Get a job,
a husband or wife.
Make yourself comfortable
in your own life.
So they tell me
or would have told me
if they were still alive.
But they are dying slowly
by the magic pills.
They are no longer there
to protect and care.
I no longer have devils
that whisper and scream.
They can do both
but now they are doing non.
And I can see myself having fun,
not caring or staring
into nothingness.
Yet it leaves me in mourning
to know they are about to die.
Maybe if I hold on a little longer
I won't be lonely and then find myself
a job, husband or wife.

Grow up, they said
but even as I did
I lost some child like wonder

Now. All I could ever want
Is to grow back down.

I am a floating log
I go where the waves take me
I still when they still
And I rise and fall with them
I sink under water when the waves become turbulent
I am turbulent with them
I am hurtled left, right and under
I am drenched and drowned
I am calm when the water has mercy
I am nothing
I want nothing
I am but a piece of wood from a shipwreck
I am not human
I cannot be human
For humans feel, and I cannot feel after this shipwreck
I can’t let the waves wreck me from the inside out
I’ll let them wreck me from the outside in
Either way, there is no control
I am a log, i am a log, i am a log
I do not feel pain
I cannot be human
But I am wrecked all over anyways
Scratched and peeling
And I am alone in the wreckage
That turned me inside out and hurtled me left, right and under
And I cannot go back to a time, of smooth sails and calm waters.

The dumb fool says,
“Forget and forgive!”
“Move on!”
“Get over it!”

The wise man says,
“Forgive but do not forget.”
“Move forward.”
And
Holds you while you cry a river.

Spiraling
                down
                          a pit
                                  of anxiety.

                     When suddenly


                          A

                          f

    ­                      r

                          e

           ­               e

                          f

                  ­        a

                          l

                         ­ l

                    headfirst
                    short
                    sharp
            ­        burst.

                          And then

P     r     o     c     r   a    s    tination
spilled         un   e   ve       nly

           on a tiled bathroom floor.