can not fight.

                           I hear voices inside my head, saying” it’s your fault they’re lost.”

The garden of flaming rage turns in guilt

                 The flames burn because of the cold freezing snow

and my body reappears with scars of shame

                I stop to tremble as I let the cold air take my oxygen from my lungs

until I can not feel

Sun Flower

Art is like a poem without words
It whispers sweet colors into our ears and provides us the meaning of what those colors perform
They serve a purpose to humankind
to show passions and imagination
It's influence on society
whether it's through music or literature  
Art is a reflection of our world through someone's eye and creation of their hands
It shouts out to us with encouragement
and never to abandon a vision

She was scared and choked by her mother
beaten and scratched by her sisters
and bruised by the glitch of what she called "Love."

I was made to be a slave
and serve to my grave
I was told to behave
and never be brave
If I were to disobey,
I would be whipped because they feared for my people to betray
I could be sold
to a new household
and be separated from my loved ones
I could not fight back for I was afraid of their guns

It’s unethical for the society to think that boys can’t show their pain, but yet the thought still flows throughout their veins.

I Am…

I might be a fighter and a writer

Or a lover and a hater

But don’t be deceived by my looks

Cuz I’m somewhat a traitor  

I might  be kind and a little rude

And I might have lots of moods

But don’t be mislead by my attitudes

I might be a seeker or a hider

But I’m not a spider

I might be one those drivers

Who are some liars

But I know I’m not a bitter

I Know I’m a little hyper

But definitely not a hiker  

So I ask you this are you a lover

And a hater

Or a hider and a seeker

Do you need a lighter

For your cigarette to become a fighter

My hugs need to be a little tighter

So then my despair can be on fire

My craves for the vapor is a little higher

I think I’m a survivor

‘Cuz I’m a striver

And a lot wiser

I’m like a tiger

But not a minor

So be a designer

And put on your eyeliner

and become a writer

I pulled her down like I was an anchor

She sank to the bottom of the ocean

Her body slumbered without the awareness of any motions

The water slowly surrounded her entire body until it reached to her collar bone

gently the water wrapped itself around her neck like an intruder

forcefully it clutched for her last breath

she did not fear for death

nor did she cared

Sun Flower

Grey dusty clouds emerged from each other above the shore as she expected the currents to crash beside her feet.

The White, pale moon fades into the storm.

As well as the path back to the street.

Frustration overfloated her vision and confusion misjudged her calculations.

His bashful and gentle smile devoured me
All i can feel is his warmth spreading it's self against the cold air
I try to stop myself from smiling low key
but I lose control slowly and can't bare to look away but stare

To give away a child is the bravest thing a mother can do
for a better future and education too
but to waste the sacrifice of mothers decision is the worst thing a child could do
instead of going to class and completing the work
it gets thrown in the trash by going to parties and getting drunk
due to wanting to have some fun
Now is that being a good son?
It's selfish and disappointing at the same time, in fact, last time I checked being smart and attending classes is not a crime
but stealing money and duplicating your parent's keys is a felony
although you refuse to take a session of remedy
it wouldn’t hurt to sit down for an hour and reflect on the decisions you’ve been making
because it’s not my heart you're breaking
it’s the women who sacrificed you because she couldn’t provide a life worth living for
in the hope that her child wouldn’t put in a drawer
yet you did the opposite and many more

I felt like I was just another yard sale
the un- wanted and used object
at least look at me and give me some respect
I’m not something to ignore
and put in a drawer
I use to be admired
but now I’m fired
no longer required

Sometimes you need to burn bridges to stop yourself from crossing them again.

Whose friend were you when you decided to walk out those doors and into his arms even when you knew how it gave me pain.
Did you use your brain?
And stopped for a moment
To think what will be broken
After you come back into my arms
With a bed of thorns
Did you expect me to be oblivious?
Or delirious?
Till this day, my mind is still reminiscing
Trying to think of what is missing
You never told a soul
Because it meant losing control
But look where that has gotten you
You would smile on cue
And mimic the perfect daughter your parents have wanted
Yet that’s what left you unwanted
Your too afraid to fight off your demons who live under the same roof
And turn over the bad guy with your living proof
For the sake of not shattering the harmony between your family
But who’s winning and losing their sanity?  
Let me step aside and write about another subject
Who blamed themselves for every sin that happened?
Me!
But that’s what I do
And ya’ll don’t have a clue
How the **** was I supposed to know when you were about to fall down on the ground?
When you never made a sound
So don’t call me inconsiderate and say I used you as a door mat
But don’t worry, I got used to it
Just like you did

I want to scream, but my fear is covering my mouth.

