"Don't look at me, you'll fall." She said.


"I already did." **I whispered.

If
  happiness
    was
      a
        cake,


I
  guess
    it
 ­     wasn't
        large
          enough
            to
       ­       go
                around.


Either
  that
    or
      so­me
        had
          been
            too
              greed­y.

What if I was the girl,
the girl who walks through life with ease.

What if I was the girl whose perfectly blonded hair
flew behind her,
just as her worries.

What if I was the girl whose stomach didn't budge
no matter how badly she wanted it.

What if I was the girl
whose skin was kissed so gently by the sun
that she couldn't dare being a blade to it.

What if I was the girl,
who people told that they love her.

What if I was the girl
who wore scrunchies up her wrist
not to hide the marks of a blade
but simply to push her hair out of her face.

What if I was the girl
who could stand to see
myself , bare, in the mirror.

What if I was the girl that people
not only wanted to love
but couldn't help but love.

What if I was the girl whose happiness came from
living her life,
not ending it.


But

I am not that girl.

So

I will be this girl.

So I will be this girl,
the girl who knows that her light will dim her darkness,
like the sun painting a blackened sky.

So I will be the girl
who knows that those men can't hurt me anymore.

So I will be this girl,
the girl who chooses to smile even though she has every reason to not.

So I will be this girl,
the girl who chooses not to run from her past
but to walk away from it .

So I will be this girl,
the girl who knows that her demons are merely written on her skin,
not a force to which she will give in.

So I will be this girl.

I'm not lying when I tell you that without you I'll be okay.
I'll eat three times a day if I feel like it.
I'll laugh at jokes.
Smile at things worthy of my smile.
Sleep.
Wake up.
Go to work.
Earn a living.
Watch a movie every now and then.
Read good books.
Drink great coffee.
Maybe have ***. Or not.

I'll be okay without you.


I'm not lying when I say I'll be okay without you.
I will no longer feel my heart beat a mile a minute.
Or my cheeks turn blood red.
Butterflies in my stomach.
Electricity in my veins.
They will no longer see magic in my eyes,
Or hear the power in my voice,
Or see a spring in my step.
I will not be lying when I tell you that without you I'll be okay,

Okay is not synonymous with fantastic.
Wonderful.
Great.
Enchanted.
Euphoric.
Ecstatic.
Marve­lous.
Brilliant.
Okay is not even close to happy. Or fine.

Okay just means, okay.
And without you...
I promise...
I'll be okay.