Glass half empty,
because I drank the other half.
Drinking emptiness to fill empty.

I fantasise.
I fantasise about my demise.
Long, drawn out, painful,
And complete bliss.
Countless different ways
Often at the hands of another.
A great powerful being
Who can execute the dance
To the very. End.
I imagine my hands being sawn off.
Gagged and bound.
Each ****** of the saw going
Deeper and Deeper.
Torn flesh, ligaments, bone.
Dazzling white jagged bone.
Glorious contrast against the ****** mess.
You’d love it.
I imagine rope burns from the struggle
Against the ceaseless pain.
I imagine how I would be cursing
Myself for getting us into this.
Cracking
Bones.
Burning
Flesh.
Bruised
Skin.
Oh to be the other half
Of a serial killers fantasy.

I keep getting thoughts.
The bad, bad thoughts.
Fleeting, passing, ever changing?
I wish!
I keep getting thoughts.
The bad, bad, thoughts.
Sticking, clinging, ever staying.
I despair.
Bleach? Drink it.
Heart? Stab it.
Food? Puke it.
I keep getting thoughts.
The bad, bad thoughts.

Flow through me like
Water in the Stream.
Float through me like
Clouds in the Sky.
Play through me like
Notes in the Song.
Burn through me like
Wood in the Fire.
Swim through me like
Fish in the Sea.
Shoot through me like
Stars in the Sky.
Beat through me like
Blood in the Heart.
Thoughts through the Head will keep going ‘til your dead.

Long ago you left.
But not long enough.
You are a multiple.
Become a section of my brain.
You are haunting my dreams.

Left long ago.
But you’re still in my head.
You haven’t left scars.
These wounds are still open.
Bleeding.

Why did you have to be like that.
You were everting I was not.
Why did you have to ruin
The only bit of me I had.
Why have I let you win.

Did you even want to win?
Were you losing in your mind?
Often wondering,
What hurt you so much
That you had to hurt me?

I don’t want to give you sympathy.
But I can’t help it.
I hope your problems healed.
Did I help your wounds
Become scars?

I hope so.
Otherwise what was the point?
I’ll heal my own wounds.
I won’t be the cause of someones.
I don’t pass on my pain.

Why am I embarrassed to help myself?
No wonder people stay ill,
When the world cringes at positivity.
Positivity makes my toes curl.
Positivity makes my face snarl.
Remind myself to breathe,
I can feel you laughing down my neck.
Can’t handle my problems,
Without mocking myself,
At every self care measure I take.
You ruined my integrity.
I hate what you’ve done to me.

Brain: You should **** yourself.
Me: No. You should go to sleep.
Brain: Living is pointless.
Me. No. Dying is pointless.
Brain: Here comes diabetes.
Me. No. Here comes a nice taste.
Brain: You look strange.
Me. No. You look like a person.
Brain: Your voice is stupid.
Me. No. Your voice is communicating for you.