There was no time to spare a dance
For I had to build these walls
My hands would ache from the heavy bricks
The weak and unsteady knees would tremble, and I would fall
A secure ambition kissed my lips
And devotion sank to the bottom of my throat which tasted a lot like alcohol
A hunger for success dragged me in like a siren that only cries when there's an eclipse
It was so alluring and inspiring I recall
I repaired most of the cracks, but some were too deep to fix
My hope was like a fragile seed after all

You said love don't change but what happened to us?

"you left me on display."

Tsk Tsk, love is supposed to be kind to your heart, but this boy got me feeling some type of way

and trust me it ain't kind or warm

The sad part is when you know you love someone, but they would never give back the same kind of feeling because they're too busy looking at someone else.
Yet once you love someone, you would do everything in your power to keep it that way but no actions are done, and we both suffer along with the way.
Note to yourself
If he truly loves you, he will leave everything behind for you, and if not then I'm sorry to break it to you he doesn't love you.

why should I blame myself when you never gave me distance.
I yelled, and scream gave you warnings begged for mercy, but you stood there embracing your resistance.
Giving space isn’t necessary learning to control yourself is more important those are the words you've spoken.
I prayed to the lord and asked for assistance
God, please don't let myself lose this temper
Cuz I'm unable to speak, and these vocal chords have been broken.
you demanded to try harder threaten me if I don't
you told me to sit up straight and never talk back
you informed me to be real
but how can you say that
when you're just another hypocrite
that puts on an act whenever there are guest nearby
You view me as your prize possession
showing me off so you could get attention
Making sure I don't misbehave; you use your silver tongue to get your way
When in fact, 30 minutes before everyone came, you were shouting at me to pick up after myself, same crap but a different day

He would have taken his life for her, but when it came to me he would pop pills down his throat and smoke himself to sleep it was a way he coped with the loss of me

I feel like once I realize what I have
it will be too late
they'll be already gone because my love couldn't wait
and I had wasted my time on someone who couldn't  manage to change
because it was difficult to arrange
It feels as if everyone will have to pay for his mistakes
and I'm well aware how much it aches
It seems as if everyone will have to pass through a lie detector
which is now my protector
yet its never enough
especially when my heart had been rebuffed
they'll have to prove their loyalty
to earn their royalty
and prove me something real
to fix something that once been healed

The Sunflower

The yellow, vibrant petals sway gently across the meadow
It's gentle as a breeze
and is eager to please
with a head that is crowned in gold
and a stem that is bowed yet stands tall and strong
Tall enough to reach the sky, so I've been told
It reflects their warm gaze upon the cold
He looks down upon all the other flowers
and appears to be exuberant
But what we fail to realize is the sunflower lives a lie
He turns his back on the sun
and is plastered with battle scars to prove that he is of worth
The sunflower seems to be self-reliant, who doesn't need anyone
with none to reinforce and support his broken pedicel
He is left abandoned and committed such a blunder


The sun

I burst into the sky
providing light and energy for each flower to bloom
I am never in reach for I am To high
still, Curiosity dares to look straight into my eyes
yet all become blind.
I witness many things, but lately, the sunflower is the one who has bewitched me
It does not desire my warmth
Nor my love and support
It appears as if it's lost in his own pride
In the meantime, He embraces his himself and provides pollen for the bees
I bet the bees are the closest to this flower
I wish I were a bee
and If so, then maybe I could unlock the hidden secrets within his inner core
But I can not change who I am
and there nothing more

when I write, I release my pain

I unlock all of my restricted chains

When I write, I can see all of my thought appear on the thin colorless paper as I breathe my chest becomes sharper

