my heart feels so heavy
weighed down by loneliness
why don't you love me
i did everything right
i did things
i didn't want to do
just so that i could
please you
what will it take
to stitch up the gashes
on my heart
that you cut open
i don't understand
i tried being your everything
but clearly i wasn't enough
because you left me
for her
i shattered my ribcage
when i let you in
but i ignored the pain
because i thought
you were all that i wanted
and that pain was a part
of loving someone
but i was wrong
oh how i was wrong
you made me feel so beautiful
yet so ugly
so perfect
yet so imperfect
so loved
yet so unloved
but still to me
you are beautiful
perfect
and loved
when will i reach that with you
or will i never
be able to obtain
you heart

Sometimes
She felt his skull could crack under the passion in her fingertips 
And wouldn't that be beautiful
To end here, in the immediacy of desire
And wouldn't that be kinder?
Than the drawing out of this pain of inevitability 
The guttural ache
Before the final crack
The splintering, not of bone
But of two hearts 
Prised apart by the fingernails of realisation 
That their shattered fragments can never make each other whole.

I want to know you. A lot.
I want to know you because I like you.
I like you because I want to know you.
I like you. A lot.

Steady into the night:

Grippin but no set trippin,
Grippin but i aint whippin,
Limpin cuz its straight survival,
Graduated good but awaiting
My survival,
Arrival;
Poet of the nocturnal,
3rd degree burnin eternal,
Inferno fire of this life,
Made out the suffering
Now fighting for my life,
Strife on the daily,
Killin expectations thats why
They straight hate me,
Fate me, destiny on the bubble
Finding out life bringing
More struggle,
Trouble in deeper to the heart
Bringing out the gangster
And in the end Im back here at
The start.

Tell me picturesque,
Why do you look beautiful whilst you sleep?
Is it that my heart has fallen,
Deeper than the ocean,
Or is it that I'm scared,
That you'll soon wake up.

He will leave you
when he's finished with you.
After he's done raging war
on your life.
He will be fine.
He will not know that
you sit in the shower
scrubbing all the places he touched
you
trying to wipe away his finger prints.
Until your skin can't take it anymore.
He will not know that every bruise
he left you
with every hit
every name that was called
is still healing
on the inside and out.
He will not know that you are picking
up all the pieces he left
and trying to put that back together.
He never cared for you.
He never will.

They say home is where your family is, where the 4 walls and white picket fence that surround you, indicate you are a family,
No.
You see, beyond that perfect picket fence, my home is torn,
And walls are not my home
'cause walls are my constriction, my never-ending pain,
They are my confinement, depression, fear and isolation.
Maybe home is where the heart is, but my heart is lost.

fatigued though i can not rest
because my thoughts are a jumbled mess
weary hearts like mine desire affection,
at 3 am i crave connection
the warmth of tangled legs and beating chests,
pressed against each other in a nest

a feeling of togetherness is something i miss
and the warmth of a kiss
on my forehead and on my lips,
tracing along my fingertips
rough hands intertwined
it feels as though i can rewind
back to that time  
when i felt like everything was fine