When I write, I surrender all of my sufferings

my vision becomes blurry

and in the hopes that my tears won’t collapse

When I write, I express the words that have never been said before

I can burst out my emotions without grinning like a dolphin

I cover myself in each word as I draft my poems

Till the last tear drops, I will continue to write, and one day I’ll be okay

Sunflower

I was once left in a crate
who barely even ate
I was slapped in the face
punched in the gut
and it shred my heart into a thousand of pieces
I lost my breath a couple of times from the hands of my mother
Then I was put in a system called an orphanage
which was requested by my grandmother
You could say I was freed from ever suffering from an abusive both mental and physical relationship
But I would disagree
I flew into a new family where we use to have love, happiness, and companionship
however, I was locked in a cage, behind metal bars, where no one can see
I had a mother who was stubborn
Her mouth was filled with threats and can be cantankerous at any moment
She was like a rose with lots of thorns
and her arrogance could not be broken
I was upbraided for my laziness, ingratitude, and stupidity
At times, she would inform me to keep testing her limits and see how cold her blood runs through these days
As a result of this, I lost dignity
and it trapped her mind in a maze
Given these points, you would understand why I let this indica sink into my system
After all, she was a sad woman with no fears and a mountain of rage  
who played as the victim
and would, in any case, **** up anyone who ***** with her in the backstage
Mother of the year

"she used her soft voice to convince me, but her smile said it all."

He lets you love him but your changing yourself for someone who isn’t going to be here in the future

I wanted to drain all of my blood on these blank pages

because it all felt outrageous

I wanted to rip out all of the fat on body to make myself happy

and scrap down to the point where I can only feel my bones cracking

I wanted to cut my hair to feel something new

and get a different view

I wanted to tear my room apart

and create a new format

I wanted this desire to gather my memories of you and shred them into thin air

because obviously, you didn't care enough for it to happen

I wanted to end it right there and then

but that’s letting you win

You meet a different kind of people through your life

Some are the most enjoyable, but others are the cruelest

Some liars can't stop if their life depends on it

Meanwhile, some people are too nice

even if it means to give their last breath

Half of the male population are **** boys, and the other half are gentlemen

We all can have two faces

that tell one thing, and the other tells another

As a matter a fact, some are so passive and over controlling

As you live your life, you have to choose who you want to be

and once you do choose, then you will come across others who are like you and others who are nowhere close to being similar to you

People tell us their lies and say that they are this, but in the real world there two faced liars. I’ve learned that people aren’t always what they say they are

And that’s the worst part because your stuck here trying to figure out who you can trust and push away

You can fall in love with them and find out later on that they can be the most aggressive person you could ever meet

We search for the good ones out there who are loyal and honest but sometimes we come across the opposite of what we want

But see that’s the best part because we learn from those kinds of people. We learn from their mistakes and what they did to others that will make you think and stop

I started to evaporate as I sat on the ground waiting for someone who wasn't going to show up.

I felt the cold and dry breeze brush against my naked body.

And right there and then, I slowly sensed the bitterness devour my compassion into an aloof manner.

My mind ruptured as I was reminiscing over the fact that I was foolish enough to have trusted such a being.

It was a mistake I would never make again.

I miss you, but I can't stand the thought of you

I forgot the sound of your voice

I know I made the wrong choice

which I can not take it back

why should I blame myself when you never gave me distance.
I yelled, and scream gave you warnings begged for mercy, but you stood there embracing your resistance.
Giving space isn’t necessary learning to control yourself is more important those are the words you've spoken.
I prayed to the lord and asked for assistance
God, please don't let myself lose this temper
Cuz I'm unable to speak, and these vocal chords have been broken.
you demanded to try harder threaten me if I don't
you told me to sit up straight and never talk back
you informed me to be real
but how can you say that
when you're just another hypocrite
that puts on an act whenever there are guest nearby
You view me as your prize possession
showing me off so you could get attention
Making sure I don't misbehave; you use your silver tongue to get your way
When in fact, 30 minutes before everyone came, you were shouting at me to pick up after myself, same crap but a different day

You either say how you feel and **** it up or say nothing and let it ******* up instead.

He laughed at a  boy who was crying because they made fun of him wanting to a be a girl…

It’s unethical for the society to think that boys can’t show their pain, but yet the thought still flows throughout their veins.

you know when I looked at your eyes, I saw something that I could fix but now I broked it even more…

It’s like I feel my tears are about to rain down on me, but this **** umbrella is covering up all of my chances of breaking down.

I'll put flowers on your head
And tuck you into bed
I’ll sing you lullabies
While I look into your eyes
And say you’re my favorite prize
I’ll give you the love I never had
And I promise never to make you sad
Never forget that I'll always care
And you’ll never be scared of the big mean teddy bear
I’ll show you the way
And maybe someday
You’ll have your very own
You’ll never be alone
For I will be there when tears fall down your face
And the secrets will be kept and gone without a trace
So please remember I love you

“And all I’m doing is taking my mother’s advice and protecting my heart.”